Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is addicted to watching porn.

Internet pornography

Hi all! I married my husband 9 years ago. I thought everything was ok until i saw porn on his phone by mistake. I didnt say anything because inwas embarrassed. I saw it again another time so i had to say something. He apologized and  said he didnt know how it got on his phone. I thought by him knowing i knew he would stop but i again cought him this time he was actually masterbatting to it. He got mad at me for walking in on him and said he was counting his sperm as we were trying to get pregnant. I know this is not correct and you cannot count them with the naked eye.

We had a fight over it and he threatened to leave me. I was broken. We are not near our families for support and how do you ask for help to your family with this? Am i  not enough?  I have asked him about fantasies and what can i do. I have tried to initiate sex but get turned down time and time again.

Today i walked in again on him, he was in our room. He said he wanted a divorce because i do not trust him as i spy he says. But im not and i love him. Should i involve the family? I told him its haram to stop. He just yelled at me and called me names. I do not know what went wrong and where. We only are intimate 1 day a week. Should i try to make this work? I feel like a little piece of me dies each time. I need help. I want to fix us but i am afraid i can't.

Brokenlove


Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

8 Responses »

  1. Bad case of jinn involved. .remind him and keep on reminding him that The angels are recording it and Allah is watching you....and you are heart is becoming black and shaitan is your friend which is present and most of all that you will never succeed in life regardless of intelligence or wealth inherited .Once Allah dislikes a person then nothing will go right in his life. He will stressed short of money pRobles after problems because of disobedience. ....SUCCESS lies only in obeying the commandments of Allah andoes following the teachings of our prophet Muhammad S.a.w Sister be patient for everything is from Allah...this is your test...Life is short...If he wants to divorce then you lose nothing don't frown..Shaitan is always there to fill our hearts with poison. .So do zikr...and love to read quran.This will protect you and give you peace

  2. Assalamualaiko sister Brokenlove

    I breaks my heart to read your story. May Allah make things easy for you.

    First of all, this has absolutely NOTHING with you .. its addiction like another addiction. and this kind of addiction is not a sign he is sleeping with other women, not at all. So my advice is, you need to act wisely to help your husband get off his addiction.. Never tell anybody.. whether your family or his.. try to address this in the privacy of your marriage.

    I know yo are traumatized, but i will advice you to be patient and Never show him disrespect, or distrust... show him your love and support to be a better person... trust that this will eventually go... even if reached the level of masturbating to some lifeless images in his phone. ... because no matter how flawless these images/videos look, they cannot offer him what you can offer, the love, the care, the attention, the connection.

    Think of ways to make it better
    Men are tricky when it comes to intimacy, so you need to learn to master the game of halal seduction.
    for example you plan for it on a suitable day in your mind and prepare for it WELL by for example
    // (take good shower/trim or if he likes shave /wear light makeup etc... but never initiate... do it in a way that make him feel he is the one initiating it.
    // use special perfume he likes just exclusively for intimacy.time. (u want him to associate it with intimacy in the subconscious)
    // open more to him about your feelings, ..the more he sees you sharing your vulnerabilities his manly instinct kicks in and he becomes more kind etc etc.. pay attention to what he likes and use that to your advantage... this power dynamics works magic.. there are many sources explaining this in books/forums

    and most importantly you make lots of duaa for him and yourself, and that Allah keep shaytaan away from your marriage.

    sorry i had to write this in hurry .. but it contains most of what i think will make things change to your favour nshaaAllah

    May Allah bless you

  3. You should to do physical relation with your husband when he want or you want

    • Excuse me for saying, but what kind of advice is this???
      She already told us he only sleeps with her once a week.
      I hate it when (especially men) are giving advice like this. And more importantly, if people give her advice like, 'make yourself pretty and wear a nice perfume...'
      If she does wear perfume and lingerie it will not leave him watching porn as it an addiction.
      It's not her fault, it is his sin and he gives her a bad feeling about herself and her marriage with him.
      He does not respect her at all and men like that need to do ruqia and must show repentance.

      And Allah knows best...

  4. Agreed with "Sk".

  5. Cut your Internet connection.

  6. Salaam Sister,

    Unfortunately in this day and age it is a common problem for many men from all religions and age groups. Porn addiction is very bad and very hard to stop.

    Be supportive and find an opportunity when he is in a good mood to talk and in a lovely mood to explain to him that you can help him overcome his habit of watching porn. And advice him that it is haraam.

    Porn addiction has nothing to do with you, it is a very bad addiction which I think he had before he married you.

    May Allah bless your marriage.

  7. First off, the addiction itself is not the person. So just because the addiction is something evil, doesn't necessarily mean he's evil. Figure out if he's willing to change, to Quit. This addiction changes the brain after years of use, and eventually leading to the Re wiring of the brain pathways, which eventually causes desensitisation so you don't get aroused to the normal stuff, and you look for things that are way worse. (see your brain on porn, a great book on this and overcoming the addiction).

    I suggest, before making a rash decision try and figure out if hes willing to put in the time and effort to break out of this addiction. Just like any addiction it's going to take time, and a long term commitment on both of you and him. Along with Allah's help Insha Allah.

    Look into how you can help him change and overcome this. And you must get a third parties help. Be it a family member, marriage councillor etc. Someone that's dealt with situations like this before.

    And finally, ask Allah for help and guidance in this matter, and Allah knows best.

    Hope this helped

Leave a Response