Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Nervous about intimacy

hijabi sister

Asalam o alaikum,

I need some advice on a very private and personal matter, and I would appreciate some   sensitivity and no mocking, please! I am embarrassed to ask anyone- and I would not. Which is why I am seeking assistance online.

I will be getting married soon, and I am very nervous about intimacy. I've always shied away from the topic and don't know what is really expected of me.

Whenever my friends would talk about it, I would just block myself out of the conversation and kind of ignore them.

And now that I'm getting worried- I'm quite worried as I don't know what my rights and responsibilities are in terms of intimacy. I don't know what his rights and responsibilities are. - I mean this in terms of Islam, not generally.

Please advise me. And if i am allowed to humbly request- that married brothers and sisters, please feel free to advise. I would appreciate it.

I'm not really interested in websites or links/videos with talks, etc- just to save you guys from sending me links.

I understand this is a personal topic, but I would really appreciate some advice.

Im also very nervous about him seeing me and touching me. No man has ever touched me. Is this a normal feeling? Are the nerves normal? Or am I being strange?

Will he find me strange for being so nervous about this? Will I be off putting?

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5 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh sister, what you are experiencing is normal. Your husband is most likely going through the same as you. It's not just you. All you have to do is remind yourself that you're in control of the situation and don't have to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with. What you can do to calm your nerve is by having a chat with your husband when you get married.

  2. Dear sister.. This is a feeling every married woman goes through.. I'd been through the same when i was getting married. . It's pretty normal as we girls are bought up this way that we don't get social with men and the feeling of a stranger touching you brings nervousness.. This is a very beautiful moment for you when you get married hence it will be very good that soon after you get married you talk to him get to know each other and when you guys actually think of getting close just be open with your thoughts with him regarding your feelings in a very polite way and try to come to a way where you both can have fun and enjoy

  3. Thank you, that is such a relief! You have no idea.

    I was really nervous, but now I understand that it may be a two-way thing. I didn’t think about that.

  4. It's normal to be nervous about your 'first time', but, to me, your anxiety is extreme and not very...common. It's not normal for an adult woman, about to get married, to be so embarrassed about intimacy that she can't even engage in a normal conversation about it, without doing it anonymously online. Please don't think I'm scolding you or telling you off...I'm really not. I'm just trying to tell you that you don't have to be so timid about sex. Especially not now that you're getting married.

    I suspect one of the reasons why you are this nervous is because you might have lived a very sheltered and conservative life...and you admit yourself that you don't know anything about sex. What you don't know about, you naturally fear. So my suggestion to you is to educate yourself about sex. You don't even have to talk to people, there are PLENTY of books and websites that educate people like yourself on human sexuality. Make use of the information that is freely out there :).

    From more personal experience I can give you the following advice:
    - Take your time. Don't jump into sex right away. Talk to your husband. Show each other affection. Touch each other. Have a bath together. Get comfortable with each other, THEN slowly get intimate.

    - Make yourself feel good in your own skin. If you feel attractive, it will boost your confidence in front of your husband. Wear makeup, do your hair nicely, wear perfume, wear lingerie...do whatever makes you feel beautiful. Your husband probably thinks you are beautiful as it is, but...it's important that you feel beautiful, too.

    - Set the mood. The ambience and environment actually matters. Make your space romantic, comfortable, sensual...it'll set both of you's mood.

    - Don't expect magic and unicorns the first time. Just relax, take it easy and don't be afraid to communicate. Say it to your husband if he's being too rough, and ask him if he likes something you want to do.

    - Just like you get intimate slowly, enjoy some intimacy after 'the deed is done'. Lay in bed naked together, kiss, cuddle, talk, caress each other.

    - Please have a conversation about protection before you have sex. Unless you want to risk getting pregnant right away, it's a good idea to take precautions to avoid it.

    • Lindita

      So sweet reply .To the point and exciting reply .
      Its better to get some knowledge in these places than a google search which ultimately will take you to adult content .

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