Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Older sisters not allowing me to marry

Bossy girlSalaam, i am in need of great help. I met a man around 7 months ago, we became very good friends. He helped me with a lot of issues.

At the i met him i was facing issues such as depression, and i wasn't praying at all, in fact i wasn't connected at all with my religion. Since meeting him, alhamdulillah I'm the happiest I've been. I overcame all struggles and found the love in Islam, alhamduillah Allah swt guided me to the right path.

About 2 months ago, he told me that he wants to marry me and i felt the same, he was going hajj 2-3 weeks after telling me and told me that he wants to seek guidance in Allah, he wanted to do dua and if he felt that this decision is what he wants, he would tell me after he comes from Hajj and we should taking the next step. Before continuing with anything or committing sin, i told my mum. She was happy and agreed, and once he came back from Hajj, he was very happy as was I.

However although i didn't see him, my mum gave me consent to speak to him on the phone a few times, one time which my sister heard me say his name. Now my sisters are almost the parents of the house. Even my parents ask my sisters about choices. Btw, i am the youngest of 6, i am 21. I have 3 sisters who are 10 years older and 2 older brothers, one who is 2 years older and the other 7 years older. All my siblings are married except the eldest sister who is now divorced but is soon to get married also.

My sisters are very hard on me, i have made a few mistakes in the past and due to that, they've made it clear that i'm to have no say in who i marry and they will choose for me. Which even my mum disagreed, that even though i have made mistakes - i should be allowed to have a say and choose who to marry.

Now my sisters exchanged messages about the fact that i said the man's name on my mums phone and questioned my mum. She told them that i was speaking to someone and nothing else. My sisters went really mad, shouted at my mum and told her to warn me that I'm not allowed.

Mum then told me that i should forget him, that she doesn't want to know who he is etc. (he's pathan and im pakistani). She then said that my dad wouldn't even agree because he's not the same race. she warned me that if i ever speak to my dad about this and ask him if i can marry him, that i should tell him that mum knew nothing at all and to keep her name out of things.

Since then, mum has been constantly warning me off Pathans and has been constantly arguing with me that she doesn't care to know him and hates him due to the fact he's pathan. Shes made it clear that either i choose "the pathan" or i choose her. She doesn't care that he's very religious and a good man who is very supportive and makes me happy.

I've been doing dua, and ive just been seeking help from Allah and me and him are still just best friends. All we both want is to be happy and to marry for the sake of Allah. every time i see to my future or think about it, i see him in it. I have no idea what to do. Please help me.

- MalikaHussain

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5 Responses »

  1. Your sisters have absolutely no say in who and when you get to marry. Neither legally, Islamically, or anything else. They have taken it upon themselves to oppress you, and it's up to you to fight back and claim your rights. If you truly want to marry this man, be frank with your sisters. Tell them to back off, mind their own business and stop behaving like Cinderella's jealous and petty step-sisters, lol.

  2. OP: About 2 months ago, he told me that he wants to marry me and i felt the same, he was going hajj 2-3 weeks after telling me and told me that he wants to seek guidance in Allah, he wanted to do dua and if he felt that this decision is what he wants, he would tell me after he comes from Hajj and we should taking the next step. Before continuing with anything or committing sin, i told my mum. She was happy and agreed, and once he came back from Hajj, he was very happy as was I............ i have made a few mistakes in the past and due to that, they've made it clear that i'm to have no say in who i marry and they will choose for me. Which even my mum disagreed, that even though i have made mistakes - i should be allowed to have a say and choose who to marry.

    You are saying 2 different things he told you that he wants to marry..............if.he felt that he wants to marry you after he comes back from hajj he will tell you. Did your previous mistakes involved relationships with boys?

  3. Assalaamualaykum Sister Malika,

    If I were you, I would try to sit your parents down for a talk at a time when your sisters are not around. To be honest, it seems that your mom's reaction after your sisters "rejected" your love interest was disproportionate to the situation...I don't think that your sister's opinions were of too much consequence here. So ask your mom, calmly, what HER reasons for disapproving of this marriage are, and state your rights as a Muslim girl to her clearly if she brings up this racial issue. Race should be of no consequence whatsoever in Islamic marriage. Keep talking to your mom regularly about this over a period of time, and Inshallah she might come around and see your side of things. Also, until you are married, this man should not be your "best friend." I know that might sound kind of unrealistic now that you've already become so close to him, but if you can, please explain to him that you'd like to keep a distance until you are married, Inshallah.

    I wish you the best,

    Nor

  4. If they're using the logic that you've made a mistake therefore cannot be trusted with making decisions then one of them is divorced. They've already screwed up big so they should have no say in your marriage. Ask your dad and have your guy ask your family officially.

  5. If they're using the logic that you've made a mistake therefore cannot be trusted with making decisions then one of them is divorced. They've already screwed up big so they should have no say in your marriage. Ask your dad and have your guy ask your family officially.

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