Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Only a Hindu will marry me as an infertile girl

proposal,couple

Marriage Proposal

I am a muslim girl. Due to some abnormalities, I have recently found out that I can never become a mother. My parents have been looking for a suitable groom for an arranged marriage for me, but because of this problem, they have not been able to find any.

A Hindu guy, who used to study with me and was in love with me for many years, brought his proposal to my parents a few days back. Even after knowing my problems, he still wants to marry me. I didn't indulge in any sort of affair/relationship with him earlier. What is the right thing to do here?

-sa23


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26 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    THERE IS COMPLICATION IN YOUR CASE-
    1ST THING YOUR DISCUSSIONG WITH THIM THE PROBLEM OF NO CHILD WITH HIM SHOWS THE CLOSENESS WHICH IS HATAM IN ISLAM-HOW CAN A RESEPECTABLE GIRL GO AND TELL A MALE HINDU THAT SHE IS NOT ABLE TO CONCEIVE- THIS OPENING UP OF THE PERSONAL MATTER WITH SUCH EASINESS IS VERY VERY WRONG REALTIONSHIP RESULT MAY BE YOU DIDNT INDULGE IN HARAM ACTS WITH HIM BUT THERE WRONG IN THE ROOT OF THE RELATIONSHIP-

    THE HINDU BOY IS NOT THE SOLUTION- AND THE FINAL DECISION MUST BE LEFT TO ALLAH-OURS MIGHT MISFIRE AND U LAND UP IN PROBLEMS[EVEN WITH A CHILD] DUE TO THE FAVOUR TYPE OF MOVE HE IS DOING-
    RRVERTING FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE IS AS GOOD AS NOT REVERTING-IT WILL BE LIKE HE CAME FORWARD FOR YOU TOMORROW HE AND HIS PARENTS THINK HOW CAN HIS GENERATION CONTINUE THEN AND THERE SATAN WILL CREATE CHAOS IN YR LIFE-THIS MIGHT BE EASY FOR SATAN TO REVERSE HIS DECISION WHEN U WILL NOT KNOW ALSO AND THAT MIGHT BE TOO LATE-

    AND THE SERIOUSNESS OF HIS ATTITUDE DEPENDS ON HIS REVERTING TO ISLAM HE MUST BE REVERTING FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH NOT FOR THE SAKE OF MARRYING YOU-

    THIS MIGHT BE EASY FOR SATAN TO REVERSE HIS DECISION WHEN U WILL NOT KNOW ALSO AND THAT MIGHT BE TOO LATE-

    SO BE AWAY FROM HIM[THIS IS HARAM] YOU ARE NOT THE MASTER OF YOUR LIFE ALLAH IS THE MASTER SO LEAVE THE DECISION TO HIM AND TRUST IN HIM-
    REGARDS

    • my dear please dont do it i am 44 and own business...

      [Editor's note: Please note that we do not permit the exchange of personal contact details on this site, in order to protect people's privacy and ensure appropriate limits.]

  2. Tell him to that in order to be married the correct way he will have to accept Islam from the heart. Not for your sake, not for the sake of love, but because he wants too. Without that there is no nikkah that is valid. If he hasnt already been familiarized with Islam its a gud idea to have him study the religion and understand the true meaning behind.

    I understand how hard it is to get married nowadays as I am divorced and its not easy for ppl like myself to get married either. But my mom always says Allah does have someone for everyone and Im sure he has someone for you too. If this persons the right person inshAllah he will come into our religion and be a good loving, and supportive husband. If the converting part is an issue, I know its frustrating trust me I was upset abt this topic today too but all we can do is leave it to Allah and hope for something better.

    I hope things get better for you and you get married soon inshallah

    take care

  3. Salaam,

    I dnt really know how you feel about this Hindu boy but I think that when you say only a Hindu will marry you this is not true. Sister there are many Muslim men out there, maybe your situation and due to your circumstances you may not find someone who has never been married but then again Allah can make anything happen. but u do know for a fact that there are Muslim divorced men who already have children and would like to marry someone again but they do not want anymore children. Sister dnt loose hope and dnt feel that you have no body else but someone out if your religion. If you are deeply in love with this Hindu man then maybe it is best for you to tell him to accept Islam and to believe in Allah truly. Then do bismillah and begin your married life as a Muslim couple insha Allah.

  4. just tell him that you can only marry a muslim, if he is ready to convert than go for it. dont dwell too much into wht if his conversion is not genuine etc. may be his entry into islam is through you. just keep one thing in mind that at the end of the day he may want children too and may want to get out of this marriage . may be best to discuss adoption etc with him before hand if he ever decides to convert and marry you.

    it is true that there will hardly be any muslim men ( your age group ) who would like to marry a girl with a potential infertility issue. to my knowlegde they dont exist. some ofcourse will disagree with this but most will not have an example to give.

    all the best sister.

  5. Assalam O Alaikum sister,
    My short advice to you would be to request this brother to learn and understand Islam and if he feels he can accept and convert from heart than get married to him. Other options might be consider a divorced, widowed brother who already has children and is looking to get married for companionship. You can look into polygamy (you may not like it though but just a suggestion) if you find a brother who is financially capable of supporting you, is mature, just, honest and practicing Islam properly.

    I don't know how old you are and what condition exactly is that which may prevent you from becoming a mother but I would still say that many women do conceive after treatment. You should consult some specialist (s) if you haven't already and discuss if there is any treatment available out there etc. Don't give up hope; I personally know of cases where women conceived after 10 years of her marriage in her mid to late 30's. Now with technological advancement; women in their 40's can even conceive with some medical help.

    Muhammad1982,
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor.

  6. How incorrect and low u thought... Low as in your confidence and self esteem.. There are many options ie; adoption etc which people do if they love each other.. Gone are the days when people used to say if u r infertile you cannot marry! Do not marry if you do t love this guy and love him coz hes the last option.. Not only are u lying to urself but him also and if this hindu guy is ready to convert only then seek this option.. Dont feel sorry for yourself.. Ur a muslim woman and muslim women are strong not weak!
    Sorry if i sound harsh.

  7. May Allah give you strength and happiness in facing the future and guide u ryt InShaAllah

  8. You likely already know that you can only marry this man if he becomes a Muslim. If he's not willing to do that, then you have some options. Understandably, since you are living in a tradional society, your parents may not find a husband for you -- right now. Like others have suggested, there are many divorced men with children. If you are still young, you may not find this acceptable right now.

    Have you thought about forging a life for yourself without marriage? It seems you have a good education. Maybe there is a great career or calling that awaits you, and when you are older you may want to settle down with an older divorced/widowed man. There is no timeline. Don't put that pressure on yourself. But our cultures can be hard on girls, so I agree that it is unlikely that you will find an unmarried Muslim man in your demographic who will agree to marry you. Please try not to obsess over it. Just accept the cards you've been dealt with, and know that Allah has another plan for you.

  9. The right thing to do is have someone let him know that you can not marry anyone who is not a Muslim. If he converts from his own free will for Allah's sake then I say marry him if you wish but before then you really can't do anything about it. I have this condition called PCOS and sometimes I feel like maybe I should not marry because there is a chance I may never have kids but I guess there are Muslim brothers out there who don't want any kids or don't mind being with someone who can't have children. Many brothers prefer many different things in a spouse so don't feel like there is NOONE out there who will want to except for this Hindu man.

    Continue on with your studies and look for suitable Muslim brothers to marry and if Allah guides this Hindu man to become a Muslim then you have a chance with him, if not then trust that Allah has someone out there who is better for you and you just need to be a little patient. Don't wait forever for this man to convert because then it may be time wasted. Focus on your family, your career and most importantly pleasing Allah. You never know, maybe you think you are infertile but Allah decides to give you a child in the future in your marriage inshAllah. Allah can do anything and nothing is impossible for Him so keep giving dua to Him for everything you want in this life and the next and have faith that Allah will give it to you or give you much better than it.

    I pray that Allah gives you a righteous husband and righteous healthy children, Ameen.

  10. Quran explicitly prohibits marriage to a hindu person.

    And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember. (Qu'ran, Al-Baqarah, 2:221)

    As far as getting married is concerned, it is again in Allah's hands.

    To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what he wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males.
    Or He makes them [both] males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent. (Qu'ran, Ash-Shuraa, 42:49,50)

    I would suggest that you should forbear from getting married to this Hindu until He chooses to convert to Islam of his own volition. This is a test for you sister, and perhaps a satanic trap to make you fearful. Have faith in Allah and do not encroach on the forbidden path.

    It is only Shaitan (Satan) that suggests to you the fear of his Auliya' [supporters and friends (polytheists, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah and in His Messenger, Muhammad SAW)], so fear them not, but fear Me, if you are (true) believers. (Qur'an, 3:175)

  11. At times it is a blessing in disguise, as I have seen drug addicted daughter stab her parents to death.
    http://bdnews24.com/bangladesh/2013/09/01/oishee-in-tears-and-prayers

  12. My Dear Sister,

    Have you really tried all tests/ treatments under some specialist to ensure that you really cant conceive.?? you must ensure this.

    If you are sure that you cant, though i dont know how old you are but if you are ageing and it seems clear to you that your parents are not able to find a suitable man for you due to this problem. Dont lose hopes. keep patience. Make lots of duas to Allah (Swt). He will take care of you.

    about this HIndu guy, as per islam, you can marry only a muslim. May be he doesn't know this. you have to inform him that you can marry only a Muslim. Marrying someone from different religious background is not easy. Even if he is ready to covert then first of all, you need to confirm if he is interested to convert to islam finding it right path and NOT just for the sake of marrying you only. This is really important. faith is above everything, so you need to confirm this. if he intend to convert only for sake of marrying you then you should not go further for the reason that this marriage will not be considered valid.

    If his conversion is for sake of getting on right path, then he intends to marry you too, but then in this situation too, you have to determine your mind as you will face a tough time with his family or relatives (Since i dont think they would be converting too). Religious differences and your inability to conceive can cause tiff among you all. His words of accepting you the way you are cannot be guaranteed or sealed. I just hope that you getting what i am trying to say.

    Think of everything first from religion point of view and then practically.

    I wish you all good luck.

  13. Islamically, biological kids are extremely important in marriage. Even adopted children are still considered non mahram to their nonbiological siblings and even adoptive parents. So naturally, this poses an issue (unless you use the breast feeding loophole, if you manage to get a newborn.)

    Of course, some people are infertile and ideally infertile men and women could marry. But in practicality, most people dont know after marriage. Or infertile women could marry a divorced man or widower with kids.

    In a no islamic practical way, I might advise going with the Hindu guy. Islamic ally, it is haram haram haram. The idea is that children would not be brought up islamically.

    Another thing you could do is have your Hindu friend convert to islam. Personally, I am not a fan of this option because it seems like coercion (do this or you lose me.)

    The question you have to ask yourself, is if tomorrow he marries someone else, wold you feel a great loss about it?
    Secondly, are u just in love with him and trying to use this to justify it?
    What about his parents..are they cool with you?

    • Ariana, you cannot come onto an Islamic website and advise someone to do something haram. It is unacceptable. I considered putting you on moderated status when you posted your first comment here, but I chose not to. Insha'Allah I made the right choice and you will try a little harder not to cross Islamic boundaries in giving advice.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  14. AS SALAAM ALAIKUM

    I MIGHT SOUND SELFISH OR BLASPHEMOUS, BUT I WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEMS IN MARRYING AN INFERTILE GIRL BECAUSE I AM NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN HAVING KIDS. AND ALLAH KNOWS BEST.

    • Selamunaleykum,

      Aha du bist Deutscher, endlich mal eine deutsche Stimme, die man hören kann...

      Allah weiß am Besten

  15. You cannot marry a Hindu. Period. He MUST first become a Muslim.

  16. Only God can tell you whether this marriage is good in his eyes or not. Pray to him for an answer.

  17. a salam o alaikum i want merriage with infertile woman plz can any buddy help me .

    • Salaams,

      If you want to log in and write a post with more details, you will get the best answers. All I can say to this is, go ahead and marry her then. If you explain why you can't or are thinking about not marrying her in your post, we can give you better feedback.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  18. Assalam'O'Alaikum.. I'm 31 living in England for past 13 years. I am looking to marry an infertile lady for reasons i prefer not to mention here because of privacy issues. I have failed to find a matrimonial site for infertile women but found this forum. Hoping to get a few responses. Thank You

    • Rizwan, we do not allow matrimonial proposals on this forum. You could try one of the online matrimonial services like Zawaj.com or Muslima.com. There are often divorced women with children who do not desire more children. Or you might look for a woman in her 40's who is no longer fertile.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  19. Hi to this infertile Muslim girl I am a Muslim man and want to marry this infertile girls without any conditions if she is still unmarried so let me answer

  20. TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
    dear madam i saw this post and from avery long time i want know about who is she.

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