I’m pregnant by a non-Muslim and considering abortion
I'm Muslim and I did a big sin which I will never forgive myself. I have a boyfriend and now i am pregnant but he is not Muslim.
I have been thinking about abortion but it's is a very hard decision. I heard it's haram in Islam but i have already did sin and the baby is haram.
I am so lost and don't know what is the right thing to do. Keep the baby or do abortion I know my family will never accept it.
I tried to make my boyfriend convert to Islam but he doesn't want to. I admit I did a big mistake and i have changed a lot. I want to be a good Muslim so I decided to do abortion and leave my boyfriend.
I just need some help to know if I am doing the right thing. I can't even discuss this with my family because I haven't told them..
- butterflyye
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As-salamu alaykum sister,
As you know, having a boyfriend and committing zinaa is forbidden in Islam. You already know that you made a terrible mistake and committed a serious sin, so I will not belabor that point.
(I also ask other readers to please answer this sister's question with respect and do not berate her needlessly or cast any insults. She knows she did wrong and she needs advice for the future).
Having an abortion is forbidden in Islam. The baby is not "haram", it is an innocent, and should not be punished for your mistakes.
The only course of action for you as a Muslim is to break off your relationship with your boyfriend, tell your family the truth, and have the baby.
I realize this is extremely difficult. You have made certain choices and you are reaping the consequences of your choices. There is no easy way forward for you here.
I have to say, however, if there is a possibility that your family might commit violence against you, then you will have to consider other options. Do you actually live with your family? If you don't live with them then maybe you could have the baby without telling them and give it up for adoption, ideally to a Muslim family. If you are fortunate your family might not find out. If you do live with your family, and you are afraid they might commit violence against you, then you might have to consider moving to a shelter or moving in with a friend.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister,
Can you tell us which country you live in, so we can try to put you in touch with an organisation that can help you practically.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com
Excellent advice, Wael.
I endorse your views.
Regards,
Tourbillon
asalamalikum tourbillon,
not had any comments from you for a long time. hope you are ok.
I am pregnant and I don't want to have an abortion. It will be my second one. I left home a year ago and moved in with my boyfriend who is not Muslim. Now I am pregnant and I told my mother and my father doesn't know. I'm scared to have an abortion because I'm in my late 30s and also Fear Allah that he might not bring another child again.
I told my boyfriend and I was thinking if he gets an apartment and we get married thing will look much better than being pregnant and not married. But he is shaky about marriage. I told him already that he have to marry me, but now my mother told me that he have to marry me Islamic. I don't know if he will agree and I'm scared and I'm not working, I been looking for work for three years.
My bf wants me to work while pregnant to pay half the rent, I don't know if that's right. I thought about but not sure if its a good idea. I don't know what to do, and I need advice but i can't trust anybody.
Dear Laila,
I am sorry you are in this difficult situation, but I am sure you are aware that the situation you are in is a result of disobeying Allah. I don't know how much emphasis your parents placed on your Islamic education as you were being raised but things such as boyfriends and pregnancies out of wedlock do not happen 'just like that'. There is a long line of going off the rails that leads to such fitnah.
Sister, the best advice I can give you is to refrain from making anymore mistakes, turn back to Allah and make sincere repentance for your sins. Stop falling further. You are pregnant, you cannot do anything to change that now. Have the baby and give it the best Islamic upbringing you can. But do not marry this man while he is a non Muslim, forging a 'marriage' with him will not be recognised by Allah. Leave him and straighten yourself and your life.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Iman, the sister did not commit adultery as she was not married, so the hadith you quoted was not relevant. Furthermore we should notice from the hadith that the Prophet (sws) turned the woman away three times as he did not wish to impose the punishment on her. So we should not be so eager to punish people or ask them to be punished.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael,
Your answer to Iman is very good. This is between this woman and Allah (swt), who will make the final judgement.
Allah (swt) says: “Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]
She has her entire life to be a pious Muslim and do good.
Allah (swt) says: “Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful,” [Sûrah al-Furqân: 70]
We do not know Allah's plan for this child. I pray that she will now follow His will, and she will raise a child strong in faith who will glorify Him.
There is few things to note from the hadith quoted by imaan., the prophet (saw) did not want her to go through the punishment and thus he turned the woman away three times... The woman insisted and keep coming to do prophet, and the prophet told her to go and give birth to the child first (given her another uppurtunity to go and repent and not to come ask for the punishment)... After she gave birth to the baby, she came back, and the prophet told her to go and wean the child first (given her another uppurtunity to go and seek Allah's forgiveness), but after that, she still came back requesting for the punishment.. And then the prophet ordered for the punishment..... The prophet did not want her to go through the punishment, but since she report her self to the court of law, and insisted for the punishment, then the prophet has no option than to execute the punishment...
Thank you, Mohd. It seems that aspect is being overlooked lately, and it really is the point of the hadith moreso than the fact that adultery merits execution.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
"AND THOSE WHO INVOKE NOT ANY OTHER god ALONG WITH ALLAH, NOR KILL SUCH PERSON AS ALLAH HAS FORBIDDEN, EXCEPT FOR JUST CAUSE, NOR ANNIV ILLEGAL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE - AND WHOEVER DOES THIS SHALL RECEIVE THE PUNISHMENT." "THE TORMENT WILL BE DOUBLED TO HIM (or her) ON THE DAY OF RESURRECTION, AND HE (or she) WILL ABIDE THEREIN IN DISGRACE;" "EXCEPT THOSE WHO REPENT AND BELEIVE (in islamic monotheism), AND DO RIGHTEOUS DEEDS; FOR THOSE, ALLAH WILL (not only forgive their sins, but would also) CHANGE THEIR SINS INTO GOOD DEEDS, AND ALLAH IS EVER OFT-FORGIVING, MOST MERCIFUL." koran25:68-70. . . . Narrated ibn abbas: some pagans who commited murders in great number and committed illegal sexual intercourse excessively, came to muhammad (pbuh) and said: "o muhammad! Whatever you say, and invite people to, is good, but we wish if you could inform us whether we can make expiation for our (past evil) deeds." so the divine verses came: koran25:68-70 (ie the verses i quoted above).. And there was also revealed: "say: o my slave who have transgress against their ownselves! (by committing sins), despair not of the mercy of Allah." (koran39:53). (sahih al-buhari, vol.6, hadith no. 334) .. . . . . So from the above evidences, seeking Allah's forgiveness is better and more recommendable than reporting your self (or someone reporting you) to the sharia court of law and requesting for the punishment. .. May Allah give us the understanding of his religion...
after the birth if your life will be in trouble then you can think about abortion. from which city you belongs to? otherwise you can have baby and you can search a divorced muslim spouse.
Sarfaj,
Where do you get your advice from? Why should the sister seek a 'divorced Muslim spouse'. Are you saying that a man who has never been married will never be willing to marry a sister in her situation?
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Exactly I agree with you sister Z thats because the sisters in a difficult situation and it doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve someone good. I think right now the sister just needs to focus on her priorities and then she can decide who to marry but she deserves someone to treat her with respect and honour her just like every other sister.
InshaAllah you will find the right help. Abortion is not an answer, and there are so many people that are willing to help you. If you live in US, please, contact me.
please brothers stop writing in capitals its very difficult to read.
Al salaamu Alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatu,
Sister butterflyye.....I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation.
I realise you posted this some time ago so I hope you are in good health inshallah.
Sister, there is hope. I too have been in a similar situation. I commited zinnah and fell pregnant astakhfar Allah. I was rejected by my family and became very isolated, after a long dark period, alhamdulilah, I turned to Allah and my family are back in my life. My child is beautiful and happy alhamdulilah. I teach him muslim values and he is my rock. I have never been happier subhan Allah!
Turn to Allah my sister. pray and read about Islam. This will be the turning point in your life inshallah if you want it to be. Allah subhana wa ta'ala is so merciful and will never give you more than you can handle.
Dunya is but a day in our lives, the hereafter is when our real lives begin.
You will be in my dua's my sister.
I love you for the sake of Allah.
Fi amaani Allah xx
Salamou 3likoum ou rahmatou Allah ou baraqatou,
Hope u doing well sister, Am sure Allah is lighting you from this painfull situation...
I'm writting in ur post, because am living a similar situation... I had a non muslim boyfriend and am doubting about beeing pregnant... I feel like i hi the bottom of my existence.... i would like to ask you if it s allowed to take the morning day pill??? I'am not sure if it s considarated as a contraception or abortation??? please help me!
Allah bless you.
The so-called "morning after" pill is haram, as it can act as a type of early stage abortion by preventing an already-fertilized egg from developing further. See this fatwa by Daruliftaa:
The Morning-After Pill
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael, your answers are so amazing!
Are you a imam?
I'm not an Imam, though I was Imam for a small community for a few years. But I'm not a scholar.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Butterflyye, I strongly advise you to not kill an innocent soul. I'm in a simmilar situation but I'm 15 and pregnant yes my boyfriends a non-muslim and yes I done the wrong thing. I have no support from my family at all with this choice because they want me to terminate this child? I can't and I won't and before anyone sits there judging me I was raped less than a month after I was 13 so I didn't think anything was worth it I got out of my religion hung around with different crowds doing all sorts of cowardly things now I'm happy that Allah SWT has blessed me this this child, I was thinking of abortion now I'mm 14 weeks pregnant and glad that I kept the baby because sometimes it's only things like this that can make you repent. Inshallah Allah SWT makes this a easier journey, ill make a dua for you and pray for you. Inshallah things get easier for you.
15 only subhana'Allah !! Sorry to hear about your unfortunate tragedy, may Allah help you. Alhamdulilah that you've also realised the grave sins you've committed. Humans do mistake and so we sincerely repent.
Incase if you're unaware, pre-marital relationship and marrying non-muslims are totally forbidden in Islam.
It is also recommended for you to observe proper Islamic clothing, that is, loose clothing, fully covered from head to toe etc. It helps keep away evil eyes and not to be physically taken advantaged of insha'Allah.
The last line - " NOT to be physically taken advantaged of "
Allah is very forgiving, he will forgive you if you are asking for forgiveness with a clean heart and right intentions.
Just give Allah a chance!
I just want to know what you did?!
Did you have the abortion? Or moved away?
salams to my brothers and sisters..............I am 18 years old and Iam 2months pregnant by a non-muslim man.
Sister, I have just published your question as a separate post. It's on the front page now:
18, Pregnant and Nowhere to Go
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam.
I am 22 i have a two yr old boy alhumdulilah
Sadly i fell under the same sin again.
I'm pregnant and i really cant have this baby.
Alhumdulilah i started observing my daily prayers and i continuously
Ask Allah. For. Forgiveness and guidanc . In this decision of abortion im a single
Mother i live alone with my son its very hard to have another when no one supports
Me with my son nnow. Allah is the sustainer the provider and i know this
I need help if i have this child a life of possibilities and easiness will fade i needa advice.
I think Allah is showing me something i think this is my punishment. To raise two children alone.
For all the filth and sin ive engaged in. Subhanallah.
Assalaamualaikam
Sister, I would urge you not to abort your baby. We have had several posts on the website from sisters asking for advice about abortion, and it might help to read the replies and reflect on the quoted ayahs and hadiths.
Trust in Allah that you will be able to find provisions for your children, and remember that your children are innocent in this. Life may not be easy, but inshaAllah the joy you find in raising your children will outweigh the material struggles.
I feel it would be important for you to examine your lifestyle and ways of interacting with the world, as to have repeated a major sin such as zina suggests that you may need to review these - for example, if you are in circumstances where you are mixing with non-mahrams, try to prevent yourself getting into these circumstances. It is important to repent, and an important part of repentance is taking steps to avoid repeating the sin.
As a single parent, it is even more important for you to be in a position where you can set a good example to your children and be able to give them a secure Islamic upbringing. It might therefore be worthwhile to start attending a study group, and ensuring that your practice is of a high standard from now on.
If, having considered the options, you still feel you could not cope with having two children to raise, there are alternatives to abortion. You could put your child up for adoption, or arrange for a relative to raise them. Either would be much kinder than abortion.
I pray that Allah grants you a healthy child, and the provisions to raise your children to know and love our faith, and that you are able to repent for this sin and work to create a good life for your children.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor