I want a change in culture rather than marrying into my own culture
Cross-Culture
I know in Islam relationships are forbidden and stuff but not everyone's perfect we all make mistakes and ive made one of them.
I met a guy once through a website we began talking and stuff we started to like each other I felt like he was the one already, he asked me to see him so I did I gave him a chance to see how he really is.The first day went really well then slowly we began to grow stronger ,we began seeing each other often,
I thought of telling my mum about him but thought wasn't ready after 2months being with him I got caught my bros and my parents went totally against it ,they threatened him away from me and took my phone away which made me lose contact with him fully however we than started passed messages through our friends after 4months I saw him again we both seemed so miserable because of what had happen as his parents are forcing him into marriage and he doesn't know what to do because he don't want to let go and my family aint accepting to see him because hes a Bengali and im Gujrati.
They just want to stick with same culture however I always wanted a change in life even before I met him I decided I want to mix with another culture however I feel lyk my family's forcing me to stick with same and im not happy with it, its like they give me no options apart form sticking to gujratis and I don't want to be with my own kind in islam its good to mix around u learn new things but I always tell my parents about this and my siblings there so negative saying Bengalis are like this and that like all gujratis are so perfect where all human in the end aren't we.
Even if I cant marry this guy I just don't want my own kind again I really don't want to spend whole life in one culture a change is always best for you as I see it.
Its also affecting him as well because he's clueless into what to do its like he don't want to let go and he ended up attempting to do suicide over it but failed .
I also cant let go off this guy as we already feel attached I just want help im always crying and stressing over it I don't see myself with anyone else but him .
- Kay786
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asalamu alaikum,
after reading your post I agree, marrying another muslim from another ethnic background is a good thing, this will also break barriers etc, but due to family with backward mentality its real hard to make them understand.
now if the Bengali guy has a good character and deen then your father shouldn't reject him. I think what made it worse is that you two were together undercover. if the Bengali brotha went to your father and asked your hand in marriage, your father may have a better perception of him.
you said your parents and sibling say gujrati are so perfect? no one is perfect. remind your family no one has superiority over another human being. in Islam that has no place.
the prophet Muhammad(pbuh) said an arab does not have superiority over an non-arab and vice versa.
arrogance is very dangerous, cause it can lead a person to hell fire. may Allah(swt) save me and the Muslims from this.
ma salama
brother Ahmed .
what you said its all right I tried convincing them with all words you said including from what our prophet Muhammad pbuh , but they're stubbornness just hurts me that they've become so blind to what our deen truly teaches us .
in shaa allah ameen I pray for the same thing and may all muslims open there eyes to what Islam truly teaches us about equality.
my dear sister please don't try 2 commit suicide as Allah hates suicide please just have faith and pray 2 Allah for a gud life
wen a person commits suicide den he have to stay in hell fire 4 evr so please dunt think of sumthg haram
May Allah guide every ummathi Muhammad on the staright path Ameen
I think you misunderstood. The sis is not the one attempting suicide. If you read
"he ended up attempting to do suicide over it but failed ."
She was not referring to herself.
Ma salama
sister I would never go on this path no matter what life situation I face its only in Allahs hand when I can leave this world.
Dear Sis.
Here is where you probs need to put your foot down, and the guy totally needs to put his foot down with his own parents, marrying a diff person will only end in unhappiness and then eventually divorce, tell your parents if you can not marry this man you do not want to marry and that your happiness lies in this.
I can not understand why muslims can not be stern here with their parents and family, You both are muslims for God sake what is the problem really??/ all this nonsense of casts is man made and denounced by Islam.
If you where to take anything from this advice then be stern and tell the guy to be stern to with your families.
Salam
dear brother azeem
yh people wount ever listen to you unless you talk to them sternly about situations like this so I think what you said its right , its only for the sake of it its not there to hurt them we just want to help open their eyes and we only learn when someone teaches us strictly.
I tried being strict with it I really did but my siblings came in the way which blocked me from being like this when your alone in situations like this is hard to fight 4 against 1 but in shaa allah I wount give up im not doing it for my sake but for many people out there I just want to help open barriers and eyes to what people say is deen when its not .
zazakallah kher for ur advice btw
Asalamwalaikum Sister. I understand the pain you must be going through at this moment, be patient and in shaa Allah, Allah will listen to your Dua's. Carry on making Dua because, dua is the most powerful thing that can ever happen to make anything and everything better. Make sure you give support to your guy and make sure he gives you support in return aswell. If you and him are still not at the stage of getting married, try to give it some time and maybe your family will approve the guy you want? Everything is in Allahs hand and only Allah knows what will happen for you and him. Have faith and trust in Allah and always remember that, whatever happens..happens for the best. But, carry on believing in yourself and Allah, carry on making Dua's and in shaa Allah, I pray that your troubles will go away. In shaa Allah Ameen. xxx
salaam alaikum sister ash786x
zazakallah kher for your beautiful advice it made me feel abit better and you are right nowun can help but Allah only.
in shaa allah culture/race barriers will be broken in the society we live in and in shaa allah all of us muslims will be strong on our deen without having to deal with such arrogance behavior .
Its funny how our parents/families tell us to treat everyone equal no matter what but in stuff like this they become such hypocrites.
In shaa Allah Ameen. I know sweetheart, but don't you worry..in shaa Allah your parents will be convinced and will end up listening to your wishes and what you want, don't ever give up..we are all always here for you, if you ever need advice and help! (Big Hug) xxxx
awwwh in shaa allah in allah swts will anything can happen.
mashallah sister thank u so much u made me feel so welcome and that and no matter what il always be here for other people aswell as its good to help other people in islam aswell.. (hugs back)xxxxxxx
Hi Kay786,
I suggest only one thing,
tell your parents that i would like to marry him only, and if you are not giving permission then just leave it i'm not going to marry in future, just be in these word, i assure you they will wait for some time then they start to put a proposals in front of you, but you need to do is tell them sorry mom and dad, that's it, they again ask you again you should tell them the same thing, but at last not more than 1 and half year they will agree to marry with your guy only,
you must be on your words and also discuss this with your Bengali Babu,
you can also tell your parents ki mannpasnd chij to de nahi rahe aur napasand insaan ke shaadi karke khush rehne ke liye bol rahe ho, yeh mumkin nahi hai,
one more example is your parents may have purchase outfits for you that time they ask you tell beta whether you like this or not, if you tell them no dad i'm don't like then their next step is leave the selected one and search for the different one, right? now tell me if they are so prefer your likes and dislikes then they would thing on this, why because outfit shopping will be done at least twice in a year, and that cloths will wear for 2-3 year, if they are not ready to give you that clothes which you dislikes even for 2-3 years only then how could they are doing this with you and that too marriage? you know this is for ever, he is going to be wit you life long dear, isn't is? please explain them this, i thing this will make some sense......
May God bless you
Gopi
(IRA & ALIKA)
salaam gopi
I really love the advice you gave thank you so much , I have seen some of your current advices you gave to other people an there all so good may allah bless you for your helpful advice
I need help whoever reads this I don't know if il get goonah but im really worried , I accused this boy of having someone else well not intirely accused but I asked him due to the way he was acting with me whenever I asked about our future hel act like i didn't say anything which made me think there was someone else.
I have a feeling i have hurt him because i didn't trust him because whenever he gets hurt he ignores me for so long unless he wants to talk even if he thinks il go away from him he don't care hes willing to let go whenever , which made me furious because I wanted a future with him I was going to convince my family again very soon but now I hurt him and hes not forgiving me no matter what I say and I feel so bad because recently his mum has passed away will I get goonah because I let him down?
I even got so mad and started taking my anger out on him I didn't swear at him or curse him but made him look like a bad guy after which might of made my situation worst I feel so shameless and I feel like the thing I did feels like its equivalent to murder because I never like to hurt anyone and I already did which makes me feel like a terrible person 🙁
Sister,
Why are you asking this non-Mahram boy about your future together? Is this the same boy you met on online? Please stop interacting with boys--it is haram and you are bound to get hurt. He changing his mood, not answering all these things are just part of the games that occur in a haram relationship. The only committment is the one that is open, known to your brothers and father and is a valid Nikah. If this was your husband, maybe we could guide you, but since he is not, stop communication with him.
You want to marry someone who is not from your culture--that is fine. I pray that you will get married to a man who is a pious loving man inshaAllah. Please understand one thing: you have no experience in marriage (I assume) and once a person is married, there are a lot more factors that come into play for a successful marriage and culture isn't the bottom line. You could end up marrying a person from a different culture and it could be a disaster because you may miss the things you don't even realize, or he may have expectations from you that he doesn't even know he would have. There isn't a magic ball for this--except that you and your future husband stay within the boundaries of Islam. Trying to meet a boy that isn't from your culture through haram means will lead you on the wrong path. Rather focus on strengthening your emaan, keep busy, and listen to your family.
You are headed for more heartache and pain if you continue on this path. It is haram and it will only bring you pain and restlessness in your soul.
May Allah bless you with a happy marriage very soon inshaAllah.
saba I sooo wished I listened to you im so stupid I hate how people play games with you and stuff why was I soo gullible why oh why I hate myself soo soo much now 🙁
i hope allah does bless me with a guy with strong deen and imam and caring enough to treat me like a princess .
actually i hope allah blesses every girl out there with someone like that not just myself.
i also hope that the right guys out there get the right girls to one who helps guide them to right path and stuff in shaa allah ameen.
can someone please delete this post it was so not worth wasting my time and effort writing this worthless sh**t , I learnt my lesson not to trust anyone before you get married and seeing this post makes me even more angry to have thought I cared and to be so naïve to believe all the fake talks.
just wish that people vulnerable like me wouldn't fall into stupid situations like this and trust them with all your heart and give them all they don't deserve in the end you get a slap back or you get played either one there's never always a good outcome.
girls guys whoever be careful out ther not to get used or PLAYED , its not a good feeling in the end trust just wait for Allah please you will have someone .
I learnt from this mistake and I am starting to repent I learnt my lesson really badly it hurts to see what this guy did to me in end juggling more than one girl , does Islam teach us to treat women like this?
after all the respect kindness care and love they get why take advantage of it.
where's the respect like they're use to be people treat women like there nothing these days , everyone was raised by one and I hope every guy or girl whoever hurts someone before marriage will get what they deserve in the end I left it all to Allah.
im not picking on all guys out there btw I know some can be nice and stuff but we can rarely find them anyway may Allah swt guide everyone to a halal relationship and prevent us from going into haram relationships.
when you think you haven't found someone yet don't think you will be alone forever because Allah has gave everyone a spouse from jannat and one day or another they'll come to you like that at the right time we just need great patience because greater things will happen in the end its all worth it trust me.
if your in one haram relationship either with a muslim or not il advice you to stop NOW its not worth the pain and tears its best to cry for Allah and the prophet pbuh than anyone else.