Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Want to marry a paralysed man but family is against my decision

Marrying a Paralysed person

i want to marry a man who is paralysed and my family is against my decision .. but i don't want to marry any other guy..  can u please tell me .. that am i doing something wrong? or its against  Islam to marry a paralysed person ..??? i just want to know ur answer . and wanted to know it as soon as possible .


Romana Mir

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19 Responses »





  2. salam sister,,,
    first of all,,as a muslim i m proud of u that muslim can sacrifice indifferently in a unique the way if u could elaborate the story a bit more than it would hav been better...
    (inappropriate content deleted by the Editor)
    if any disgraceful posts from me then plz forgive and let me know so that i can appogise..

    • Brother Fahim,

      Please beware of using such inappropriate speech in your comments in the future. Give advise which is Islamically moral or don't say anything.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  3. Salaams,

    We all know that we, as people, are not our bodies but our souls. Those who can look beyond the physical can see the "true" self, and a person can be loved for their true selves despite poor health, physical limitations, lack of beauty, or any other material aspect that most others who only see skin deep place a premium on.

    It sounds like you love this person for who he is, despite what Allah challenged him with. That quality is truly rare to find these days. I'm sure your parents don't understand what you see, because they are still at a level of looking at things in term of the tangible. Perhaps their spiritual vision is not as developed as yours.

    It would be a good idea to continue to talk to them about the praiseworthy qualities you see in this man that make you want to share life with him. I think a big help would be for them to meet him themselves, and get to know him on a more personal level so his disability won't be as intimidating. In shaa Allah with time they will get to know him as an individual, and be able to look past his handicap and permit you to marry him.

    Recently I went to a park with my kids and husband. I sat down on a bench next to where a young man in a wheelchair was situated. Initially, I didn't expect him to speak to me, but he ended up being very outgoing. I admit that I felt uncomfortable at first- not because he was disabled but because I wasn't sure what to talk about that he might be able to relate to, or vice versa. I thought we would have very different life experiences based on our abilities and that would make it hard to find common ground. But as this man continued to speak with me, I came to find out that he only had a stroke a few years ago when he was in his mid 20's. Before that, he was very active and did a lot of camping and outdoor activity. He told me a story about him and his brother doing a hike in the Appalachians where they ran out of water and almost became very sick with dehydration until they found a small stream to drink from. His stories were captivating and before long his disability was not even a factor in my mind as both my husband and I spent the rest of the afternoon talking to him about all kinds of things. I am hoping your parents might have a similar experience, if they allow themselves that opportunity.

    If they cannot be reasonable, know that they are the ones at fault and not you. Parents are not to forbid marriage based on frivolous reasons or shallow personal preferences, and submitting to their whims if they are based in nafs or sin is not obligatory when it comes to marriage in my understanding.

    -Amy Editor

  4. why am I having trouble in posting comments?

    • I don't know. What kind of trouble?

      Wael Editor

      • my comments were going into spam 🙁
        wordpress is suddenly treating me like step daughter
        I had to go into the spam list and de spam myself 🙁

        • Like it treated me like a step-son a year ago. Don't worry, wordpress sometimes acts weird. And sometimes, it happens due to a lot of links in comments.

          Abu Abdul Bari

          • Now that's really funny. if they can put you on a spam list they can put anyone.
            seriously weird especially since I don't post comments on any other website or blogs and my comments never have links.

            now the trouble is that each time I decide to comment,I have to login and de spam myself first.

            How special I feel !

            what a pain 🙁

  5. I hope this one gets posted.
    Salam sister Romana

    I'm so glad that love exists. if your decision is well thought of and not taken on Impulse then I salute your selfless attitude and your unconditional,pure love for someone who needs it the most. however I wish you had given us a little more information to understand you better for a better advise eg.
    your age to understand how mature you are and how independent you could be or how bad is his paralysis to understand how disabled he is etc

    I hope you are well aware that this relationship is different from other normal marriages. you as a couple will not be in an equally give and take kind of relationship. although if you have a committed lover in you who is aware of all the obvious hurdles and struggles that you will have to face, then this relationship will be very rewarding to you but if as I sai, that this decision is taken on an impulse without much thought then you will only regret and hurt your disabled spouse even more than the pain he is suffering due to his problems already. if this relationship broke after marriage due to your lack of judgement before committing yourself to it then you will leave him more lonely and miserable than ever.

    kindly do a thorough on his condition and the nature and degree of commitment required from your end. join an online group of spouses of disabled people which will help you to understand what awaits ahead.
    having love, compassion.and sympathy for one's spouse is a noble quality but marrying out of pity will damage his self esteem and eventually your relationship.

    I can understand your parents's anxiety. you can put that to rest by assuring them that your decision is a mature one and well thought of, not merely an emotional one. I'm sure once they are convinced they will understand provided their only reason to reject him is from their deep concern for your future and not from what people will say.

    May Allah illuminate your lives with true love.

  6. The same thing is happening to me ,my comments are going to spam for a month!

    • No wonder why we didn't have you here for so long.

      don't worry join the club!! Akismet is crazy!!

      • Wow yea I was so worried,I thought I was banned,and literally cried my eyes out,I'm mostly home bound and alone 9 hours a day,this site means soooo much to me

      • Why are you speaking bad about brother Akismet? Don't you know gheebah is haram?


        Wael Editor

        • sorry about brother Akismet's gheebah but see what he has done to us. we innocent sisters are on its spam list.
          Your Innocent sisters *sniff*

          You are our only hope Brother Wael. please set us free. pleeeease.
          I'm so tired of logging in everytime to post something here ( although I'm getting better at maths) our lives will get so much better if you showed him who is the boss of
          Show him. yesss show him!!

    • Oh, sorry! I will check and make sure you didn't accidentally get banned.

      Wael Editor

  7. Salaam.

    It is not against Islam to marry a paralysed man and I want to apologise if I come across as harsh but you do need to weigh up certain things carefully. You have not said how old you are and why you want to marry this man etc. I know a sister who fell in love with a paralysed man and was desperate to marry him. She was a close friend of mine at the time so I saw her ups and downs on the matter and supported her throughout. Her parents were both lovely, reasonable people, but they were very much against it and surprisingly harsh.

    Her parents reasons were:

    1) What will people think, they will think there is something wrong with you that you chose to marry someone who was paralysed when you can have any man you want?

    2) You will spend your time looking after him and be his 'free maid' instead of his wife?

    3) If/when he gets ill and goes to hospital, it will cause you so much stress and hurt.

    4) He will be unable to satisfy your physical needs (in general paralysed men cannot get an erection without medical intervention.)

    5) You will be unable to have children (ejaculation is a reflex - which means if a man is paralysed he cannot do this which means no children.)

    6) There were also some character and deen issues with the man in question. He was understandably depressed and frustrated with his situation and used to angry at small things. This was not his fault per-say but I used to get upset with him when he shouted at her over silly things. He also seemed very possessive over her and was constantly 'afraid' she was going to 'leave' him for an able-bodied man. He didnt even like me hanging around with her and had this notion I was trying to stop the marriage from going ahead.

    He also was not practising and wanted to engage in a real 'boyfriend-girlfriend' relationship to which she refused - this again caused problems between them.

    She spoke to the man regarding the 5th one and there was a procedure to help paralysed men have children but only through IVF. I cannot remember the exact details.

    So can you see, as an outsider I could see all these things, potential problems, her parents could see them but she just couldn't. And any time I would point these out to her she would get upset - because she 'loved' him.

    So there are a lot of things you need to consider. You might love this man now and want to marry him now but over time that love fades into a more 'real' type of love. You lose your blindness and start to see the real picture and this is where some people who fall into 'romantic' love may have regrets.

    I am not saying don't marry him. I am saying strongly check his deen, his character, his family and follow the procedure you would have with any potential spouse and make sure you consider all of those issues very carefully. Be honest with yourself, can you make those sacrifices? Because it is not fair to you or to him if you marry him 'out of love' when deep down you can't commit.

    My friend was crazy about that guy but she never would have been able to do all of those things. Can you imagine how disastrous and toxic her marriage would have been, going into it when one is not able to emotionally commit?! She had a huge heart and you do too for being able to look past that, Alhumdulilah but you also need to evaluate honestly as well.

    So listen to your parents concerns. If this brother is genuine and nice then let them meet him, get to know him and maybe they will like him. Also if you still want to marry him - do istikhaarah and trust in Allah.
    My friend also started reading Surah Al Kahf on Fridays and she swore it changed her life for the better.

    Sara Editor

    • I just want to clarify I have nothing against paralysed men or women - I just want her to consider things carefully is all.

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