Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We love each other, but my parents refuse, should I elope?

Addicted to loveHi, I have been with a guy since we were 16, now i am 20, and he is now 21. He is from north, and I am from south, not india or pakistan but an arab country.  so we have been together for five years. He loves me more than anything and would literally do anything for me. He is from a lower class family than me, but same religion and I am from the south of our country while he is from the north.

I fell in love with him but didnt tell my parents about it till i turned 18. He proposed twice to me, they rejected. For reasons like..he is not our "level" as they say, he doesn't make so much money and he is still studying and he only has  a diploma from iraq which I have a bachelors from a more developed country.

I really love him , but I feel after my parents talked to me, I am either falling out of love or i am very confused and got brainwashed by them. We have met, and we did things with each other like kissing, but I am still a virgin.  We don't want to keep this going, so we want to get married. I have cried, talked with my parents, depressed for 3 months, not eating well and they still reject.

My parents love me and say they want the best, but I genuinely feel I want him. I know people will talk like ohh how come her family chose this man whos poorer than her, but islamically dont married people get blessing from allah? I don't mind waiting for him getting a job and we can both work our way up. and he is 21, so he is still studying I dont expect him to be some rich millionaire. of course we work our way up, but my parents keep saying he has no future and isn't good for me.

I am even thinking about eloping, but I worry about how ashamed my parents will be, and I really dont want to but what other choice do  i have? i prayed, made duaa everything. I am so desperate, confused and have no one to talk with. my parents keep saying you'll forget, listen to us.

I really believe we can work it out, and move ourselves up together. And according to sharia, do my parents have a reason to reject? arent things like status superficial and his race because hes from north. should I think with my mind and leave him because of my parents? Or should I elope after we finish studies and just live together and ignore what people say ?!

I dont know what to do...any advice would help. please :'(

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13 Responses »

  1. You kissed and you prayed to ALMIGHTY Allah swt!! Doing everything and praying.

    Is this Islam or what?

    Sister if you fit a fan in your home and onw wire connection is missing and you're assuming that fan will work. Be sincere to Allah swt
    No because something is missing that's the same thing.

    Allah swt definitely will listen our dua but one must should...

    Love marriage is against Islam.

    If you love some guy then pray to. ALLAH SWT AND TELL YOUR PARENTS.

    BUT ALMOST EVERYTHING you're doing and saying i am still a virgin!

    Allahu Akbar you're going against Allah swt and....

    Now you have done wrong...

    First repent. Worry about yours sins.

    And stop chatting with your bf and make dua for your marriage with him..

    Allah swt will surely listen your dua.

    Your parents can't marry you without your consent so make sure them what Islam says in a proper manner.

    • Love marriage is not against Islam. Many Muslims have had long lasting and successful love marriages.

      • Please don't say this things if you don't know.

        • Love marriage is not against Islam. I found this on the internet:

          The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

          I don't see anything in the quran against it either.

          • You could have qouted Surah Noor Ayah.

            Where Alalh swt is saying Gaurd Modesty!!

            You can't give a statement on the basis of one hadith.

            You are completely misqouting the hadith.
            Islam cleary says that if your husband is not there and someone's come to home then don't talk in a polite way!!
            Why? I DON'T NEED TO GIVE EXPLAINATION.

            SHOW ME A SINGLE HADITH WHICH SAYS YOU CAN HAVE FUN WITH OPPOSITE GENDER( IN ANY WAY CHATTING....)

        • I DO know. Love marriages are NOT against Islam.

          You're the one who is mistaken.

        • I DO know. Love marriages are NOT against Islam.

          You're the one who is mistaken.

    • Romman Khan:

      You stated "Love marriage is against Islam."

      You are entitled to your own opinions. However, you are extremely incorrect to share them online at this site as if they are facts. It is actually a sin to make statements about Islamic concepts that are wrong. It also creates problems exactly like the one that the writer has in that she wants to marry someone, but her parents are against it because of his class and education, which is ridiculous.

      There is absolutely nothing wrong or unislamic for a man and woman to marry because they love one another. Because a man and woman love and desire one another does not automatically mean that they have done something haram. Many decent men and women who are in successful marriage state how the first time they met their mate, they immediately loved them. Some waited a long time, some even married others. But they may have eventually married the one they loved at first sight. If a man can marry a woman for her wealth, as our Prophet suggested, he can certainly marry a woman because he loves her.

  2. You say your parents are not following the Quran and Sharia by not accepting the guy because of his race, but what about you? You think you are, by keeping boyfriends and committing haram with them?

  3. Salaam sister ,
    I completely understand that this is ur first time in love and you’ll hurt a lot if you lose him, but what would u rather lose ur first love and the pain would overcome or ur parents the people who cared for u, lived u where there with u through thick and thin ur mother who holds the key to jannah. That pain would be would u till the end of time and beyond.

    Yes parents make extreme decision but who are they for , they’re definitely beneficial for u. U may not agree.

    U see there’s always a time for something it’s either : yes, yes but not yet , yes but I have something bigger for u. And u say u kissed but u see that’s haraam u should be interacting with the other gender like that. It’s life , u don’t know how long it going to live for but don’t just put ur self down.

    I assume u heard stories about how the girl leaves the boy because he’s too poor and later on life he’s rich and u feel regretful, no don’t there’s something waiting for u it takes time but what comes to u fast in life.
    But keep praying and don’t do these haraam things.
    There will be a pathway for u to follow.

  4. Just eloping will not help. You don't have money, you won't last long. So don't do it.

    If he has good character and deen then your parents have no reason to reject.

    A Arab is not better than a non Arab and vice versa.

    You know the danger of arrogance? The same arrogance was the reason iblis got kicked out from Jannah.

    Whoever has anatom of arrogance won't enter Jannah.

    No one knows the future. One shouldn't decide if someone has a future or not.

    If your family is not listening, you have any uncles or aunt who will help your parents to understand?

  5. Assalamu aleykum,

    This may seem harsh, but my sincere advice would be to forget this person - if he had any genuine respect for you as a Muslim woman he would not interact with you in this way. Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has set boundaries for how unmarried men and women interact, and he is leading you well beyond these limits which strongly suggests that he would not make a good husband. Save all your love for Allah and you will be fine.

  6. Salam...first of all your nice virgin book of deeds is got major sins written already...this is not good..you are cursing yourself...Marry 1st for a person Iman taqwa...not beauty , wealth or status etc.. Today the muslims in general are sooo weak.We are not praying 5 times a day reading Quran giving zakat practicing sadaqah getting involved with helping are community.Instead we are doing the very opposite...and that's why we see somany problems in the world...war famine cruelty murders rape suicide drugs alcohol adultry divorce the list goes on..Allah does not help bless anyone except the pious .This question requires a mufti..I would reccomend mufti menk.find his website and ask the question. Remeber these little feelings are from shaitan ..It looks all nice from the beginning but has bad sign at the end of all this because if Allah wanted to happen then your parents for whatever reason would of said yes or atleast 1 of them.We Want you to be happy .But they didnt . Dont look at the answer to the question. Just understand yes or no.Inshallah maybe there something that your unhappy with has good in it which you dont understand....I know that your imam is weak and the guys and you dont have the experience in life...The feelings you have are sexual attractions .if you
    were o a wheel chair all a sudden.i am sure that love will run out the door fast. Think about...what does he love you for? From guys point of view 99% are horny.this fact...In short The prophet Muhammad said 2 things if we protect we will be successful in both worlds tongue and are private parts...so advice you to contact of few sunni scholors and seek there advice and be prepared. I only want best for your hereafter. Remember first piety ...because success Barakah Allahs help is with this.fact !! Goodluck

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