Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What have I done to make my father treat me worst?

dad child

Father and Daughter


It's been a year since I got engaged and did nikkah (not wedding). I did it to make my parents happy - especially my dad; and also for the reason that it was Allah's decision for me. After coming back from overseas, my dad's relationship with me has changed.

My older sister also got engaged during this trip with a few dilemmas occurring, but alhamdulillah it's good now. I didn't have any issues, and I question why my dad appreciates her and not my actions as well. Ever since, my dad has joked around about my in-laws to me and it annoyed me. He did this 3 times and I tried to ignore him for a few days after each time.

By the way, my fiance is somewhat related to my mum, but both my parents knew him well and consider him nice, of good character and a good muslim. My dad doesn't joke about them anymore because he knows that it hurts me now. But he treats me and my sister so differently. He favours her over me. I always question myself: what have I done?

I study, recently got a job but pulled out of it as it would clash with classes, got engaged in a halal way, and I've never done anything to put shame to my family. But the problem is nothing of these makes him happy, and the fact that I'm also  his daughter.

Often he gives money to my siblings and I, but everytime he gives it to me he would have second thoughts or say I don't need any since it's holidays. But when he would, he would mention it to my family that he gave me money or say "see how happy your mum is now for me giving you money", because we're related. what!

I get so upset when he says my mum sticks up for me or cares for me always. I don't know why. Maybe because I don't want him to think that just because I got engaged to her relative, it doesn't make me closer. And him being so close to my sister and loving her and always calling her name and having a smile on his face when she's home is nothing? She is also engaged to my mum's relative, but further abit than mine. So why isn't she getting picked on or annoyed? She doesn't defend me or tell my dad to stop, or ask why he is being like this.

He would always ask my other siblings if they needed any money or give it to them without any reason. They have casual jobs, except for me which is a downside. Or often in family discussions I am ignored, but my 3 older siblings are treated great. My younger sibling is treated better than me by my dad. To be honest, no one cares about this situation that hurts me, and every time I get irritated I cry. I am very sensitive. My mum understands and cares alhamdulillah, but she says my dad won't get it properly.

I hope to get a job soon,  do well with studies this year and will see what happens.

He also thinks I'm dumb and the least smartest in the family due to exam results from 3 years ago. But exam results don't mean anything! Alhamdullillah,  I am in university studying a great course, but nothing seems to make him appreciate me. He reckons this sister of mine is so smart. Often my feelings for my sister are negative because of him.

I'm not sure if it's my father or the shaitaan getting involved. When I got engaged, a few relatives got angry that I didn't take their son. Maybe someone did tawiz? I have also had a few issues with my fiancé since it's long distance and we ended up not talking for about 7 months Ya Allah. Often even now I don't feel like talking to him, or have a week off before talking to him again, for no reason at all. I would ignore his messages.

Please tell me what to do. I always cry and question, but no one seems to get  my dad's hatred towards me and they say "it's nothing, don't worry", but I really have tried to ignore it and it doesn't work. Please keep me in your duas.



Tagged as: , , , ,

4 Responses »

  1. I think witchcraft may play a part in the situation between you and your fiance, as you have mentioned some of your relatives were unhappy when they found out you were going to be engaged to someone else other than their sons and they may have resorted to this evil to either teach your family a lesson or break up your engagement . Secondly, the situation between you and your father, this may be because he considers you to be closer to your mother (mother's daughter) as opposed to him. So, he reflects all his affections on to your sister, because he believes that she is closer to him and your mother is excluding her (treating you better than her). I've noticed that most Muslim fathers are closer to their eldest son's and daughter's (this is the same situation in my family), you shouldn't let it bother you and if it does then talk to your sister and maybe she can talk to him on your behalf. Do not resent your sister for how your father treats her and she probably resents you for your mother favouring you over her. I hope everything works out fine for you.



    • Salam,

      Please ignore "the witchcraft" talk before opting out every possibilities. Family relationship and dynamics are way far more complicated than what it seems to be. The poster did not state clear or differentiate before and after what kinds of changes that she has observed when she came back from overseas. This takes at least a few sessions sitting in a therapy room to trace what could be the reasons underneath it. I hope muslims should not jump into the assumption of "black magic or witchcraft" so fast, it really push your mind to be a superstition rather than facing the situation itself. It also sounds so superstition and ignorant.

      Sister, I know it is hurtful to see your dad treats you and your sister differently but you need to know there is nothing wrong in your part. Allah knows best, just be yourself, be a good muslim and pray to Allah about your situation. Having said that, as I do not have much information about the whole picture, sometimes when a person wears a smile all the time, people also feel good about him/her. Try that.

      You are a student now, try to make him proud of you by getting a good grade. Always say marshallah when you see your dad praises your siblings, it will help to cut off your jealously. Sometimes, things like this happen in family, I know it is unfair but it is a lesson for us to learn too, to learn to be stronger. Inshallah, one day you will have your family and children, you will sure know playing favoritism is not good for children at all.

  2. My dear sister,

    Welcome to the reality that your parents and all other human beings are not perfect. Your dad has his faults and so do you.

    I am sure there are 1 or 2 redeeming qualities about him.

    I also had issues with my dad growing up, but I realized I can't change him, I can only love him for who he is.

    The way he treats you may not be fair, but life is not's a test from Allah.

    No matter what happens in your life and no matter how hostile he may be now, just choose to be good kind and loving daughter and it will pay off eventually.

    Don't seek approval from people my dear, they won't always approval from Allah and do good deeds because that's who you want on your side.

    • Salam..i just want to tell something short...I think you should stop trying to please your dad ..because maybe he will never be satisfied ...I have seen my cousin go through a similar problem she is married ..she is having kids but her mother is never pleased from she has just gotten busy with other things ..but I want to tell is your main purpose in this world is to please allah you do that...but I know it will always be there in your heart that your dad is not satisfied with me the only way out is find a good time . ..go to your family stay with them ..because they are misunderstanding you..stay with them for some days ..if its possible....once they start feeling comfortable with you again find your dad when he is in a ok mood..and speak to him and clear out everything ..this is the only way I feel will actualy help you out maybe he is hiding something you did long back ..i am not saying you did anything ..but maybe he is misunderstanding something ...unless you speak to him you wont be satisfied and you will never know the real problem ..wich inshallah will get cleared with just matter anything ..he will always love you because he is your father ...just read quran say bismillah and go speak with and tell him what ever you feel and tell him how much you care about him..thats all i can say ...and I hope your family will love you a lot ..and be close to allah by praying and you will see day everything will become ok ..I know I wrote too long ..but I hope this acleast helps you

Leave a Response