Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should I do with this Nikah? So confused!


Controlling husbandSalam,

I have been in Nikah with my cousin for the past 11 years. At that time I was only 17 years old. During those days I heard that he is not ready for this nikkah and only doing this for his family but he did not say anything to me and said he is totally Ok with it. But after that, he did not contact me for 7 years nor did I. During this time, I totally got fed up with this relationship, although I did not even think about anyone else in my life.

Then, three years ago, after 7 years, he called me and showed his care about this relation and he said he is ready to be with me as I like! I showed my anger and said not to call me again. And after that he never called.

Now my marriage is decided in December with him but my mind is not ready to accept this relationship... but heart is 50/50. As now I feel he is less educated (I studied till PHD and he did not studied after FA). and we would not be able to create understanding with each other. He is a smoker too and I do not like smokers.

And I really do not know his opinion about me. Obviously he has his own priorities, likes and dislikes, but his behavior towards me is not so expressive that I can judge something. I am really confused what to do. Should I do Istikhara at this stage? Either to refuse this marriage or to continue? It is really a confusing situation. Kindly guide me with some best advise.


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaamu Alaikum
    There is no complusion in Islam and no arrange marriages in Islam. Make istakhirah and trust in Allah's guidance

  2. Everything you mentioned are points why you should not marry him. You clearly made up your decision based through your writing. However what's making you feel indecisive is the external pressure you are getting to make you go through this marriage. Hence why you looking for a minimum pass for him so you can get married. If you marry this guy you will not be content and would actually end up hating the decision. Find a man who you are suitable. This man abandoned you for 7 years, he smokes, and doesn't care. He has bad traits and clearly doesn't practice his religion.

  3. Aslkm,
    I have one question which is making my life hell. Actually I was in relationship from 8years so I thought to convert it into halal. So I got married her with my 2friends as witness in 2019. After that I told everythng to my parents and she too as well..but this month she got married to another guy without khula with me is it haram for her n as well as for me too? Was my nikah valid ?bcz my intention was good n true and Allah knows can I make her understand bcz I loved her alot. The witness were my friends they were no wali from both side is my nikah valid..

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