Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will Allah let me be with my ex in Paradise?


I am 31, married for 7 years with 2 kids. Before my marriage nearly 14 years back from now I was in relation with a boy for an year. Both of us were crazy during those times but never crossed any limits. He wanted to marry me later but I said I cannot as I can’t hurt my parents. So we parted but I loved him and had an inner instinct that he is mine. And both of us found different partners. But even after all these years I still couldn’t forget him n I can’t love my husband. I have a good relation with my husband as a friend but I find it very very difficult when he shows affectionate and love. I tried hard but wished I escaped somewhere when he even hugs me. I can’t see him as lover only as a good friend. But every time for Allahs sake I give him happiness. But I regret now for not marrying the person I loved. My question here is if I become a good wife in this world will I be able to be with person I loved in paradise if Allah permits . I left him for the sake of parents so won’t Allah give me my lost love as a reward? Allah answers all our prayers so won’t he see my inner desire?


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9 Responses »

  1. Sister Zeenath,

    Forget being with Ex in in heaven as to go to heaven itself you need to obey Allah's commands first .
    Thinking about non Mehrem (married or non married) itself is haraam and it will take you some steps away from Heaven .
    On top of it you are married with kids and this behavior is much bigger sin and will not take you towards good result in Akhirat .

    I suggest you to stop this behavior which is sinful and you can't pray for haraam things .

    Forget him . Get involve yourself in some religious activities and have a good active Islamic life
    .Go for physical activities like walk ,jog etc etc as empty mind will lead to such evil thoughts .

  2. This is not good. You are offering a man that loves you a mediocre (at best) marriage, because you were too weak to voice your opinion and marry the man you actually wanted. Do you think you are being fair towards your husband? You know, the man you now have a responsibility towards because you MARRIED him? It was not right of you to marry the man of your parents' have created such a huge mess for yourself, your husband and your children. All because you didn't want to "upset your parents".

    Your ex is not for you, because...guess what? You rejected him. He probably has his own life now...a wife, children. You need to move on with your life and accept the path you chose for yourself. Your husband sounds like a good man that loves you and genuinely wants you. If you want your marriage to work out, you should try to make an effort and participate in your own relationship. It's much more fun to be a participant than just a spectator - which you are now.

    If you truly can't get over your ex, I honestly think your husband deserves a divorce from you so he can be free to marry someone that loves him.

  3. This is a case of "the grass must be greener on the other side".
    Instead of using up your energy to think about your ex, use it for ibadah and try to spice up your marriage. Maybe your husband isn't as handsome or as nice as your ex, but he takes care of you and your children, he respects you, he loves you, he supports you, he sticks by you.
    Make a list of the things you like about your husband and a list of things that he can improve. Be grateful of the good things about your husband, and you can have an intimate talk with him about how he can improve and how you can help him.
    He's not romantic enough, you start. Make a romantic dinner, dress up and be sexy for him. Make your marriage Sparks and forget about your ex once and for all. He's your past. Look forward to your future.
    Marriage isn't all about LOVE. That's a kuffar way of thinking about marriage. It's friendship, dedication, respect, cooperation, and growing together closer to Allaah.
    And no, you won't be with your ex in Jannah. Why would you want to be with him instead of your loving husband and partner?

    • Is possible someone luv his ex, that shouldn't be a crime, and our prayers is to meet our Loved ones in jannah.

  4. Assalamualaikum

    The beauty of marriage and being in halal relation is blessing by Allah SWT ..........and kindly move on and trust on Allah for he blesses whats good for us ...........u want to be in paradise with EX ................what dose it mean it clearly shows u are cheating ur spouse ...happiness is not in just staying togethr its even about accepting them whole heartedly and thinking about GHAIR MAHRAM is haraam........kindly read astagfirrula and move on in life.

  5. Baji what is going on? Ex from 14 Years ago? And one year together. The ex has probably forgotten you. Move on. Be more grateful.. Yes you're very nice and strong but maybe your just sat on sidelines and just going with the flow. Idk but ShukrAllah you have a successful marriage. You have 2 beautiful kids. An affectionate loving husband. Be strong. Be happy. Be the reason your husband smiles. Make him the reason you smile. Share his joys and his sorrow. Connect yourself. Don't worry about the ex which is your past. Worry about your life at present for a better future.
    Hope all goes well. Keep us updated.

    • Very wise words and very true, dear brother.
      I agree with everything the Brother has mentioned above; and second what he has said.

      May Allah make marriage life blissful and fruitful for you.
      Please don't compromise your husband and his love for someone that was never yours.

      May Allah make your marriage easy and satisfying for you.


      I am also curious to know what the Islamic position is on falling in love with someone - and not having committed any zina or sins with the person.
      As in simply falling in love with the person' s character because of qualities such as he prays 5 times a day, fasts, is charitable, nice to children and has a loving and caring attitude. Also is practising.

      But if you don't act upon the feelings and keep a distance. you have the love in the heart- is it possible for you to be together in Jannah? Can one do dua for that?

      If anyone knows the Islamic position, please advise us and share your pearls of wisdom.

  6. Assalaamualaykum Sister Zeenath,

    You might be able to be with your ex in heaven/Jannat, but first remember that it is not a given that even you make it there. You must devote yourself to Allah and all that is good in this life. You must try to forget about your Ex and devote yourself to your current husband sincerely. You might find that once you do that for many years, and once you see the results of that, you may not even want your ex anymore!



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