Mother-in-law is commanding my husband to divorce me
I've known my husband for 18 months and we've been married 8 months we are very very much in love and were very happy and excited about our future.
For last 2 months my husband kept this secret from me until stress got too unbearable for him.
He told me his mother has told him to divorce me due to this.
She can't speak with me as I'm non arabic speaker, well not yet anyway. I am bending over backwards to be able to speak with her one day.
Anyway she wants him to completely divorce me because she wants to sit with a woman she can talk to and live with.
She doesn't and won't accept our marriage even though she did do 8 months ago and now she's decided that I'm not good enough because she wants him to marry another woman who can talk to her.
She has told my husband she doesn't want his money for her food or keep and has never said this to him before but she's deliberately making herself sick to force him to leave me and crying and moaning about me and telling him never to call her again or see him again until I'm no longer his wife.
My husband told her that I'm his wife, this is life and to let him live it. But she won't listen to the hadith on this. She said she won't stay with us when we live together and she will go back on plane if she finds out I'm with him and she also told him she doesn't and won't accept us living in separate houses because she doesn't want me as his wife at all, not even if we live separately from her and I will not stop him caring for her and will be in background.
I feel a lot of anger right now. I feel like I'm being punished for being his wife.
I've never asked for anything from my husband, just his love and for him to teach me right from wrong and bring me closer to Allah. This is my first Islamic marriage and my morals is this: I only wanted to be married once, not go from one bloke to another, this is very bad I can't imagine another man ever touching me after this.
My husband said he wants to make sure I'm living islamic life and will arrange for job and place to live if I move abroad even if we're not married. I can't do that - I don't want to do that, or live there without my friends. At least I have freedom to move around where I'm currently living plus I can't be a part of his life like he still wishes to be a part of me.
My husband said he wants to die sometimes because he doesn't want to lose me or lose his mother.
If my husband really wanted to divorce me of his own accord he'd be satisfied with this decision and he is not.
My husband loves me a lot. I know he does. He knows how kind hearted I am and loving wife to him even though there are oceans between us.
I'm thinking a lot about just living in secret from her til day she pass over.
If my husband divorces me I will hate this so much, I will never forgive her for it. Never. I can't. He read al luqman tonight to me and I said I'm not angel or prophet, I can't forgive this action as it's an invalid divorce - I haven't done anything to deserve this.
On the day of judgement I won't forgive you all for this. Her face as far as I'm concerned will be as black as dust from all zina and shirk she is doing and has treated me badly in this way.
And I can't forgive her never.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm thinking very bad thoughts lately. I've been very sick for last few weeks and even though this mother in law is hurting me more than she will never know til day of judgement and she will feel that pain, I will still make sure me and my husband care for her and rebuild her home as it is falling apart and is in need of fixing. But I won't help my husband do this if I'm no longer his wife and even if our marriage stays together I'm not sure anymore if I want to spend my money on her only for this to happen again.
I feel sorry for my husband, really feel for him.
I've been through a lot in last few years of being new muslim and this is just final straw. I will never in million years trust a muslim man ever again to be my husband and I won't ever trust muslim mother inlaws or any inlaw at all. In fact I don't think I would ever re-marry again after this as I've learnt that Culture comes before religion and this is putting me right off my faith.
Words can't describe how I'm feeling right now. I will do almost anything to help my husband but I can't accept this action on divorce purely because of her commands, it's not valid.
I was even considering paying a women aged 50 who able to walk around to go fetch her food and clean her house and take care of her this way just to ease my husband as he's had the visas refused for pair of us - her 5 times and mines 3 times now. I hope to be with my husband before her because if she gets there before me I've lost him.
I've told my husband to be strong and to stand by me and be strong together against her not in bad way just like put our foot down.
She will have to speak to him at some point - she needs him and doubt if we hold fast she wouldn't last long by all thats she is doing she will break before I do basically.
As for her making herself ill that's just blackmail. She's making herself ill on purpose to get what she wants from my husband.
We've never argued so much until now. She has caused this between us we were fine til the other week, loving each other, all time in contact. Now I feel like I've done something wrong. He never calls me as much now or texts me much. It's like I'm dead, sometimes I feel that and sometimes he's telling me he loves me so much and then other times he's like kick me out your heart pray to god he does...
I reply no I won't, I've asked allah to turn your mother away from this action and to try to love me and accept me also asked god to make our marriage work and make it stronger pls.
I need advice on how we can get round this issue without us losing each other. I am really thinking about taking this job and living apart from him and hooin bad things but I won't ever stop him looking after her, I hate feeling like this.
This isn't me - I've always been respectful and loving to everyone.
I told my husband tell your mother that allah hates divorce tell her he will not be happy with her reasons why either, they're unvalid reasons other than her own selfishness.
Oh and tell her how would she like this happening to your sisters hey bbz how would you like this happening to one of your sisters - I bet you and your mother wouldn't like it very much, would you? Nope, don't think you would, so why is she doing this to me?
I'm trying not to reflect such dark hearted non practising women right now. She has no fear of what allah will do to her. She will pay for this, not in this life but she is little now whether she's doing it to herself or not god is watching her and making her face very tired and dark now for all to see and allah will be watching his family and how they behave towards me in this issue.
I can't stop what allah hates and what he loves but all I can say is that they're in allah's hands and he can punish it however he chooses.
I won't forgive nor can I ever forget all this.
I feel like I'm backbiting and cursing right now but if I don't scream it out and shout out now, I will lose myself yet again and I can't lose him.
So, any suggestions about how to go around as man wife without her knowing - what should we do? Please help us..... really desperate about this issue and trying to help him stay calm and keep us both. Wallahi I don't know anymore.
sophiyah
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Did you help your husband get his citizenship in some Western country?
Sister,
The fact of the matter is, your husband is a coward and not willing to go the extra mile to save your marriage. Shame on your mother in law for telling her son to divorce you due to the fact that you don't speak Arabic. What a load of candy wrappers! I am a non Arabic speaker who married an Arab. My mother in law spoke no English at all. She and I worked together and had a beautiful relationship. She treated me like her own daughter and I will never forget her for it. As of last week, I have been married 35 years. If your husband truly cares for you, he can save your marriage. He can be good to both you and his mother. He just needs to stop allowing his mother to pull him around by his nose and grow up.
Salam
Wsalaam
My sister let me tell you my story as it is quite similar to yours. My husband divorced me this April after 8 months of marriage because his mother asked him too.
We are both Pakistani but from very different upbringings - my parents have always put faith/Islam first before culture and his parents I now know from having lived with them are 100% cultural and make their 'piety' known to public but privately they had hearts of steel.
I left my husbands family home last December because I could not take living any longer with his mother and sisters. I spent 5 months in my own home, the whole 5 months we spent in contact and continued our relationship apart from going separate homes but thats because he insisted he would never move out and live separately from his mother and sisters. Last month he sent signed divorce papers to my home but only a few days before we were talking although it was not a pleasant conversation. He said I need to come with my family to resolve the situation as his family are not interested in a reconciliation so it was up to me to save the marriage and not him. My family had made efforts to consult the local imam to no avail but did not get in touch with his family because they knew how irrational and unreasonable they were to us living separately. Since the divorce my in laws came to my house every week to demand I return the gold, engagement ring, bridal clothes and artificial jewellery they bought me. They have hararassed me to the bare bones and yesterday my now ex husband also came knocking for these gifts. I threw them at him and gave him the tafseer of the Quran re demanding gifts back from a divorced wife.
Alhumdhililah I am relieved. My husband was a coward who could not balance a wife and mother. He was very miserly towards me and made me pay for all our meals homecooked and out, made me pay for holidays and drove my car. I have every faith that Al Lateef will inshallah give me a better husband. Divorce is also qadrallah and although painful, I believe in the long run it is more beneficial if you can derive the goodness from hardships - sabr, tawakul, ridha and peace. Make dua for these tools. I have every faith that Allah swt tests the ones he loves so they can reaffirm their faith and go back to him.
sister, i am in the same boat but my husband is just dragging the divorce process i am here in pakistan where as he is in another country. i have tried everything for reconciliation but he is not moving an inch. it has been two months since thye asked me to leave the house. it is so difficult. sometimes i wish i could just start my new life but omehow i have hope maybe he changes his mind. it is so painful. 🙁 May Allah swt ease our troubles and may Allah swt give such women strength to endure such trials. ameen.
Sorry to sound like a rude person but, i couldn't help myself but to lmao @ the artificial jewelry comment. Thank God you missed the bullet! There is nothing in this world without reward ur mother in law, sister in laws and your ex husband are all going to get rewarded oneday for their actions so be patient. There is no trial without an end. Don't worry you will have every course to laugh very soon. Your enemied will come begging at your feet, be it your husband, mother in law or sisters in law, they will all run begging you for forgiveness Insha'Allah - Ameen.
I love the fact that you are so real and funny.lol you made my angry heart smile. I only have one question.... why do we " used" and "emotionally abused" woman wait for the day of judgement...why? Why is it that they get away with it in this dunia but we have to wait ? For once cant they be taught a lesson, one that we can witness? Sorry im just venting and sad and it make me feel like a failure, inferior to ignorance.
Salaam,
Having read you story it is almost identical to mine!! I had an arranged marriage a year ago and everything seemed fine until my sister in laws and mother in law decided to take a dislike to me for no apparent reason. I bent over backwards to please them but nothing made my mother in law happy. She hated the sight of me despite the fact I was very happy with my husband and he was very happy with me. They were very backward and prioritised their backward culture over Islam. After 4 months they were pressuring my husband to divorce me and their behaviour towards me was terrible. They were using emotional blackmail with him about how they were his family and I was an outsider and that should he not divorce me then he would be cut out if the family and his mother would never see him again.. My parents decided to bring me home for a short while to let things cool down. In that time I discovered I was 2 months pregnant. I informed my husband who was very unhappy as it now meant he would have to tell his mother he couldn't divorce me. A month later I miscarried and was in hospital for 4 days. My husband came to see me there for 2-3 mins, just asked what happened and left. That was the last time I saw him or spoke to him.. A week later I received divorce from him by post.
now that the shock has worn off and my iddat is over I am left humiliated angry and bitter. I fear I will never get over this and my life is over before it started.
I know this is a little late but as you can probably guess, I just found myself in a somewhat similar situation. My husband and I got married 5 months ago without our parents' consent. We were brought up in families with 2 different belief systems. Both of our families believed the others are not real Muslims. Their were a lot of questions that arose in my mind because of this whole thing and I never got any satisfactory answers to them. My parents would always shut me down saying that is how it is or that is what our parents believed in so that's final. To me that sounds like the exact same thing Kuffar-e-Makkah would say to justify opposing Islam. My father called me words no father could even hear someone say about his daughter let alone say them just because I expressed my liking for my now husband.
Anyway, I decided to reject all labels and just be a basic Muslim for now and find out my path to Allah for myself instead of letting anyone else dictate it.
Now my husband's father wants him to leave me on the premise that I am not a real Muslim. He says I rejected my family's faith for my husband which is not true at all. He even says that our nikah is not valid and we committed zina and he won't let us be together because he has to face Allah someday.
On the other side he also says that he won't let us be together because it will not be fair to my parents who raised me and deserve to marry me of to someone they like. I find it hypocritical! If my parents are infidels like they say they are, wouldn't Allah ask my FIL why he would send me back to them when I "saw the light"?
My husband is extremely confused and hurting right now. On one side he is concerned about me because he knows that if he leaves me, I will have no one left and will be alone for the rest of my life. And then he has his father who keeps threatening to kill himself or my husband if he does not leave me.
We live in different continents and it is hard for me to see him suffering like this. I am considered leaving him just to ease up his mental anguish. But at the same time, I know if I do, I will die on the inside.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how people deal with things like this. My husband asks me what he should do and I do not know what to tell him.
Salam,
Why do the parents feel that the other family is not muslim? What are they?
Just different sects. Does it really matter what they are? Because I not like to label myself with any sect and I believe it is not just my right but my obligation to Allah to find my own way to Him.
Salam Saira,
If both you and your husband accept everything in the Quran then I don't see an issue with you two getting married. It could be that parts of either family don't and then I would see them calling each other non-muslim. Salam.