Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Boyfriend’s parents want to adopt my baby!

Pregnant woman depressed

I'm a 18 year old American, Christian, female. For the past 8 months I have been having a relationship with a 21 year old Muslim man. We found out 2 months ago that I'm pregnant and while I expected him to leave and never hear from him again, he has done the exact opposite. He says he would like me to convert but because I refuse, he cannot marry me. He then told his parents the whole situation and they now want to adopt the baby! They're all 3 telling me I'm in no situation to handle this and that this child should be raised in their faith, by them. In my heart I can see how this might be the best thing for me and my child but I just can't imagine giving it up! Please help!


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10 Responses »

  1. Hello,

    This is very simple case:

    1. You may marry him without changing your faith (I don't know why they are forcing you) as Christian and Jewish women can marry Muslims.

    2. In your situation, it is highly advisable that you should marry him, as the baby coming in the world needs father and a family.

    • Yes they cant force her to get married. The reason the guy want her to convert because it's forbidden to marry outside of islam. He cant marry her by force, she has to choose by her own will. So no Muslim can't married different religion except Muslim. Different culture can be accepted but different religion is completely forbidden.

  2. Hi

    You don't have to convert to Islam to marry a Muslim man!
    Muslim man can marry Christian and Jewish women!!
    Although you don't have to convert , I would advice you to look into Islam, you might like it but don't convert because you think you have to since it wouldn't be accepted anyway if you don't truly believe in it!
    Don't give your baby for adoption, he needs his mummy the most!!! You will regret it if you do.there is always a way to raise your child on your own if you really want to. Don't give up. If you think your boyfriend makes a good husband marry him, otherwise don't, you can raise your baby!!! I pray for you everything goes well inshaAllah and whatever it's best for you and your baby.

  3. Hey sister. Since you are just 18, i think you better get married with that man. The baby needs a father. When the baby grows up he/she will be embarassed if he/she got no father. And in islam if this type of situation occurs the man needs to take his responsibility. Maybe his iman(faith) was just too weak back then so he did something like this and maybe now he want to become as a better person. Help him.Together you will create a good family. Insha Allah (with god's will). I suggest you to just revert. Im not forcing you. You will slowly love islam. Trust me you will. Lots of love sister ( sorry for my bad english)

  4. Dear Sari95

    Sorry to hear about you situation.

    You don't have to marry the father of your child. And they can't force you either to become a muslim. A Muslim man is allowed to marry practising jew or Christian females without converting to islam.

    If you think they will give better upbringing to your baby then you should consider marrying father of your child provided you have at least some element of respect for this man. And tell them that even if you declare islam verbally as your faith, you still won't be muslim if islam is not yet instilled in your heart....

    I personally think if this man is responsible and hard working then you should definitely consider him for marriage - because you will need support, and via marriage you will avoid any potential premartial relationship with him because premartial relationship is forbidden in islam. In islam the only way you both can be together is through marriage.

    May Allah swt make it easy for you and your beautiful child, aameen.


  5. Tell your boy friend that he can marry you without converting you into Muslim. It is clearly state in Suratul Mu-me in, that a Muslim man can marry a Christian or a Jews women, and their foods are considered halal. I advise you to talk to a lawyer and don't give him full authority to take care your kid.You are the mother and he is the father, therefore; you deserve the same or equal right to take care your kid as your boy friend.Don't let your boy friend to do whatever he wants to do. I strongly advice you to talk to your parent/mother first,listen to your parent seriously, in addition , you can talk to a lawyer or some one in your church. My personal advice, which you might not like is to do abortion. You are still young and have golden future. You can go to a school, get a job, than have kids after marriage with someone who loves you. It looks like your boyfriend does not like you,he wanted to use you as a product of sex.

    • Advising abortion of a healthy baby is a serious crime as far as I know. It can lead to serious health issues in the mother too.

    • What if this one abortion causes her to never fall pregnant again? It's a known risk with abortion. What is she regrets? And why would you as a Muslim advise her to abort a child when life is for Allah to give and take?

      Many people can't have children. She can consider adoption and blessing one of those families. Or she can try to raise the child herself. It won't be easy if she is all alone but it's possible.

      The rest I agree with.

  6. I find it intriguing that your boyfriend remembers faith and Allah/God, when it comes to the child but this was all absent when he was physically involved with you? Also baffling is that he doesn't seem to know his own faith very well seeing as he thinks you need to convert. Not sure what brand of Islam he wants to give the child?

    Anyways, NO, you dont have to convert as you are a Christian and belong to people of the book.

    Show him this verse from the Quran he allegedly submits to yet does not know the content of:

    ".....The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends”

    [al-Maa’idah verse 5] 

    I think you should do what you feel is the best thing for you. Dont ket yourself be coerced into conversion or even marriage. You haven't known him for long. His behavior to me at least is far from impressive. I think you can do better. But yes single parenthood especially when you are so young yourself is hard. Do you have some network parents, siblings, friends etc somebody to assist you through this time and help you through your pregnancy, delivery etc? Think long and hard about this before deciding. listen to your own voice from within. I am confident you will be a brilliant mom. You are blessed without knowing it.

    Wish you all the best and hope you find your path.

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