Muslim boyfriend converting to christianity secretly
I am a Christian woman and I have a Muslim male friend. We have known each other for over 6 years. He tells me he is converting to Christianity, and I think he will. We talk about marriage and how much we love each other. My question is this, I want to go visit him and I am not sure if he will make love with me. Being an American and very much in love with him, I want this! And I know as a Muslim he can't- but hes converting, so will he cast that aside so we can make love or will he make me wait. And if we do. How will I be treated if word got out that I may have seduced him into wrong doing as he wants to keep his conversion a secret. His family does not know! Thank you
-olderwoman
20 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Peace be on you older woman,
My advice is to stay away from this man, secrecy goes by the hand with lies, this is not a good begining for anything.
Muslims and Christians has the same approach to sex before wedlock, no sex before wedlock. You want to have sex with him, but not because you are american, not all christians americans and not all americans will feel identified with you, for many celibacy until marriage is very important.
You mention "seduce into wrong doing" your words are shouting clearly what you are doing and that you don´t feel comfortable in your position. Put your feet on earth, cool down your head and look at this situation with the maturity that it requires.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
may Allaah guide you older woman
you came here for advise and my advise to you would be to please stay away from this man. you stated that you want to have sex with him, whilst you know that this is not allowed and against the religious laws of both Islam and Christianity. Mary was a virgin, the mother of Jesus(peace be upon him).
i dont know how you managed to get this man to want to convert to Christianity if clearly you are not exactly following the rules of the religion yourself.
this man is currently blind and very soon he will wake up and realize what he is doing. if he converts , you will both regret it in this world and in the hereafter, when you meet Allaah, the true Lord of the worlds who will judge between us all.
i do not mean to cause you any offense , but seriously, this is distressing to read.
may Allaah guide you.
sister
Why not read up about Islam and consider it for yourself. Give yourself some space from this man- he could be heading towards diaster becasue once his family or community find out that he is considering apostasy they could make is life a living hell. It is sad to see that he has lost his way and no longer wishes to remain a muslim just so that he can have sex with you! If you wish him well you would advise him to re-think about his decision and perhaps learn about Islam yourself, you will be enlightened, trust me sister.
He can also marry you without converting (though not encouraged but it is lesser of two evils), as his wife as even as Christain you are permissible for him.
below is link i think you will find inspiration if you wish to learn about Islam.
http://www.halaltube.com/hamza-yusuf-al-quran-the-living-miracle
take care of yourself- think wisely
Hello my friend,, am sorry if my words will be too harsh to ur hearing. . . . . Actually when i read ur post, i was thinking u just felt like fabricating a lie so that everyone here will disgust. . . . . Ur boyfriend is not a real muslim and does'nt no islam at all. . . . If not he suppose to be d one to invite u to islam (this religion of peace). . . No kind of christian preaching nor anybody's deception can convert a real muslim (who knows islam very well) to christianity or any other religion. . . . Islam is a religion of peace,,, muslims bow, prostrate and worship d one and only true GOD . . . And we are sincere (in obedience and in worship) to HIM(God). . . Muhammad(sAW) is d last and final massanger of GOD ALMIGHTY. . No one will come to GOD except through him. . . . Islam is the only rope that will lead u to GOD. . . . . . . And as Rukayya said,, ,If ur boyfriend converts, both of will deeply regret it when the judgement day comes. . . . This may be a very good oppurtunity for u to come across this harsh truth i said to u. . . . . . It will be very helpful to u if u can study other religions so that u can verify for ur self where d truth is. . . . On ur course of studying, i will advice u to get a copy of d koran that has english translation and go through it. . . Dont hesitate to contact us here if u come across any verse that sound ambigious or not clear to u. . . May Almighty God guide u to the straight and right path. . .
WOW!!
Olderwoman Im so sorry if my words are strong/rude! But it is because of women like YOU that other people see converts like "bad people" or "western girls"...What is the matter with you??May Allah swt forgive you for what you have said and for wanting to have sex with this "brother" and as for him... He should know better!!
* You know it is not right for a muslim to have sex outside marriage, then why are you asking us what should you do?? You know its wrong, and so does he!!
*Why in the world, would this "brother" want to convert to christianity???
* And like one of the brothers stated above, maybe this is the opportunity for you to learn and educate yourself a little bit about Islam!! Life is not all about pleasures and about living the "moment"!!
***AND BTW YOU SOUND SO DESPERATE!!! ..."will he make me wait"...!!! Im sorry but this just makes me mad!!!!! Repent for what you are doing...
Allah swt is not happy with such acts!! Whatever religion it is that you choose to follow, do it right! Christian or Mulsim...NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!
MAY ALLAH SWT GUIDE YOU AND THIS LOST VERRRRY LOST BROTHER!!!!
AMIRA
Peace be unto you Questioner,
Sex?
It is available easily. If you go on a social network site and write, I want a man, you will get a few hundred proposals in a few hours time. Sex is easy and available too.
No Sex?
Ahhh....takes time to think. If you pose the same question, I am looking for a man to marry, who is not interested in dating and having sex before marriage, you could see how many replies you get to this post.
There is no shortage of sinners, and hell will be filled with such ones.
But there is shortage of the pious, the pure few who will enter the Paradise. A day when Jesus (peace be upon him) will stand as a witness against his people and he will deny he ever asked to be worshipped and he will deny having taken up sins of anyone.
On that Day the wicked will want to be dust, will want to become one with the ground, they will find no refuge and they will find no good welcome but Hell, a promised place, to dwell forever.
38. Doth every man among them hope to enter the Garden of Delight?
39. Nay, verily. Lo! We created them from what they know.
40. But nay! I swear by the Lord of the rising places and the setting places of the planets that We are Able
41. To replace them by (others) better than them. And We are not to be outrun.
42. So let them chat and play until they meet their Day which they are promised,
43. The day when they come forth from the graves in haste. as racing to a goal,
44. With eyes aghast, abasement stupefying them: Such is the Day which they are promised. - Surah 70, Al Ma'arij.
The good shall have the good and the evil shall have evil. This is plain, simple and easy to understand truth except for those who repent and do aright, it may happen that their Lord would turn unto them in Mercy and would bring them under Gardens of Eden underneath which rivers flow.
Read the Qur'an Questioner, may be it will guide you to your Lord and a Straight Path.
Peace,
Munib.
Last time I checked, Sex before marriage is a sin in Islam AND Christianity BUT then I remembered that Jesus "died for your sins" so I guess it makes it okay to do sinful acts. I don't know if you convinced him to become a Christian or not, but if he hasn't had sex with you yet then he aleast avoided a major sin. You haven't stated if he did convert instead you say you are pretty sure he will. How are you so sure what is in his heart? What if he never does? I also find it strange that as a woman you are the one desperate for sex while the man has enough respect for you & your religion not to use you like that.
What I suggest you do is wait till he actually converts if you are so sure that he will, if he does then get married to him as soon as possible & THEN have sex with him. If he changes his mind & decides to remain a Muslim, assuming you are okay with that decision you also have an option to marry him since it's not recommended but permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian woman. If he is taking too long to convert or if he is very confused, then I recommend you cut off all contact with him & move on to someone who has the same faith as you and want to do everything you wish for him to do.
No offense to any Christians but I personally think that he is confused because it takes guts to go from believing in One God, the One who created you and then going to a religion where they take One God & dissect Him into three parts (Astaghfirullah), believe that God has a son who is also Himself (Astaghfirullah again) but at the same time being a "monotheistic religion" this concept is not easily digested by many non Christians so easily, I believe he is only interested in how easy it is to get to Heaven in this religion (salvation) , where you can do whatever you want & Jesus will save you as long as long as long as long as you believe in him.
I recommend you learn more about Islam because if everyone did not take responsibility for their actions then we would all be screwed. If Jesus really did die for our sins then why are sins recognized in Christianity? If he wiped off all our sins then why is it considered a sin. Don't you ever think about things like this sometimes?
As salamu alaykum sister Pepper,
The way you talk about Christianity is not right, your approach lacks of understanding and knowledge about Christianity, you can defend your ideas basing yourself in what you know most that is Islam, instead of attacking without really knowing what you are talking about.
When you say:"Jesus "died for your sins" so I guess it makes it okay to do sinful acts" and "I believe he is only interested in how easy it is to get to Heaven in this religion (salvation) , where you can do whatever you want & Jesus will save you as long as long as long as long as you believe in him". this is really offensive and shows your lack of knowledge about Christianity.
Sister, attacking shows weakness.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
What exactly did she say that was a misconception of Christianity? It may have been a bit sarcastic for my tastes but everything she said was the truth, it's the same Christianity that I grew up with. Telling the truth isn't 'attacking' and the only thing I would suggest to Pepper is to soften her tone.
Assalam O Alaikum sister Khadija1,
Though your question was intended toward Sister Maria but I hope you don't mind me replying. I think what sister Maria meant was; while it's true what sister Pepper wrote but a lot of Christians (Catholics) take it as offence, so all she was trying to tell her that it's not the right way to approach the situation. I personally think that if we don't adopt to this attacking technique then a lot of non-Muslims (what ever their religion be) will see that Islam is the right religion. A good/positive approach would be to start with what is common between the religions:)
My colleagues at work are mostly Christians and some of them do ask questions about Islam (though most of them don't care about religion at all like many Muslims) like; terrorism, rights of woman, Allah, Prayers etc etc. Even though I don't have much knowledge about my religion but I try to clear their misconceptions as much as possible rather then attacking their beliefs or becoming defensive.
All I am trying to say is that criticising any person based on anything be it religion, culture, background etc etc won't help in fact not only it will push them away but also it will make them further hate that religion, culture, background or think about them in more negative way. For instance; this lady as being Christian came on this forum for advice; now she could go ahead and do whatever she wanted too following her desires/emotions as a lot of woman do but she didn't. Why? Because she wanted to know what is right and wrong in the light of religion of Islam. There are thousands of non-Muslim women in relationships (halal/haram) to Muslim men and she could do the same even her husband was converting but she didn't. Which shows that she wants to know what is right thing for this man to do; whether he should convert or not to marry her? (or if he is converting then is it right?)
So, we as a Muslim should be more friendly and welcoming toward non-Muslims and make them feel comfortable to ask anything they want to know. That's the only way we can help increase our Ummah Insha Allah and we will be rewarded for using the right approach. There cannot be any better model to follow than the life of our beloved Prophet (pbuh); how he treated the people around him especially his enemies. Islam wasn't spread by sword only but by good character, treatment and attitude of Muslims toward non-Muslims.
I hope it makes sense Insha Allah sister. May Allah (swt) help us become better Muslims role models for others to follow. (Amin)
Wasalam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
As salamu alaykum, Brother Muhammad and sister Khadija1,
Jazak Allahu Khairan, brother Muhammad. You are right in what you wrote, I think that is what I told in my comments and you are specially accurate mentioning the Catholic upbringing.
Sister Khadija, if you grew up thinking that was ok to sin and just because you believed in Jesus you were saved, that wasn´t the same Christianity I grew up with. I was a catholic, to be forgiven by a sin, I must confess, repent and do penance, and some sins could be punished with being excommunicate and going to hell, I was scare of evil and hell and always wanted to do good to be far from evil and scape hell to go to Heaven with God. An in general terms, Jesus(Peace be upon him) wouldn´t save me because I believed on Him, I would be saved if I confess, repent, do penance sincerely from sins and surrender to follow the path towards God that Jesus came to show to me, that was what I was taught to believe(the whole process of being catholic wasn´t so simple but I hope I would be forgiven for telling this so simple). That is why it shouted to me when someone asked me do you believe in one God, do you believe Jesus is God, all the veils fell on the floor, Alhamdulillah and many like me have the same understanding but everyone is free to choose,...I hope that these words helps you to understand what I meant. If someone approachs to me, while I was catholic talking the way Sister Pepper talked, I had felt attacked because and I wouldn´t feel respected for living my own religion, if Allah(swt) had infinite Patience to wait for me and He(swt) had the infinite Mercy to lift up my veils at the right time, He(swt) that knows all, who am I not to respect other process(different religions, races, experiences, ... whatever, tomorrow only Allah(swt) knows what is waiting for me, different will be is that person comes to me on his free will and ask me about my own process, opinions and thoughts, but I am afraid this is not the case, she didn´t come here to talk about christianity as brother Muhammad has explained so clear, masha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Maria,
I am ashamed at what I have wrote, I do not know why I had so much anger inside me when I wrote all of that, maybe because of what I had to go through in my past I decided to put that on an innocent person. I ask Allah for forgiveness and I ask for you to forgive me as I know you have been highly offended. I also ask for forgiveness for those who have been offended by what I have wrote, it is not right and not a good way to give Dawah as many people will be turned away. I am extremely sorry for this my heart aches as I am reading all of this. I would appreciate it if you can in any way can delete this comment as I do not want to be punished for all those who have agreed to my ignorance. If not then I want to tell everyone that I was wrong and do not listen to that hateful comment I have put up, it is not like me to write something like this especially because I want to help people. I ended up becoming just like those who have mocked and disrespected Islam and have hurt me greatly. I have also insulted Jesus Isa (As) I ask for Allah's forgiveness for that. I am very sorry for everything and to everyone including sister older woman. I feel extreme guilt and hurt because of all those wonderful things sister Maria and others have said to me but I have failed to say words of compassion to someone who only wanted good advice. Please forgive me. :'(
And from now on I will not give advice on this name because I do not want to risk giving bad advice. Please give dua to me that I recover from the darkness of my heart. Please pray that I become a better person.
As salamu alaykum, Sister Pepper,
You are forgiven in my Heart since second one and I believed that everyone that see what I saw had forgiven you too, sometimes the only way to learn is to commit mistakes and those mistakes makes us suffer when our Heart is softening.
Your first comment shows what many muslims think, it has given me the opportunity to talk about something not many muslims know, when I have seen in this site how somepeople disrespect a christian just for being christian, hurts me deeply, you are right about it, I am the only muslim in my family, and when I see the ignorance of my family towards muslims, hurts me deeply too, then many times I feel between two worlds, I understand both of them but they don´t understand each other, and worst than that many times they don´t respect each other and all due to their ignorance of one of the other, your last comment gives me hope, not all christians are the same and not all muslims are the same, there is good and bad between christians and muslims and soft and hard hearts between muslims and christians, I am muslim and I am a revert, I was deeply involved in my religion before reverting, maybe to be able to talk the way I do, only Allah(swt) knows, others will have other process.
I stand by the words I told you in your post, they are not wonderful, they are real, I believe in you and I see your Heart and a prove of it are your words today, our own suffering has to heal and sometimes we need others to accelerate the process, in this case, Olderwoman´s post has awakening in you a deep pain and you reacted, Alhamdulillah, you are healing, we shouldn´t make a big deal of this. Most of the people that visits this site are highly compassionate and you are one of them, as brothers and sisters, we have the duty to help us if we can do it, brother Muhammad´s comment shown a path of Light to me, he saw our Hearts and without being judgemental he showed us the path, Alhamdulillah.
I am quite ignorant about Islam, I try, day by day, to improve and I have a long journey to go, I am still crawling and sometimes I don´t even have the strength to crawl, Hearts like yours gives me hope, Insha´Allah, I can be a better person.
Please, I ask you from all my Heart to be around, don´t be afraid of commiting mistakes, be thankful you can do it, this means you are alive and you trust us, brothers and sisters to be for you, the way you will be for others, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah. Who you are today is not anymore the woman you were, Alhamdulillah. I consider you my Family, I love you and I miss you, Sister Pepper , thank you for being who you are and being on my life, Alhamdulillah.
Allah(swt) knows best.
From Heart to Heart, all my Unconditional Love and Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister Pepper,
Are you the same Pepper who wrote so nicely like an enthusiastic Muslima a few days back?
Sister, dealing with a non Muslim requires patience and a basic approach which is to "question" their belief and let them find answers for it.
Unnecessary criticism, bitterness and foul language used in this process cannot lead to God or Allah.
Sister, you Masha Allah write so nicely in other posts, do not let that habit go off.
I hope you will understand. We have to "question" people's belief not to attack it.
101. The Originator of the heavens and the earth! How can He have a child, when there is for Him no consort, when He created all things and is Aware of all things?
102. Such is Allah, your Lord. There is no God save Him, the Creator of all things, so worship Him. And He taketh care of all things.
106. Follow that which is inspired in thee from thy Lord; there is no God save Him; and turn away from the idolaters.
107. Had Allah is willed, they had not been idolatrous. We have not set thee as a keeper over them, nor art thou responsible for them.
108. Revile not those unto whom they pray beside Allah lest they wrongfully revile Allah through ignorance. Thus unto every nation have We made their deed seem fair. Then unto their Lord is their return, and He will tell them what they used to do. - Surah Al An'am.
68. They say: Allah hath taken (unto Him) a son. Glorified be He! He hath no needs! His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. Ye have no warrant for this. Tell ye concerning Allah that which ye know not? - Surah Yunus.
Allah has already given judgment in the Qur'an:
73. They surely disbelieve who say: Lo! Allah is the third of three; when there is no God save the One God. If they desist not from so saying a painful doom will fall on those of them who disbelieve.
74. Will they not rather turn unto Allah and seek forgiveness of Him? For Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
75. The Messiah, son of Mary, was no other than a messenger, messengers (the like of whom) had passed away before him. And his mother was a saintly woman. And they both used to eat (earthly) food. See how we make the revelations clear for them, and see how they are turned away! - Surah Al Maidah.
As per the Qur'an Jesus was a Messenger of Allah and he lived and he passed away like other Messengers before him. This is what Allah says in the Qur'an. (This is Allah's word and not my personal opinion).
If proof be needed I have prepared a list of verses and hadeeth as well "reflecting" this view.
Salaam,
Your brother.
salaamu'alaykum.
i read the first paragraph of yours, and wallaahi, i dont know what is more astounding, you ignorance, or your twistedness.
please delete that pathetic comment for the sake of Allaah, and if you donot know how to advice, pass on the message of islaam, then like the prophet[saww] said, say something good or stay quiet.
for some people sister, if saying something is silver, then silence is golden.
To umm z . . . . . . . . . ASA . . . . . Are u talking to maria or pepper or munin?? As far as am concerned, pepper is right for broadcasting the truth about the misconception christians have about jesus christ. Or can u point out a single lie in what she said??? She has to tell them the truth in what ever way she can (with hikmah) coz it is her duty to do dat. . And if she dont do her duty, Allah will ask her on judgement day. . The truth sounds quiet harsh, but she has to say it no matter how better it may be .. . . . . And also to sis maria, there is no lie in what sis. Pepper said. Her response is full of logics and understanding. . . She only gave the questioner logistic response that can be conceived in every body's mind so that the questioner may reason and ponder on her beleive. . Or do u think there is a lie in what peper said???
As salamu alaykum, brothers and sisters,
"Older woman" is a Christian that came to the site asking for advice, we should advice her through Islam, without the need of questioning or critizicing her beliefs, if she wants to know more about Islam, I am sure she will let us know at the right moment, meanwhile, we should mantain ourselves between the right boundaries of a straight ettiquete, focusing on her question and trying to help her in our best way.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Agreed
Older Woman,
Hmm. Upon reading your message, I was not quite sure if it was a hoax question or a real one. Anyhow, I shall treat it as a real one just incase.
It seems to me that you are highly confused. You call yourself a Christian, yet you identify more with the polluted western culture of 'America'. Go to any of your churches and ask them the same question you have asked here. I can assure you that they will tell you strictly that sex outside of marriage is clearly forbidden in the Christian faith. It is also strictly forbidden in the Muslim faith.
Please be honest with yourself, be patient and do not uncover yourself to anyone but your husband. The man you are dating does not seem to care much for his own religion let alone yours and his motives behind converting seem extremely twisted and driven by his lust. You on the other hand just seem to be lost and confused between cultural and religious beliefs.
If you seriously like this guy, perhaps you should look to convert to Islam - its an extension of Christianity. Then you can both marry have intercourse in a permissible way. Although, I would say that before either of you consider marriage, or of continuing this relationship, you must clear your heads and clarify what is more important to you both: satisfying the needs of your lower desires, or satisfying your spirituality, purity and relationship with God/Allah.
I think you already know what is right.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor