Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Chronically ill – should I marry?

broken trust, trust, broken marriage, lies

Broken trust.


I am a Muslim Indian working in India. Thing is I have chronic renal failure stage 3.

Doctors say I can marry but I will need a transplant to survive in future. In the meantime I also suffered from ulcerative colitis and a hip problem and some career dilemma. We intend to divulge all details before marriage.

Thing is, I fell in love with a US-based indian girl on Internet a year back. We shared a lot of dreams and promised each other the world. She was ok with my illness.

Over the weeks, we went to visit her family in india and my parents totally opposed this relation and asked me to stop this. But we couldn't and now almost a year has passed.

In the meantime I could not meet her because of health issue (could not walk because of hip) but now I'm ok. She also could not meet me because of visa problem.

Now she says that its enough and she wants to end this forever. Her family has looked for a guy for her. I'm struggling to cope with all this - one problem after another.

Moreover, although it is my desire to have a beautiful loving wife and family, because of my illness nowadays I feel I should not marry. I feel like - " if I get married, then the girl will be burdened by my illness."

Also after this episode , i dont feel anyone is trustworthy. I'm writing this because I don't have anyone close. This is only way I can open up. thank you.

- junaidindian

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9 Responses »

  1. Thats really sad... I hope u feel better brother. Heres an honest advice... I don't like to sound harsh but honesty is the best advice. of course u should get married no matter what...but u will have to be careful on choosing the right bride for ur situation... Most women r patient but u never know what kind of women u might end up marrying... Look for a very kind and obedient and patient wife who is willing to stick with u on good and bad moments without giving up easily. Make sure she's not forced to marry u or anything like that because it will only make things worse. Inshallah u will find the wife that suits u best and u will be living life normally and happily as well. But don't ever think that ur sickness is an excuse for u to stay single. GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS AND LIVE LIFE AS IF NOTHING IS WRONG WITH U. I hope this helped.


  2. ASA brother.. I have a bit of experience in this as i worked in dialysis for a few years. I can tell you that i have seen people a majority of times live their long lives with renal disorders with effective treatment. Are
    You on daily dialysis? Also pls keep your blood pressure normal as stress due to this issue can
    Raise it. Pray your salat and do ishtikaara brother . Most sisters are patient and will stand by a good pious man through all adversities.. I dont know about india but there are various programs in which you can try to get a donor renal transplant and live a full life. I will post some websites. In america and uk there are some ad well. Getarried brother.. Each day is not promised to ANY of us! We all have problems . I will keep you in my duaas

  3. Salaams,

    The truth of the matter is, most of us will face a health crisis at some point in our lives. For some of us, it will be a chronic condition. For others of us, it will be temporary. Some of us can be healed in this life, some of us won't. I think anyone marrying someone expecting that the other will never get sick or need to be cared for is naive. I also think that when someone truly cares for someone else for who they really are, caring for their needs is not a burden but another way of sharing an intimate connection. The hope is that the one we love would do the same for us if the situation were reversed.

    I don't think you should rule marriage out entirely. The fact that you might be able to live a healthier and more productive life with a transplant is something to give you hope and encouragement. Colitis is a difficult condition, but it can be managed and one can still have a good quality life in spite of it. Clearly one sister already cared for you in spite of your current limitations, so it could happen again in shaa Allah. Trust in Allah and have hope that your future will be better than what you expect. Don't let the physical things you know and understand limit you, because Allah is certainly capable of exceeding all of our expectations.

    If the sister who you were previously dealing with has declined to go further, you have to respect that. It doesn't mean the end of life or love. Personally, I'm more concerned with your family's response- that they discouraged you from pursuing marriage with her. What were their reasons? I can understand them not wanting you to have haraam and private interactions with her, but that is no reason to stop a potential marriage. Given your challenges, your parents should support a marriage with whoever you are pleased with, if she is pleased with you. You have enough to work through given your health, so for them to be picky on top of that is too much. I think you should talk to them about having reasonable expectations and being more supportive of your goals and helping you live a meaningful life in spite of the tests you are enduring.

    -Amy Editor

  4. Things have not been easy for you, brother. May Allah give you healing and aid, and ease your path.

    Don't give up on your dream to get married, Insha'Allah.

    Don't worry about burdening your future wife. If she knows your situation and she chooses to be with you, then that's up to her. Every one of us has problems and flaws. Sometimes they are physical and obvious, as in your case. Other times they are emotional or psychological and less obvious. Regardless, part of love and compassion is choosing to accept those flaws.

    Wael Editor

  5. Salam brother
    It really has Been one thing after another for you! I really feel for you as when suffering from any illness, love care and supprt from your partner gives you some source of reason to look towards the future! And you can have that with the right person! Look for someone who will understand your condition inshallah once you have a transplant I hope you fine a donar very soon you'll lead a normal life. Don't feel that you shouldn't get married sickness and poor health can happen to any one before or after marriage it's finding the right person who will look and take you as you are and believe me inshallah you will find her.,
    Look forward to the future and keep a positive head your illness must not be easy to deal with so think about your yourself and inshallah the right person will find you
    Ill pray for you brother to find a donor so you can live your life with ease and please pray for my dad who's also on the donor list for a kidney transplant
    Duas are with you


  6. Thank you all so much
    By reading all your posts , I really feel blessed alhamdolillah
    I'm just hanging in there knowing that all this , every day , every moment ,is a test by Almighty
    In fact , In a weird way , I feel this is all a blessing . Because when all your worldly desires are not met , when your dreams are broken , it really puts things into perspective - that we are put here for a purpose of worship by Allah Swt and that we are not here forever and nothing is permanent .
    That forever is only in the hereafter.
    I love one ayat in surah al Sharh
    "Fa innamal usri usra , Innamal usri usra"
    "Indeed there is ease with hardship , most certainly there is ease with hardship"
    Right now I'm not on dialysis but will be in future.
    Once again , thank you so very much sisters and brothers , I really appreciate it 🙂
    I will try to follow your advice

    • I am in the same situations I also have kidney failure end stage and now I am on hemodialysis 3 times a week. I am also a diabetic and because of complications from it I have diabetic neuropathy and cannot walk. I feel as if marriage is not for me. I feel as if no one will want to marry me because of my many illnesses. Sometimes I wonder is marriage even written for me. After I read this it made me think i'm not the only one out there and that as long as I believe in Allah S.W.T and pray n make duaa evrrything wil be ok.

  7. Your right you should not marry as I ama woman who married a kidney transplant patient and I agreed to marry but didn't really know anything about his Condition, never heard of it before and never knew, how it would, affect my marriage, to him.
    We have, been married 8 years and it's has been and, still is so very hard to Cope. He takes so many meds, he stays in bed most days all day and, doesn't sleep at night mostly, we've never been anywhere, on holiday as he just isn't well enough, he has chronic backpain and, other pains and, issues .
    He doesn't drive as he says he can concentrate on road beciz of meds, and the his mum is mentally unwell bi-polar depression and, living with us. I feel very unsupported emotionally physically and can feel very depressed my self.
    We had a daugter and, after that my health has deterioted but I still have, to get on with it ontop of everything.
    My husbands finds it hard to do things, with our daughter because of his condition.

    Whatever Allah wills.

    I find solace IN praying and find strength In dua's

    Please dontburden anyone else with your illness.

    May Allahgive you Shifa and courage to deal with your condition

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