Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Distressed by sexual thoughts about the same sex

upset muslim woman, distressed sister

Assalamu alaikkum.

So, I’m a 15 year old muslim girl. I’ve been having intrusive sexual thoughts about the same sex, but there’s one girl I have more thoughts about than the others. I feel awkward and disgusted when I have these thoughts about her, and I do get this feeling, but it’s more of an awkward feeling, as with the other girls and even boys. Overwhelming anxiety hits me because of my thoughts. I still don’t feel butterflies when I’m around her or anything like that. This is the same with everyone else too, so I’m really confused. I want to marry a man and have kids. Thank you for your time. Is this normal? What would you describe this? I am freaking out. I am pretty religious.

Also, P.S. I never had these thoughts about her before, and the thoughts just randomly came. Please give me advice on how to stop these thoughts. I pray, fast, and recite sura'as, but my thoughts are still persistent.

muslimgirl101


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13 Responses »

  1. Sister don't think much about ur thinks like of that just forget like bd dreams never imgn about that never wish to follow that just control ur self than slowly slowly it will become ur habbit Insha Allah and yes u should go to a Hakeem Sahab (Buzrig) there r many Ulmai deen who knows Hikamat well I know thy have medicines for to remove bd thinks.

  2. Do you have sexual thoughts about boys also? Do you fear boys/men? I think you find that girl attractive. Every one has weird sexual thoughts some times in their lives. As long as you don't act on these thoughts, it should be OK. You can still marry and have kids.

  3. I agree with SVS. Don't make this a big deal and it won't be. Continue to pray and recite dhikr, and focus your energies on school and work. If there is one particular girl that makes you feel this way, limit your interactions with her as you would a boy you felt attracted to. Since you say these thoughts are awkward and disgusting for you, it's probably that you are starting to develop sexual feelings and therefore noticing what is attractive in other girls. This could be a way of exploring your own sexuality, and doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay. If you like and are attracted to men physically and romantically (meaning that guys give you butterflies) then that's probably all there is to it.

  4. رب اعوذ بك من همزات الشياطين
    واعوذ بك رب ان يحضرون
    Sister recite this dua when ever bad thoughts come to you . And you will feel the change insha Allah

  5. Salam sister,

    Advice:
    These thoughts just randomly starting are from Shaitan, like bad dreams. He is just trying to trap you in a new way because nothing else is working on you....so ignore these thoughts. You are not a lesbian or any of that nonsense. Do not worry.

  6. Waalaikumussalam dear sister.

    What you are undergoing is most likely a symptom of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) which is manifesting more as the Obsessional type. I don't know if you also have compulsive symptoms, particularly with regard to hygiene or performing Ibadah.

    You seem to be in the early stages of the disorder. I suggest you see a psychologist or psychiatrist, if possible a Muslim one who has a special interest in treating children and adolescents. It would be good to treat it in the early stages, before it leads to compulsions (mental or physical) which may be more difficult to treat. Please inform your parents about it if you think they will be understanding. Otherwise, inform another older relative whom you can confide in, such as an aunt or a female cousin. It would be easier to speak to another female as the theme of the intrusive thoughts is sexual.

    OCD attacks most commonly around the age of puberty. If you would like to know more about it and how to handle it, you can read simple psychology books on the topic, some of which are written for young sufferers from among children and adolescents, such as "What to do when your brain gets stuck". It can be purchased online from Amazon.

    OCD certainly has a religious explanation as well. You can read more from the blogs or websites of Brother Muhammad Awais Tahir and Youtube clips by Brother Zaid al Ghazzawi. Most importantly you and your family must educate yourselves on what OCD is all about. That is the crucial first step towards controlling the symptoms. Rest assured, the fact that you are getting intrusive thoughts along this weird sexual theme just means that you actually abhor (hate) such sexual perversity, and you are the last person anyone would expect to commit such indecency. The intrusive thoughts are Waswasah from Shaitan who is trying to create a phobia in you towards these sexual perversity, knowing full well how disgusting this is to you. You will find an excellent explanation on this in Brother Muhammad Awais Tahir's article on OCD from the Islamic perspective. Just google his name and OCD and I am pretty sure you will be able to find it.

    If you decide to see a muslim clergy regarding this, or your parents bring you to see one, I hope you can find one who understands this problem, because there are those who don't, who may make it a laughing matter and make you feel uneasy or weird. Please remember, you are not weird or crazy. In fact, people with OCD are generally known to be highly intelligent, well mannered, kind and conscientious. OCD does not only attack Muslims, but also people of other religions such as Christians and Jews. You can read these facts on Wikipedia.

    I have been suffering from OCD myself since the age of 10 and I am now 50 years old. I have learned to ignore it and not let it get on my nerves, which is what you must train yourself to do. A good psychologist should be able to guide you through this Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which is the mainstay of treatment. The intrusive thoughts are actually Shaitan's whispers and thoughts and not something that comes from your own self. These silly thoughts have no meaning and no value whatsoever and cannot turn you into a bad person. Knowing this fact is the most important first step towards freeing yourself from being bothered by these silly thoughts.

    Don't worry about your future. OCD sufferers are generally very bright and hard working, and I am sure you are, too. Despite suffering from OCD from a very young age, Alhamdulillah, I am now a practising doctor, and am happily married, with 4 lovely children, one of whom also suffers from OCD and for whom I act as a co-therapist. InshaaAllah, one day we hope to be able to produce a book on our experience for the benefit of other sufferers.

    I pray that Allah eases our suffering, grants us patience, and rewards us for enduring this hardship. Rest assured, you are not alone. There are many sufferers out there. You can look up various websites on organizations in different countries and cities all over the world that deal with OCD sufferers. Many are, in fact, run by OCD sufferers who have survived the ordeal and are now offering their advice and help to new sufferers. May Allah facilitate your recovery, dear sister.

    Wassalam. Ramadhan Mubarak!

    Sis Happy Hippo

    • Wow Sister, you wrote an entire college paper Essay Masha'Allah (meaning you wrote ALOT!!).

    • Happy Hippo: I am now a practising doctor, and am happily married, with 4 lovely children, one of whom also suffers from OCD and for whom I act as a co-therapist. InshaaAllah, one day we hope to be able to produce a book on our experience for the benefit of other sufferers.

      Do you think obsession with masturbation and excessive sexual desire in some men is also a symtom of OCD? How many of your patients have you helped by diagnosing them as OCD sufferers?

      • The intrusive thoughts in OCD provoke anxiety and discomfort and are perceived as unpleasant by the sufferer. On the other hand, by obsession with masturbation and excessive sexual desire in some men I assume you mean these men are addicted to those habits or thoughts, meaning they derive pleasure from those habits or thoughts, so no, those are not symptoms of OCD. You could read more about OCD online. Wikipedia gives a simple overall perspective that is easily understandable, or you can read about it on islamandpsychology.blogspot.com.

        I am not a psychiatrist, so I do not treat nor follow up on patients who suffer from OCD. Being a co-therapist for someone with OCD does not mean one must be trained in psychiatry. A co-therapist is usually a family member or other close person who supports the sufferer psychologically throughout treatment.

        Nevertheless, it is important to correctly identify OCD so that the right treatment can be given. The earlier, the better. The literature reports that about 85% of patients respond well to CBT (Cognitive and Behavioural Therapy) which is the mainstay of treatment, specifically through exposure and response prevention (ERP).

    • Assalam alaikum,

      Whenever you post about OCD, I can't help but agree and believe that you are spot on. Repetitive thoughts that loop are very much like this are OCD in nature--but can be about different things. Sometimes it becomes a challenge to be productive or even explain oneself to anyone.

      To the OP, this great advice--take it!

  7. You may find this link about OCD in children and adolescents to be enlightening and useful:

    http://mentalhealth4muslims.com/2014/05/25/irrational-fears-and-ocd-in-children/

    It is very informative, and contains a documentary consisting of five short video segments by ABC (American Broadcasting Corporation) on the topic. Segments 4 and 5 may have been switched in sequence, so I suggest you watch segments 1, 2, 3, 5 and 4 in that order. May Allah make it beneficial for all of us and increase our knowledge and iman.

  8. Asalaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuh

    I have been having strangee sexual thoughts lately. Sometimes, when I think of these thoughts, I get orgasm.

    These thoughts are scaring me very much, because I get sexual thoughts about literally EVERYTHING...

    Before this, I really thought I was NOT homosexual!

    They are really weird, I know. I am worried it is haram to purposefully think of such thoughts until orgasm. I really hope someone can help me. Is this haram? Are we judged on thoughts that we think intentionally? Or are we ONLY excuse for unintentonal thoughts??

    plz answer me as soon as possible, I am in much distress,. I want to know if this is halal or haram and what must I do!!!!

    ~warda

    • warda, we are not held to account for our thoughts. However, you have to try to control your thoughts, otherwise they may lead you to haram in the real world.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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