Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m falsely accused of adultery and now my fiance wants nothing to do with me

My "friend" accused me of adultery and my fiance has gone cold

Selam Aleykum,

I was engaged to a wonderful brother but a  jealous former friend accused me of adultery and now my fiance wants nothing to do with me.  I have pleaded with my fiance, but he I can see his heart turning cold.  What do I do?

- sheyma81

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4 Responses »

  1. Walaykumsalaam 'Shema81',

    Allah Almighty Says in the Quran (what means):

    “And those who accuse chaste women of adultery and then do not produce four witnesses — lash them with eighty lashes and do not accept from them testimony ever after. And those are the defiantly disobedient. Except for those who repent thereafter and reform, for indeed Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful".” [Quran 24: 2-5]

    Sister, I am sorry for the accusations made against you. This person who is falsely accusing you of adultery is incurring great sin by doing.

    You say your ex-fiance is a wonderful brother, so where is his trust and compassion? Sister, trust and compassion are vital components of a successful relationship.

    I know this must be a really difficult time for you, but if you have explained yourself to this man, there is nothing more you can do, apart from wait for a while to see if given time he comes back. If he doesn't, then maybe you are better off without him.

    May Allah replace your loss with something better and give you sabr during this difficult time.

    SisterZ, Editor

  2. Wa alaykum as-salam sheyma81,

    Aside from what SisterZ has mentioned, you could try challenging your accuser to participate in the ritual of "li'aan", or taking oaths to determine the truth.

    The meaning of the word "li'aan" is, being driven away from the mercy of Allah; it is an Islamic legal term meaning the mutual act of swearing is carried out before a judge when a husband accuses his wife of adultery and cannot prove it with four witnesses. According to the common definition of Hanafis and Hanbalis, if the husband lies, the curse of Allah falls on him. If the wife lies, she attracts the wrath of Allah on her. That mutual swearing replaces qazf (lashing) for the husband and the punishment of adultery for the wife. Lian is a divorce method of ending the marriage.

    This is based on the following from the Quran:

    "And for those who launch a charge against their spouses, and have (in support) no evidence but their own― their solitary evidence (can be received) if they bear witness four times (with an oath) by Allah that they are solemnly telling the truth; And the fifth (oath) (should be) that they solemnly invoke the curse of Allah on themselves if they tell a lie. But it would avert the punishment from the wife, if she bears witness four times (with an oath) by Allah, that (her husband) is telling a lie; And the fifth (oath) should be that she solemnly invokes the wrath of Allah on herself if (her accuser) is telling the truth. " (an-Nur, 24/6-9).

    So you could speak to your local Imam. Ask him if you and your accuser can appear before him (with your fiance as a witness if he is willing) and each of you swear by Allah that you are telling the truth, and if you are lying then may the curse of Allah be upon you.

    I doubt very much that your accuser will agree to this, and that may convince your fiance.

    HOWEVER... should it really be necessary to do all of this to prove yourself to someone who supposedly wants to be your husband? As SisterZ said, where is the trust?

    Wael Editor

  3. Wa alaikum salam ya sheyma sister,

    u should be strong for u have not done anything wrong! Ur freind acussed u coz of jealousy, and u have tried to convince ur fiance that its a lie. I say the truth when said is always not beleived quickly than a lie, u have to give time and be patient. Have strong faith in Allah Allmighty.

    Ur fiance has done a grave mistake or his judgement is wrong, He has to know that marriage or a relationship is not solely based on purity or what other people say, its based on trust, understanding, respect, love, share and care. People will always say anything on other people's lives, thats their behaviour, its nothing to be taken too seriously. We rarely find people who can support ur life than to destroy u will find more people.

    Its a simple matter that ur fiance has to just sit with u and talk, coz communicating can eradicate any problems of the world today. Relationship is all about communcaiting with ur fellow husband or wife, feelings both emotion and physical.

    Dont be depressed on this issue, if he cant understand u on this simple topic when will he ever trust u?? Do u want to live a life with a peson who can never trust u based on what some other people say??

    Be strong and be pateint, sister

  4. Salam Sister,

    Oh my god. This outrages me!!!! Falsely accusing someone of adultery is a a severe sin and it shows

    that your fiance seems to have either a low confidence or doesn't trust his own spouse, which is

    a shame. You should be able to trust your own partner. And don't forget that this is just the beginning.

    I agree with the brother on the li'aan.....

    I would rather stress another important aspect which is the root of the problem you're having at the

    moment. Jealousy, hasad. You should recite Surah Al Falaq very often, keeping in mind that the

    hasid uses devastating measures to destroy the luck that he can't see because of his own inferiority

    complex. The hasid is often one of our best friends, and often praises us with the best words which

    make us feel uncomfortable, but he's a backbiter and a plotter. Don't let this friend destroy your

    life, there is a reason why the Qu'ran says:

    And don' let one tribe talk bad things behind another tribe, and don't let women spread scandals among

    other women. Women have the problem of jealousy and it's worse within females than within males.

    Namima(spreading scandals) is a severe problem and it can destroy the life of another human being.

    Sit down with your husband and talk to him, explaining to him the hasad of your friend and that you

    swear by Allah that you didn't commit adultery. Say that if you may lie, the wrath of Allah will chase

    you all your life.

    If he still doesn't believe you, sorry, then don't marry him. There is so much jealousy within the communities

    and he has to be aware of that. If he doesn't believe you, he doesn't deserve your love.

    Treat your girl right, or someone else will do.

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