Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My fiance wants to marry me ONLY for my looks.

love dream

Asalamulaikhum,

I have a question. I would appreciate it a lot if anyone can guide me in this stressful moment of my life.

My parents have arranged a man for me who is highly educated, and belongs to a wonderful family (Masha'Allah). But what disheartens me is that when we started talking, he stated he was marrying me because I am ''pretty''. He never mentioned that he loves me for who I am. I feel that he is only attracted to lust. I prayed that I get a loving husband, who loves me for 'who I am, and not because of my looks'.

I know that my fiance has the right to like me for my looks, but not to such extent that I feel he is only attracted to my body and not my personality. Will this lustful attraction make our future relationship strong? and how much am I assured that he will not start to get bored of me- because at the end of the day, the only reason he wants to be with me is because he claims I am ''beautiful''.

And what the big problem is, is that I do not share the 'open' kind of relationship with anyone in my family. I only speak to Allah about my problems, and this man is so loved by my family, including my aunties etc. that me refusing to marry him will create huge problems. (The chances that my parents will disown me are high after this decision). And it has come to such a point that they are all planning to get us married off by next year!

Wallahi, I cannot marry by next year, and no one actually listens to me in my family.
As well as this, he has forbidden me from working, and not completing my studies further. Why is it that whatever I wanted is going against me?

On the other side, there is a Non-Muslim (sikh) who loves me a lot, (we do not share a haram relationship, but I have spoken to him in college for 2/3 years to know how he feels towards me). He respects my religion a lot, and he seems to have the qualities of a perfect husband. I cannot disobey Allah by marrying this Non-muslim, but I also cannot marry this lustful Muslim man. What can I do? Please guide me.

I am sorry this was extra long. May Allah reward you and guide us all to the right path.

Jazaka'Allah,
Faye

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24 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    1ST WRONG WHICH IS HARAM-YOU BOTH DID-
    Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils. Hadith -A-woman is married for four things in islam [THIS IS RIGHT]
    2ND YOU ARE TAKING HIS PRAISE IN THE WRONG SENSE-
    Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Bukhari, 7/27)
    3RD BEFORE MARRIAGE WHAT U FEEL IS INFATUATION LOVE STARTS ONLY WITH NIKAH AND AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTS WITH THE BLESSING OF ALLAH AND LOVE TAKES BIRTH THEN ONWARDS-
    ALLH DIDNT TELL YOU TO CORRESPOND AND START YOUR INVESTIGATION AND ASSUME HIS PRAISING YOUR BEAUTY AS LUST-
    4TH THE BIGGEST BLUNDER YOU DID WAS FRIENDSHIP OF NON MEHRAM NON MUSLIM THE ENEMY OF ISLAM THE BORN CUT THROATS THE SIKHS WHO YOU ARE THINKING AS A FREIND SHOWS YOUR ETHICS WHICH YOU LACK IN MAKING HIM SO CLOSE- HE ALSO IS FALLING FOR YOUR BEAUTY HE DIDNT TELL YOU THAT BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BE OFFENDED-
    5TH]NOW COMING TO YOUR DECISION YOU HAVE TO STOP THINKING WRONG -YOUR CHANGING MIND FROM THE DESTINED RISHTA ALLAH MADE AND STOP YOUR DISCUSSION INTERACTION-INSTANTLY WITHN YOUR FIANCEE-AND START PRAYING TO ALLAH AND THANK HIM AND WAIT TO SHOW YOUR BACK GROUND OF A ETHICSFUL WIFE WHEN YOU LIVE WITH HIM AFTER NIKAH AND THEN HE WILL LOVE YOU MORE AFTER SEEING -MORE GOOD QUALITIES IN YOU-
    NOW AS HE IS FAR[NOT MARRIED ]TO YOU HE CAN SEE ONLY YR BEAUTY AND THAT HE IS EXPRESSING OUT OF THE 4 THINGS THAT IS- wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion.

    DONT EVER TALK TO THAT SIKH FELLOW FROM THIS MINUTE The Messenger said:“Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil.[”Abu Dawud]
    Ibn Kathir said:‘Women must not display any part of their beauty and charms to strangers except what cannot possibly be concealed.’
    CHANGE YOUR MOBILE NUMBER[-CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION- IMMIDIATELY- I AM WARNING YOU SHAITAN WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE AND BREAK YR RELATIONSHIP OF A MUSLIM A BELIEVER A PERSON WHO ADMIRES YOU FINALLY YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH CURSE FROM ALLAH FOR DISOBEYING HIM AND ALSO FALLING IN THE TRAP OF SATAN WITH THE AGENCY OF THE SIKH-Allah, the Exalted says:
    “IT IS NOT FOR A BELIEVING MAN OR BELIEVING WOMAN, WHEN ALLAH AND HIS MESSENGER HAVE DECREED A MATTER, THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE AN OPTION IN THEIR DECISION. AND WHOEVER DISOBEYS ALLAH AND HIS MESSENGER HAS INDEED STRAYED INTO CLEAR ERROR”
    Al-Ahzab 33:36
    “IF YOU DO GOOD, YOU DO GOOD FOR YOUR OWNSELVES, AND IF YOU DO EVIL, YOU DO IT AGAINST YOURSELVES”Al-Isra 17:7
    “THERE IS NO OBEDIENCE TO THE CREATED IF IT INVOLVES DISOBEDIENCE TO THE CREATOR (ALLAH).”Ahmad Allah, the Exalted says:
    “AND STAY IN YOUR HOUSES AND DO NOT DISPLAY YOURSELVES (AT-TABAROOJ) LIKE THAT OF THE TIMES OF IGNORANCE…
    START WEARING ABAYA- AND EARN THE PLEASURE OF ALLAH AND SEE -
    The entire body, excluding the exempted parts must be covered. This means that the neck, forearms, legs, ears, and earrings worn must be covered too.AGAIN I REPEAT-Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin (Radhiallaahu Ánha) "Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said "Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil."Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 9, Book 89, Hadith # 293
    READ FOR FULL KNOWLEDGE http://muslimcanada.org/purdah.pdf SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW BY NOT OBEYING ALLAH IN THE MATTER OF HIJAB[WHICH IS FARZ NOT SUNNAH]DOING HAS REWARDS AND NOT DOING ALLAH WARNS OF NO ACCEPTANCE OF SALAH DO U NEED MORE STRONGER WORDS THAN THESE-
    MORE CLARIFICATION http://www.islamicstudies.info/opinions/libaas_face_viel.php
    REGARDS

    • Assalamu Alaykum,

      Brother Yousuf,

      Very good reply, InshaALLAH it will help to all young girls

      May ALLAH protect all girls from the evil things. Ameen!

      Fee Amanillah

      • DEAR AKHILA
        ASSALAMALAIKUM
        THERE IS A LIMIT AND SYSTEM ALLAH MADE FOR US-
        KNOWING EACH OTHER BEFORE HAND ONLY CREATES THE CONFUSION [HE KNOWS THE THINGS YOU DO AND HE COMES TO KNOW THE WEAK POINTS ETC ETC] AND WE BECOME CHEAP TALKING AND PUTTING OUR SELF RESPECT AT STAKE-IN MANY CASES THE MALES WHEN IN TENSION SCOLD THE GIRL AND LATER ASK FOR EXCUSE[SHE WILL BECOME DEPRESSED AND WORRIED NOW ONLY HE IS DOING LIKE WHT WILL HAPPEN AFTER MARRIAGE???? ALL THESE THINGS MAKE US SOMETHING OF USUAL GIRL FRIEND TYPE OF STATUS WHICH EFFECTS THE WHOLE LIFE- ALSO MAKES US LOOSE RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER- SPOILS THE WHOLE CONECPT OF NIKAH-
        I HAVE SEEN COUPLES OF THESE TYPE OF INTRACTIONS B4 MARRIAGE -QUARREL MORE THAN THE ONES WHO DIDNT INTERACT B4 MARRIAGE-
        ISLAM ALLOWS THIS MUCH-
        Prophetic Hadiths:
        Al-Mughira reports that when he got engaged to a woman the Prophet (pbuh) says,
        "Look at her, for it is more likely to create affection and consent between you.”
        [Narrated by At- Tirmidhi and An-Nasa’i]
        Jabir reports the Prophet (pbuh) to have said,
        "If a man wants to betroth a woman, he can look at what entices him to accomplish his marriage.”
        [Reported by Abu Dawud]

    • salam aleykum
      Ali yousef

      i think you should join the taleban, although you might scare them with your extremist views.

      You have no real understand of the science of hadeeth scholarship so in future you should not quote "hadeeth" that suit your extremism.

      yes the girl is foolish to communicate with a non-muslim but she is at college so she is young and a bit silly - she will grow up inshallah and be less naive.

      dont be so angry with er for being young. ŋeither is it her fault is she is beautiful. ʃhe is however responsible for her bevahiour and yes she should avoid any intimate contact with anyone.

      ɪ would also say not to contemplate marriaɡe until she is more mature and ɡrown up. or she miɡht end up writinɡ here in the future sayinɡ she is unhappily married, not that her fellow is a bad chap, but because her expectations of life and marriaɡe re not realistic.

      all the best Faye.

      my advice - don't get married just yet.

      wait.

      there is no halal nikah without your consent - although your silence will be taken for consent so say NO.

      repeat after me...NO thank you.

      suggest to your parents that you complete your studies before you embark on marriage - and stay away from that sikh guy - dont believe he is after anything wholesome - he will keep you a secret from his family and you will end up being his girlfriend - leave that to the young sillies who don't know any better in life.

      salam

      • ASSALAMALAIKUM-
        dont be so angry with er for being young.
        REPLY:- WHO AM I TO GET ANGRY I AM NOT ANGRY AT ALL NEITHER I DISRESPECTED HER
        I AM CONCERNED ABOUT HER FUTURE SO I COVERED ALL POINTS AND ADVICES FOR HER UNDERSTANDING SO TAH SHE TURN MORE TOWARDS ALLAH- AND COMING TO
        WHO ARE WE I AND HE AND SHE-TO .......
        ɪ would also say not to CONTEMPLATE- marriaɡe until she is more mature and ɡrown up.
        REPLY:-THERE IS HADEES IN ISALM- MENTIONING 3 THINGS NOT TO DELAY
        OR ELSE SOME DIRTY-SARDARJI OR KAFIR WILL DUPE U IN COLLEGE OR WORK PLACE-

        AND FINALLY THE GIRLS LAND UP[DIVORCED] WITH ONE CHILD HALF HINDU HALF MUSLIM BECAUSE HE WILL RETURN BACK TO HIS RELIGION AFTER 1 OR 2 YEARS-FOR SURE-
        ONE WHEN U HEAR THE AZAN DONT DELAY TO REACH MASJD
        2ND WHEN SOMEONE DIES DONT DELAY THE FUNERAL
        3RD WHEN THE LADKI BADI HI JATHI HAI DONT DELAY HER MARRIAGE- SO THIS ADVICE NOT FROM TALIBAN OR ANY GROUP THIS IS ISLAM-
        OF THE 1ST 3 GENERATIONS WHERE PARENTS EMPHASIZED FOR HIJAB/NOT CO EDUCATION/NO MINGLEING OF ESEXES ANYWHERE IN FUNCTIONS/GET TOGETHERS ETC AGAIN I REPEAT THIS IS ISLAM WHICH WE HAVE TAKEN FOR SHOW AND FINALLY LOOK LIKE PHOTOGRAPHED LIKE MARRIAGES LIKE DANCING LIKE REJOICING LIKE THE KUFFAR WITH A BORN LABEL OF MUSLIMS WHICH OUR PARENTS AND FOREFATHERS GOT BY BIRTH-SITTING IN A/C'SAND FANS-SO WE DONT HAVE VALUE AND FINALLY WE COME OUT NO ONE CAN SAY THIS IS MUSLIM MARRIAGE OR OF A KUFFAR-
        SORRY WE ARE THE CULPRITS AND ALSO THE PROPOGATORS OF THESE DELUSIONS-
        REGARDS

    • Why is correspondence between the sexes not permissible, if it is for the purposes of marriage?
      Is a muslim expected to marry a stranger?

      • assalamalaikum-
        Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
        As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
        Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.

        All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.
        Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?

        He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.
        Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other.
        The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him.
        And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
        So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
        The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
        Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.
        AND FINALLY HE OR SHE MIGHT GET TIRED OF A PERSON AND SUDDENLY TURN TOWARDS SOMEONE IN THE MEANTIME FOR LOOKING OR BETTER OR ATTRACTIVE OR WITH BETTER OPTIONS AND TRY TO AVOID AND LET AFFECTED PERSON GO INTO DEPRESSION-LEAST BOTHERED WHAT HAPPENS TO HIS OR HERS LIFE/FUTURE AND PRESTIGE FOR NO FAULT OF THEIRS- AND IT IS TODAYS TREND ON PROGRESSIVE MUSLIMS-

        • But the concern remains - why would you marry a stranger? I don't think Islam encourages that. I can see why the concerns may be related to a naïve 18 year old girl or boy, but a mature adult of marriageable age should be able to control her temptations (if telephone discussions in fact lead to temptations). This is where human beings differ from animals -- we are able to control ourselves. True, many people do not, and that is why you hear so many stories of unplanned pregnancies, premarital sex, etc, but at the same time, there are many, many chaste women out there who ARE able to control themselves.

          I guess I am just concerned that the message you are giving to those who want to get married is that they must marry a stranger whom they have never spoken to or corresponded with.

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum brother Ali Yusuf,

      Masha 'Allah, I have seen many of your beautiful comments on this website, and I like to pick some of the interesting things you say in them, but one thing is that I have difficulty understanding your points very well, when you type them with big letters, and it feels like headache to me sometimes (Maybe it's just me). Perhaps you have your own reasons why you prefer using the big letters rather than the small letters, right?!

      Jazaakallahu Khairan

      • assalamalaikum-
        ok i will try to type pls bear ifi made some mistakes and i will type vlock whoch i think should be emphasized -that way it will be better.....
        ok Jazaakallahu Khairan

        • Jazaakallahu Khairan Akhi

          • AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Ali Yusuf,

            I have just been informed that you really have good excuses for typing in caps, and that your excuses are accepted. And I also, can understand your excuses honestly.

            So, please feel free and type in caps as you did already before, and I can just get used to it, as I am good at getting used to new things Insha'Allah.

            I am also just impressed by your humbleness, and Jazaakallahu Khairan.

  2. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    First of all when you said he (your fiancé) is from a wonderful family what do you really mean? Do you mean he is from a religious family?

    Also, what are the main reasons (reasons not one reason) why your family like him, and why they would like you to be married to him?

    And what about your Islamic morals, are they on high level or low level? Have you leaved for yourself good Islamic morals for a good Muslim brother to like them in you, and then choose them first before even looking at your beauty???

    When you said, your fiancé stated that he is marrying you because you are pretty; did he mean that this is his main purpose for marrying you or that, it is part of the reasons why he is marrying you? Sometimes, a man may be silent about his other purposes and then stick to only one or two out of the whole purposes, but that won't mean that the others are not considered to him. You can know this when you ask him to list for you his main purposes for marrying you. It may be that he likes other things about you, but he is just talking about your prettiness, to make you feel like your beauty has been appreciated. Of course, women are different, some may be glad to know that their beauty is being appreciated by the man willing to marry them, and some may care about different things, and not all men can understand this.

    Some men may choose to talk about her beauty, after knowing that the other sides of her, like her religion, her family and her other things are secured, and some may choose to talk about her religious morals, after knowing that, the other sides of her including her beauty are secured.

    What type is your fiancé? Is he the type that likes to care about religion in his own personal life? Your parent should be in the best position to know this since they know him better. Or do you also know him well?

    Also this none Muslim man that you are talking about, what do you think is the main purpose of him feeling towards you or loving you? Is it for your Islamic morals or for your beauty? Or is it for other characters of you, which could only be understood after being closed to you, which he got to understand after being closed to you?

    In your own perspective, what does it take (qualities) for a man to be considered as a perfect husband?

    Sorry I have asked you many questions, but it's just for the sake of understanding some basic things, in order to make the problem at hand easy to be dealt with.

  3. Marry the Muslim man leave the non Muslim man. Why? Because the Muslim man will at least care enough to stay with you one day don't trust none Muslims that's what I think or find a different Muslim
    Brothers there's billions out there looking for a good women.

  4. Issah asked some very relevant and pointed questions that I think you should carefully consider.

    Here's the bottom line:

    1. A lot of men are initially attracted to a woman because of her beauty, but that is only a starting point. After a while they learn to appreciate her many other good qualities. That is part of the male nature. Still, I think that his desire to forbid you from working or studying is a red flag. It sounds like this man is probably not right for you. Conclusion? Don't marry him.

    2. You know perfectly well that the Sikh man is not lawful for you as a Muslimah. You need to cut off this avenue of temptation before it becomes a more serious problem. End your communication with him and keep your distance.

    There are more than two men in the world. At last count there are about 3.5 billion. Don't let your family pressure you into a choice that you will regret. I don't believe that they will disown you if you don't marry this man. That's just an emotional blackmail tactic that parents sometimes use, but they won't do it. Follow your heart and make your own choices, with Allah as your Guide and Islam as your compass.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. salaam

    yes true, but one other thing to remember is that you are going to live this life with him not your parents iv'e been there and no one but Allah was there to help me when he started to show his true colors and going evil

    allah hafiz

  6. As a woman, I would turn a guy down without hesitation if he told me he's only marrying me for my looks. But that's because I don't like or trust shallow men one bit. From what I've seen, men who care too much about women's appearance make horrible husbands. They are usually the ones who look at other women, the type of men who end up cheating on their wives and excuse it with, "they have too much lust"...and they are usually the ones who will only find you attractive for as long as you remain the way you were when you first met them.

    • ASSALALALAIHUM-
      As a woman, I would turn a guy down without hesitation if he told me he's only marrying me for my looks.
      REPLY THIS IS AGAINST SUNNAH-
      Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) said, “A woman is married for FOUR-things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Bukhari, 7/27)

    • Sister Adina,

      I really get your point very well, so this is why the religion should be the first priority before the look follows. When you give the religion the highest percentage wholeheartedly, it will overcome all crises that may appear after the marriage, because you will always see the beauty of Islam in him/her. However, we shouldn't just neglect the looks completely, it should be considered as well, but should just be putting somewhere under the religion. If the look is chosen over the religion, this can create a big problem as time goes on, because people change from time to time till they get old, but religion is always there and if both couple is good at it, they will get increased in fear of Allah by it.

      The Almighty Allah says:

      "And of His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them; and He planted love and compassion between you. In this are signs for people who reflect." (Quran 30:21)

      So there are two dimensions of the love in marriage, a dimension with the lust (caused by the look) and another with compassion (caused by the religion). The dimension with the lust may decrease from time to time, but the dimension with the compassion will always last forever (and it even protects the lust as well). This is why we should expect the religion to be higher than the looks.

      Though, some may neglect the look and will not even think about the religion as well, instead will expect something beyond that, which cannot be attained except through coming closer to each other, and this is totally wrong before marriage.

  7. Salam sister,

    DO NOT marry the muslim man. Wait until you are ready for it. No one can force u to marry. Muslim guy needs a slave doll, simple is that. Is that what u wanted to be? Well its up to u. Why not ask te sikh brother to convert and marry u if he really serious about u! May Allah guide u to right path.

    • assalamalaikum

      again agaisnt sunnah-
      Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Bukhari, 7/27)

      • Masha 'Allah, this hadith is so wonderful, and actually it's not only for men, but women can also follow it when accepting whomever approaches them with marriage proposal, though men were addressed in the hadith, since they are usually the first to initiate the marriage proposal.

        And when we rearrange the Hadith, starting from the last which is the most important, we can find that, what come first are the religion, and then the looks, and then the family, and then the wealth.

        Let's assume:

        1-The religion takes (%50) or (%50) or (%50) or (%50)
        2-The looks takes (%30) or (%15) or (%40) or (%10)
        3-The Family takes (%15) or (%30) or (%10) or (%40)
        4-The wealth takes (%5) or (%5) or (%0) or (%0)

        It does not necessarily has to be the same percentage as I have described above, that's just an example, it could be more or less than that, depending on the person evaluating and what their expectations are, but in the end the religion should take the highest percentage… Since marriage itself is the completion of half of the religion, I will advise that at least half of it (%50 of religion) should be attained by us (men) and to be expected in our pertness (women) before going into marriage. And I think this is what the Prophet (s.a.w.s) meant when he said: "Choose the one who is religious and you will prosper" (in other words choose the one whose religious commitments are greater than their looks, family and wealth).

        As to the looks it's also very important (after the religion) for the man and the woman, because the man and the woman really have to choose the look he/she will be comfortable with living with the rest of their life, so that there won't be any regret and looking at looks of others outside the marriage. Family is also very important in some cases, but in some cases it won't even matter that much, since you are willing to make your own new better family. As to the wealth side, it's not important for a woman to have it (but she should at least have some education for her own benefit), but it's important for the man to have at least enough of what it takes to take care of his wife.
        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        As to the Sister (the Original poster), I think by now you should understand (based on what other brothers and sisters have said) that the Muslim man is not good for you due to the red light he hast already started, switching on you. You need a man that will support you to achieve your educational goals, and not the one that will take all that from you. Because in the end (may Allah forbid it to happen,) if there is a divorce, what will you do without any education for work?! However, there won't be any problem in him not wanting you to work, as long as he can provide for you. But your education is something he cannot stop you.

        And also, I guess you have understood that the Sikh man is not lawful for you, and that you need to just let go of everything. Though, I won't support the idea that you should be the one to ask him to become a Muslim, in order to marry you. Just leave him and concentrate on your religion, examine yourself and work on making your religious moral's level better than your beauty's level, this will keep you safe Insha'Allah. And you will see that, Allah will guide good Muslim brothers to you, whom will love your religious morals and appreciate your beauty as well, and then when you get married, both of you will be able to learn and understand each other very well with the guide and blessings of Allah. This is how both of you will feel that you love each other for whom you are, Insha'Allah.

        As to your parent, they don't have the right to force you into any marriage that your heart does not desire. Just stick to your decision in this and that's all. And if your parent's purposes are for his education and family, and not for his religious commitments, this can also give you an upper hand in refusing without any hesitation.

        However, there is no harm if you pray Salaatul Istikhara at the same time, and Allah will make a way for you soon-Ameen!!!

  8. Salaams,

    I see two sides of the issue here.

    1. If you are uncomfortable marrying someone -for any reason- you don't have to marry them. Marriage isn't about forcing yourself to do something you don't feel wholeheartedly agreeable with. It's your choice, and you are free to make whatever decision you like. However I wholeheartedly agree that the sikh is not an option for you. That needs to be pushed out of your mind right away.

    2. The second thing I see here is that you are getting upset that he wants to be with you for your looks, when the assumption is that he hasn't even gotten to know you well enough to choose more than that. If you are carrying out this courtship Islamically, how could he possibly know you well enough at this early juncture to expect him to have more to love you for? Finding something to love about you beyond what he sees with his eyes during your brief meetings is something that takes time to develop, and usually that is something that happens after marriage.

    In the end, like I said initially, your choice is your choice. If you don't want to marry this man, then don't. Your reasons don't have to be justifiable or understandable to anyone but you. However, a word of caution would generally be that if you set your standards too high over and over again, it may work against you over time.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Are you expecting love at first sight? Some times intense attraction develops when one sees a member of opposite sex. in the eyes for the first time. Sometimes you develop closeness after you start knowing the other person.

    Some girls like it when they are told they are pretty. Others feel they are not pretty but they are being told to make them feel better. I am sure your parents want the best for you.

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