Heart-broken…
Salam brothers and sisters
There is this guy I've been dating for over 6 years. We attended the same school and I love him so much. I even told my parents about him because I would want to get married to him; likewise his parents know about me too. I usually talk on the phone with his mother...
But I'm not happy. He makes me unhappy most of the times - really depressed and heart broken. I've always been there for him but he is never there for me. We break up and go back together all the time. I'm tired of the sorrow. I'm no longer too young, I want to settle down and get married but he seems very unserious.
To cut the story short, we're passing through one of those break-ups again. I am very sad, depressed and heart-broken. I pray to Allah to have mercy on me and bring me someone who is best for me. Because of my love for this guy, other people coming around I don't like them. Neither do I pay attention to them. I love him so much that what ever he does to me if he later calls to apologize I would forgive him and we will continue the relationship. But this has happened over and over again.
I don't know what to do anymore. Please give me du'as I can make for Allah to have mercy on me and bring me that which is best for me and let me be happy with it... I want my sorrow, pains and depression to go away. I suppose we all know how painful emotional heart breaks can be.
Jazakallah
Ameey
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Assalam alaikum Sister,
You write:
"I want my sorrow, pains and depression to go away."
I believe that you want your boyfriend to marry you and become the man of your dreams--however, he is unwilling to do that and in the midst of this, both of you are carrying on a haram relationship. Even though you want your sorrow, pain and depression to go away, it seems you are not willing to do the following:
1. Accept the reality of the situation that he will not follow through with marrying you.
2. Move on because you are engaged in a haram relationship.
Until you are willing to put effort to end this and build and re-build your relationship with Allah swt, all of this will continue. But further to that, your desire to end your pain is not rooted in your loss of connection with Allah swt, instead it if a natural human selfish feeling. Had you been happy in your relationship, would you sister, have questioned the relationship due to Allah swt?
You have posted the question--I hope that you adhere to the advice and immediately end this haram relationship for the sake of Allah swt, not for your sadness or happiness. When you seek His guidance and comfort in His remembrance, it will become clear to you what you should do. It is extremely unfornuate that your elders have played a part in this, but now is the time for you to do the right thing.
I pray that you move on and that Allah swt helps you and guides you, Ameen.
W alaykum al salam,
Sweetie I feel your pain. It's so hard being in that position and even though it hurts like hell you must remember that if he truly loved you he would have married you or at least made an official step. Believe me once you let him go you'll find that you'll be blessed with someone so much better. Cut ties with him, focus on your family, your deen, your hobbies... fill your time with things that'll benefit you and you'll find that Allah has given you what is best for you.
May Allah make it easy for you
walaikm salam my dear!!
i advice u to end this relation because the man who left u again and again will never b urz. this z same mine case. i was with him from last 6 yrz and we were engaged, he left me more than 20 times. but i called him i apologized all the time and i tried to make him mine. Even most of the times while performing umrah i prayed alot for him. i asked him from Allah...
recently aftr 1 year of our engagement he again left me. he ends up the relation by saying i cannot b happy with u for my whole life. i did alot for him. he also did he also loves me alot he gave me diamond ring in engagement but due to uncertain reasons we broke up. his famly also loves me very much, but when that guy told his famly that i dont want this girl they all agreed.
my clear cut advice with experiences u r islamic girl u must have faith in Allah leave him..... if he is in ur fate he will come back to u, its better to being hurt later, leave him now. and leave all the things on ur parents and Allah. be happy with urself with ur famly. and leave all on Allah. he z the one who decides to whom we should marry not we. couples made in heaven believe on this and save ur extreme love for ur husband. and thanx to Allah that he wants to save u from haraam relation.
u can recite last ayat of surah taubah (9:129) recite it all the time for sure u will get peace.
If he's making you upset like this now it won't be any better after marriage- probably worse. You need to have faith in Allah swt and leave this guy only then will god bless you with someone good inshallah. Ask allah to give you strength to leave this guy because you know you deserve better. All the best
OP: But I'm not happy. He makes me unhappy most of the times - really depressed and heart broken
Its not going to change even if you marry him. He is not happy with you either. He apologizes you because he needs a woman to play with him.
You need to get some counselling about your depression
Wa 'alaikom alsalam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatuh!
Sister, you're not married to him and he is already making you miserable. Are you sure you want to lock yourself to someone who doesn't care enough about you to not hurt you in a marriage for the rest of your life?
You said you often talk to his mother on the phone. I grew in the same household as a boy who would make his mother and sister talk to so many girls and no he hasn't married any of them and I doubt he ever will. And he also made himself the trouble of telling them that they didnt need to lose weight because they're beautiful the way they are, that he loves them and that he wants to be with them. Take it from me, it was all to pass time or get into their pants (sorry if I'm being graphic) and many times he would succeed with that.
I understand it can be hard to get over someone especially when you've spent so much time with/on them. You give them a great number of your days, let them occupy your brain for hours on end and you start to plan your life with them. They become part of your existence and you start to believe you can't live without them. Truth is you CAN. But deep down you know that you don't want to. You're afraid of losing everything you've invested in them and the relationship. Afraid of starting over and watching it all blow up again. Afraid of the hurt and the pain. Afraid that they might be the most compatible for you and that you'll never find someone you're more compatible with. You let yourself live in an illlusion that they're the one and that you'll never be happy with someone else.You start to believe that they're the only way for you to be happy. But, tell me, how can somebody who is constantly making you feel bad be the one? Sister, don't you think you deserve better? Because I certainly think you do.
Furthermore would you really want to be married to someone who doesn't love you enough to abstain from having a haram relationship with you?
I think he is no good and that you should let him go. Invest your time and effort in becoming a better person and a better muslimah. Don't worry too much about not getting married or being forever alone or anything else. Fulfill your Islamic duties and have some faith in Allah. Think well of your creator and sustainer and believe that he loves all his slaves and that what ever he has in store for you is the best there could be for you, after all Allah is the All-knowing and he knows best.
May Allah ease your pain and guide you, sister!