Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Friend’s porn addiction, how do I help her?

Internet pornography

Internet pornography

I have a close friend who I've known for a while now. Recently, however, I found out that she watches and reads porn. She wants to stop but every she says she can't do it for more than a month. She says she's searched for help online but didn't think it was useful. You see, she told me that most websites online suggested she get married soon, but she's only fifteen and doesn't want to get married till 25. She is a practicing Muslim, that I know.

She prays five times a day and recites the Quran as well. I ask her why, and she says there's no particular reason. When she's upset, she searches for things online, when she's bored she searches for things online, and when she's alone she searches for things online. She told me she recites some dua after wards, but that her addiction gets the better of her within a month.

How do I help her?

Anonymous Muslim.

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11 Responses »

  1. It would be helpful if she can identify what triggers her to look for pornography. Once she has identified this, she can tackle the triggers directly. If boredom is a key issue, she can establish a full schedule - schoolwork, exercise, Islamic studies, voluntary work, social activities... If she fills her time with productive things, she won't feel as bored and will find more fulfillment in her day. If she turns to pornography when she is upset, she can learn healthier ways of coping with emotional distress, and if she is feeling depressed her GP can help.

    The ready availability of internet access is a challenge for her. What she can do is ensure that her internet use is in a public environment - keep her home computer in a public room where anyone can see what she's doing, have her parents put a "parental control" on it to prevent her accessing unsuitable sites. If she feels unable to discuss her addiction with her parents, she could explain this as she wants to have fewer distractions and temptations to procrastinate. They can then block chatrooms, social networking sites, and pornography. If she has a smartphone, she can get a data plan that does not include internet use (not removing it, but making it slower and more expensive), and leave her phone in a different room at night. People are often virtually glued to their phones, but there is really no need to have it next to her all the time when she is at home.

    If she is still struggling, or feels that the triggers for her use of pornography are too hard to manage alone, I would advise her to make an appointment to discuss things with her GP. Doctors are used to helping people with addictions, and will be able to help if there are additional psychosocial factors.

    As her friend, you can include her in your duas and ask Allah to guide her away from sin.

  2. I agree with the above advice. It needs to be starved and all routes need to be cut off to it. I am going to suggest other things though as there is no point repeating and I will talk in general about giving up bad habits or sins which one may acquire but InshaAllah it will be useful. I will go into more details about giving up porn specifically later in the post as lust was discussed in detail with a female ustadha. If you are male or get offended easily I suggest you read up until the 4th paragraph as I dont want anyone getting offended.

    Alhumdulilah that she prays five times a day and read Qur'an because it is a connection with Allah (swt) and InshaAllah it will be somewhat easier to give it up if that connection is still there.

    Fast, fast and fast. If you are young and unable to marry the Rasool (SAW) recommended fasting as it extinguishes desire. If she can do it on a Monday/Thursday it's even better and it does make a difference to your life if you do it properly (by not having a feast at suhur and iftaar ideally- but eating small healthy meals). Fasting effectively trains your nafs (lower self/desires) and gives you overall discipline and strengthens connection with Allah so if she can make this a habit it is good.

    Also another thing I have heard is after Fajr stay up for a little while and read some Qur'an - even just a page, but do it everyday. Think of it like armour - the more you build up the less likely one is to disobey Allah.

    As for watching and reading the porn, everytime she feels the urge she needs to seek refuge with Allah from Shaitan. I dont know the nature of her feelings and what it is that is causing it because usually there is a secondary cause. It could be just something she watched, or a thought or feeling, it could be just lust/hypersexuality which happens to some girls around 15. It could be boredom or underlying feelings of stress which haven't been released. Or it could be something else. Can she identify it - it may be one thing in particular and if she can deal with that thing it may be easier as she can use specific tactics to deal with it.
    If it's lust or hypersexuality emptying the bladder, and washing with cool water may help at the time especially if purification is necessary. She should also do wudhu and aim to keep in this state as much as possible. And also avoiding any sort of fitnah trash that is out there these days. So avoid watching romantic movies or anything which arouses her in particular. Just say astaghfirullah and turn away.

    If it's boredom then she should preoccupy her mind with something else - something useful which preferably reminds her of Allah.

    As for random passing thoughts, just let them pass, don't fight them just say astaghfirullah and seek refuge with Allah from shaitan and let them go.

    Whatever it is, she can overcome it and she needs to realise that. As long as she sincerely wishes to give it up for the sake of Allah and she makes dua as much as she can and takes the steps then Allah will bring it to her. She should not limit herself in any shape or form. Human beings have so much potential. Allah has given us such strong minds and not only that if we are sincere He will help us. And if we just have the Creator of the Heavens & the Earth on our side then what can't we achieve.

    Never limit yourself and believe in yourself sister.
    Wasalaam.
    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Alhamdulillah for the good advices. I would contribute a bit.
    The following are the don'ts.
    a)She should never take hot showers in summer
    b)She should not eat oily food and spicy foods a lot in summer
    c)She should never stay some where a lone where no one can see her
    4)She should always visualize that Shaitwaan is trying to trap her and that she is to fight her back like a hero
    5)She should do more god deeds until she feels shy to do bad ones.

    And Allah knows the best 🙂

  4. Bismillah hir rehman nir rahim.
    Will u able to see ALLAH & PROPHET SALLELA HO ALAIHI SALLAM wid dose eyes wid which u watch porn movies?
    Firstly we should remember ALLAH is watching us everywhere.then behaving a friend of ALLAH in public & enemy when alone is type of shirk.cut the sources where u see all things.a sahabi radiallahanho sold his farm bcuz he slept there durin 1of salat.
    fight back to the nafs.
    Its jihad akbar.
    Fast for three days.
    Read nafl salat ul hajat for this purpose.
    Last,remember u can only leave things if u have intentions.

  5. She must fast as one of Hadiths says (sorry i don't remember the reference but it's true) that a Sahabi went to Holy Prophet (SAWW) to ask if how he can avoid haram (looking at opposite sex and such acts), Holy Prophet advised him to get married, Sahabi said he can' afford then Holy Prophet advised him to fast regularly.
    My advice to her is to fast as it's very effective against "Nafs"
    May Allah guide us all

  6. MAY ALLAH GUIDE US AND STRENGTH OUR IMAN---Try to remember every time that ALLAH watches you elsewhere and ANGELS are recording your deeds as well as ALLAH will judge you in the day of reckoning.
    Dear sister-force your bad desire to stop drive you. SHAITAN is happy so see you there...BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO ESCAPE FROM THAT PROBLEM-ALLAH WILL HELP YOU.
    Is better to work on previous mentioned above ADVICE...thanks to all who dropped their comments.
    MAY ALLAH HELP YOU AND ALL OF US ON COMITTING BAD THINGS INGENERAL.
    AMEEN.

  7. hi gys same here i also saw alot alot alot of porn but wht to like the same she said. as at as i am the same and even i cant stop in ramadhan but when i saw porn then i cnt stop, but now i am very ashamed of myu self my self wht to do its a big problem please help

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