Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I hid the fact that I was previously engaged, now my love won’t marry me

Truth and lies

Ok so I met a Good muslim man, I was ready for marriage but two months into just talking i finally told him that I was engaged prior to him but about 8 years ago....

He now doesn't know if he wants to marry me because I hid it from him. I am madly in love with this man and dont want to lose him, what should i do?

My family knows him and have accepted him. I feel helpless and lost. I have cried so much my eyes are swollen. I can't and don't want to marry anyone else.

- kmani


Tagged as: , , ,

9 Responses »

  1. If a man changes his mind, you can most likely do nothing about it. Men think differently than women. IF you were able to change his mind, it would not last long. HE has to realise what he is going to lose if he also cares about you. Give him time and space to rethink his decision and don't pester him. If Allah has meant him for you, he should return on his own, otherwise, let him go.
    Speaking from personal experience - at least you have a reason - my guy did not - he just sent an email that he could not go thru with the marriage just weeks before the wedding.

  2. May Allah swt help all the muslim men & women ameeen. Sister rightly said above.

    Well what i have noticed here is majority of the issues are regarding love affairs, courtships,etc. Why does this happen? why dont we maintain a distance with the non mahrams at first instance though we all know even an illiterate (deen and duniya) Muslim person knows that its haram to be in touch personally with non maharam. and we all know why?!

  3. Salaams kmani,
    what was the reason for not going through with the marraige?? And how long did you wait to let your new muslim man know?? It feels hurtful to him because you left this part of your past out. Believe me, when you forget to mention such important things, it damages the trust he had. Try and explain to him what your reasons were and how you want to move foward with the whole situation. It is going to be tough to regain his trust for that matter. I pray that he comes around. Nothing feels as bad as unreciprocated love, but worry not it will be alright. Feel all the emotions you are going through, cry the pain, the hurt, the regret out.And when you feel happy be happy, it makes us human. If it's been decreed, it will happen no matter what. It will be fine.....i know because i know people who have been there. Just have faith and pray to Allah. Do not despair, take care of yourself,do the things that make you happy. Why? So that even if he does not come around, you will not have lost yourself for him. Whatever happens, you will end up a better and stronger person.
    Blessings.

  4. Kmani,

    Assalamualaikum. I just want to tell you that
    It's good that atleast you told him the truth before
    Married very good if you have told him after married
    It would have been a disaster life for both of you
    Whatever Allah do, do it for best.

    On otherhand you should have tell him earlier but
    Still I salute you for being honest. You got that faith
    Guts to tell the truth. So do not worry if your love is true
    Honest and it's from inside then I am sure he will understand
    And if not I am telling honestly that will be good for you
    And your future.

    If a person dislike you for being honest then I think
    You will face so many problem in future. But still people do change
    And like to think in positive way.

    Anyways pray to Allah for your happiness and willigness.
    And also I can give you some suggestion you can
    Do some special prayer and can see if it's help. If you want then
    I will tell.

    I am also someone who did sins and now want and is walking
    In right path. So I understand.

    Best wishes
    Nadia

  5. I would give him sometime to rethink about all this and insallah if it is meant to be he will come back to you if not then it isn't meant to be.

  6. kmani, I have one vital question: Did you lie? If the man specifically asked you if you were previously engaged and you said, "No," then there's no hope for this working out. The man will be wondering, "If she lied about this, what else is she lying about?"

    On the other hand, if he never specifically asked about your previous experiences, and you simply chose after two months to tell him, then you did nothing wrong, and the guy is totally overreacting to the point of being a nutter and a jerk. It's perfectly okay to talk with someone about marriage, and after some time you feel more comfortable and you decide to tell him about some past events. Anyway, it's not like you were previously married, or you committed zinaa, or some such thing. You were engaged eight years ago. What's the big deal?

    You need to stop weeping and pining. As long as this guy knows that you are madly in love with him and yearning for him, he'll figure he has you over a barrel and he might keep delaying and putting you through misery. You need to approach him from a position of strength instead, fully prepared to give him up. Tell him, "You know everything about me now. Please make up your mind. If you are still interested then let's proceed toward marriage Insha'Allah. If not, then let's end our contact and move on."

    Whatever the outcome, you should be prepared to follow through. At the very least, a real man will respect this approach.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • On the other hand, if he never specifically asked about your previous experiences, and you simply chose after two months to tell him, then you did nothing wrong, and the guy is totally overreacting to the point of being a nutter and a jerk. It's perfectly okay to talk with someone about marriage, and after some time you feel more comfortable and you decide to tell him about some past events. Anyway, it's not like you were previously married, or you committed zinaa, or some such thing. You were engaged eight years ago. What's the big deal?

      No ... That is Islamically wrong .

      I can't find the exact hadith from bukhari but the main content in that hadith was that , when two people are talking about marriage with each other , they must not talk to any other person for marriage .

      I will post that exact hadith when I'll find it .

      • "When two people are talking about marriage with each other , they must not talk to any other person for marriage."

        As this happened 8 years ago then I dont see how that is relevant in this situation. It's not like she has been speaking to another while engaged to this current guy (to the best of our knowledge - and we have to assume the best.)These days lots of brothers and sisters agree to marry but things can go wrong and the wedding gets cancelled. It is better that they part ways before the wedding then end up divorcing

        Ultimately the truth is you can't force someone to marry you sister, and is hard as it is if he no longer wishes to then its something you'll have to accept. If he makes a big deal out of it then its probably not worth it anyway. Even if he agrees to marry you dont do it unless he can completely let go of the fact you were engaged.

        Sara
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • These days lots of brothers and sisters agree to marry but things can go wrong and the wedding gets cancelled. It is better that they part ways before the wedding then end up divorcing

          They can ,of course part ways but the reason of parting must not be a third person .

          --------------

          Sahih Muslim Book 008, Hadith Number 3289.
          Sahih Muslim Book 08. Marriage

          Chapter: Prohibition of one's making the proposal of marriage when it has already been made by one's brother until he permits or gives her up.

          Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Apostle (May peace be upon him) as having forbidden a dweller of the town selling the merchandise of a villager or outbidding in a sale (in order that another might fall into a snare), or a person making the proposal of marriage when his brother has already made such a proposal, or entering into a transaction when his brother has already entered; and a woman asking the divorce of her sister in order to deprive her of what belongs to her. 'Amr made this addition: "The person should not purchase in opposition to his brother."

          Sahih Muslim Book 008, Hadith Number 3290.
          Sahih Muslim Book 08. Marriage

          Chapter: Prohibition of one's making the proposal of marriage when it has already been made by one's brother until he permits or gives her up.

          Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (May peace be upon him) as having said this: Do not outbid in a sale in order to ensnare. No man should enter into a transaction in which his brother has already entered, and no dweller of the town should sell on behalf of the villager. And no man should make a proposal of marriage which his brother has already made and no woman should ask for the divorce of another (co-wife) in order to deprive her of what belongs to her.
          ------------------------------------------------

          So there you go ....

Leave a Response

Cancel Reply