His mother rejected me because I am Catholic
I am Catholic girl and was dating a Muslim man. After 5 months he spoke to his mother about me. He said all great things about me, but all she could focus on was that I was not Muslim and that his father will not be happy.
Even though they were not happy with this he told me he would go against them and eventually they will accept this. At first I didn't want him to do this but then he convinced me after a while that they must deal with it. He started seeing me less and less until I couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him. He promised every week he would make more time for me, but in the end he didn't know if he wanted to get married again after 2 divorces and he didn't know if he wanted to have any more kids (he had 3).
I know he came with a lot of baggage but he was such a great person, and I was willing to deal with it. I love him so much and now I am absolutely heart broken. I know this might come down to more than just religion but I just can't understand how someone could judge me while they never met me. I was not willing to convert but I would be there for all his holidays and I wanted him to be there for mine.
I completely respected his religion and I wanted to be a part of it. I just also wanted to keep my own beliefs as well. I am very religious, whereas he never goes to a mosque and he does drink. He is not religious at all. I just never thought a break-up can be over religion. I am a very understanding and compromising person and would have done anything for him. I am just so upset that a family would even consider disowning their own child because they love someone of a different religion.
Jessica
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Salaam Sister Jessica,
I am sorry that you have experienced this feeling of being rejected on an unfair basis.
The truth of the situation is that if he wanted to marry you - he would have. As a grown up, a twice divorced male, with children - he is more than capable of making his own decisions and it appears he has made his own decisions in the past by marrying and divorcing two women.
I would say that what happened here is that your intended gave up / lost interest /was easily distracted from his intention to be with you and that's it. So the issue is not that you have been rejected on the basis of your religion by people who never met you, but you found yourself involved with a man who was not willing to go the distance with you, or jump a few barriers to achieve a future with you or cut the umbilical cord between himself and his family. Blaming his parent's for his decisions is an easy excuse - but really, grown up men with children and ex-wives should (by now) be able to make their own decisions and stand up to demands from their families in order to have a fruitful future.
All parent's, Muslim or otherwise - will panic and worry when their children tell them they are getting married to someone they have never met, all parents want only the best for their children - however if this man really wanted to achieve marriage with you, he would have insisted that they met you and pushed progress. Instead, he gave up. This relationship failed because he gave up. Please resist making excuses for him, or blaming other people for it - he is a grown up, it was his decision.
God willing, next time you will find someone who is willing to push for what they want, be able to experience discomfort if necessary to be with you and stand up to a family who is being unreasonable in how they judge you. This is a blessing for you - marrying a man who is controlled by his parents into adulthood is poison for marriage - and you are fortunate to been alerted to this quality before you married, and hopefully you will find a way to avoid this quality in your next suitor.
Peace,
L
Hi Jessica,
Rejection is always difficult to swallow. You have to learn to move on. I have learned over the year's that when thing's happen that I am not in control of, I never question it because I know that Allah(God) has a better plan for me.
Think about this, is it possible that this is the best thing that could have happened to you. First off, he has been married and divorced twice????? That alone should have immediately thrown up the red flag for you. You said he came with a lot of baggage, Helloooo!!!! He's not religious and he drinks. So even though he is a Muslim in name, in practice he is lacking in that department severly.
You have let your emotions get the best of you. Speaking from a man's perspective, we know how to say all the right thing's to get some women to fall for us. It's a game. Before I bacame Muslim I knew a guy who could shed a tear just to get a woman to think that he was so sensitive and caring. So be careful, make sure you know him well and don't settle for the first person who is showing you a lot of attention. There may be a reason behind it and sometimes that reason is not good. Also, why would you want someone who you know comes with baggage?
One question I have for you, were you with him when he told his mother all of the great thing's about you or did he tell you that is what he said?
Jessica, don't blame this on the religion. This has nothing to do with his mom not wanting you because you are not a Muslim. I think this guy was playing games with you. He is not a child, he is a grown man and grown men make decisions for themselves. You are probably better off.
Peace!!!!
Abdul Wali Carter
hey jess how are you? hope you are doin well. you can tell he wasnt commited, just emty words no action. im sure he could have wok things out if he wanted too. alot of guys play mind games.
im married to a christian women and blesssed with 2kids. also you gotta realise every family are different some accept and some dont. since you found it the hard way its best you go your seperate ways only time will heal.
peace..........