Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to save my marriage

hijabi sister

I got married to a doctor (arranged marriage) more than a month ago. Thing were going fine. Until two weeks later I told him I have some hormonal issues going on and I was taking treamtmet for it. He took it very badly. He thinks i decieved him and can't trust me anymore so he  is planning to divorce me.

According to him it can be a cause of fertility issue. In my defense No doctor told me the severity of it, so it was never a big issue in my mind . It was diagnosed  almost 2 years  and I kind of fotgotten about it so,  in my mind there was nothing wrong with me. Many girls have issue with their monthy cycle and they still able to concieve with little or no help. If I want to hide this from him than why would I have mention it to him so casually just after 2 weeks.

Now my husband without coming to table of disscussion immediately decided to abandon me. He said that he expected 100% honesty from me and now he can't trust me anymore. Without giving me chance he doubts my fertility and jumps to such a disasterous conclusion.

What does Islam guides about this scenario ? I know relationship should be build upon trust and all that. But in my case I never hid this thing from him deliberately so im not guilty of deceiving him at all. Or are his reactions are right even though this hormonal issue can be manged easily?

Guriya

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6 Responses »

  1. Bismillah
    please pray 5 times a day recite quran
    and Allah will help you through this
    remember Allah does what is best for YOU!!

  2. " I know relationship should be build upon trust and all that. But in my case I never hid this thing from him deliberately so im not guilty of deceiving him at all. Or are his reactions are right".

    You answered your question. Even though it wasn't your intention to not tell him. The fact you told him a month after your marriage seemed like you are sharing a secret so soon. Like as if telling him...hey we just get married...by the way I got health issues. He feels like you have other things hidden things in your life that you didn't mention, yes it automatically becomes a trust issue. Even though your health issue seem to be not that severe, he felt it should have been mentioned. It's important for some people to know, for a guy or girl.

    Write him a letter. Send him your medical diagnosis paper. He is a doctor and should have great medical knowledge about your condition. I don't know what else to say if he doesn't cooperate. If he truly loves you then he will accept you no matter what. Was this an arranged or love marriage?

  3. Assalamo alaikum. Sister try once again to explain to him with all your sincerity that you did not conceal this from him with the purpose of deception and that he should cool down and not do anything irrationally. If Allah forbid, he is still adamant in divorcing you, talk to his parents or get your parents to talk to his parents, or talk to any wise person who can get him to calm down and listen rationally, and get the point across that your intentions were pure and he should not throw everything away in the fit of passion.

  4. I can understand your husband might feel deceived by your revelation, however, I personally think his reaction is extremely immature, and a clear sign that he's incapable of handling adversity in a marriage. Which is really not a good sign at all. Literally two weeks in to your marriage, he decides to give up over something that might not even be a big deal.

    I assume you suffer with something like PCOS or endometriosis, which, yes, do or can affect one's fertility, but, as you say, a lot of women with these conditions manage to have children with no or little help. What kind of doctor doesn't know this? Your husband is supposedly one, right?

    It's hard for me to advice you to beg and plead with your husband, because I actually think he's the one in the wrong. But I also don't feel comfortable with advising anyone to leave their marriage only one month in, and over a petty issue. Try to talk to your husband...although he seems illogical and emotionally driven, maybe it'll help to appeal to the doctor in him by presenting him with facts and statistics about your condition. Maybe even try to persuade him to go see a specialist with you...maybe that will help?

  5. Sister, you were taking treatment for it, so, how come you think it was something of no consequence? It was not as if a doctor told you something two years ago but that never did require treatment or never bothered you for you to take it seriously.
    Yes, the fact that it affects fertility might not have been well known to you. But, then again, I am surprised you never looked up or asked about a disease you were taking treatment for.
    Be honest sister. Take your husband to your doctor so that he can be convinced that you will have no fertility issues as such. He being a male doctor, might be overthinking the seriousness of a gynecological issue, if eg: Pcos is your issue.

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