Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband has a baby with another woman; What are his and mine duties?


I am desperately in need of your advices according to our beautiful Deen. My husband had an affair and a baby is now result of this.The affair has ended and we are working on our marraige. My concern is; what are my husband's duties towards this baby?and what are mine? Should I allow him to visit the baby and fullfill his responsibilities or do I allow the child to our home for visits?

Problem is the other woman still wants to be with him so I am not comfortable with him going there to visit the baby. On the other hand if I allow the child at our home how do I explain it to our 6 year old daughter and 8 year old son? Also are we not magnifying the sin as this is also a sin?

I really want to do the right thing. Please advise.



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8 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaikum,

    Islamically, he has to support the child. However, you are going to have to make a compromise somewhere along the way. You didn't specify if your husband has visitation rights or custody rights. Whatever the case, it would be best for you to have the baby at your home for the time that your husband spends with the child. This is because the woman is still his non-mahram and they have both proved that they cannot be alone together. In this instance, bringing the child to a neutral place is the better part of enjoining good. This also allows for your marriage to remain on the track towards reconciliation since the other woman still wants to be with your husband.

    What to tell the children? This is a tough one, but eventually when they get older, they will find out about their other sibling. While you do have to take the emotional and psychological impact into consideration that this will have on them, you also need to be realistic that in 5 years, when your son is 13, he would either know that he has another sibling or suspect it. Children are smart and creating a 'orphan/cousin/etc.' excuse now, will eventually have to be explained later. Children at their current age do not naturally ask about sex, so you won't have to worry too much about this issue in that aspect. Other than a delicate truth, the only thing that could be recommended is telling your children that this is a child who needs more love and support, so you are trying to help the baby.

    The issue that you will have to accept is that this woman still wants your husband and that is a minefield to be walking through at this time. Essentially, your husband will have to be blunt and frank, with appropriate actions (not being alone with her) to get this message across.

    Islamically, you don't have a responsibility to this child as far as rearing goes, but the circumstance that you face is that by holding the marriage together, you will have to accept that this child will be in your life.

    Having said that, I will ask a question that may be insensitive: is it not possible for your husband to marry this woman?

    • @Professor X - Islamically, he has to support the child. ??

      where did you get this fatwa from.

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  2. Salam , i am not 100% sure about what i am going to say, but because this baby is born out of wedlock, islamically he doesn't belong to your husband , he cannot be called after your husband name nor is he entitled to inherit from him. But if you leave in a non muslim country then legally your husband has to pay maintenance.

    Also for the benefit of this child and in order for him to get an islamic upbringing ( if the mother isn't muslim) then keeping relationship with him would be beneficial .

    Good luck on your marriage and i am glad that you decided to forgive your husband mashaallah.

  3. Salaam sister I just read ur artical an it made me think I'm not alone
    At this point in life in in the same shoes as you are looking for
    Answers an praying to the all mighty Allah to give me strength an subur to
    Make my marriage work I wish you all the best sister hope it all works out for you my heart gose out to you.
    I'm also in a 9year marriage with to kids an in the same shoes as u plz keep me in your prays x

  4. I hear you sisters, I'm looking for a solution to the same problem. the woman wants him back, but he always tell me he doesn't want her. they communicate behind my back, when I found out and ask him about it, he tells me stories. I don't want the child anywhere near me, or my kids. I am willing to give him up cause I love him so much, and I am also struggling to get over the betrayal.

  5. I truly feel u. I was hearing the same thing from my husband an all he kept telling me is I want u an my girl we have to girls an his son is from the other women. I told him I am willing to accept ur son an be as much of a mother to him as I am to my girls I told him I want him to give his son every right that a child should get as long as he has nothing to do with her as I can shear my husband. I kept getting stressed an he would bever talk about it unless I questioned him. Up until cristmas morning when I got a call if her telling me my husband is hiding something from me that u need to no. I ask an she told me they have had a nikha done an she has been seeing my husband ever sins the affair to place. I'm really broken on the in side. I feel as iv lost everything I had gained over the past 10yrs I world turned upside dwn. But iv made it clear to my husban that iv given him 2 mths to decide if he wants to keep her an get on with his life I will take a divorce an never bother him again but will never stop him from seeing them. But if he wants to keep me then he must divorce her. I fighting with my self every day an in tierd of the pain an lies. I hope things work out for u cuz everything happen right under my nose an I didn't even know until it was to late. All the best pls keep me in ur dua's x

  6. My husband has another baby on the way by a woman he once cheated on me with.

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