Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Interfering and bad mouthing in-laws; I am getting divorced.

divorced family with child, divorce couple with baby
This is my story from back in may. My husband and I are now getting divorced has he cannot put me and his children first because his family mean more to him than we do. I am so upset by all this, I'm heartbroken and feel so upset for my children. When I married I wanted it to be for life.

Hello sister

I am a revert of 9 years, I have been with my husband for 13 years and I have twins age 5. For the past 13 years my husband's sisters have been spiteful and nasty to me, I have tried with them so much and I've helped them through bad times and even looked after them when ill. I have ignored their spitefulness  towards me and never reacted to them, I have had so many arguments with my husband about them and all he says he is put in the middle or ignores the situation.

My husband's father moved into our home in October because it's my husband's duty. He has made sexual talk towards me which has made me uncomfortable in my home because my husband brushed it under the carpet. I have now moved out my home with our children to live with my parents and my husband has not tried to speak to me.

This is not showing good Islam and I pray to Allah to show him right direction.  Please help me.


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5 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    First of all, I want to congratulate you on making steps to value yourself and your children. What you said is right, he is not showing good Islam, and from the sound of it he never really did that during the marriage as it was. I know that moving away from someone who you've shared 13 years of your life with is not easy, and I am sure at times you question yourself for why you're doing this and if it really will end up making your life better.

    Let me remind you: Don't ever forget the right reasons for which you're making a hard decision.

    Sister, you did make the choice to leave him for all the right reasons. Don't doubt yourself. In an ideal world, everyone would step up and applaud you for being so brave and shame him for being an idiot. However, sometimes it works the other way around, and people shame us for trying to make a meaningful life for ourselves while lauding the person who is causing the havoc. It's a very sad tragedy, but I want you to know that no matter how many people on your ex-husband's side of the family are giving you grief; I know, and many of our readers and co-editors know, that you are the healthier, wiser, and better person for doing what you did.

    I can't promise you that everything is going to be rainbows and unicorns every day here after. In fact, the future is going to be more of a mixed bag: some days you will feel totally exhilerated to be free of him and think of all the stress you no longer have to deal with, and other days you will miss the good times and comfort you had with him and wonder what the heck you're doing now. This is normal, and this is all part of healing.

    What's important for you to do is remind yourself over and over again that the most important thing in life for you right now is strengthening your connection to Allah. When you find yourself focusing on his shortcomings or the actions of his family, or their bad Islam, re-focus to Allah. Seek Him, read hadith and ayats that talk about the promises He made to us of support, nurturing, and peace.

    Not only that, but spend time working on yourself: think of what you want your life to be. What goals have you always had? Crazy dreams you ever wanted to fulfill? What kind of person do you hope to be 10 years from now, and what can you do to start becoming that person? Also, invest in your twins. Spend a lot of time with them, teaching them to read, write, and draw a rose. Take them for walks, and look for snails or worms or frogs. Find a carnival and go on the ferris wheel or another ride. All of those moments are going to replace the bad memories from your marriage in time to come, so it's important to start creating them now.

    There are so many things that you can do to start building a better life: making new friends, going to counseling or a support group, developing old hobbies or finding new ones...after some more time goes on you will find the way easier and less painful. Don't give up, everything you're going through is natural and understandable. Forgive yourself for not being able to save a wretch's life, because it was never your job to do anyway. You have three beautiful lives to save now, and we all believe in you that you will do a great job in that!

    -Amy Editor

  2. honestly. Great answer.. I am so inspired.. Feeling better.

  3. Great response Amy.... I am actually stuck in the same situation and husband changed his feelings towards me. We dont have any kids. Have been separated for a month because of his family as they are always right.
    I hope to find peace and contentment.

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