Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need advice on crushes

Salam. I'm a 15 year old teen, and as you know, at this age, our hormones are strong, and I have been struggling with an attraction towards a girl. We have a local mosque, and we have a class every week. It's small, and it's also much like a Muslim get together. They have pingpong tables there, and other games as such. There was this girl. Every week, we played pingpong, and slowly, I found myself falling for her. I got her social media, and we talk a lot as friends. My feelings are strong, and painful, and I want to be with her, because I truly feel like she would make me a happy man. I want to do this the Islamic and halal way. Our parents are also friends. What do you brothers and sisters recommend? I really need help.

ZainTheMan

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14 Responses »

  1. Assalamu Alaikum
    Get married bro. But don‘t fall into zina

    • He's 15 years old, for God's sake - stop promoting child marriages! Disgusting!

      • "He's 15 years old, for God's sake - stop promoting child marriages! Disgusting!"

        - The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) when she was six years old and the marriage was consummated when she was nine years old. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4840) and Muslim (1422).

        What does The Quran say on the age of marriage?
        1. Determining mutual attraction/compatibility [2:221, 2:235, 30:21, 33:52]
        2. Ascertaining whether the potential partner is of similar beliefs/faith [2:221, 60:10]
        3. Discussion of and agreeing to the level of dower and other terms (if any) [4:4, 4:24]
        4. Understanding and mutual acceptance of marriage as a solemn/strong oath/contract [4:21, 2:232, 2:237, 24:33]
        5. If male, capable of providing for the family/household [2:228, 2:233, 4:34, 65:6]
        6. To have physically matured / post-puberty [4:6, 24:31, 24:58-59]

        So going by the Quran, a 15-year-old CAN meet the above criteria and get married.

        Western, European Countries legally allow sex out of marriage at the age of 16!!! supporting child molestors, pedophiles and supporters of robbing children off of their childhood, filthy, disgusting!!!

    • It's because of people like you that Muslims get a bad rep for being child molestors, pedophiles and supporters of robbing children off of their childhood :|.

      • Lindita,

        That's not true at all, he's not a child molester. It's because of child molesters and people that generalize that Muslims get a bad rep.

        The fact is that this 15 year old can get married if he wishes to. He's not a kid if he can have kids. Kids don't undergo some radical change right before their 18th birthday that makes them adults. The actual radical change that kids go through is puberty.

        Once they've passed puberty the age to support a good life has moved up to 18 to 22. A better life can be had by age 30+ as a doctor. But between that time and when they pass puberty we are telling them to not get married and be patient while they do have needs. Some societies try to resolve this issue through girlfriends and boyfriends that do do zina at the age of 15. Why are people ok with dating between 15 year olds but not marriage? In other countries they are though because the age to support oneself can be 12.

        I've seen poorer people that just clean houses get their kids married at 12 because those kids passed puberty and are doing the family business of cleaning houses. They have both passed puberty and can support themselves so why not get them married off.

  2. Walaikum Asslam wa rehmatullahi wa baraqatuh. I know its hard to understand, but you can't exactly fall in love at this young age. It's an attraction/infatuation - call it whatever, it's inspired by Satan. And 'love' inspired by Satan only leads to hurt and maybe even hell, depends on how far you cross your limits. You were not supposed to engage with her in the first place, no talking, no looking unless absolutely necessary. That being said, you can however convince your elders to get the two of you engaged to each other until both of you reach the age of marriage. But you must cut contact with each other immediately. These feelings would only cause you harm and you need to make them go away and you're only making your feelings stronger by still staying in contact with her. Try fasting in order to rid of this restlessness you feel and also maybe forget her. That's my Islamic advice to you. It would be completely halal, you'll be engaged to her and cut of all contact with her and until you reach the age of marriage you're both gonna have to wait for each other, remember, patience brings nothing but good. Also until then your gonna have to shut your feelings for her away as that can interfere with your daily life and studies. Just make sure she feels the same for you before you talk to your parents about each other.
    I hope Allah guides you.

    • im 26 and i havent manned up yet

      i like how a 15 year old says "she will make me a better "MAN" "

      id suggest you play with boys more. spend time with boys

  3. You're so cute MashaAllah XD That's all I can say. I mean I understand. I'm 17 but I understand it all really well my boy. You're cute because you have fallen in love at such a tender age and you think you've found the "one". That innocence is very easily going to drive you to a pothole with one little teeny wrong step.

    You wanna be with her for the rest of your life? Sweet. But you can't for now, no matter how many comments are driven in saying "get married hun" well you still have your education to complete and to find a decent job to feed a family of say, how many ever Allah blesses you with. Listen up mate, one little strong piece of advice.

    pLeAsE LiMiT YOuR ConNEcTioN WiTH thAt GiRL beFOrE iT'S tOo LaTe

    I hope I made that clear. Ah I know you might think I'm rambling non sense. What would she know about my life? She hasn't seen that girl or how much I like her...and blah blah. But hold up, most of us here know a lot about this teenage attraction. Most of this website's users have fallen in love, made mistakes,learnt from them, got right back up, repented and is advising youngsters like you and me to not take wrong steps.The Ummah is here to guide one another. I'm sure she's absolutely breathtaking and beautiful in and out and you feel this strong connection but what Im tryna say is its too early for you to have these thoughts. Not saying falling in love is haram but-

    1)If your naughty hormones can't control the temptation you might end up confessing and doing stuff you both will prolly regret.

    2) It's early man. Try getting these feelings back after college and uni. Then ask her pretty little hand for marriage.

    3) Have you ever thought about what if she doesn't feel for you the same way? Its a bummer I know but could happen right? Zain The Man is gonna be Heartbroken The Man.

    I don't blame you for all these feelings in the teeniest bit even. I know all the cliche movies and songs. And I understand the concept of...you're young, so fall in love and make mistakes. But don't even think about confessing and taking ANOTHER STEP FORWARD YOUNG MAN OR IM GONNA FLY OVER TO YOU AND STOP YOU.

    Sheesh I make a terrible advisor.

    We'll still be here even if you take the wrong step and fall into that pothole I was talking about. We got your back man. But for now, focus on your studies, play hard and pick up some really cool hobby and enjoy it. Find your hidden talent. Can your tongue reach the tip of your elbow? Hahah mine can!!! But jokes aside, go on write some poetry even if its about that girl or play some sport. And MashaAllah you attend Quran classes so practice hard on your Quran.

    Mainly focus on your studies. Years later when you see this posh velvet red lamborghini in the show room, your education will benefit you lol and not the girl my man.

    That said, I hope you win against all your struggles. Stay safe and healthy. All my prayers and sisterly love go out to you.

    -VainTheGirl (inspired by your name since idk what I should go with)

    Salam <3

    • really liked your reply xD i will kindly request you to answer my question too

      • Hi there commerce student,

        We clash big time. I'm a science student and I'd love to switch to commerce any day BECAUSE I HATE PHYSICS. I would stab physics so hard if it were human.

        Thank you for liking my reply but I don't suppose you think I'm Aladdin and I can summon a genie to lead me to your question on my magic carpet right? Excuse my sense of humor, but do share the link hehe 🙂

        Take care.

  4. It is normal for a young man to be attracted to lovely girls. However, I will share some important advice. If you are not prepared to be a husband or father, do not pursue a young woman. Focus on your own personal development, education and get yourself involved in some sport or interest. The young lady is not going to make you a better man. You are only 15. You do not have a job, education and are totally dependent on your parents to provide for you. Hint: You are not a man. It may even seem impossible, but not getting involved will avoid a lot of pain and humiliation. It will also keep your reputation intact. More importantly, you will not compromise your obligations to Allah. Since your family knows this young lady's family, you might mention to your mother that if you had the opportunity to marry you would marry the young lady. I doubt anything will come from that conversation, but your parents might make the young lady an offer. So much depends on the young lady's family and their plans for her.

  5. "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do." (Surah an- Nur) verse 24:30

    As Muslims we are to lower our gaze. The shaitan sees you as a target, he wants you to do what is made haraam to you.

    “(Iblis (Shaitan)) said: ‘By Your Might, then I will surely mislead them all. Except Your chosen slaves amongst them (i.e. faithful, obedient, true believers of Islamic Monotheism).’” (Quran, S0urah Saad: 82-83).

    You've got to stay away from this fitnah.

    You say that you are only 15 years old, but if you get married you will have a lot have responsibility over the whole situation. shes too small too. You are both are still going to school yet and it's going to ruin your life or hers either way.You can't afford to get married yet. You don't have any qualifications for a job, niether doe she. Be patient and Fast. You will ruin your relationship with Allah and will never be happy if you fall into the act of zina. Walahi your life will be miserable.Stay focused on your akhira, your studies and InshAllah, time will fly and you will get married.

    "O you who believe, persevere and endure and remain stationed and fear Allah that you may be successful." [Al ‘Imran 3:200].

    “…Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” [az-Zumar 39:10]."
    0

    “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Can you afford it? No you can't. So fast like the prophet Muhammad (salalahu alayhi wasalam) said. Keep studying, keep your duty to Allah and slowly you'll mature as you grow older. You'd be glad you didn't get married so early when you couldn't even afford it or keep responsibility.

    Im 21 myself and when i look back at when i was 15 i just can't believe how immature i was. When you grow older you start to cringe at your teenage self and realize how much you've changed. I think i still have to learn a lot yet and im not planning to get married soon as i want to be responsible as much as i can.

    Remember, the shaitan will be waiting in every corner to misguide you. But if you have a strong relationship with Allah, Insha'Allah he will NEVER be able to misguide you. you will always turn back to Allah and repent. You will NEVER fall into the act of zina Insha'Allah.

    “(Iblis (Shaitan)) said: ‘By Your Might, then I will surely mislead them all. Except Your chosen slaves amongst them (i.e. faithful, obedient, true believers of Islamic Monotheism).’” (Quran, S0urah Saad: 82-83).

  6. Salamualaikum brother Zain,

    I see that you really like this girl. There's only one thing left to do. Ask Allah swt for making it easy for you or bring you and alternative. Yes I mean do istekhara. If it's khair for you Allah swt will make it happen and make it easy for you if not you will yourself move away from it and towards something better. Just know that if she is meant for you, no power or might can ever keep you apart. If she isn't nothing can bring you togather.

    Also please understand that it will happen when its destined to happen by Allah swt and not sooner or later.

    I was 14 when I decided to marry my wife. It took 6 years of hard work and praying but alhamdulillah it was meant to be and now my eldest son is 14 Masha Allah. Having said that also know that between that time and by the time I was 20 I wanted to marry a few more. So the gist of it is, even if it feels like you would never like anyone else, it's possible that you might,, perhaps even more. You will only know true love after your nikah because it is put in your heart by Allah swt.

    May Allah swt make this ordeal easy for you Aameen.

    Also you might be young but you are a man. Only men think about marriage, boys like to avoid responsibility.

    Regards
    Saqib

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