Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m losing the love of my life, please help!

O Muslim Youth - When will you wake up???

Asalamalaikum brothers and sister all around the world. May Allah yihfad everyone.

Well let me start with my problem. I am a very good muslim walhamdulillah. I fell in love with a girl who is also good muslimah. I fell in love with her about year ago still love her and thats why I'm writing this if you all out there understand us and help us please. I found her online and it was before ramadan and we started talking and talking and ramadan came and she was going to be off internet until it end so I told her that I really enjoy talking to her and stuff if I can get her number. I thought she was going to say no but she replied and gave me her number and ramadan came and we would text only through ramadan becuz we was too nervous to talk. Whenever I text her or receive text from her it would feel great. I didnt know why.

Then time went by and we would text all night and i would wake her up in sahoor and then one day I fell asleep and had a dream about us. I didnt even know what she looked like so I had dream about me and her big happy family so I told her about it because she asked and I felt I needed to tell her so she replied with smiley face. So I smiled to myself.

Then her bday came and I waited till it turned 12 and I was the 1st to write her happy bday. She was happy and told me she that was so sweet and idk how one day told her I love her and she said she does too. So time went by and we started talking on phone in nights. No one knows about it so we would have our ups and downs. I would try my best to not make her cry cuz I love her 4 ever.

Ok heres the problem. Supposeply shes engaged but she told me that they are having problems in their families. Maybe its off so after like while they started bringing it up thats everything worked out between them and she would feel sad and cry becuz she said she will rather die then live with another so I try my best to make her smile and forget about it. We are here in USA, we both are in high school. I'm almost done and she still has year left after this.

We live like 2 away from each other so one time she came with her school on trip close to her so we wanted to see each other so I drove and seen her and sat with her and we talked and we told each other that we want each other 4 ever. Omg that feeling when I was with her unexplainable so after like idk hour time went by quick next thing you know she had to leave so we were sad and depressed. We kept talking to phone video chatted sometime time is going by quick its almost summer and she going back to oversea her and her brother might get married. She been sad depressed as I am too.

I love wallah, I did sallah istiqara and came out positive she doesnt want that guy. They're forcing her. She's still too young, its complicated.

Please help us please thank you everyone.

~imalova

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2 Responses »

  1. If this girl is not too young to have a relationship with you, why is she too young to be married? And how do you know she is being forced to marry another guy? Has she made her opinion known to her parents? Has she given them a reason as to why she does not wish to marry that other guy?

    As for what you and this girl are doing is wrong. Talk excessively, telling each other you're in love, video chatting etc. This is not good or sensible behaviour. The feelings of excitement you are feeling at meeting one another and talking and texting are there because you are receiving attention from someone of the opposite sex. Forgive me for assuming here, but it is most likely the case, that neither of you know much about each other beyond telling one another you are in love. I say this, because not once have you mentioned anything about what type of wife you are looking to marry, what you can offer as a husband, or what your idea of an Islamic household is, your views on women working, studying, raising children, etc etc. Have you both actually ever spoken to each other sensibly about marriage or has it all just been canoodling on the phone?

    ***

    If you are both serious about marriage, your female friend needs to tell her parents that she does not want to marry the other guy. You then need to approach her family with a formal proposal and take it from them. If she is not willing to speak up about breaking the engagement with the other guy, you need to remove yourself from the picture to give her time and space to make a choice. In any case, the 'I love you's' and the mushy texting and video chats need to stop. Please see this: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/

    And if you do make a formal proposal to her parents, keep this in mind: no parent will want to accept a guy for for their daughter, if he comes making a mushy 'I'm in love' proposal. That may sound harsh on my part, but if I were considering a spouse for my niece, I would want to hear something worthwhile and mature from the one making the proposal.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Salam brother...

    First of all, you said you and her are good muslims.. But then, think again? your relationship with her.. all those calls, chat, webcam session.. are those allowed in Islam? Every living thing will taste death my brother.. you and me both.. All of our actions will be asked... All your doings with her will be asked.. Do you have valid reasons for what you did? Do you think Allah will accept your reasons?

    Brother.. you being young, and the girl, being there for you, giving you all her attention, of course you will feel that you love her.. Trust me, if a guy keep saying "i love you" and shower me with attention and care, who wouldn't fall in love with him? But you have to know, when you are alone with a non-mahram girl (girl you can marry) the third person will be the syaitan.. This is understandable right..

    Right now, what you need to do is to realise and admit that what you did with her is sin.. purely sin.. it may looks heavenly, but it is Written in the Quran, syaitaan will make it appear that way.. Then you need to repent. Ask Allah for His forgiveness.. We are weak, imperfect and forgetful. But luckily, Allah is the Most Merciful of all.. I always forget this, I need to remind myself every day.. 🙂 After that ask the girl's parents for her hand in marriage/engage.. This is the Only way you can communicate with. her without it being haraam... You said she's forced to marry him, but you need to know, everything that we do, it's by Choice.. You have a choice to listen and follow my advice, and you have a choice to ignore it completely.. I can't force you. No one can. Give her a few days to talk to her parents that she doesn't want to marry him.. and introduce you to her family. If she can't stand up for you Now, trust me, she won't be able to stand up for you Ever.. I know she must have a big dilemma as well, but then please.. don't because of a girl, you are dragged to Hellfire.. This is what I always remind myself when random guys approach/flirt with me.. Run away,. Turn away.. Ignore them... If she can introduce you to her family, then good, everything wil lbe ok, insha Allah.. if not, you need to forget about her.. Everything.. Every memory.. every Sins.. You need to repent..

    May Allah be with you.. We'r all here to help you.. to guide you through...

    You're eighteen, a guy.. definitely with urges.. I suggest you fast if you can't marry

    Allah knows best, and I know what He wants me to know..

    Salam..

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