The man I want to marriage hasn´t spoken to his father about me
Asalamu Aleikum,
I have a little problem which has caused a lot of confusion on my part. I have been a Muslim all of my life, but was raised with a Catholic mother due to my parents being divorced. I started to go to the masjid two years ago by myself and made some friends there. These girls that I've made friends with always talked about this one guy and I've never seen him before. As you may know, there's a website called Facebook and I just happened to run across this guy because of a spam message that we were all tagged in through a mutual friend.
Anyways, I sent him a request just to see his profile pictures and find out who he was. We have only talked maybe four times and we seem compatible from my point of view. He's very religious, mashallah, and said we should not talk because it is not Islamically correct. I respected that and we have not talked since then. In our conversations, we would talk about marriage, things we like/dislike, and so on. He asked my friend's uncle who is very educated with the religion of Islam what he should do. This guy said he would do what he is told. My friend's uncle told him to talk with his father and he won't go to his father! He says even though him and his father live in the same house, they do not talk. And, he said he will update me whenever he does talk with his father and I have not heard a word.
I prayed Istikhara and I have had my friend's mother pray Istikhara for me. She said she felt good about it and her thoughts when she woke up were about my wedding dress. My father does not know anything nor does my brother. My father does not want me to get married while I'm in college, but for me I think it would be a good decision on my part. I've been struggling with my Islam over the years and I would need a partner who can teach me and help me strengthen my eman.
What should I do?
sisterofislam
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after your story reading, people know a days much addicted to social networking sites.... making relationships with the social networking sites were not that much generally true and question your self how far u r friend is genuine about your relation..... make sure if you commit to him will he gonna stick with you forever or not... and u said u r still in the college days so may be this was not the correct time to go for a marriage... better settle down first in your carrier and think for him after...
As salamu alaykum sisterofislam,
For sure, you should know about his family decisions too, before going further. And you should tell your family to approach his family too, to have some real references from him.
Your approach to your parents is essential, to see if they are going to support you or not, and if they really want you to wait, you will have to tell this boy about the situation.
Ask him if he would wait for you until you finish college.
About your father´s opinion, think that will be more difficult for you to concentrate in your studies if you marry, life will turn a bit more complicated, try to put yourself in his shoes, he wants the best for you.
All my Unconditional Respect and Love,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear sisterofislam
Concentrate on your studies first get the grades and finish college with really good grades. Your father is right and he is only looking out for you because he care, of course your father and brother cares about you, sister you are so blessed you have a family who do care. You don’t realise how lucky you are sometimes the good we never see because we can be our own enemy and that sometimes can result to going against our parents therefore you mustn’t be angry they only want to protect you because they love you, your there pious diamond jewel not an item on display its protection. So you been struggling with Islam recently maybe you need to look at the root of the problem have you thought about sharing your knowledge with other sisters or going onto Islamic courses with your friends sharing thoughts with sisters does help to enhance the knowledge. I somehow don’t trust internet searches as they are two different things and are not always true. Develop being a good Muslim yourself seems you do have areas you need to improve and you can do this yourself once you done these your will be strong yourself and your eman will get stronger, you don’t need a partner, all can be achieve with yourself. You are on a test path like the rest of us and you are not alone. If you do decide marriage then I advise approaching his family through the right channels and don’t always think because of the social network you are in safe hands I prefer trusting my parents to make a judgement as well as myself. Good luck and all the best to you.
Salaams sister
Did this guy mention the reason for not speaking to his father? If he is so islamically inclined surely he would know that ignoring his father is a sin. Is he afraid or feeling shy about the issue? Why doesn't he speak to his mom or another elder in his family?
It's good that you guys don't communicate. Wait until he makes this official with his family. In this case you would be certain that he's serious!
I would also agree with your dad and suggest that you wait until you finish your studies. Marriage would just be an interference and could possibly delay your studies.Sister there are lots of other ways to learn more about islam. You don't necessarily need a partner to teach you more You can learn on your own. Get books from islamic bookshops, make good muslim friends and discuss issues which you are confused about. Go to islamic lectures.
Rumaysa
Could it just be that he doesn't want to marry you? And he's using that reason about not talking to his father as an excuse to avoid you?
If he wanted to marry you, he would definitely be putting in more effort by talking to his parents about marriage.