Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His mother is delaying the proposal


God bless you all my Muslim brothers and sisters. I am traped in a critical situation.I want and advice from my muslim brothers and sisters. I was being involved in a relationship during 11 yrs.(it was a childhood love & friendhip).

I restrict myself fro all worldly desires and just wished to have a pure and clean relationship with him. I Ask Allah for him legally everytime I prayed, but one year ago when he left for abroad, he came with his mother to my home, she like me too but didn´t give a formal proposal.

After one year, when he came back for few months(his studies are in process), my parents expected that some legal formalities will take place this time but no everytime his mother delayed it and pretended that she is happy with this relationship.

In fact my parents ask for legal proposal formalities on which his mother said there are many other girls in the family so we can´t announce it in our family. His younger sister is also unmarried so his mother claimed that we will do everything after her marriage but their behavior was always strange, she never showed her happiness or excitement for her upcoming daughter in law. I tried to make him realize that his mother is unhappy, he didn´t get agree with me, always blamed that there was lackings from my side.

I respect him and all relations attach to him, but his mother didn´t think good for me, because I don´t belong to their high status. I'm Engineering student and belong to an islamic family. Please guide me. What should I do? If I go with him, may not get the respect of his parents but the time is quite harder for me now to step ahead and go for the other option(arrange).
Pls. its already high time for the decision,my parents are so much tensed for me.They were agree from the day one,but didn´t really get a good and welcoming behavior,on the other side he wants me to be with him,and don´t understand what his mother did to us. Kindly help me out of this. Allah Ajar dey aap logon ko.

Allah hafiz


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2 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum Sister Ayesha,

    May Allah bless you with happiness in marriage.

    As far as the behavior of his mother is in question. The something similar happened with someone one very closely related to me.

    If she is delaying for a wrong reason, then Allah knows secrets of the hearts.

    But what do you think? Is she a sincere woman? Is she known in the family for goodness?

    If she is unhappy with this engagement, she should be open in telling about it. It is not right to keep a girl and her parents on hold without valid reasons. If they want to wait for their younger daughter to get married then they should know that it will happen when it is destined to happen and they should not delay your marriage due to her. At least, if not a grand wedding, they should do the Nikaah as per Islamic guidelines and marry you both. I really do not like Indo-Pak cultures for this reason. Most of them want to do grand big weddings with lot of spending and wasting of money and many don't marry the guy until his sister of marriagable is married or finds her match and if younger sister has found and elder one is single, they delay the marriage of younger one as well.

    Why not marry like the Prophet (peace be upon him) and Sahabas? Why make big engagement parties, lavish weddings? Why no simplicity? Why please the society and cultures so much?

    Sister, if you think his mother is an Islamic woman, she understands the feel of another girl (which I doubt she is understanding yours) but if she does, then it is better to wait.

    If you think she is more in to cultures, our her intentions are doubtful and she is giving false excuses, you may consult them one "final" time and tell your priorities and your families worries regarding you clearly and ask for marriage.

    Remember, for marriage all things work better by kindness and understanding between the two families. So be a bit accommodating if you can, keep sabr and if you cannot, if you feel this is going nowhere and you are not getting a surety about the date of your marriage, you may choose to walk out of these things troubling you and your family.

    Think about it. Read much Qu'ran with translation to see a way ahead.

    Hope the advice helps. Insha Allah.

    Your brother.

  2. As salamu alaykum sister Ayesha,

    The ball is in the boy´s garden, and it seems to me that he should stand on his feet and talk straight to his mother, he should ask her for the real reasons to delay and if she doesn´t want you in his life and he accepts that they should be honest to you and let you go, whatever Allah(swt) has for all of you.

    While they have you, today yes, tomorrow maybe, can be a no, then I understand your family, please tell the boy to be straight with his family and consequently with you and your family.

    You don´t deserve to be hung on time waiting for an answer, if she wants you to get bored, no point for that, as brother Munib says after a prudential time for waiting you should ask for an answer, yes o no and move on.

    Please, sister mantain your composture always and don´t let your emotion or her behaviour disminishes you, you deserve the best and they can be or not, only Allah(swt) knows.

    Keep your trust on Allah(swt) and He(swt) will show you the way out to all these struggles, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María Editor

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