Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I left my boyfriend for religion and parents; need dua to move on and to become a good Muslimah.

Muslim woman praying, saying dua' in Masjid

Assalam O Alaikum,

It's something that was really difficult for me. My boyfriend was one in a million. He always made me happy, he treated me with respect. He told me he loved me every morning and evening. I was happy but in pain at the same time. I had this really hurtful feeling deep down that I was going against my religion and my parents. I didn't want to upset my parents or see them unhappy ever because I love them more than anything in this world. I couldn't find peace and felt like a hypocrite when praying or reading the Quran. When I told my boyfriend this he said that he didn't understand me and also said that we'll work through it.

He couldn't see that I wanted to leave him. So after a month I told him to meet me. In front of him I smashed my phone as it was a source for him to contact me and told him that he's the worst boyfriend I've ever had and I also told him to never contact me. The intention behind all of this was to let him know that I didn't want to be with him anymore. This was the most difficult situation I had been in, I had to hide the pain I was in while saying all this to him. He followed me all the way to my house and also cried outside my house. I wanted to keep him away from me.

It's been sometime now that I've left him and I don't know how he's doing but I just pray that he gets a life partner who will love him more than I ever did. Just a week from today my parents told me that about four guys have asked for my hand in marriage. They said that they found one of the guys suitable for me. I want to get married as soon as possible but my parents want to keep it on the side for two more years. I don't know how to approach them with this matter as they don't have any idea about my ex-boyfriend. I want to go on the right path and stop committing sins. I understand that having a relationship with the opposite sex before marriage is a great sin, that's why I ended it all.

One other thing is that I find it hard to pray namaz (prayers). I need help. I want to have my full concentration on my prayer and do good in Islam. In Ramadan I manage to read five times a day and also read the Quran but as soon as Ramadan ends I return to not reading or praying. I don't understand how I lose the love for offering namaz (prayers) and also lose my concentration. Could this be because of the things I've been involved in with my ex-boyfriend? I try to be so good but I don't find peace and tranquility. Could it be due to the fact that I've displeased Allah?

Please help.

Also are there any dua's that could help me find peace, help me go on the right path and help me decide on who's right as my life partner?

Thank you.

Cupcake.

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21 Responses »

  1. Salaam Cupcake.

    May Allah swt reward you for giving up this caring guy for the sake of Allah. I pray that he is happy and free now and on the straight path and will find a wife who will love him fully. The point is you have left this relationship and left the sin. As long as you have repented sincerely to Allah swt, He will forgive you. So please do not let your past sins, which InshaAllah you are clear from, stop you from moving forward.

    Conditions of repentance:
    1 – Giving up the sin immediately.

    2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.

    3 – Resolving not to go back to it.

    4 – Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness.

    taken from: http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1069

    In your case you cannot ask your ex boyfriend for forgiveness, as you cannot contact him - this is harmful for both you and for him. So just remember to pray from him when you do your duas and it will suffice InshaAllah.

    Another point is have you moved on already? I know that you are scared of committing sins, but you can avoid this, by refraining from keeping friendships with males, never being alone with a male and not being in phone/internet contact with a guy. Marriage is strongly recommended in Islam, it is a Sunnah but at the same time, you need to be ready. Marriage at right time is beautiful, at other times, it can cause major problems. I was listening to a talk the other day and the Sheikh was saying you are only required to seek marriage when you are ready. He even went as far as to say, if you are definetly not ready and you still marry, and it causes difficulties for you and your partner you are sinful. SubhanAllah! And Allah knows best. My point is: are you ready?

    After losing someone special people tend to want to try to replace them. Sometimes in a halal manner, but we need to work on ourselves first. Don't jump into marriage. 2 years is a long time, maybe you shouldnt wait that long but give it a few months at least. And in the meantime of course avoid friendships with guys.

    Instead, work to get closer to Allah swt, spend time in His remembrance. Seek knowledge and try to use this time to grow as a person and to heal. Take up a hobby, as long as its halal. Do things you enjoy. Read a bit of Qur'an daily. Even start memorising the 30th Juz. Just make each day be a means to get closer to Allah. If you get the Khushu feeling, Alhumdulilah, if not still continue and you will still be rewarded IA.

    Please read this article: It answers what I am trying to say about marrying at the right time and about self development.
    http://islamicsunrays.com/be-the-person-you-are-looking-for/

    Salat.

    You need to be strict with yourself. First. Do not pray your sunnah for now. Only do your fardh namaaz. Even if you do not feel like it you must force yourself until it becomes a habit. Salat is the difference between believers and disbelievers so it is a huge sin to miss it. Again make sincere tawbah and strongly intend to pray your salat from now onwards. Allah swt will forgive you if you are sincere InshaAllah.

    Pray each salat and try to concentrate but even if you do not get khushu or good concentration, still pray. The reason why you find it so hard is in Ramadan for the first time ever you are feeding your soul and squashing your nafs. (No food, no desires decreases your worldly desires and its ibadah so increases iman). Once Ramadan is over shaytaan is free and he tempts you away from good. I used to fast twice a week after Ramadan and honestly, it made a HUGE difference to my salat. May Allah give me the strength to re-start my fasting. Alhumdulilah prayer is habit to me now but I also struggle hugely with concentration and Khushu. I get distracted, I fidget. May Allah help us all. The first thing to go from prayers is Khushu.

    Here are some tips, taken from:

    Here are 30 practical ways to improve and benefit from our Salat:

    Today we have indeed come to treat the Prayer (Salah) as something insignificant in our lives. Very often we hear our elders say, "I will start praying when the time comes." Others, specially the younger Muslims, do not find much comfort, and joy in their Prayers. Due to our treatment of Prayer as a burden, our love and passion for the Prayer has vanished. Our hearts have become hardened, and we have become a depressed and defeated people. As a result,
    many are searching for 'cures and remedies' to the distress in our lives, through any means available, but are unable to find any because they have ignored the greatest medicine - Salah!

    If we look deep into our daily lives and diagnose the causes of our spiritual, social and psychological illnesses, we will realize that probably something as uplifting, revolutionary, and empowering as Salah is missing. If we, the youth, realize the potential role of Prayer in changing our lives and as a constant source of hope, we would regret missing even a single
    Salah.

    The Role of Salah in Changing our Lives

    The whole purpose of Salah is to be ever conscious of Allah, the Creator and Sustainer of all things. Salah is indeed, one of the most comprehensive forms of Dhikr (Remembrance). No wonder, Allah states in a hadith qudsi: "Out of all the ways through which My servant gets closer to Me, Salah is the dearest to Me." (Bukhari) It is unfortunate, therefore, that we do not always take full advantage of this gift.

    We may compare the obligatory Salah to bathing five times a day. If after such frequent bathing, your body still remains dirty, then we may question the usefulness and efficacy of such bathing. Similarly, if after regular observance of Prayer your heart remains unmoved and your morals remain corrupt, we may question the usefulness of your Prayer. If you
    enter into Salah and come out of it the same person, then you have missed something great.

    How can you improve the quality of your Salah? Remember, first and foremost, that as soon as you commence your Salah, Shaytan makes it his duty to fill your mind with anything and everything but thoughts of Allah. He tries ceaselessly to disengage your mind and heart from such remembrance. It is this state of absentmindedness that destroys the
    quality of your Prayer. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) once said: "God does not accept the Prayers of an individual until his heart achieves in it what his body has achieved." [Al-Ghazali in Ihya-Uloom ad-Deen]

    The ability to concentrate in Prayer may be improved by undertaking adequate psychological, mental and physical preparation before the Prayer and by utilising certain techniques during the Prayer.

    This is not 'just a good thing' but an obligation on every Muslim male. According to the Prophet, if we knew the good in praying in jama'ah we would not miss it even if we had to crawl to the masjid!

    Avoid praying in a state in which you are mentally and physically fatigued.

    Keep your mind free of worldly worries, evil thoughts, and ideas.

    Plan what verses/duas you are going to recite.

    If you do not understand Arabic learn the meaning of what you recite in your Prayer.

    Remind yourself that engaging in Prayer offers you an opportunity to release yourself from the tensions of this world. The Prophet has said that in Prayer was placed the comfort of his eyes. Therefore cherish the opportunity to remove the burdens of this world from your shoulders.

    Use your Prayer to remain focused on your mission in life, which is to bring your entire being to serve only Allah.

    Use your Prayer as a source of strength, inspiration and enthusiasm for your life and activities.

    ii. Physical Preparation

    Fulfill all your personal needs before you commence your Prayer, for e.g., thirst, hunger and calls of nature.

    Pray in a pure physical state. Perform your wudu with care and perfection.

    Although the whole earth is a masjid or a place of worship, choose a place that is clean.

    Pray in an environment free of noise and one where there is no distraction.

    Adorn yourself with clean and respectable clothes.

    iii. Performing Your Prayer

    Assess your mental readiness for Prayer before its commencement, during the various postures, after each raka and ultimately at the end.

    Pray with humility both in your mental state and in your physical manner. Pray with hope and awe.

    Remind yourself continually that you are talking to the most important 'One' in your life - your Creator and Sustainer. He is in front of you. You are facing Him and you are involved in a dialogue with Him.

    Commence your Prayer by seeking Allah's help and protection from the influences of Shaytan.

    Lower your gaze while praying and do not allow the physical environment to distract you. Anas related that the Prophet said: "My dear son, be sure to avoid being distracted during Prayer, for, to greater concentration and awareness.

    Adopt a whispering technique in your recitation in order to remain focused on what you are saying, and not distract others.

    As you recite the Quran, translate it into your own language so that your attention is held. As you ponder upon the meaning and implications of the words, insha-Allah, all worldly thoughts will disappear.

    On each occasion that you recite the Sifat or attributes of Allah in ruku and sajda, consider how indebted you are and how grateful you should be to Allah and express your true emotions.

    Utilize the occasion of sajda to make additional dua to Allah. The Prophet said: "A servant is nearest to his Lord when he is in sajda, so increase your supplication when in sajda." (Muslim.)

    Make your Prayer of moderate duration so that you do not become physically and mentally tired but be aware that while in Prayer you must take your time praying.

    Give due regard to the proper performance of all the physical postures. Do not 'peck like a crow' when doing rukus and sajdas as every posture in Salah, even the rests, are important.

    Pray as if it is your last Prayer. The Messenger of God said: When you stand up to pray, perform your prayer as if it were your last...' (Ahmad)

    Performing your prayer in a satisfactory manner should lead to a radical change in the way you lead your daily life. Salah must be as the Quran states: Surely, Salah prevents indecency and evil [al-Ankabut 29: 45.] Your improved and more disciplined life will in turn help the quality of your Prayer to increase even more. The two should continuously reinforce
    each other.

    Remember, Salah is an obligation. Whether your heart is attentive or not, it must be performed. You cannot give up Prayer because to you it appears useless. There is punishment for a Prayer not performed satisfactorily. It will be a witness against you rather than a witness for you on the Day of Judgment. Don't give up the obligation but try to infuse it with the purpose it seeks to serve - remembrance of Allah. It is important to remember the saying of the Prophet (pbuh): "If a man performs two rakas of Salah without the distraction of any worldly thought, all his previous sins will be forgiven." (Bukhari.)

    Compiled from "In The Early Hours" by Khurram Murad"

    taken from http://www.islamtomorrow.com/salah_tips.asp

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Thank you so much 🙂 That's really informative.
      Yes indeed I am ready for marriage. That's one other reason I left the stupid and haram relationship. I want to be married and give all my love to my husband.
      I am still in the process of repenting as I repent everyday. I have not yet started praying but insha'allah will defiantly start now as I have read the article and it explains the great benefits of salah and how to keep concentration.

      May allah swt keep you happy forever. 🙂
      Keep me in your dua's.

  2. I don't understand how I lose the love for offering namaz (prayers) and also lose my concentration. I try to be so good but I don't find peace and tranquility. Could it be due to the fact that I've displeased Allah?

    I asked this same question to my Ustadha. She said is weakness of iman or attachment to dunya. The stronger your eman is the better your khushu. Also if we truly realised the worth of salat and the worth of thsi dunya we would run to salat.

    So of course as shown above, minimise distractions. She also gave a tip, before salat, sit down and ponder. Prepare yourself mentally. Tell yourself, I'm standing before Allah swt. Think about His attributes and His greatness. Repeat 'Astaghfirullah'. Also try repeating 'Alhumdulilah.' I did this once and it did help Alhumdulilah.

    Also be aware any prayer could be our last prayer. It is important to be aware of this. Another sister said in prayer, know Allah swt is in front of you. Also imagine the hell is on your left, heaven is on your right and the angel of death is chasing you.

    Sister Fajr only taken 15 mins at most in the morning. It can even be done up until just before sunrise if you have to get up then. Set several alarms, it helps. Or if you have sisters/friends who pray it, ask them to wake u up/ring you.

    Duas:

    "La ilaha il-lallah", the Kalima gives strength to heart and mind. Secondly, Allah swt says that hearts get comfort only from Zikr-e-ilahi i.e. rememberance of Allah swt. So any tasbih which you Know like Subhanallah, Alhamdolillah, Allah-o-Akbar or Suhanallah-e-wabehamdehi subhanallah hil azeem."

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/dua-in-islam/dua-for-anxiety-and-stress-2/ Please read this link

    For marriage

    It's "Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhuriyyatina qurrata A'yunin waj'alna lil-muttaqina imama."

    "Our Lord! grant us in our mates and offspring the joy of our eyes and make us patterns for those who guard against evil." (25:74)

    For decision -making Istikhaarah:
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/power-of-salat-ul-istikhara/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/istikhara-for-second-marriage/

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Cupcake, I can understand your reasons for leaving the person you love or loved. But, what I don't understand is that why you two don't get married??It would be ideal if you "legalized" your relationtionship with him and thus being happy and making the person happy that loves you so much.Instead of being ready for marrying to another guy and breaking someone's heart, I think it would be better just to marry that guy who you know better...If you realize that your relationtionship with a guy is haraam, before leaving that person, it would be more reasonable to take a step towards marriage. I think if the guy really loves you, it would't be a problem for him....If it doesn't work out, then the separation can follow.

    • Brother Tauhid if it was that simple then I would have married him. Basically my parents believe in the caste system and my bf was from a different caste. The thing is that I love my parents a lot and would not want them to feel any shame in the society. I know that in Islam there is no such thing as caste and class system but I can't change my parents point of view. Plus my boyfriend's parents were strict as well with the caste system thing. I know it's a pathetic thing but I didn't want to take the risk and stay unhappy for the rest of my life. Other things put me off from marrying him were that when I got to know more about his family, I found out how strict they are with everything. They don't let their women work, they have to stay inside the house and do house chores etc. Something that doesn't match my lifestyle. They also don't let women carry on with their education. Every woman in the house has to wear a julbaab and scarf even if she doesn't want to. They have to know how to cook perfectly and produce children on the go. I couldn't even imagine myself living there. Even when knowing all this I tried talking to my parents in a indirect way to introduce to them the idea of getting married outside the caste and of my own choice. I hadn't mentioned any names or anything to do with my bf. Just generally asked them and I got a whole load of words which I don't want to mention here lol.

      Truly I feel that it just wasn't meant to be. Allah swt had other plans for me and allhamdulillah I'm happier than I was before. I don't carry that heavy burden of knowing that I'm committing a big sin everyday and I'm able to give a lot more time to my family. I just need to pray and beg Allah swt for forgiveness for the previous sins I've committed.

  4. Assalamu Alekum!!

    I congratulate you, my sister. You conquered yourself, your feelings and kept yourself from making sin.

    May Allah Taala forgive our sins! InshAllah!

  5. salaam cupcake, well done you have realised that you were sinning by being in this relationship and ended it in the hope to lead a halal lifestyle. I also initially wondered why you didnt just marry this guy as you were both in love etc, but from your post above it is understandable that you two were not compatable. However I have to say that your method of ending things with him was quite cruel. You must have hurt him very badly by out of the blue telling him that he was the worst boyfriend ever, you even led him to cry. I understand this was hard for you, but why didnt you just tell him the truth about why you felt the relationship should end, and then cut off contact with him from that point onwards. Allah knows how all of this has effected him. I am only saying this because I have been on the recieving end and have been left very hurt after the person i thought loved me left me without any kind of closure or any explanation for his behaviour. It has left me mentally scarred and if this guy was sincere I hate to think wwhat he has or is going through. Anyway, I guess thats past and I pray Allah swt guides you in your intention to live a pious life, ameen.

    • Sister I did try telling him the reason why I had to end the relationship and also gave him a month to think about it but he kept on saying "don't worry, once we get married all our sins will be forgiven" which i think was ridiculous. Through that month I tried other ways such as cutting of contact but he would just simply follow me around every where. It was kind of creepy sometimes, the way he just stalked me. Sister trust me I felt like I was being stabbed many times in the heart when I said all that to him and when I saw him cry for the first time ever.

      I am sorry to hear about your situation. It's a horrible feeling I know and I pray for him that he finds a good life partner and I'll also pray for you sister. 🙂

      One other thing is that he's still trying to contact me through different people. It's really getting to me that this might ruin my future because if in the future he tries to contact me and I'm married. It will create problems in my marriage. I really hope he forgets me and moves on which I don't think will be easy for him. Just got to keep praying to Allah swt to guide him and me on to the right path.

      • Salam sister, thank you for the duas. Sorry I hadnt realised that you did try talking to him, my impression was that you had left him very abruptly. Thats fair enough, if he was still insisting on sinning then there is no point in continuing the relationship. It is wrong of him to say that everything will be forgiven after marriage, he is beginning to sound like the man that left me. He said exactly the same thing to me, told me everyting would be ok after marriage, but then obiviously things went pearshaped and he abandoned me - i guess thats life.

        Do lots of dua for him inshaAllah, I have been in his shoes and it hurts so much that the pain actually becomes physical when the person you 'love' leaves you, and then ignores you. I know your intentions are all correct, but I cant help but feel sorry for him, because I know how it feels. May Allah swt make you a strong muslim and may Allah give him sabr and iman, ameen.

  6. Sister cupcake, just want to say well done. Masha'Allah, sisters like you are an inspiration and give strength to so many others who are still in a relationship and find it difficult to sacrifice that for Allah.

    Know that one thing is for sure; your sacrifice, if truly done for the pleasure of Allah, will never go wasted. Allah will reward you with something better inshallah. Also well done for being considerate of your parents and their preferences over your marriage partner. I pray you are rewarded with a pious man with who. You and your parents will be happy, ameen. There's a lot less trouble and heartache involved that way lol.

    Stay strong and keep up the deen.

    Was salaam

  7. Assalamo alaikoto warahmato allah hermana
    Si es tu marido no le dejes no pasa nada poco a poco , si es solo novio tienes que dejarlo, lo has echo bien , dejar el novio por el islam , allah te va dar un marido mucho mejor . Los pecados hermana no te preocupes , solo tienes que rezar los cinco rezos en sus horas y decir Aduah y tambien reza sunah y por supuesto leer el coran , Tienes que dejar de hablar con los hombres ,( UNA HERMANA CREO QUE TE LO EXPLICO COMO PARA CONSEGUIR UN MARIDO en fin ) no hablar en chat con los hombres , solo en los trabajos si .tambien tienes que dejar de ver las peliculas que no tienen valor , porque solo te hace olvidar de momentos de rezo y te hace mas bago a la hora de rezar. Intenta divertirte de otra manera mejor y halal q allah le gusta .Eso todo poco a poco , no es tan facil hermana , para nosotros si es un poco facil porque hemos nacido musulmanes . Cuando te sientes que has dado tu corazón a allah el te va a dar su amor y volverás como antes .te sentiras que estas muy cerca de allah en estos momento te sentirás la felicidad de allah . Hermana cualquier problema que enfrentas nunca dejes de rezar por allah . porque rezar es la unica conexión que temimos con allah se abandonamos el rezo se corta la conexión con allah . . wa sokran

  8. I cnt beliv this!
    Even I did the same thing. My mother explained me about the haram relationships and then I told about it to him and he was actually ready for break-up. And we brokeup. It ws hard but Alhamdulillah it happened. But later he messaged me that he wants to get married to me and for that he was going to talk to my father. He told his parents about me and they were happy to know that he chose a right girl. But i couldn't accept this fact that i will b married and my father who is masha Allah, a true believer and who trusts me blindly that i will never commit a sin as such. I was very scared as i am just 16, although my marriage was supposed to be at right age, i felt something wrong and told him not to ask for proposal. And he left.
    I know i miss him, cared for him, while leaving he said that he wanted me on my wish and as i m not ready for him he is leaving. It was harder and now i m 18.
    Our story at the beginning was kind of same, but it ended differently. I felt nice reading your post. 🙂
    May Allah bless YOU! <3

  9. Its such a nice post.I also am ignoring my bofriend who loves me alot just because Allah will be angry on me.He wants to spend time with me .But I cant as the two of us together will lead us to sin.I tried explaining to him but he says Allah loves the loving hearts He just doesnt understands and thinks Im crazy I am so sad these days 🙁 He asked me for marriage but I didnt know what to say because he has 10 bro and sis and I am only two one bro and me.....But deep down I want him to directly approach my parents but he doesnt he always wants confirmation for me.I am scared from Allah I dont want haraam relation he doesnt understand and still insists to meet alone and go on dates.but I cant what to do?

    • Aliza,

      If this guy insists on dating you, while he knows its haraam, he is not God Fearing. And hence, not good husband material either - that is if you want a good muslim husband. You are clearly trying to be strong and this is a good thing. I think the best thing for you is to focus on learning your deen, this will make you naturally want to move away from this man if he keeps insisting on haraam relations.

      Apart from this, if you do really want to marry him, then having 10 siblings is no barrier to marriage. Since you already have relations with this man and want to marry him anyway, I don't understand why you are not giving him the verbal confirmation he needs before asking for your hand formally. What is that all about?

      Theres really no need for a situation here Sis. If you want to marry, tell him, so he can approach your parents.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. Thankyou sisterz for your response.

    let me state clearly the facts so you would easily understand my situation.

    He firstly said he loved me alot

    then I went out with him sometimes

    I felt this was wrong but he seemed mad for me

    Then one day he made me meet his sister she was proud as they are very rich and I am from mediocre family.

    She said do u have properties and stuff

    I told him about his sister's attitude he said dont worry he is with me.

    Then one day my friend said that she got messages from his cell that he wants to marry her I did not trust her but she showed me her cell and yes it was a message from his number I started avoiding him As I kNOW HE CHEATED ON ME but he got crazy calling me 100 times daily wandering outside my house finally I had to give in and insulted him that he cheated on me he was shocked he said I would never do that someone else used my cell I didnt send those mesages well he gave me alot of justifications and he hugged me I was scared and told him to leave me.He said he will never be happy without me he wants me in his life He said to marry him .I was confused I want him to tell my parents directly soI would respect him more.Why does he need my confirmation ??? isnt my actions care not much of confirmation for him.He said he wanted to kiss me I said no Allah will be angry he said no Allah likes people who love eachother.I am scared from God I told him to fear Allah also.he constantly tells me to meet him I constantly say no he said ok hell with it I will never ask u again ever.

    I as a girl just wanted him to respect me and respectfully bring his parents to my place for my hand .I wanted him to man up and bring his parents.But I dont know what confirmation he wants.I do love him.But Im sacrificing for Allah.

    I am so happy that there is a forum where I can open up...

    what to do??

    • Aliza,

      You wanted him to respect you - but he didn't.

      You want him to be God fearing - but he isn't.

      You want him to be transparent - but he isn't.

      You want to trust him - but you don't because he is not transparent.

      So, the truth is, you don't love him my dear. But, yes, you want to be loved. Who doesn't? We all do. But sometimes when we feel upset and alone, we become vulnerable and end up thinking that 'something' is love, when its not.

      Dear little Sister, I urge you to move away from this man. He is stalking you by calling you that many times a day and wandering around your street. Even if he wanted to come to meet your parents to propose, I would reject him and move on and away from, the first reason being that he is not God Fearing - he wants you to disobey Allah. Wake up Sis, now before you make a bigger mistake.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      I just wanted to share a short story for the sister here.

      Once upon a time, there was this young man who attended a family gathering. While there, he saw a young woman, modestly dressed, who caught his eye. Very interested in speaking to her, he did not approach her, but instead asked one of his aunts about her. An inquiry was made, her family was approached and arrangements were made for the young man to meet the young girl.

      Later on, dressed nicely and flowers in hand, he arrived at her house and was invited to speak to her father. They sat and the father laid out the rules concerning his daughter. They spoke for some time and eventually, he stayed for dinner, talking to her mother, as well. The young woman came to dinner and smiling, with her parents present, they got to speak to each other. The parents were satisfied with this metting and the girl was happy, so plans were made for him to revisit.

      Eventually, after a few more visits, the father allowed the two young people to visit several places, but there always had to be a chaperon. The chaperon was usually, the young woman's sister. The sister was there to assure that nothing would happen between them physically, that all conversations would be halal and that the two young people behaved themselves.

      This went on for some time, everyone was happy and then one day, the young man went to the father and asked for his daughter's hand in marriage. The father asked the daughter if she agreed, and she did. The mother was happy and so the father said, "yes."

      These two young people were married for many years and bore four children. They are a nice, decent and loving family.

      They are also Christian.

      If Christians can follow proper etiquette, observe the laws of religion and conduct a halal courtship, why can't Muslims?

      I'm telling you this my Muslim sisters, so that you refuse to settle for anything less in your lives. You are Muslim and the men who come to ask for your hand without manipulation, burdens and lies should be God-fearing Muslims, too.

      Any man that would ask touch you, hug you or kiss you and lie to say that's what Allah (swt) likes, will suffer immense punishment if he persists in attributing lies to Allah (swt). Let him fall into the Hellfire alone. There is no sense in burning yourself.

      Seek refuge in Allah (swt). Be patient and surely, a real God-loving Muslim man will be your husband by the Infinite Mercy of Allah (swt).

  11. Sister Aliza,

    He is not a man.Please leave this boy and move on. If need be, change your number and let you area council know that this particular boy is wandering around your house and you feel unsafe, inshaAllah they will do something about it.

    Please don't form a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship- it is HARAM and you won't feel at peace. And say Tawbah to Allah (swt) for meeting the guy in a non- Islamic way and also thank Allah (swt) greatly for protecting you from building further relationship with this boy.

    take care of yourself.

    Parveen
    -x-

  12. Thank you so much sisterz,Parveen and professor X!

    you respectable people have opened my eyes in alot of matters.I am grateful it was like I spoke to my family who cares for me.

    thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
    🙂

    ps:I have just one last question should I reject with a big "IF" he sends his family for my hand IF which I most probably think he wont.sisterz did tell to refuse but should I?

    Actually I am so confused right now how can I let another man come towards me now will I love this new man?? I am so heart broken and confused.And kind of started hating males..(no offence to anyone just my personal feeling)

  13. Allah will give you someone better 🙂

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