Do I have to respect my father if he has no iman?
A'salam alaykum. I am in love with a syrian boy, he is muslim and he is a great muslim too. He always encourages me to pray 5 times a day and reads part of the quraan eith me when I am depressed, he has never touched me in any way and has always respected me. He wants to marry me because he does not believe in having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, he straight away wanted to get engaged after getting to know me a bit.
I have met his family and they accept me and are very loving people, my mother loves him as her own son and he is doing great financially. But my father and brothers do not aprove of this and threaten to kill me if i marry him, they don't believe in Allah and they drink alcohol everyday and have made every sin possible in front of me. When I told them that it is not haram because he is muslim they said they couldn't care less and they would rather see me marry a christian or a jew than a syrian; they really do want me to marry a wealthy christian man. My mother is very religious and does not agree with what they say but she has no say in this situation.
There is no iman in this house, alcohol bottles are everywhere and my dad and brothers own a nightclub and a bar! Haram money, I see no iman in them, why should I accept their decision and leave a man who makes me a better muslim person? My father says that syrians are the lowest of the low and that our family is superior to all mankind. Please help me, my mother approves but not my father or brothers. Should I follow my heart and my religion or give up on such an amazing innocent person?
jaziejoudat
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Salamu'alaikum sister,
Allah's Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam made it clear in his final Khutbah that none has the superiority over the other, except by taqwaa. So how can a person be considered low because he is Syrian?
Obedience to parents is a requirement in Islam, even if they happen to be Kuffaar (Non Believers). This obedeience is valid, until they ask you to Worship someone or something other than Allah Subhaanah, (or ask you to do somthing that Islam disapproves).
Your father and brothers drink alcohol which is called 'Al Umm al Khabaaith' (The mother of all evils). They own a bar/night club astaghfirAllah, even visiting which is evil. You have bottles of alcohol everywhere and this is evil. I suppose Allah Has Blessed you mother with a lot of patience, masha Allah, May Allah give her high levels in Paradise. Certainly, the environment of you home is evil. And I suppose your father and brothers even do not offer prayers. But do not rush to say that they have no Imaan because if they do, then this will apply to you according to a hadeeth (May Allah preserve your Imaan).
But your father is intending evil by no letting you marry a Muslim 'hopefully a Muttaqi (God Fearing man) and asking you to marry a Christian. They ask you to do this, when the best option is available.
In such a case (per my understanding) you should not obey your father. They threaten to harm you, but who can do so if you be in Allah's protection? Seek the protection of Allah and seek refuge in Him from all the evils of the World. Guard yourself by doing duas/supplications, day and night. If possible, get a book of duas known as fortress of the Muslim (Hisn al Muslim). The name of the book itself suggests that it is a protection against evil.
When I say you should not obey your father, that was for marrying a Christian. Now, for marrying the Muslim brother, you have to make sure some issues are taken care of. The first and most important issue is your protection. They may try to de harm, but your husband should be able to protect you, whatever it takes, and preferably takes you to a different country. You think I am contradicting with the previous paragraph? No, because a famous hadeeth says 'tie your camel and then trust in Allah that it won't be lost'. So, we need to do what we can, and then trust in Allah.
Secondly, the issue of having a guardian in Nikaah. I am quite unsure of this so, you can read what the 'Ulama say about a similar issue here: http://islamqa.com/en/pda/ref/islamqa/389
Before doing any of this, perform Salatul Istikhaarah, and then go ahead with complete trust in Allah. May Allah make it easy for you.
I pray that you lead a perfect Islamic life
Aameen
Wassalamu'alaikum
Muhammad Waseem