Would being his second wife be legal in america?
I want to marry a Muslim man, but he is married already (but not happy). I asked him to divorce, but he said he can't because he is afraid that his wife will poison his son against him and make his son hate him. He said he still can marry me, but the problem is we want to live in the USA and here (USA) polygamy is not allowed.
I am seriously and deeply in loved with this man, and I don't mind if he can't divorce just yet. I know he really loves me too because he never hid that he was married. He told me he didn't want to have a haram relationship with me, and he wanted everybody to see me with respect as his wife since we started noticing we had feelings for each other.
My question is if I marry him in Egypt, will I have a document that states I am legally his wife so I can validate this marriage in the USA and give him residency? We see this as an option because here he can get a good job. I think he can make enough money to make sure his son can have all he needs, and his son's mom will not be struggling because of money.
I don't know if I sound crazy , the only thing I know is I truly love him and I will do anything to help him and make him happy; because when you really love someone you think not just about what makes you happy but also what the person you love needs. Please, if anyone knows anything that can help, let me know. I don't want to give up on our relationship until I try anything in my hands to make a life together. Thanks in advance.
-Vovo
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He may be interested in getting a green card more then getting you. After he gets his citizenship he can bring his real wife here. YOU and HE will have to lie on immigration papers that he is divorced or singe. If immigration finds out he can go to jail. You can also get punished for lying on immigration forms
Best thing is go to Egypt get married and live happily ever after because polygamy is allowed there. Be careful if his wife can poison his son, she can do things to her husband or you also.
He does not want haram relationship because that can't get him a green card. Has he told his wife that he is in love with a woman who lives in America?
He may even divorce his wife on papers to get a US citizenship. If he truly loves you he can marry you and stay in Egypt.
Sister,
You say this man isn't happy within his own marriage but truth be known, what is he doing to make it better? Has he and his wife sought any sort of counseling? You ask him to divorce his wife but why? To be with you? Instead of him focusing on having a relationship of sorts and getting to know you on the side, he could and should be working towards a better marriage with the woman you ask him to divorce.
I'm sure you don't mind if this man divorces his wife for you but I'm certain his wife would beg to differ. Instead of thinking about what your wants are, you should consider the implications here. You are asking this man to divorce his wife because he claims he isn't happy. Does his wife feel the same way? Has he ever discussed things with her or tried to work on his marriage to find the happiness he once had?
My gut feeling is, you have met this man online and he lives in Egypt. He says he isn't happy within his marriage. Through your communications, you have fallen in love with him. You want to marry him in Egypt and bring him to the United States. I think I'm spot on but if I'm not...I apologize to you in advance. Even if you both marry, a lot has changed after 911 and a green card can take a while to obtain. Maybe if he got a job through an American business, his employer can act as his sponsor. Often, a guarantor is required and once said person is in the U.S., they have to show they monetary funds available and won't become a burden on the American tax system.
It is not haram for this man to marry you however it is very sad that he is contemplating leaving his wife and child because he is not happy. Can you imagine if we all left our spouses and children because things weren't the way we imagined them? Marriage is tough and it can be very taxing at times but it's not something you walk away from just because you aren't happy. You work on things and you try your best especially when there are children involved.
Polygamy is illegal in the United States. Homeland Security has a boatload of information on all of us. Do they know the marital status of this man and could they find it with a background check? Only God knows. The wealth of information is vast and there is simply no way to tell. Just be careful in your dealings here with this man that you are so in love with. When he acquires his green card, he may not be happy with you any longer either and seek to remedy it by divorcing you as well.
Allah Hu Alem
Assalam alaikum,
I agree with Sr. Najah 100%.
I will add a few things. If a man is going to take advantage of you, he isn't going to tell you that. He will sweet talk you and tell you things you want to hear. You have believed everything he has told you, I don't know why, but you have. You want to believe that you love him, but these feelings you and him have for one another outside of marriage while he is still married to his "crummy" first wife are just hormones--a natural human response to the new excitement. You don't have children and real life issues that happen in a marriage. Marriage is NOT a walk in the park where you hold hands all the time and sing happy songs of love. Marriage takes hard work, committment, the disagreements are problems to help bring one another closer, the happiness isn't always for free and when it is, you cherish it--you and him are trying to bend rules to make your lives work out perfectly while not acknowledging what a second marriage is about.
If a man decides to exercise his right to a second marriage, he shouldn't do so by getting a girlfriend, like yourself, outside of marriage to put a band aid on his first marriage in order to drown out the bad feelings. If a man decides to have two wives, he has to treat both of them equally which also includes not disclosing his private life of one to the other, which this man has already done while you are a mistress in his life, not even a wife at this point.
If you are going through with this marriage because you choose to believe him when he says he "can't" divorce his first wife because her influence on their son, you might as well get advice from him because you are not ready for the truth. Even if what he says happens to be true, the way he is going about this 2nd marriage business and discussing his personal life with you, is simply unacceptable.
I suggest you speak to an Imam, speak to immigration, speak to his family and put your emotions on the side while trying to find out what is best not just for you, but for his first wife and child too. Do not be as naive as you are choosing to be right now.
May Allah make it clear for you, Ameen.
Najah: You want to marry him in Egypt and bring him to the United States. I think I'm spot on but if I'm not...I apologize to you in advance. Even if you both marry, a lot has changed after 911 and a green card can take a while to obtain. Maybe if he got a job through an American business, his employer can act as his sponsor.
Any one who marries a US citizen can get green card and become US citizen in 3 years, easiest way to become a US citizen. Employer sponsorship can take years depending on category.
Sigh. He can divorce his wife in Egypt, no problem. It's very easy, and in fact Egypt has one of the highest divorce rates in the world.
If he is married to two women, and the US discovers it he won't get a green card and you can become a felon.
If that is worth it to you, go ahead. But it is more than likely he wants a green card, not a wife.
Something seems really dodgy here. He doesnt want to divorce his wife because she can poison him against father yet he is willing to move thousands of miles away from him to start a fresh life with his new wife...hmmm???
Im sorry if im coming across as mean but i personally feel this guy is using you for a green card and once he has that he will probably call his first wife and son over and kick you to the curb. Do you think he will want to be apart from his son forever? If that is the case then why cant he divorce her because both ways he will be apart from his son. Also, of he does divorce his first wife he can still continue to give money for his sons upbringing.
I think you should really take a step back and look at your situation with a clear mind. You might see things that you had not noticed before.
Ask him you would like to live in Egypt with him and see his response most likely he will pressurize you to settle together in America (the land of opportunities )
Wish you all the best
OP. Your story can simply be summarized as "You can't have the cake and eat it too," meaning u want to possess him by marrying and want to take him to the U.S as well. Just think for a moment, do u really love him enough to stay with him as a co-wife in his country for better or for worse. You say that by marrying him , u want to help him financially. But my dear, u must know that humans plans are always different than what Allah has ordained for him or her.
If u marry any one as a co-wife in a Muslim country, u will get a marriage certificate which u can produce for ur husband in the U.S for visa/immigration purposes. I don't know what's all the fuss about. U will be his only wife in ur country while his 1st wife will be in his home country. But before donning the wedding dress, it would be better to do Istikharah and then proceed accordingly.
I would advise u not to take any hasty step. Ponder over ur plans and put them after burner for a few months and then go all out in full force.
May ALLAH SWT guide you. Ameen
1) You are already in a haram relationship.
2) He's already showing you disrespect
So how can you have trust in a claim that he's already not fulfilling?