Stay with my fiance, or marry the Afghani man?
SALAM ALAYKOUM!
I have met a nice muslim man 6 months ago. he is 10 years older than me. we felt in love when i went back to my country to see my family, and we got engaged. I know everything went so fast now he wants to get married but I am a student 22 years old and he has a degree in engineering and he still cant find a job and not financially fit to take care of me as i am still struggling to pay my studies.
He wants children and marriage I told him to be patient but he told me he can't wait any longer because he is getting older! my mother and I appreciate him so much he made me love islam more. he has a soft heart he introcuced me to everyone in his family.
Now when I come to back to the USA to continue with my studies I have met another man muslim as well he is married his wife is still in afghanistan she can't come to the USA yet because of visas issue... so he want to marry me and I "think I love him too" but I am not so sure he is ready to take care of me, pay my studies, and everything. the other problem with him is that we are not from the same country and I am scared to hurt my dear fiance and I am undecided whether I should stick to my fiance or be with the afghani.
Only GOD knows better. Give me advice please, thanks! and sorry for my english.
- tawakalt
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As salamu alaykum tawalkat,
This is my personal opinion, please take it with a grain of salt.
Related to the second man, you just think about your financial security, this is not love. And it is like you feel pity for him, think too that you are far from home and you are vulnerable and young. He is already married, remember this when he gets close to you. Would he be able to support two wives and treat both of you equally? Do you realize you will be the second wife? You are engaged, didn´t you tell to him? You should stay away from him, and he from you.
Related to your fiancée, please, think seriously about him, he is already commited to you and you to him, that is a serious step, in fact is the step previous to marriage.do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? do you want him to be the father of your children? Maybe this is a shake to make you conscious of how deep is your commitment to him.
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Your decisions will affect many people not just yourself, think about the others, try to put yourself in their shoes too.
If you are not ready for marrying yet, be clear about it and wait till you finish your studies. You are a young woman, please finish your studies and have a simple life, you don´t need to make a mess of your life, this kind of situation can make your life miserable.
You can pray Istikhara to bring some Light to your confusion too, you have all you need to know about it at the top of this page.
All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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tawakalt, wa alaykum as-salam,
Why is this even a question? Why would you abandon your fiance' who you love and he loves you, and is a good hearted man, in order to marry another man who is already married?
As Maria said, if you are not ready for marriage then there's no need to marry anyone at this time. But don't play with people's hearts and lives, nor with your own.
Of course you want someone who will be able to support you financially, but don't only think of money. Money comes and goes. There is no true financial security in this life. Security lies in dedication to Allah, sincerity, honesty, self-respect, and following your heart.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You are seriously not thinking logically. You need to find yourself before you can make any commitments.
My problem is that you are already thinking of another man and you are engaged.
Please do yourself a favour and stop putting yourself in situations that you are not ready for.
Assalaamu alaikum dear sister tawakult.
I completely agree with the above excellent responses! This is a dangerous situation you are placing yourself in. I advise that you cut off contact with this Afghani man - hes married regardless of where his wife is. Being a second wife isn't easy and Alhumdulilah you have a nice fiancee? Sorry to be blunt - but do you have any idea how lucky you are?!
Please don't throw this away for a married guy. If you no longer wish to marry your fiancee - thats fine, but marrying the afghani married man is just heading for headache, pain and trouble. If your not sure about your fiancee then consider doing istakhaarah - see above links on questions and answers for move info.
I pray that you make the right choice dear sister.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor.
x
Salaams sister tawakalt
You shouldn’t even be looking at a married man its zina and top of all that why would you want to marry or consider someone when you are engaged. Ulhumdiallah you are blessed and yet you looking at a married man this is not right sister, you are actually so lucky. You are playing with fire do not go there think twice before you act and don’t throw this away for a married guy its not worth it as in the end it will be bigger consquences for you to face. W/salaams
Salaam,
I don't think you realise how lucky you are to be engaged to a good man dedicated to you. Why are you even considering another man who is already married and unfaithful to his current wife, he could turn around and do the same to you. I would suggest you break off all contact with the married man, and focus your attention on your fiance, because if you take him for granted you may end up regretting it later on. Remember money comes and goes, you could meet someone thats financially stable who may lose all of his money after marriage, or vice versa. The most important thing to look for is someone that will respect and honour you and support you through the good and bad times, and will remain loyal.
May Allah bless us all with his mercy and grant us happiness, ameen.
Just to point out something, seeing that this man is Afghan and I know afghans very well...
His poor wife sitting back home with his kids, thinking he is abroad to earn them money and send it to them, living alone waiting for him, brining up his kids in a war stricken land....She is probably not aware at all that he is proposing to you here and considering taking a 2nd wife behind her back.
Put urself in her shoes for a minute too. Then think. Tmrw u may be her...
Was salaamu alaikum
your question sounds sooooo naive!!
as if we have the options of being with everyone and anyone at any given time!
To me you sound like a little confused, immature girl. Take my advice sister and that of other who have responded, stick to your studies and when your done marry a good man who proposes to you. don't ruin another womans life (its probably already hell, considering she's in afganistan...). I don't understand why women just don't walk away when they find out a man is already married.
this should'nt even be a issue.
wa'alekum sallam sister,
i dont know where u from but u have to be very sure which one take care well of u. and also make sure and chose who can support u well on a good way. first of all if ur happy with ur fiance plzzz do not break his heart may he loves u with no limit but if u understand that he dosent love me or u dont like him then thats ok then. i chosse for u the Afghan man be ok. thanks.