All parties unhappy in this forced marriage situation
While he's under their roof, he had to follow their rules...even though its breaking us
Asalamialikum,
I was seeing a guy from past three years and we have made our minds that we will get married. We have talked to our parents also, the guy's parents (uncle and aunt) agreed and he formally proposed me for marriage to which I agreed, he was outside country and during that time his aunt arranged his marriage with the daughter of his brother.
He resisted up to the extent that he talked to the father of the girl and infact to the girl before marriage but all in vain, no one agreed and he got married. He even talked to the girl after marrying her, he says that they can never be happy and he can't love her, but his family is still not agreeing with him and as he lives with uncle and aunt he cant go against him.
Now both of us are not happy. Neither me nor he nor his wife but still they dont agree to break the marriage. Can you please tell us a way out or a dua which will help to sort our problem. He can't himself break the marriage because of his uncle and aunt and they are not ready to break it up even they know both he and his wife are not happy, we are in a mess.
I love him deeply and he loves me also but the family is making us suffer.
Please guide us and give a prayer for us I will be highly thankful to all who will pray for us. Please please pray for us.
- Dua
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Dua, u are going after a married man. if he loves u that much then he shouldn't have got married to that girl, but now he has & ur relationship has to finish. break off all contact with him. if he gets divorced then he can come back to u, but right now he's a married man & u have no right over him. its too late now.
maybe he will accept the situation & there's a chance that he & his wife can live happily together. dont break their home! if he comes back by his own will then thats a different story, but u shouldnt try to influence this. let him make his own mind & dont keep any contact.
move on with ur life
Dear Dua, asalaamualaikum
I agree with 'Anonymous'.
If you continue to pursue this married man, you are committing a great sin. Whatever happened between you in the past has gone, it is too late.
No one physically forced this man to get married to another woman, either he was too emotionally weak to withhold the emotional family pressure, or either his desire to marry you was not strong enough.
Now that he is married, it is better for you to leave him alone. Without you on the scene he may be able to find happiness with his wife.
That sounds cruel, but its reality. I know you are hurting, but we can't get everything we want.
Remember - what missed you was never meant for you. May Allah make this difficult time easy for you and give your sabr.
Faith and time will heal your wounds, so don't make things difficult for yourself by fantasizing about you marrying this man. May Allah replace your loss with something much better.
Best Wishes,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor
assalmualaikum sis i completely agree with u but as aperson u think that it also hurts a lot smtimes it ends a life also the person whom she wants to marry is under pressure at that time so he was agreed to marry the other one and i have seen many cases of that type of marriages ad they all ends up either in divorces or in a unhappy relation sis i have seen many cases. and that marriage which is against the wishes of either of two is not valid as allah had made the relation of marriage as a paeceful loving relation.
so hw could they`ll be happy ..............................................nxt wat allah wants
Walaykumsalaam Hamayal,
I agree, a forced marriage is not valid Islamically. But what constitutes a forced marriage?
The man being referred to in this post should have refused to marry the girl if he was unhappy and as it dragged on to the point of nikah - he could have expressed his unhappiness during the nikah.
What would have happened to him if he had refused? Would his parents/aunt&uncle have beaten him, physically tied him down, thrown him out of the house? Would they have threatened to commit suicide; if so they probably would have been empty threats. Its called emotional blackmail.
Marrying due to any sort of pressure, in this case 'family pressure' while not having any positive interest in the potential spouse is of course going to be a recipe for disaster. So thats the time to be strong.
***
This man seems like a weak character; as he has had a relationship with a woman for three years, then married another woman because he couldnt refuse due to family pressure, he is clearly not happy. Just as he wanted someone to stop the nikah from proceeding because he couldnt do it himself, now he wants someone or something(a dua) to break the marriage for him because he can't do that himself either. Maybe its time this man stands up like a man and starts making decisions for himself instead of waiting for others to make things happen.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor
Ps: It may be a good idea for this man to go and see an Imaam to discuss his case in detail. A qualified Imaam would have a better insight into such marriages and would know of Islamic rulings regarding them.
salaam marriage is not something a muslim gets into and decides when to get out of it,but marriage is a pledge to your spouse and Allah,ALLAH brings husband and wife together not you and not anybody else marriage is something pure and the feelings you have left for this man isnt pure coz he is not your husband islamically it is haraam for you to look at another womens husband with the desire of wanting to be with him yes he says his not happy but hey think its his wife after all and ALLAH places love in the heart of mankind i mean love not this lust and fun and happiness u people call love i mean love ,think maybe ur just not the right girl for him thats why ALLAH chose someone else for him and who are you to try and change the decree of Allah.
I thnk someone had to lose in this situation. And that you. Sorry to say. Forced or not, he should of been tough about his decision. Since he wasn't, and got married, now you are in their relationship. I recommend that you back away and don't become a cause of his bad marriage life. He has a wife now. And u need to understand that. They share a bond now, u guys use to have something. The only way to fix this situation is that u have to back way. Like they say, there isn't one shark in the ocean. Please move on, and don't ruin that grls life, for u will b punish for that.
Dua I Sincerely Hope, Everything Works Out For The Best For You, With The Grace Of Allah (Swt) And Our Beloved Prophet (P.b.u.h) Ameen
x
Just because two people are married does not
Mean they must be together when the marriage was forced to begin with. You say he didn't have to go through with the marriage??? Have you ever heard of emotional blackmail? How would you like it if your parentd told you they would disown you of you didn't do this or that. You did make some very good points Sister Z. But you miss the point
Don't miss the point of love & happiness. Whether you agree or not it's amazing feeling to have & once you have it you don't want to let it go. Im sure he is hurting too. He is human. And to tell people that they are married now & deal with it. And being mean telling her she is the other woman. They are married at heart, I'm
Sure & the 'wife' if you can call her that is the other woman. Someone had to be forced to marry her. She is not a victim. Where is her backbone? I'm sure the boy was emotionally blackmailed & told he would be disowned. Parents should not get away with this. He needs to tell them how unhappy he is. He does need to stand up for himself. So does everyone else who is involved in these situations. It needs to stop. It's inhumane. It's treating your children like slaves. To say, 'well he is married now', condones the pressure his parents put on him in the first place. Those of you who gave advise must have never been directly involved in this situation. Please find me a couple who were forced to marry (I'm not talking reluctantly arranged) and they are now genuinely happy? I'm talking about a situation where one or both of the people in the marriage resisted it & were love with someone else. Nobody knows the intensions of Allah. But the intensions of the parents are for a selfish self agenda. Get over it people. Stop treating your children like slaves. Look how many people are on here SO distraught. What are the outcomes of these situations? Please find me a truly happy story? These things can end in tragedy.
Salaams Dua
Once you are married forced or not people should not go after married people this for one is haraam, zina and mostly committing adultery. Surely you understand there are some boundaries people should never ever cross whether you love or not every human should know there wrong doings and mistakes because this sort of actions have consequences and I wouldn’t want you to ruin a marriage or a broken home. In regards to someone being happy or not marriage of two people coming together is from allah and this is a test for all us Muslims. I strongly advise you leave this man has he is married and let him and his wife deal with their own problems. At the end of the day you are actually making this worse for them. I hope inshallah you understand this and you find someone else who is your worth amen.
Choice1 of course forced or not these two people should make this marriage work at least then they have given it a chance. What planet are you on married means married invalid or not. Having affair with another women or man is not right either that’s cheating and has consequences. Do you not think this is actually haraam and no love or not they shouldn’t have committed haraam in the first place? I am sorry to say people could say one thing and then do another I don’t know really to be honest I just feel sorry for the parents regardless what they might have done.
BTW this man also had a voice he if loved his girlfriend of 3 years he would have stood up for her in the first place like a real man should have. AND no one forced him to marry this other woman he did it all himself. Now he is actually married I suggest you walk away and let him get on with it because to me it appears he used you and I believe you are worth more than to be treated like this.