I want to break my engagement but I don’t want to hurt my parents
Engagement and Marriage
Assalamualikum,
A year ago my parents engaged me to a girl who lives in our village, at that time I was in Malaysia. They asked me at that time, but by mistake or I don't know why I said yes. But within one month, I wanted to end the engagement. Then I tried to create understanding and to build a relationship but nothing went right.
Now I already told to girl that I do not want to marry her, so I just broke the engagement. I also told my sister, but there is a problem of respect and ego in our people. When my parents find out about this, how can I control their reaction to me? What if they still compel me to marry, and I know that I cannot keep her happy?
I also love another girl, and she loves me and we want to marry. But how can I end this engagement; and is it right to end it or am I wrong according to religion? Is there any restriction on me saying no, other than society which always try to interfere in other family problems?
Kindly guide me on this. I do not want to hurt my parents, but if they compel me to marry obviously I will not be loyal to the girl in my life, and it also will make problems for the other girl whom I love.
-irfan
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Dear Brother,
If you love someone else (its not clear whether you got in love with that another girl before engagement or after) but whatever but you should have guts to stand for the girl you would like to marry.
it seems you are trying to sail in two boats. have you realized that you are actually playing with two (girls) lives?!!!
You parents got you engaged with your prior permission, so they are not at fault but only you.
it is not clear what made you to get out of this engagement- i mean why you felt that it cannot be successful- perhaps may be because of that girl you love. (i may be wrong but i don't know why i am getting an impression that you are torn between your desire and being an obedient good son).
you shouldn't give any false/confusing hope neither to girl you love nor the one you got engaged with. If you have guts to love then please have guts to stand for it too.
Please do not spoil life of that girl you got engaged with by marrying her under pressure of parents or society, when you dont have feelings towards her for one reason or another. Do you realize that how society back bites about a girl(from her character to her family)whose engagement is broken. Do you realize the pain caused by you to her from your words.
If you are sure of your love for that girl (you love) then talk to parents about it and take that matter ahead.
Please be clear in your thoughts and feelings and decide your action accordingly. as it will save not just you but two other lives depend on it
SLAALYKUM
BROTHER IRFAN , PLEASE LISTEN TO THE ABOVE MESSEGE OF SISTER MUSLIMA , I HUMBLEY ADD THAT ,BASIC PROBLEN IS, THAT WE DON'T READ QURAN E KAREEM WITH ITS MEANINGS , WE ACT ACCORDING TO WHAT WE HEAR BY WORDS , EXAMPLE WE HEARED THAT , TO OBEY PARENT IS SOME THING GREAT , AND THATS ALL , WE DO NOT KNOW , HOW IMPORTANT ARE OTHERS AROUND YOU AND THEIR SENTIENTS , AND THEIR RITHS ARE EQUELY IMPORTANT , NIETHER THEASE GIRS TO WHOM YOU ENGAGE , AND U LOVE, THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND THERE STATUS AS MUSLIM , AND ALWAYS FACE THIS SORT OF SOCIAL PROBLEM , AT GLANCE THIS SEEMS A MINOR ISSUE BUT IN DEPTH ITS VERY BIG ISSUE WHICH KEEP WHOLE SOCITY IN PROBLEM , BASICALLY SEPRATED FROM EACH OTHERS >>>
SO MY BROTHER THIS MY REQUEST TO YOU , AND THROUGH THIS TO ALL MY MUSLIM BROTHERS AND SISTER ,THAT PLEASE READ QURAN E KAREEM WITH ITS MEANINGS IN YOUR OWN LANGUGE JUST ONE LINE A DAY ,MAY TAKE 10 MINUTES AND THEN PRAY , RABA NA TAQBAL MINA INKA ANTA SAMIUN ALEEM " AND DAROODH E IBRAHIMI , PLEASE KEEP REMEBER ME IN YOUR PRAYES
Salaam brother.just tell me one thing, how does a guy say yes to such a big decision 'by mistake'?Don't you think you have been very harsh to the girl you got engaged to?if you had said no at the right time before getting engaged, and took a stand for the girl you love, wouldn't that have been better?now because of your weakness, that girl, her parents and even your parents will have to suffer the utmost embarrassment.And because you have already told the girl you don't wish to marry her, there is no undoing it, since I doubt that girl and her parents would accept you back after what you said.But since what is done, is done, just tell your parents politely but firmly that you won't marry anyone but the girl of your choice, since you feel that you won't make any one else a good husband.Your parents and you should apologize humbly to your ex fiance and her parents, since they were blameless in this issue.And for heaven's sake, atleast do right by the girl you love and marry her!sorry bro, but you sound like a typical weak personality who even after all this would still succumb to parent pressure and dump the girl you claim to love.Please bro, marry her, make her a good and faithful husband for the rest of your life, and make sincere tawbah for what you did to your ex fiancee so remorselessly, and pray that she finds a husband better than you.
Walaikum salaam brother Irfan321,
You have already received some excellent advice, I would further reiterate that if you are not happy with this engagement then be honest with everyone involved including yourself. Everyone has the right to chose their spouse and live happily and this starts with being honest about yourself first and then others around you who you care. What matters the most is that two people who will be marrying each other are happy with the union, it is not to keep parents happy whose respect should be our utmost priority. However, being respectful toward parents doesn't mean to be unfair with oneself, or their spouse or simply give up your right. It's you who will be spending the rest of your life with your wife, not your parents, relatives or society.
So, speak up and tell your parents and the girl (whom you are engaged) about how you feel and I am hoping that your relationship with this other girl is halal iA. If it isn't than make it halal by getting married as soon as possible.
Muhammad1982,
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor.
Tell ur elder the longer u leave itthe more it will harm u.jsut tell them ur situation,
My dear brother, I also confused in this problem ...
[Editor's note: If you require advice, please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post - that way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]
assalam o alaikum everyone
aftab, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I want to break off my engagement. Can anyone tell wazifa for breaking engagement ?
There is no wazifa necessary. Simply tell your parents and your fiancé that you have changed your mind and do not wish to marry him.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam, sorry for interrupting, i just have one quick question, i prayed istikhara last night about a person that wants to marry me and i do too, but my parents are making really hard, anyways i prayed istikhara last night and i couldnt go to sleep till 4am i wasn't able to fall asleep i was thinking, i woke up in the morning and i was in a good mood i had a good day, during the day i was doing the dishes and i was washing a one of the glass and it broke, my question is does that have anything to with a sign of istikhara or not ? jazakumAllah kheir
salam, sorry for interrupting, i just have one quick question, i prayed istikhara last night about a person that wants to marry me and i do too, but my parents are making really hard, anyways i prayed istikhara last night and i couldnt go to sleep till 4am i wasn't able to fall asleep i was thinking, i woke up in the morning and i was in a good mood i had a good day, during the day i was doing the dishes and i was washing a one of the glass and it broke, my question is does that have anything to with a sign of istikhara or not ? jazakumAllah kheir
I dont love any one else not any other man is in my life but the partner my parents choz for me is 5'5 and my hight is 5'7.his attitude kharos nature and many other things+ his background and residnce is in a town or u can say village type town i dont even like him by personality i m not happy even on a signle good reason i cant find any thing good in it i want to say no but my parents....they choz him just because he is the son of my fathers frnd....due to them i am unable to say a single word their ego respect and blah blah...even islamic shariyah allows us to say yes or no on our own reasos but this indo-islamic cultur just mixed every thing.
My parents are going to do my marriage in next month but i m nt happy from this marriage i m against of this Mariage because i love another person my parents are trying to force me to do this mariage they blackmailing me that if you refused from this we will kill you plx mjhe wazefa bta den k meri ye mngni toot jayen or ye shadi na ho payein bht pareshn hn prso rat mjhe bht maara bhi tha plxxx help me
You are an adult nobody can force you to do anything. You should first talk to parents patiently, things will work out. Tell them that you will not be happy and you love someone else, patiently. And try to earn their confidence.
However, they are black mailing you, it means there must be some gains to them behind your marriage. Try to find out the exact reason why are they wanting it so desperately.
They are cruel to you so, try asking help from some relative or family friend close to them as well.
And most important thing never stop hoping.
have faith in your Lord, thing will change Insha Allah.
MAy Allah Bless you, and remove obstacles from your life.
(You should write a separate question for yourself I think.)