Will Allah forgive me if I commit suicide?
Assalamualaikum.
First of all I apologize for my bad English. I am a 22 years old muslimah and i live in a indonesian family. I can't see the solution of the problem I am facing other than suicide. I left my study in university about a year ago. I made mistake by not doing it well, because I didn't know what i want to do in life, and i had no friends and manytimes I got news from home that how my father still had affair with some woman and how sad my mother was. I never feel affection and attention from my mother and father. i start seeking for attention from some boy online but it led me to more depression. and that made my father cut me from study.
I live in my family house since then. Since I was small, i never find peace in our house. My father constantly had affairs with several women and my mother got into depression and attempted committing suicide by taking insecticide, but fortunately she saved. In another fights, my mother tried to kill herself again by attempting to stab herself which my father stopped her, and tried to jump from a bridge and my sister tried to find her and stopped her. I have two brothers and one sister. My eldest brother has disability and he has limited brain function and has weak body. And my elder sister has been married last June, she moved with his husband to another city.
She doesn't really care about me, she even never listen to me or replied to my message. My youngest brother is in 4th grade now. He is the one who is close to me because I downloaded video game for him and let him play it on my pc. i do not play video game though. Since I left my university my parents abused and yelled at me all the time. They called me bitch, crazy woman, trash, and other names. All my neighbors talks about me and think i am crazy.
I ever once kneeled in front of my mother's leg to forgive me and I cried and I told her I don't want her to be angry with me, my father watched me while apologizing to my mother. and the next day he called me how i am such a crazy woman, in eid day while i was kissing his hand. I'm so broken inside I don't know what to feel anymore. I know I made mistake, I made a big mistake by disappointing them but do i deserve all of this? since then I stop talking to them. I just got silent and stay in my room all day. I don't know who i am anymore. I used to read Quran and pray salah and wear proper hijab, I do it only for Allah to cover my aurah although I know I am not perfect inside.
My father told me that I just pretended to be a good person and that I just should get naked. he told me that he was going to burn all of my hijab. yes I deserve this, I deserve all of this words. I do not mind. My father and mother are still used to fighting and yelling to each other. my house is like hell itslef. my mother yells at me and curse me to die. I do not mind, I already want to die.
All i want is to go away from my family and move so far away to another country or another city but I do not have the money to do the procedure. I live in a small town and i feel so ashamed if i meet any of my high school friends most of them has finished their study and got a job, and that's why I cannot look for job in this town, I don't want them to feel pity for me.
Everyone thinks that i am crazy. i just want to go away from here or should i end my life? Will Allah understand my pain and forgive me if i kill myself?
_Faith_
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Faith,
No matter how bad things are in your home, please do not consider suicide...it is never the answer. You said you are close to your younger brother...think of how he looks up to you and think of how lost he would be without you. You have made mistakes...we all make mistakes. God willing you have learned from them. Continue to repent to Allah for your transgressions however small they are. Allah forgives you for your sins even if your parents cannot. Allah is and always will be there for you. Lift your head and be proud of the person that you are. You made a mistake...you are human. Never, ever consider suicide my dear...Allah has something better planned for you. You just wait and see!
Salam
like it ur suggestion
Dear sister Faith, as-salamu alaykum,
Suicide is not the answer. You must be very clear on this. I know that it's tempting, because your mother has set a bad example for you by attempting suicide numerous times. But that is not the way of Islam.
Please read my page on suicide. It has a lot of good advice and I really want you to read it carefully and take it to heart:
Suicide in Islam
About your family. You need to realize that your parents are emotionally disturbed, and possibly even mentally ill. They are not normal parents, and their behavior is not normal, loving, kind, parental behavior. Therefore you need to stop accepting and internalizing their awful, cruel statements, such as:
"You are pretending to be a good person, you should take off your hijab and be naked." This is an insane statement. The truth is that you are a good person. Yes, you do deserve to wear hijab.
"You are a bitch, crazy woman, trash..." - Wrong! You are none of those things. You are a normal, sane, healthy young woman. It's quite normal for a young person your age to be confused about what she wants to do in life. SubhanAllah! When I was young I was kicked out of the university three times, I didn't finish my degree, and I went to jail! If anyone should have killed himself it was me. But I persevered, I struggled, I paid no mind to the negativity around me. And now I am happy with my life, Alhamdulillah. I have a career I enjoy, good friends, hobbies I love, and a daughter I treasure.
"You should die." - Wrong! You should live, live, live! SubhanAllah, again, I am confounded and dismayed that any parent would say such a thing. I really think your parents are deeply disturbed individuals. May Allah help them and heal them.
The time of your death is destined by Allah. That means that if you are still alive, it's because He wants you to be alive. That means that there are things yet for you to do in this life, goals to accomplish, people to love, skills to learn.
Please also read my article about dealing with negative parents:
If you have an abusive parent, learn to value yourself
Sister faith, you need to start feeding yourself positive affirmations. Write them down and read them every day:
1. I am a good Muslim woman, no matter what anyone says.
2. I am a worthwhile, special human being.
3. I am sane, intelligent and wholesome.
4. I have a good future ahead of me, Insha'Allah.
5. I deserve to live, and to have a good life as Allah intended.
6. I reject the negative statements that others say about me.
7. I have a positive and calm spirit. I know who I am, and I am happy and proud to be me.
8. I will find a way forward from these difficult times.
9. I will not let the negativity of my environment affect my heart.
10. I will forgive my parents for their faults and be patient with them.
These are examples. You can write your own. Write them down, keep them someplace close to you, and read them every morning and every night.
Lastly, from a practical perspective, you need to find a way to get out of the house. Go live with your married sister if possible, or even a friend. If there's any way you can get back into the university, then do so. If not, then get a job if you can. Forget your embarrassment at what others will think. Get any kind of halal job that you can. Keep trying until you find a way. Ask Allah every day to help you, and do your utmost to make a life for yourself.
May Allah help you in every way, and ease your heart, and fill you with confidence and hope.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ameen to your prayers.
Sister, Life is a gift from Allah. We all want to live face the difficulties of lifestyle face the challenges have patients if we can do all this in this world then next world will be easy and peace. This is our goal to live and die as a Muslim.
Committing suicide is not an answer nor it's a solution to solve your current problems. It's more getting in to problem by you won't give yourself time, chance to ask forgiveness from Allah and work hard for the next life.
Your parents behavior is not acceptable. I agree with what brother said above. If possible find to start you study again if possible.if not then I will suggest you should get married if that possible tell your sister to help.
Sister life if so hard it's just matter of time to set. If you seek Allah's help without any doubt Allah will help you and ease your pain which you in right now. Every Muslim house need prayer otherwise shaitan get the chances to break the families.
Walaykum as salam, sister Faith,
Life is a miracle, to be alive is a miracle, to live is a miracle and beyond that is a blessing. If we see struggles as tests or exams to pass, we may consider them in a different way.
As a daughter is difficult to accept the abuse even knowing it , the tendency of the victim is to blame themselves for it, I want to ask you a favour, try to see your parents as human beings separated from you, with this I mean, see their weaknesses not as the daugther , see it as the woman you are already, see it from outside, …Insha´Allah, this way you will be able to live your experience without so much emotional involvement and won´t be so painful and destructive, you will open new chains to heal your wounds, accept yourself as who you are and get to understand that what they do it is not the healthy way, that you must train yourself to do it better recognizing the ill destructive patterns they have and transmute them into healthy ones.
I support fully that you look for a job, to work will be good for you and your self steem. I see just positive aspects thinking about it, you will have to take care of yourself, get out of home to go to work, talking and being with different people,…and if you don´t have enough knowledge to get a job and it is not possible to return to the University, look for short term courses where you can learn skills to get a job. To give you clues about what is your path, think about something that has given you joy since you were little, can that be phocused in a profesional career?
Life is out there, we have the responsibility to live because to live is a must, we have to live, it is our commitment since we take our first breath. I don´t like the idea of getting out of your house yet, move slowly and step by step, try to go out to the world again.
About what other people may think, even the thoughts hurt many times, but the only way you have to show to the world and to yourself who you really are, is living the day by day, doing what you should be doing, studying or working.
I would like to advise you to stay away from internet chats, you had a bad experience already, please try to avoid it.
If you find friends from highschool and they have good jobs, be happy for them, and strive yourself, if they did it, you can, the time is not the same for everyone, but if you want it insha´Allah, you will get it.
To pray in the morning and in the evening, the last three surahs of the Quran, surah Al-Fatihah and ayat Al-kursi, insha´Allah will keep you grounded and protected, insha´Allah, this may give you the strength you need now to begin to move forward.
Remember that when we fall, we get up, sometimes may take more time than others but the goal is to get up.
Read and learn the Names of Allah and His Attributes, insha´Allah, this will inspire you and will tune you into a higher vibration.
Please, ask Allah(swt) to help you to forgive yourself and forgive the others, this can only be done by His Mercy and we need it to heal.
Thank you for looking for help and for giving me the opportunity to be for you.
All my Unconditional Love,
María
Salam,
Please sister don't kill yourself. Get back in your school and ignore your parents. DO NOT disrespect them but ignore the mean statements. I couldn't imagine your pain. My mother used to scream or etc at me I would run into my fathers arms. He used to get mad at my mother for screaming at me. Its hard when both parents are creaming at you but they really are just mad about their own lives. Tell your mom to divorce your dad bcuz its not your fault why they are unhappy. You don't deserve this. Tell your father that "he has 2 girls" so adultery has pay back. Put Qur'an on in your house. On the computer,TV,etc. Just Ask Allah swt to help you. Good luck
ASSALAMUALIKUM ....
i a too young to advice u sister....
but all i can say is have believe in ALLAH(subhana wa atala) i can truly understnd tru what ur going..i know how it feels...
but just thing things can get worse after you go..do u want your brother to face what you have faced???
who will take care of ur brothers??
i really know how it feels to be all around every time with such atmosphere...where people dont understand you..and all u feel is alone and locked...
i just know we all come to this earth for a reason....
and maybe your reason is to give a much better like to your brothers..so that when they growup they dont have the bad feelings like you have.....
prayers can do wonders....its just it takes time...1year or maybe 5...
ALLAH...is there with us...i know it is not easy as we say..i know how it feels....
i just wanna say sister..be more patience...again i know its hard...sometimess we just cant take it anymore...
but all i can say is dont endup ur life...it is never a solution....
i will really pray for you..and pray that ALLAH gives u strength and sabar..
my prayers r with you..may ALLAH bless u :):)
Asalamualikum
my dear sister i will juss say a few thingss ...... just at once just once wot will be your condition after suiciding wer will be your place dat also not for 1 or 2 years for millions of never ending life just think fine you have many problems buh everythg has an end and surely Allah will give you rewards for having patience just do one thng from your heart cry lous cry and cry and make duaaa surely Allah will help you our prophet SAW had many difficulties people stoned him, once when he was praying and while he was in sujood disbelievers bought dead animals body and threw on him, his door steps of his house were filled with waste bad things buh did he do anythg back no he kept quiet with patience so is our problem greater dan our Rasoolullaa ??? after all this did he have food, no he starved he tied stones on his tummy yet did he complain no all this happened for jus one thng for us his ummahh he loved us like no 1, he cried for us like no 1, even when he ws at his death bed when Jibreel AS came he was not scared of death buh he ws juzz worried about sumthg his ummah ya Rasuullalla where will we find sum one like him wer wer??? so juz have patience surely "Inna Allaha maa Sabireen" Allah is with the patience
a.s
samir, I registered you, made your comment into a post and published it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I want also commit suicide but i dont know how, i am suffering more, i have no body
sha, I'm sorry to hear that you are not doing well. Please read the answers already given.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
shami, I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's not clear to me whether you are male or female, or how old you are. If you are an adult and can support yourself then I suggest you simply move out of your family's home. If you're not old enough for that then be patient for now. Read my article here:
If you have an abusive parent, learn to value yourself
One day you will be married and have a family of your own, and will not be alone Insha'Allah. Be patient.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My dad ill treated and left my mom...
Alvia, I submitted your question as a separate post and published it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sister, Salamailekum
I know how it feels. Seek Allah's help. The state we are in only He can heal.
Your Allah is the only hope in such times. Also try some medical aid if you can. These are all psychological issues that happen to everyone but for some of us it gets way too bad. Sometimes you mind is no more yours, it feels like a slave to your own thoughts. Live for your brother if you can. Sometimes leaving everything to Allah is the best.
You can connect with me if you want.
May Allah bless you.