my parents don’t want him because he is a convert and from a different culture
Assalamu Aleikum Warahmathullahi Wabarakathuhu!
I am desperate for some advice. I met a guy and we have known each other for over a year. We began working together and we got to know each other. He had told me he believes in God but doesn't understand a lot about religion but was interested in Islam.
We started going out and he made many Muslim friends who taught him more about Islam. He fasted Ramadan and a week after Eid ul Fitr he converted to Islam. He had previously told me wanted to marry me and. I always said I can only marry a Muslim man. After he converted I believed it was the right time to talk to my mother and father. When I spoke to them both they said that they do not want to hear of it and their answer is no!
I'm not sure what to do because I have fallen in love with this guy. He means a lot to me and has looked after me whenever I've needed anything. He didn't have the best upbringing,; he has never known his father, and his mother hasn't treated him well. Is it ok for my family to use that as a reason not to marry him? Surely it's not his fault he had a difficult upbringing. He is still learning more about Islam and I wanted to tell my parents about him so we could get engaged, so that meeting up wouldn't be haram and my parents and family would be aware.
I really don't know what to do. I want to follow my heart but I love my family very much. Do you know if it's right for my parents to refuse someone because he is a convert and from a different culture? Please I could do with any advice that is relevant to Islam. I do not wear a hijab but I was born a Muslim and try my best to follow the faith as much as. possible because it's a religion I love and am proud to be part of.
Thank you very much
(any comment will help)
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Tagged as: convert, Dating, marrying a convert
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asalamu alaikum,
hi how are you? hope you are doing well. after reading your question i can understand the hardship you are going through. your parents should not reject a brother due to race, their was a hadith which i dont have at hand messenger of allah(pbuh) said, a non-arab is not better than arab and an arab is not better than an non-arab, this clearly shows no matter your race, ethnic background we are all equal, in islam you can marry muslims from all race.
your family shouldnt use his family background for you not to marry, in a another hadith(which i dnt have in hand) it says if a man comes to ask your daughters hand in marriage , if he meets the 2 requirements which are 1. charecteristics 2.religion then they should accept his proposal.
so sister explain to them that he is a practiceing brother etc sister hope things workout.
ma salama
Salaam brother and sister
Recently i am also having a similar problem where my family are not accepting the man i have chosen to marry because hes an arab and lives on foreign soil. With all the convincing and talking to my parents and trying to make them understand they've basically given me an ultimatum that i can marry that guy and have nothing to do with them or listen to them and let them choose a suitable pakistani.
My mother said to me today " I have a friend and her daughter married a black african muslim, shes happy and he's a really good muslim, yet her parents are so miserable and upset" the reason her parents were unhappy because they dont care that their daughter is married to a muslim man but instead would perfer her to marry a pakistani so her parents could keep their head high in the society and not be shamed of who she married.
Im not sure what im going to do in the next few months i loved a muslim brother and race/culture never came into it and inshallah he's going to come to the uk in the next 3 months and hopefully meet my parents but i know one thing they will never accept him so it makes me wonder why we try to make things work with our parents when they refuse to listen.
In islam does a daughter have to give up on a chance of happiness so her parents can stand high in the family and society? If i make a choice is it wrong of my parents to disown me and can i do the same if they force to me to accept another a muslim.
Sameena, please register, log in and submit your own question as a draft.
I am going through the same thing.
I parents who discriminate are in the wrong. their excuses are unworthy....reputation/culture/image THIS IS NOT ISLAM these are the traits of peole who live for and love this world only.
I need some advice myself. I want to get married to a God-fearing muslim but my parents dont like him because he is from a different culture. Is it ok to leave home and get married without their permission.
because i have two choices, do what they say but live an unhappy empty life , or break free and be happily married.
the only thing that stops me is that you are supposed to obey your parents and not break kins. so what do i do??
da best thing 2 do siis iz 2 pry n ask alah 4 help he knows best it happend me as well where my preant refuced a man i broght up coz of where he cam fromm i nevr listened 2 them i got married n i'm happpey now alahmdulah sometymz ur prent may be wroong n i can undertand that coz it's cultural thing may alah help u inshlah
XYZ,
Where have you got your information from regarding 'Kafaa'? It is totally contradictory to the teachings of Islam. No one is superior due to lineage, colour, financial status, education. What makes one better than the other in 'real' terms is their deen and character - and only Allah is the One to Judge.
I completely understand that Islam recommends 'compatability' when marrying in Islam, so that there can be harmony and peace. But:
- that does not make an Arab girl marrying a European 'haraam',
- neither does it make a white person superior to a black person
- those people from the lineage of Muhammad(saw) are no better than any other person due to their blood connection with Muhammed(saw). They are only better if they are good in their deen and character.
- an Arab does not make a better leader of a community just because he is an Arab. What if the owner of Harrods Mohamed Al-Fayed was the only 'Arab' amongst a community of non-Arab Muslims, would he have to be the 'leader'. I shudder to think.
XYZ, I don't know if you agree with what you have written, or if you have just written it for information. Either way - what you have written is completely and utterly not from Islam. Because my Islam does not segregate people on their skin color, language, lineage, education. It recognises these differences, but does not use them to cause division. Instead it encourages us to learn from one another and to become One Ummah. How can we have one ummah when people are believing in such things as Kafaa.
Your information regarding 'Kafaa' appears to be one of the many deviations and misinterpretations of our beautiful religion Islam.