Utterly stuck in confusion and missing her. I want to forget her.
I am settled in Madina Munawwara for the last 12,13 years. Grew up here and got graduated and even now going to start career here in the very near future Inshallah. Allah for some reason has always been merciful on me Alhamdulillah. But during my MBBS met a girl. We became friends. For some reason I liked her and started loving her in no time. Same was with her and she started loving me. A time came when we couldn't live without each other. We kept in touch every single second. And always stayed together- be it in class or outside.
(We were not in Pakistan but Sweden)
My life became dull. Every single second she stayed on my mind.. I left writing daily diary, columns, social circle got almost 0, and so on.
I hail from a different city with a different language and she with a different langauge. When talked to my family they didn't allow for marriage. But after some time they said yes.
I am shortening this story and skipped alot of things..that took place in between.
Making my family say YES for marriage took me one year.
In this one year I was extremely tense and to relate my situation I have no words and am speechless.
She always said she loved me. The only saying of her would comfort me. She was a bit broadminded and talked to other guys- class fellows of her young sister in university. I always stopped her and she would say "they are 5 years younger to me and are kids" she would constantly msg them.
Once she was flying back to another city. I was at the airport to see her off. I tried calling her and her cell was busy for almost 2,3 hours. Despite seeing all this I couldn't stop loving her. I kind of forgot all that. But once I saw a pic of her talking to a guy on live cam and what I felt was obvious to ALLAH.
I had given up everything for her. I went too far. What hurt me is if she loved me and she knew me so well as she use to claim what and why would she talk to others for? If I could I would have saved her from the blowing breeze even... I am extraordinarily caring, loving and possessive person! She probably miss took my possessiveness and pretended understanding me!
What I "FEEL" now is I always ask myself IF SHE CHEATED ME? If she loved me Why the hell would she do that to me?
Believe me I still miss her. I had never been so close to anyone. Since childhood when ever I wanted to talk I would go to Haram and talk to Allah. What hurts is I spoilt everything of mine for her. Alhamdulillah Allah always saved me at every step of life.
I lived in a number of countries but Alhamdulillah have always stayed away Gunah-e-Kabiraz. I have an Allah inclined nature but after I meeting her I still had this feeling but kind of got faded as time passed by!
I am now stuck in missing her and reverting back to my Allah. Even during prayers she's on my mind but don't know when will I get myself back..
I have been praying, crying and prostrating to ALLAH but HE is not listening to me! I did UMRAZ but HE is not even listening to my cries and pains I am suffering from. If she's not mine I want to forget her. The very thoughts of her has paralyzed my mind. Plz help me
-Dr Rix
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Aslamualequm to all
Bro its same happend to me. But before we fall in love and Propose her for marrige. She said i have to change my religion and embrace Islam( as mentioned in surah Al Baqra if a nom muslim male of female wants to marry a muslim they must embrace Islam first after that they got marry) So i did same but after embrace Islam . Inspite of embrace islam she got marry to another guy of her parents choice without inform me.. When i heard all this my nights become sleepless and tearfull. Once day she telephonee and said to me that she got marry with her Own choice. But i said her i follow your every command even khatna and name change and others for got marry to and i told her even my parents disown me inspite of only son of my Parents. I asked her why she had done all this to me then she said its from allah. Now i have a question if it was from Allah then why it is mention in Al baqra to marry a nom muslim after embrace Islam.
Inspite of got marry still she is in my dreams my memories and even in my prayer. I can not concentrate on my work and saw her i every where. I have never in my mind to marry another girl.
Ked
" Now i have a question if it was from Allah then why it is mention in Al baqra to marry a nom muslim after embrace Islam?"
This verse is true, If a sincere muslim girl or boy wants to marry a non-muslim, then the non-muslim have to embrace Islam wholeheartedly to marry the former.
If a person is insincere about marriage, then no blames goes on Allah.
Furthuremore, There is only one way of reverting/embracing Islam and that is, accepting Islam by heart (i,e. Believing in one Allah and his final messenger Muhammad), but in this modern generation, people started deceiving themselves by mocking the law and bending the rules. The innovative way of reverting/embracing Islam is now done by the lips only. (For example, If a muslim girl wants to marry a non muslim, she forces the non muslim boy to accept Islam for her to marry him. This boy accepts Islam by his lips for his love so that they can get married. After marriage this boy is back to his old lifestyle. Not all of them only some.) therefore, embracing Islam for the sake of marriage or embracing Islam for obtaining legal status in middle-east or etc are all false ways of accepting Islam. Islam has to be learned, understood and accepted by heart with Allah's guidance and not a guidance from a "girl".
Secondly, If you have embraced Islam sincerely by heart, and the girl left you saying " it was from Allah ", why didn't you ask her at that very instant, what was from Allah ? For all I can see, you fell in love with her wasn't from Allah, she fell in love with you wasn't from Allah, she fooled/tricked you into believing she loved you wasn't from Allah etc ( all those actions are from free-will ). Allah is not to be blamed here for some insincere girl.
But if you've embraced Islam just for the sake of marrying, then you havn't really embraced it. I invite you though if Allah wills.
All mistakes and sins is hers alone, do not give any share of it to our creator, the Lord of all the worlds.
Salam Brother,
Twelve, thirteen years is a very, very long time to be alone and feeling this way. If you live and grew up in Madina, I will assume you are of Saudi nationality...if not, my bad. Does your family live in Madina? Mashallah, there are so many wonderful families and amazing sisters waiting for a good man like yourself to come and ask for them.
Is there a reason that you have not married in all these years brother? I can understand your feelings of loss and betrayal but what I can't understand is why you will not let go and move on? Life is way too short to think about what happened so long ago. I'm not saying forget about this girl whom you thought so much of...not at all. What I am saying is find a special someone to spend your life with and build new memories with her. You deserve that and you deserve to be happy.
Salam
Salam Brother,
It's really sad what you are going through.
I think right now you should work on your relationship with Allah and Inshallah everything will fall into place. And Allah IS listening to you 🙂 He is always listening...
You can just cant expect to get over someone who you love so quickly, it takes time but one day you will love someone else, Inshallah 🙂
I pray Allah gives you a wonderful wife who will love you as much as you will love her. Ameen.
Hello Dr.Rix,
I had a broad smile on my face when you said " Allah for some reason has always been merciful on me Alhamdulillah ", "Since childhood when ever I wanted to talk I would go to Haram and talk to Allah", "Alhamdulillah Allah always saved me at every step of life" and "I have an Allah inclined nature". But then I was utterly dissapointed when you said "I am now stuck in missing her and reverting back to my Allah", " I have been praying, crying and prostrating to ALLAH but HE is not listening to me" and " HE is not even listening to my cries and pains I am suffering from". May Allah make you strong and guide you.
You know what ? Love is good but love can be blind. This is whats happening in your situation. Allah has been so merciful to you but the situation you are facing now is by your own wrong doings. Allah said " Whatever good happens to you is from Allah and whatever evil befalls you is from your own soul".
Are you aware that pre-marital relationships/ gf-bf is forbidden in Islam ? These unIslamic culture has flaws and terrible consequences. It is not allowed in Islam for the very same reason you are facing and much more. Where people lose hope in Allah and become hasty. Sometimes no matter how educated a person is, they lost their common sense in love. They become ungrateful of how Allah has been merciful to them. But Allah has already warned us to stay away from it because it normally results in broken hearn, depression etc.
Allah said: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do." (24:30).
Bro, know that 'girl', is Allah's creation. Allah is our master creator not some mere living being. Therefore, you should never come to a point where you are ' stuck ' in missing a creation and reverting to our master creator. This is not right. Just because you might have bad experiance with a creation who can be evil, insincere, cheater etc that doesn't mean you should go hard at our creator, because this is your fault. You've breached Allah's law and now your are suffering its consequences. Its bound to hapen. If your relationship with her is not finished, then put an end to it. Being with her is not going to please Allah in the least. Repent sincerely for you've sinned. There is no point in missing her, get back to the straight path. It must be dificult to remove those thoughts but having those thought while praying isn't going to help
You are a possessive person, just like me as I was born and brought up in Kuwait. But normally, people in the west and/or other places are more liberal and open minded. Their views are normally based on the culture of the country they reside with less religious influence. Unlike here in mid-east, especially in Madinah where I believe the culture is somewhat religiously influenced. Maliki madhab follows the culture of Madinah as a rule. Therefore you and her are not compatible. She may be sincere, but her views are of modernist and not islamist. She sees no problem in chatting or video chatting with non-mahram male and that is the way she was brought up but for us it is ' haram walla haram, astaghfirullah' ' how can she do this ? ' Or possible she is cheating on you, which I highly think so. She doesn't deserve you in the least bit. She might not be thinking of you rather she must be video chatting with other guys now, useless person. Think about it.
Therefore brother, dont waste your precious time and spend it for the sake of Allah. And do not think that Allah is not listening to you or etc,
"But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth and ye know not." (2:216)
"And your Lord says: "Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer) " (40:60)
"I listen to the prayer (Duaa) of every suppliant when he calleth on Me" (2:186)
Our Prophet said that we should never lose hope or be hasty. When we sin big, how can Allah appreciate us at that moment ? First we have to do our part of avoiding evils and repenting and then He'll show mercy on us once again.
Allah's Apostle said,"The invocation of anyone of you is granted (by Allah) if he does not show impatience (by saying, "I invoked Allah but my request has not been granted.") ( Sahih Bukhari )
Bro, quickly avoid evil and come back to the straight path before its too late.
“By Him in Who’s Hand is my soul, you will enjoin good and prohibit evil or (else), Allah will soon send upon you a punishment from Him, then you will call Him and He will not answer you.” [Ahmad Musnad, Saheeh At-Tirmidhee. ]
Dont despair of Allah's mercy and dont lose hope because no one else can help fix your situation only Allah can.
"If Allah helps you none can overcome you: if He forsakes you ,who is there after that that can help you? In Allah then let believers put their trust." ( 3:160)
therefore, be dutiful towards Allah. Do good deeds, have patience and insha'Allah the best will your way.
Its plain and simple that she is a treacheous girl and don't deserve ur love . So flog urself and repent and marry asap , it won't take no time to forget her simplee . I was in more intense situation like u . Dear its all in head
Assalamualaikum,
Brother, I would just say Ma sha Allah for what you have. Many people long for it and die longing for it without getting that chance, many people try as hard as they can, but it is not something Allah Destined for them.
I am talking about the place you live in - al Madeenah al Munawwarah. Allah chose you to be one of its residents while there are many who long for it and die with it.
Al Madeenah is a city free from all the fitan such that even the Dajjal won't be able to enter it.
It is just like you are staying peacefully in the most luxurious palace of the world, heavily guarded by the most powerful guards. Al Madeenah is the most peaceful city in the world, guarded by the angels.
It is very easy to deal with the problem you face, as it is totally insignificant, compared to the facilities, and the bounties of Allah you are enjoying.
I suggest you to read the book by Imam ibn Taymiyyah called "The Madinan Way" to understand the sanctity of the place you live in.
My brother, make best use of your stay there, because you never know how long you will stay (may Allah make you stay there till you die). Far removed from all the fitan of the world in other parts of the world, you enjoy in peace and security.
I don't know if you have obtained the citizenship of the Kingdom, you should try for it if not.
And take knowledge from the Kibaar al 'Ulama, such as Shaikh Abdul Muhsin al Abbad (May Allah Preserve him).
The place where Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam lived and died, where Imam Malik Rahimahullah tought the deen, it is a place where every Muslim desires to be. Muharram has just begun. We just remembered the event of the great Hijrah. My brother, you enjoy the privelege to be in place where the Ansar welcomed the Messenger Sallallau Alaihi wasallam. Al Madeenah is the place Allah's Messenger Sallallahu alaihi wasallam chose to reside, after al Fath (the conquest of Makkah).
Brother, what I intend to say is that the pain you feel can easily be erased with some effort. In fact, I would say that if you begin gaining knowledge and actualy enjoying the peacefulness of Madeenah, you will see that the thought of the girl is insignificant. People may agree or disagree, but you wil realize that it is true. Try it out, then you'll understand.
I pray that Allah eases your pain and Has Mercy on you
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
SALAM,,,,i dont know what to say,but want to tell incident of my life, which is totally opposite so u can able to forget. and THANX TO ALLAH FOR WHAT U HAVE AND OTHERS NOT.
i m really very upset too. not feeling regret from any boy but i m praying to Allah that He make any circumstance so i can live and die in Madinah,now this is my biggest wish of life.i dont know how much is my life remain because some became my enemy and can even kill me. before that incident i was totally inclined towards eurpion culture.but not even listen or watch movies just want to live their. it was due to injustice and ignorance by my very own people, from my childhood,i suffered alot as a female,saw discrimination between boy and girl, this make me over depressed person beacuse i cant tell any 1 what i hav suffered beacuse no 1 can trust over me in my society.
so i focus on my studies in my whole graduation, not indulge in any affair through out my student life. After finish my graduation, i was preparing my self to left my country n settle abroad forever, but unluckily i discuss it in my class and among them one of my class fellow also want to go abroad for further studies. he always respect me till my whole years of graduation so i trust him, i make contact with him on phone, and call him as my bro.but we starts talking too much only in some days then i feel that may be we inclined towards each other, i fear Allah Almighty and on the other hand i start feeling hate towards europian countries due to their constant attacks on islamic values and cruelity on muslims.i start feeling that my decision of studying abroad as a bachelor, possibly can indulge me in any bad activity because i m already highly depressed by the behavoirs of ppl or may be my future is dark bcoz no one can trust over me...Being a female i hv suffered alot of injustice, due to culture, due to beast like human,so i start hating every one specially boys, from my early childhood.thats why i decided to go abroad for higher stdz so i can lead my life independenlty and not to marry with any one in my life.
but when i took first step to go to abroad i stuck with unexpected relation.i starting feel that if first step is to talking with my classfellow(na mahram) in my plan and it inclined towards each other. surely others steps would take away my iman.so i sacrifice my biggest plan and refuse to talk with that boy, he clears that he is friend but it was not satisfying with that relation bcoz i want he respect me like sis, so i decide to left talking with him, now he became my biggest enemy.may be he ll make any harm to my life.i dont know what to do, because all the situation is not in my control.i just want to flight from problems but trap in other problem, i sacrifice my biggest wish just for the sake of Allah. and now i wish to live my whole life in Madinah pak, instead of europian country.MAY ALLAH MAKE CIRCUMSTANCES FOR ME.
The reason of telling the whole story is to giving u the lesson that some are crying here to spend their life in this beautiful city and want to sacrifice every thing and u r living there still wasting ur time in love made by satan with non mahram. plz try to forget her and read about my PROPHETS (SAL-LA-HU-ALAIH-E-WASALAM) life, He spent and Their lesson to us, surely u ll forget her and control ur nafs, because these are only the feelings coming from satan, true love is only for ur Allah, His Prophet SAL-LA-HU-ALAIH-E-WASALAM, then ur famliy and friends not for any forbidden relation. i want o sacrifice my every thing but not my iman on indulging with any non mahram. and now my life is in danger for all that. i just pray that i ll die with Imaan and Allah and His Prophet SAL-LA-HU-ALAIH-E-WASALAM) satisfy with me.and ALLAH give me good life and good death, if that boy harms me then it ill be not good for my family's respect,so plz who read this pray for me,my safety of imaan, life and my family's respect in society.
JAZAK ALLAH.......