Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t like him but my parents are forcing me to marry him

Assalam O Alaikum,
I am 28 years old female. My cousin brother was in relationship with me and instead of chosing me as a partner he preferd the professional rich high profile doctor girl without saying a word to me, without any regret and it hurt me a lot. Later, one year after marriage divorce occured between them; after few months he and his family approachd me for marriage. I said YES in haste as I was too attracted to his good family status and all that but after few days I realized, it's wrong. This person has done wrong to me and I can't live with him alone as he has to be in other country for next 10 yrs. I got much depressed, he is not the right person and why should I sacrifice my family and career for him?

They gave me second chance to rethink but unfortunately this time my family emotionally forced me lot as they are overwhelmed by his family status/financial strength and think he has changed now. Finally I gave into pressure and said yes, as I did'nt want to hurt my parents. Also I am only educated one in my family so understanding between me and other family members is in contrast and hence diffcult to make them understand. Now, please suggest me what to do? I don't want to marry him and leave my motherland, career, family neither. I am ready to do any sacrifice for him as he has broken my trust once.
My family feels change in him and I also but nature of a person can never be changed.

Please suggest what to do?

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10 Responses »

  1. Sister, you must follow your heart in this matter and break it off with him. This man is not right for you. He has already betrayed you once. Islam gives you the right to choose your own spouse. No one can take this right away from you unless you allow it. Claim the rights that Allah has given you.

    Very often on this website we hear from people who agreed to a marriage only because of family pressure, when their hearts told them otherwise. They get married and they are miserable, but again they cannot divorce because of family pressure. Only when they get to the point of severe depression and suicidal thoughts do they realize that it's time to get out. And of course the family pressure is still there...

    The time to act is now. Make your choice and stick to it, and don't let anyone talk you out of it.

    Wael Editor

    • brother, how did he betray her when they were not even halaal for eachother in the first place.

      i fail to understand

      • You're right, their "relationship" was not halal. I assumed that he made her some promises of marriage. Furthermore, the relationship itself, even if not halal, is an implied promise of marriage. It's clear that the sister expected the man would marry her. Then he broke those promises and chose someone else. That's what I meant.

        Wael Editor

  2. Sister,
    You have used the word 'force' in your msg. Therefore, pls do not go ahead with this proposal. Be firm and tell your parents that u r not interested at all. It is better to regret that u made a miss on this proposal out of ur own choice and decision rather than regretting marrying any guy by force.

    Wish u well.

  3. Hi sister may Allah bless you.I fell very sad for you.Many girls a getting in such situations.Parents are the guider of their children.and they must listen their children desires and make them always be happy.

    But i really dont know why now a days parents are forcing their children to marry whom they dont wish to spend their life with.Indeed the act of force marriage is something that is not good not fruitful.because its foundation is corrupt and whatever stands upon a corrupt foundation shall eventually falter on will not have a good ending.

    women in islam have a choice as to who they want to marry if they deem a man to be unit of marriage for what ever reason then she has the right to not cannot be forced to marry whom you dont want.

    As the prophet s.a.w himself said(A matron should not be given in marriage after consulting her,and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission the people asked (oh Allahs apostle how can we know her permission?He said her silence(Indicates her permission)Narrated by Abu Hurrara.

    And also Aisha(R.A) reported that once a girl came to her and said(My father married me to his brothers son in order to raise his social standing and i did not want this marriage,(I was forced in to it)Aisha(R.A)said sit and wait and till the prophet(s.a.w)comes.when the prophet(s.a.w) come and he knew about the girl he sent for her father then he gave the choice to the girl what to do she said(O messenger of Allah i have accepted what my father did but i wanted to prove something to other women).reported by Nisaa ,a.

    As you can see a lady come to Aisha(R.A) informing her about her forced marriage Aisha(R.A) wait the prophet (s.a.w) to see his ruling about you can see the prophet sent to her father and gave the choice to her as in the matter she wants the marriage or not.

    Hence this makes it clear that forced marriages are not allowed in Islam.and that the lady had the choice regard to the whenever the prophet makes ruling on a matter we must follow it.and we have no right to contradict i advise u to explain this to your parents and be polite to them.It is not their right to forced you to marry whom you dont want.It is Allahs judgement and his prophet(s.a.w)so they must accept it.a marriage without love can never continue so please try to explain this to your parents that this is Allahs rule.& pray for Allah to choose for you the best.May Allah bless u.

  4. Dear Sister,
    What your parents are thinking its good for you but its not necessary the status and wealth will be everlasting,see that persons heart which will be the same till death,as u already said he betrayed you once,which was really you yourself feel somewhere he had changed ...May be because he rejected you for that girl who didnt valued relationship and they are divorced...he might be feeling that he had taken the wrong decission to ditch you,the only solution is try to talk to him,is he really interested in you or just want the tag of a divorcee removed by marrying you soon or else his parents might be forcing him as you are is he who will tell you the fact that does he really want you to be his life partner...

    And the thing you are telling about career you can continue after marriage also because you are 28 and you should get married soon islamically...

    the nature of person is really hard to change but if that nature he thinks has spoiled his life he'll love you more than anything and will change completely for you talk to him ASAP and tell him you were really hurt by his action,and if he commits his mistake and want you back feel regret and does commitment then Go ahead and start a new life...
    Wish you luck..Laibah

  5. Samiya,

    As a mother myself, I must advise you to follow your gut instinct...your heart. Do not under ANY circumstances allow anyone including your parents to pressure you into this or any marriage. Allah has given you a voice...use it. Too often I read on this website where young girls are pressured...blackmailed if you will, to marry someone not of their choosing. Those are the very same girls who end up on this website seeking help because they are miserable and unhappy.

    We only get one go around in life, make the best of it. Marry the man who comes and asks for your hand who you find suitable for you and whom you feel a chemistry with. Please, don't end up just being another statistic here on this website in a miserable and unhappy marriage.

    May you listen to my words and those of other posters on this website and I pray that you hear them loud and clear.


  6. i understand all the above situation of responses i may agree with what najah said that allah has given u voice then obviously u hve to use or else your whole life in problem this is what i say and yes please perform istikhara and see what allah wishs for you okkkkk..
    good luck to you for yoour tirade

  7. Salaam,
    I am 23 and I am pressurized to marry against my will. Well i just turned 23 3 days ago and my family is worried that I will be too old to get married if they dont marry me to someone now. The prob is, no matter how much you explain to them, they come around with emo points like 'we brought u to this world, dont u think we know whom u shud be with"?, "dont be a disgrace to the family" "we did not brought you up the right way". These statements are very hurtful and makes you stumble, forcing you to accept the decision they make. Im not saying that parents are wrong, Im just saying, this is life we are talking about, and both parties should have mutual agreement. Another thing that they always mention is 'u may not like him now, but it will get better as time passes by'. Currently, I am FORCED mentally to marry a guy, slightly less educated than I am, not in a permanent job and basically nothing like what i want. But according my dad, he could help this dude to further study after we got married and set him a business. I have seen my family members getting married on the pressure imposed by their parents and I have heard million times "i did this for u mum" "i did this for you dad" and it sounds ugly. I hope I dont get into the same mess. Pray for me guys. May Allah give us the strength.amin

    • Hi sister Nabila

      I am very sorry for your pain sis.parents have done a lot of sacrifices in their life for us and we must always remember them in our prayers.and we should listen to them & obey them.But they must not use their place of parents to make our life miserable by wrecking our rights in Islam.your parents might ignore your right but try to be polite with them & Inshallah by the will of Allah they will listen to you.

      force marriages are not allowed in Islam.As they are muslims they should know that.woman in Islam have the all right to choose whom she likes and you have the all right to refuse whom u dislike.But Allah is always there to help you out dont ever loose hope pray that Allah will give you strength in your life.And may Allah choose for you whom you deserve.Inshallah i will pray for you and for all those poor muslimahs who are suffering in such situations.May Allah replace your parents heart with faith.

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