Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My fiancé is using nude photos to blackmail me

blackmailSalam, I m a 21 year old muslimah alhamdulillah from a Middle Eastern origin but lives in Kuwait since the time i was born.

Yes i read many of the previous issues by my muslim sisters which are very similar to mine and i will mention which are most important in them:

Upset by Fiance's Personality Switch

My fiance is exactly the same as described by sister in the above situation and another post:

Feel helpless and hopeless in abusive fiance!

This also covers up most of the issues i m worried with especially Point no. 1,2 and 8.

The main story is that i fell in love with my fiance in about 3 years ago and our  parents got to know about it after 1 years of our relationship. It took so much patience and time to convince my parents and they agreed to our relationship for my happiness. Two years ago we officially got engaged, although we met before in my parents' presence.

Since then, everything changed! He started asking me for so many haram things  and since i was madly in love with him and couldn't bear his anger and i gave in to him. We committed zina and now i regret all those haram actions i committed and i have sincerely repented to Allah and continuing even now.

At the time when we committed the sin, we clicked a few nude pictures together and i trusted him blindly that time and let it be safe with him. Now the time has come, when alhamdulillah a year ago, Allah blessed me to realize my wrong actions, and since then i have gradually changed my ways and tried to explain him what we did is wrong. I now listen to my dad, so that i don't get fooled by Shaytaan and attempt anything again.

My fiance has a major problem with this as before my dad used to make us meet with family monthly but now that has stopped due to his character change. Also, we live in Kuwait and it will take another 8 months for us to go to our home country and get married due to which my dad has delayed the marriage (financial problems). But my fiance insists on getting married asap and does not want to delay the process because it has led to many problems. He cursed my dad in front of him, he doesn't speak to my mom and cursed her too but we bore it assuming things will be alright soon.

He wants to get married here in Kuwait as that will not delay the marriage but neither my parents nor me are ready because our grandparents are in home country and we need them present in our marriage inshallah. He cursed me for that.

And since my dad has limited the times we meet (though he does not know about zina, yet he doubts his actions), he is torturing me to convince my dad to make us meet more frequently. Previously, he attempted something similar to which i accepted, but his demands are increasing. he has blackmailed me that if i don't do such and such then he will expose our nude pictures to everyone and ruin my life. I submitted to his will once, twice but now i'm tired. My parents are being affected too much by this, but they r quiet only for my sake.

Now, finally i gained the courage to tell him to do whatever he wanted and he says to my dad that he has to reveal the truth to my dad which  he will do after Eid. I m very scared, i don't know what to do, this is just the brief part of whatever happened in 2 years, there's lot to what i have bore including verbal abuses as Sister mentioned above in the link too.

I know what he is doing is wrong but when i think in the other way, each time he has tortured me with verbal abuses and fights or blackmail, its always because he wants me to get married to him asap. I told him what we did is wrong and we should repent for it as it is a great sin, but he says, i dont think it is wrong because i AM marrying you n NOT leaving you  to face the world. He is blackmailing me to marry him soon otherwise he will spread the pictures everywhere.

I still love him a lot and did istikhara a few weeks ago after which i gained the courage to speak up. I know only one thing- i cant let my family suffer for the sins i committed nor can i tell them about the zina part. My dad will not be able to bear it.

I told my parents about all the incidents except the fornication part. My dad has left the decision on Allah alone to decide what is best for us. But i m confused.!

One part of me thinks that what he has done is totally wrong and was because his mom and other relatives manipulated him (its nt a guess, we heard  n saw it) but he still loves me, n says that i dont want to do this but u r forcing me to do it. He wants to settle in life as he is alone staying in Kuwait except for his brother, whereas the rest of his family is in home country n says he cant stay without me.

I feel that if my fiance wouldn't have broken my trust all of a sudden by blackmailing me n telling all sorts of lies etc, I would have returned back to Allah and repented. Perhaps it was a way Allah chose to bring me back to him due to my parents' constant praying to help me out. I feel now that i have repented and realized my mistake and paln not to attempt it again inshallah, I m hoping probably Allah will do the same thing to him too and make our married life pure. (I read in the website that unless a zaani/zaaniyah repents, his/her marriage will be invalid).

He hates my parents and says: since you are not doing anything to convince parents to make us meet frequently, after marriage i will not let u go to their house at all. He is taking revenge for everything.

Another part of me says that, I should move on bcz i think he will never be the same person i loved. But each day i only get my belief stronger taht i should go back to him. I m praying constantly to Allah to take the right decision in our favor but all i can feel is that my dreams which i set up with him will be shattered forever.

Also, i have planned that i will not marry anyone else if in case this relationship ends because the sin i committed makes me fear of  treating my spouse unjustly. I can never imagine some guy even touching me and i will end up ruining his life if i hide this secret from him if at all i m NOT exposed by my fiance.

Right now, i m not in contact with him as i insulted his father just to give him a taste of his actions. Pls help me.

- muslimah_me

Tagged as: , , ,

33 Responses »

  1. Asalamu aleikum sister!

    Thank you for asking advice.

    Although I did not read all of your texts I have gained the main picture.

    1. You have done with that guy what you have done and you repented to Allah alhamdulillah that is enough and do not do again. Your Fiance does not believe that what you did was wrong so how can you back to him.
    2. You are on the right track if you resisted to go back to sin whatever he does.
    If he even publishes that picture on the official journal do not back to sin. You have done it once and you have repented alhamdulillah that is it.

    This is according my idea.
    Sincerely Abdullah.

    • Inshallah i have made up my mind not to go back. I really wanna do the right thing this time and not get carried away by my desires and emotions.
      Jazakallah Khair.

    • Salamun alaikum dear sister in islam, listen carefully and pay attention what our Creator, says listen to Him sis. Allah says in His last final book.. interpretation of the meaning:

      “And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way (that leads one to hell unless Allaah forgives him)”

      [al-Isra’ 17:32]

      sis no muslim prays and supplicate with the supplication of Jonah, the supplication is:( La ilaha ila anta subhanaq inikutu mina dalimine)

      but Allah SWT) answer his prayer.

      So you have to pray a great deal for forgiveness, repent and make du’aa’. You have to pray regularly and pray a great deal, pray, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

      “and perform As-Salaah (Iqaamat-as-Salaah). Verily, As-Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”

      [al-‘Ankaboot 29:45] And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”

      [al-Furqaan 25:71

      The Shaytaan has gained a victory over you in this way, but he will not stop at making you fall into this sin, rather he is striving to make sure that you will abide in Hell for eternity – we seek refuge with Allah from that – by making you the idea of loving this man on the basis of this false reasoning seem attractive to you.

      May Allah help us and you to repent sincerely.Ameen

      All praise is due to Allah(God) Lord of the world and may peace and blessings of Allah be upon His last final Messenger Muhammed (SAW) his family and compagnions and all those who follow him until the last day.Allah loves those who do righteous deeds, may Allah make us those who do righteous deeds Ameen

      sis try to visit these webside inshaa Allah
      May give you patience but no matter what never be with that man! make dua that Allah would erase his love from you because Allah says only Be! and it is.peace

      sis put your trust in Allah and inshaa Allah everything would be ok if Allah is with who can be against you?

  2. Dear muslimah_me, As-salamu alaykum,

    This man is disgusting and you should absolutely not marry him. Anyone who would blackmail you is an enemy, not a potential marriage partner. First he pressured and corrupted you, now he's blackmailing you. He belongs in jail, not on a wedding altar.

    You say you still love him, but it's beyond me how you can love someone who treats you like this. I think sometimes that people don't know what love is, especially young people who have never experienced honest, healthy love. People mistake love with desire.

    The biggest unanswered question is, what will happen if you tell your father everything? Will your father kick you out of the house, disown you or worse? Or will he support you and help you to recover the photographs?

    It's not such a simple matter as Abdullah says, "Even if he publishes the pictures do not go back." Of course he is right that you must not go back to zinaa, but the matter of the photos cannot be dismissed so easily. In conservative countries of the Middle East, publication of such pictures can be a terrible scandal that disgraces the entire family. It can even put the young woman in danger.

    My point is that if you father will support you, then you should tell him. Even if he will be very disappointed in you or angry with you, he can help you to recover the photographs. He can threaten your boyfriend with legal action, or threaten to expose him to his family, unless he destroys the photos.

    So there are two things that must happen here:

    1. You sever your relationship and all personal contact with this boyfriend.

    2. You find a way to recover and destroy the photos, even if it means telling your father everything, as long as it will not put you in danger.

    Wael Editor

  3. U really need to understand no one who claims to love u wud ever do that. Hes is a very insecure bully. Its such a shame he has sumthing in his possesion which has the potential to destroy u. This is the truth n altho id love to make u feel better i dnt think i can. Instead u need strength. I agree to all extents with wael. I wud say as well speak to this man be strong n tell him u do not want to be with him at all. Ask him not to reveal the pictures but to be honest by sounds of things he may say no plus he may blakmail u with them in future. Just Tell him u wil tel ur parents urself of the pictures if he refuses to bak down. And leave him. R u sure he still evn has the pictures???

    Come on this guy says he wnt let u see ur parents n swears at them. Its a clear sign to walk away.

    • I dnt wanna sound harsh. I no ur mixd up. I will pray to allah swt to make this easy for u x

      • Well thanks for that. I didn't feel a bit of harshness in what you said. I m glad you all are here to support me and make me feel that by trying to make his nights sleepless, i am not doing anything wrong.
        May Allah reward you for this.

  4. Your story is really sad and I agree with both comments above.
    This is abuse and it will only get worse unless you severe the ties with him.
    You are lucky to have supportive parents.
    Your fiance seems to be rushing into marriage, could it be for financial motives or any other motives such as getting paperwork to reside in the country.

    My advice is to run away from this.
    Id he is blackmailing you now, then he is capable of much more after you marry him.
    He has no respect or love for you.
    Keep resisting him and ask Allah fro guidance. We are all humans and we makes mistakes. The main thing i that you repented and you don't need to be miserable because of what you did in the past. The important thing is to focus on the future and whats best for you. Certainly being with him doesn't look like it's healthy for you.

  5. Thanks a lot for all the brothers and sisters who answered me perfectly.Jazakallah Khair.
    One part of me was simply having a desire for him rather than actual love. My idea of marrying him was only to avoid betrayign any other guy who i would marry since the sin i committed will be hidden from him.
    I just needed strength to say NO although i knew that he would never make my married life happy.
    And Alhamdulillah I'm glad Allah helped me for this through good people like you and others.

    I'm writing this just to give you a good news.
    My dad alhamdulillah has been very supportive in this matter, and we have made a legal paper which will be useful for us internationally stating that everything is over between us and he cannot harm us anymore by any means.
    The police is also involved in this, and they are making sure I'm safe and nothing wrong happens inshallah.

    Please pray that things happen well and I am able to get a good marriage partner.
    And not to forget, pray for my family too. And i shall pray for u all inshallah.
    Jazakallah Khair.

  6. Salaams sister muslimah_me
    Please don’t marry this guy he’s not a good guy and not to be trusted. He deserves to be in jail. This man cant love you if he's capable of hurting your dad or family how is he going to give you respect. You will inshallah get a good ristaa where someone else will be much better suited for you be sabar and keep allah in your heart and bless you for giving you the strength to moving on. Walk away and count you are very lucky you got out and allah will carry on being there for you to get strong and stronger everyday.

  7. salam,

    Just want to add that you donot need to reveal the sin which Allah concealed for you. You repented, done. Announcing it infront of even one person wouldnt be a very wise thing to do.

    I dont know but somehow this westernised idea of revealing something which should be forgotton is taken to be 'honesty' with your spouse. Correct me if I am wrong, but this is not the case in Islam.

    Wallahu a'lamubissawaab

    • Thanks for this additional advice. I will make sure it is between me and Allah, inshallah.

      • Yes this is important as Allah says when I am covering your sins, why reveal them ...your sins should never be revealed to any1!may Allah forgive all of us who have sinned...amen

      • Muslimah-ah would
        You write to me
        Please. I am in the same situation. Selam

        • We do not allow posting private contact info, but you can share your experiences here.


        • Plz sister do repent and cry in pray and pray 5time a day and pray tahajud and every morning pray two rakah of need and after that make dua that your all day spend good and at night pray two rakah of thanks to ALLAH that HE help you in whole day and protect you thank ALLAH in sajood and daily give sadqa charity and always making dua and read Drood Sharif and Istegfaar and after issha or at tahajud time pray two rakah of repent and after that read 100 time Drood Sharif 100 time read 3rd kalmab100 time read istegfaar and than pray with cry and sincere almost 10minutes it is not neccary to read drood istegfar or 3rd kalma you pray 2rakah of istgfar and pray but read these tadbeeh it is good for accepts repent bcz ALLAH swored the first10 nights of zilhajj and pray to ALLAH give me NOOR and BARAKAH through these early 10nights of zilhaaj and read QURAN with translation and ponder verses and act upon them and and read morning and evening adkaar in which duas we seek refuge from ALLAH fir every harm thing read morning and evening Surahs IKHLAAS ,FALAQ,SURAH NAAS 3,3 time and also this web site at the bottom of home page there are many duas yiu can read and save herself frim evil and harms things .Thanks pray for me

        • Sister layl plz do not worry and do nit teel every body if possible change your number and do not answer him what he say if you response him he will blackmailing you and if he know that you are affraid and if you have elder sister if you can trust on her tell her if not it is ok to keep silence and read many time day HA MEEM LA YUNSAROON and read many time SURAH AD DUHA for avoid anixty and worries read with translation ans ponder verces and translation if you cannot understand arabic and visit islamic sunrays site and visitsite http/ it is helpful for you and visit site i think it is helpful for you .Thanks pray for me and if you do repent sincerALLAH protect you and never do wrong with yoy.

        • Sister last thing you start meditation at night before sleeping in the begging you can nit focus on meditation but after you can focus and when start meditation keep in mind your problem whatever you find solution and solve the problem duting meditation and think that golden rays coming from sky and entering in my head and after that rays coming in my whole body and solving my problem and i get out 100%from problem and worry and this thing revising you sleep you fing some solution in some days IN SHALLAH and brother wael plz do not delete my comments this is true fact thanks

  8. Sister muslimah_me

    May Allah bless you are a model to brothers and sisters out there who need to repent. And I am (Insha Allah) going to make special dua for you to find a good husband. Courage is a very important factor and the support of ones family an equally important factor to over come such stressful times.

    I am very happy that you have taken a stand against a tyrant (bully) Allah bless you and your parents.

    Sister, Sister (nice name btw) I believe you are correct, the repentence is only to Allah (swt) and under no circumstance should a person reveal their sins. Allah and his prophet know best.

    Jazak Allah

  9. Salaam, I am extremely pleased that your family is supportive and you are working Together to get him to back off... I pray that he leaves you and your family alone ...I do know how you feel as I am going through something similar , however I can never tell my parents the whole truth or they'll disowne me....its scary but I've realised 1 thing don't matter how much you beg some1 not to reveal something ...they do whatever their gonna do...the only person who can help you is Allah swt....please remember me in your prayers also , I wish you all the happiness...amen

  10. Salam,
    i'm suffering from almost of the same situation except for that he was my boyfriend and we had no physical relationship, i'm having the same thinking as you have described and it was like you have written story about me. Sister all you can do is to pray Allah for his forgiveness and pray ayat kareema as much as you can. Inshallh Allah will listen to you. we are the human beings and to err is human, saitan forces us somehow towards sin and we commit it. In your case the positive thing is that your parents know about your relationship and your felings towards him but i must say that Allah has saved you from the guy like him. Give it a time and soon you would be out of your emotional feelings for him and for his black mailing leave everthing on Allah, he is merciful and powerful. just remember that without his intend your fiance can't do anything against you. and do not beg him i know it is really hard but he woul dtake more advantage of your situation in this case. May Allah save the dignity of all of us muslims girls.

  11. iam 16 years old and i had a relation of 2 years with my ex. i fell in luv with him n i trusted him blindly... n i gave him my naked pics with my face.. he also showed that to his friends.but he donot admit... he used to hurt me so much,,.. he left me before 2 mnths n now he is again back to me n promised me that he will marry me. as he hurt me so much.. i cant trust him again. i cant forget what he did 2 me.. he used abusive langauage , and always threaten me . when ever i ignore him he used to say that he will publish my photos, i want to move on in my life but i cant just because of those pictures . plz help me what should i life is such a hell.!

    • Sister, As-salamu alaykum,

      Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about the pictures unless you are willing to involve your parents. Your parents could speak to the boy's parents and ask them to make him delete the pictures. But of course this would be very embarrassing to you. In any case this boy is no good. You need to cut him off completely and don't have any contact with him. You cannot allow yourself to be held hostage by his threats. And after this do not involve yourself in relationships with boys. We are Muslims, we do not have boyfriends and girlfriends, and do not get intimate outside of marriage.

      If you need further advice, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.

      Wael Editor

      • Thank you so much for the advice.. iam really ashamed of this and i have apoligized from Allah n i wil never ever do this again inshahAllah... but i cannot involve my parents ... this is impossible for me i cant bear that all..and u r right i should stay away from him.Thanx for the advice, and plz pray for me .

        • Recently i got fight with him.. he said either be with me in a relation otherwise i will post ur pics n will give it to everyone . but i left him.. n i said do what ever u want i dont to go back in that sin,, i did right na ?

          • Yes sister you did 100% right. No point to be scared sister. Yes you made mistake and did sins but if you repent to Allah sincerely from your heart trust me Allah will protect you from that. One of my cousin was this kind of situation it was all over the net. But my cousin cried a lot in praying asking Allah's forgiveness day and night I saw her pain because that time she was living with my family I was unmarried that time. Middle of the night I almost everyday hear she crying and asking forgiveness from Allah. Now after 3years she is alhumdullilah she is happily married with 2 kids. She didn't tell this to her husband because she knows if you truly male tawba ask Allah's forgiveness, Allah will definitely protect you from that. That will be between you and Allah.

  12. Sorry make not
    Male :/

  13. Thanx ....u hve increadsed my strength.. n my belief. n i have also faith in my Allah,. he will definetly protect me every night i ask him fr forgivness. n iam sure he has forgiven , thnk u so much. u have given me the way of my new life.... i wil be really really thankful to yew 🙂

  14. Salam, at first you should have thought about it, before you were so happy to get married to this guy, coz marriage is life, so if you do this you break a part of your life if you leave him, think about it, as you decided before stand for it and get married, to be honest MEN need shared life, and do any thing to have it, once together, he will change, ON condition that he is not All bad just have some weak points as all humans have

  15. Assalamualaykum, I feel like we were in almost the same situation. I was in an unlawful relationship with a boy who was younger than me by 3 years, I fell in love with him and gave him everything i had to offer because i believed that i would marry him with my parents approval. We were together for 9 months and the relationship became extremely unhealthy. Each time I tried to end it and go back to Allah, he threatened to send my pictures to my father. When I finally found the courage to tell him that I did not want to deal with him anymore, and he could go do whatever he wanted, he sent my father the picture. Now I am in this situation and i realize this post is from such a long time ago, but I wanted to ask for some guidance and advice since my father now refuses to speak with me. I really dont know what I can do to fix this situation, and I fear that even if I do keep asking for forgiveness that Allah swt will not forgive my sins. I dont even forgive myself for what I have done. Please help.

    • wa-alaikum assalam, its okie if he sent the picture to your father atleast that episodes of fear have come to end .
      ask forgiveness from your father and tell him that your intention was pure and you wanted to end the relationship knowing that the person is not good for you.
      tell your father he provoked you sexually to do all these things. i know boys flirt and evoke such feelings so i m sure he knew that you like him and he did it to you.

      you did the mistake, now in future you will not repeat such mistake of sending nude photos or getting physical or something you know better.
      he sent photos, your father did something to him or not?
      completely ignore him and never show him that your father is angry. tell him your father understands the situation now do what you can. also warn him that your father will file fir against him if you dont want to warn him atleast make him feel that it doesnt effect your family at all . he will give up this kind of blackmailing coz nothing will happen according to him. be brave.

      involve an elder such as a teacher whom you trust so that he may discuss it with your father and try to solve issues between you and him.

  16. and dont forget to ask help from Allah before speaking to your father insha Allah, Allah will put mercy in his heart for you and will make him understand your point.

Leave a Response