Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He says hes depressed? Should I still go ahead with this proposal?

Depression, depressed man

I've gotten to know a guy through family for 7 months now.. we've met through family, hes come to my house and vice versa. But when we don't talk for few hours, He starts time overthink, to the point he doesn't know what he wants. I've had a horrible past, with zina and fitna. I'm 23, hes 25. It's took him a long time to accept my past but he still gets upset over it.. I truly regret it.. He says he wants to marry me and he's 100 percent sure. He says, when I'm talking to him or when we meet. It's nice. He says he loves me and I love him.. but he has these moods, which hurt sometimes.. He don't like it when I'm online and he's messaged but I take few secs to reply to him.. He hates it and he says little things like that bother him. He says, don't listen to the things I say when I feel down cuz I don't mean them but it just hurts. And he's really apologised. Hes seeking councilling to help him.  He prays as much as he can.. and I do love him. But u don't want to marry him to end the relationship? And i kmow he can't help his thoughts

Onegirl

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4 Responses »

  1. He does not like you.

    You should move on. This is your test.

  2. End the relationship with this man. He is young, immature and a bit controlling. If you are uncomfortable now, imagine what life will be like living with someone who wants to know what you are doing every single minute. Tell your parents you don't like the way the man treats you and you don't want to see him anymore. In the future keep the details of your life to yourself. It seems men want to insist on knowing that their wife's entire past, but rarely divulge their own indiscretions or may not even feel any guilt for it. The past is the past.

    Men need to stop worrying that they might be compared to another man, which is what that is all about. As if a woman without any sexual experience at all will marry a man and not love him and may even want to be with someone else. That happens so often.

  3. This man is controlling and emotionally abusive. He is behaving like he owns you. Allah swt Himself does not expect this degree of obedience and He DOES own us all. When the time of salah comes there is a certain amount of time given in which the salah may be offered. Allah swt does not expect us to offer our prayers AS SOON AS IT HAS BEGUN. Your fiance expects you to respond to him as soon as he messages you. Can you imagine living your life with someone that unreasonable and demanding?

    He justifes his behaviour by saying he is depressed and cannot control his thoughts. Maybe he IS depressed and has some sort disorder. In short, he is sick. His priority should be to get better, and the last thing he needs is to get into a relationship with anyone until he is fully recovered.

    As for you, dear sister, right now he is not your responsibility. His problems and depression and disorders are not your problems. YET. You are not married to him and not lawful to him to have this close contact with him. As soon as you marry him all his problems and depression and disorders WILL become your problem.

    Please save yourself from what seems to be the very beginning of a miserable and painful marriage. May Allah swt grant you a kind and respectful husband who is better than this man in every way.

  4. I'm not sure why women feel obligated to reveal their past to men. Islam forbids us to reveal our sins to ANYONE for ANY purpose. So please sister, take a lesson from this and do not again reveal your past to any suitors.

    This happens a lot when you're from a culture where men are raised in a way they feel entitled to what they want and women are raised to feel like cultural concepts of purity are the only things they can offer a man. Its time to get out of this mental attitude because Islam considers it wrong to reveal our sins.

    To you my advice would be the same I gave another sister with a similar issue. Go for pre-marital couseling to see if this issue can be resolved and if not then break this alliance ASAP. Before emotions get into the mix and unnecessarily complicate things you have to think practically.

    You're only 23 and may be the guy you're speaking to is a good guy. He may have thought he would be able to handle your past mistakes. Some men are naive that way. Or maybe you felt obligated to tell him everything. Either way it seems the alliance has taken the natural course where trust issues have cropped up.

    And like others have mentioned he seems controlling and insecure due to what he knows about you and is unable to shake it off. This is what happens when we reveal our sins to other people when Islam clearly forbids us from doing so. Rather than letting your past which you can't even change define your relationship any further and keep you both from having a healthy accepting relationship, break it off now. There is no reason to ''work on it''

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