Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I tell my parents I want to marry a Nigerian boy?

Assalamu Alaikum. I'm a sister who is 19 years old and am interested in marrying someone. For starters, I don't know how to approach this and get my family to send a proposal through to his. The main problems here are that he doesn't know much of me, and I'm not sure if he reciprocates this intention.

The second problem is that I'm indian and he's Nigerian, and I'm unsure as to how my parents would take me wanting to marry so far outside my culture. Also, I'm the youngest of four siblings, two of whom are currently unmarried, so I don't think my parents would approve me marrying before them.

He is good friends with my brother, and leads salah at a local masjid near us and is very practicing mashAllah. My main question here is, should I speak to someone about this or leave it in the hands of Allah? If the former, how exactly do you say something like that to your parents?


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3 Responses »

  1. Walaikum aSalaam,

    Marriage is a huge step. If one doesn't know what or how to say to parents or having siblings not married an can't marry before them is a problem in itself.

    But its one sided from your part. Ask your brother to have a word with him. He doesn't need to mention you, rather have him ask if he would be interested in marriage to a 19yr old from an Indian background etc. If he says yes, then he can bring you up. (If your family is happy) Also ask your parents if they will accept someone from a different ethnic. No need to tell them yet just ask in general terms.

    If both say yes, with your brother present you can meet the Nigerian brother. Then tell your family you found someone.

  2. Assalaamualaykum Zee,

    Yes, and Yes! Tell your parents that you are interested in marriage to someone who is a practicing Muslim. That's all that matters. The fact that there are ethnic and cultural differences shouldn't be a problem, even if it is. You need to fight for what you want. Not in a harsh way, but if your parents have a problem with his ethnicity, etc, you should counter with your own argument that he is a practicing Muslim, and that race and ethnicity are not an acceptable reason not to marry someone. Inshallah they can talk to his family. Ultimately, they want your happiness, so give them some time to come around. Try to be patient, as you may need to talk about this multiple times before they agree to it. Inshallah the brother will be amenable to it. If not, you'll know you did your best, and that's all you can do! And...don't forget to pray everyday!



  3. Assalam Alaikum. I know what you mean about your parents not wanting you to marry a black man. Unfortunately, dark skin color is not considered beautiful. But Islam forbids discrimination based on race and skin color. I am not sure which country you are growing up in but if my daughter said she wanted to marry a practicing Muslim of any race, I would be so happy. I am wondering if your parents are religious. If so, then it should not be hard to convince them coming from the angle that he is practicing Muslim. If Allah has destined you for this man, then nothing can stop it. But yes. agreement from your parents would make your life easier. In this age of evil and open free sex, every parent should be pleased when their child brings up marriage. As long as that marriage is not meant to increase wealth or status. May Allah make all this process easy for you and bless you with the man that you do marry. Ramadan Mubarak.

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