My husband didn’t want to ruin our marriage, his ex planned us to be separate and using black magic
Assalamoalaikom,
what should i do? my parents wants me to divorce with my husband because he did something bad to me like he lied to me.
we got married 3months ago although i know that he was divorced to his ex-wife that he never loved her. when we got married he was really a loving and caring,sweet husband. he gives me what i want and he is very nice to me. one day he ask me that he will go for 3days (itikaaf) and i allow him to go because if i didn't i will be guilty for not allowing him because i thought he would do it for ALLAH's sake and fear to ALLAH s.w.t. so, after that he came back after 5days. i was so happy because my husband is really a pious man. after 3days i logged in to facebook to update or check my statuses, what shocks me was. i read a post in my husband's ex-wife written was ''for four nights and 5days we're together'' i was so hurt,shocked and mad when i read that. that time my husband was sleeping and i didn't bother him. i pray to ALLAH that it is all a lie and his ex-wife just wants me to be mad. early morning i talk to my husband and ask him about that. and he told me it was all true.
He LIED to me i am so disappointed. my parents got to know this and immediately they want us to be divorce because they just want the best for me and they don't want me to be hurt again. but, after 1 week my husband told me that his ex-wife planned us to be separated she used BLACK MAGIC to him. thats why when we are together my husband changed he was acting strange that i can't explain. so, i forgive him and i gve him second chance because i know that he loves me sow much and he don't wanna lose me. but my problem now is my parents won't allow me to be with my husband. they really want us to be divorce. and i got this all news about my husbands attitude that he is a bad guy. but i know my husband. now we are separate and we are in a Long distance. he was very far from me. now we are trying to fix this In shaa ALLAH. but,my parents is still mad at him,because they still don't know the reason why he did that. what should we do? i hope my question will be answered and will help us In shaa ALLAH..
marriedgurl
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Assalamualaikum,
Sister, I can understand what you are going through.
I should mention that I believe your husband is lying that the woman has performed magic on him. This, he is probably saying, in order to excuse his mistake.
But I should not say "mistake" until I know what the relationship between your husband and that woman is. Are they divorced? If yes, did he take her back as a wife? If yes, then he can not be blamed for sleeping with her, as she would be a Halaal one, apart from yourself.
However, if they did have an intercourse and they were no more married, then it is ZINA. It is huge sin and I don't know if he realizes it. Because he's making excuses in the name of magic, which is very common today.
The evidence to why this way works is that you have believed in him.
Moreover, I have no right to stop you from giving your husband a chance. In fact, divorce is the only Halaal thing that Allah Hates, according to a Hadith.
If you are firm that your will forgive him and give him a chance, then tell your parents the same thing and request them to give this man one chance. Your husband, in that case, should go to your parents and assure that he won't repeat his behavior and that if he repeats, he will have to separate from you.
He has to be given an ultimatum and needs to be warned.
I can not imagine a person who sins in the name of Worship. And you said I'tikaf? Was it in Ramadan? It is a dream of every Muslim wife that her husband becomes one who would lead her to al Jannah and the Pleasure of ar Rabb Subhaanah. But this kind of behavior from a husband is something detestable.
You must be having a lot of love for your husband that you intend to give him a chance. But don't let him take advantage of this love. A person who can mock Allah's Worship can not be believed.
In conclusion, ask your husband to assure to your parents that he will NEVER contact this lady he spent 5 days with (considering she is no more his wife), and the result of the otherwise would be a divorce.
But make sure you are correct about the relationship status between your husband and the lady in question.
Please note that the above is my personal advise and need not necessarily be the only way out for you.
I Pray that Allah Fills your life with Peace and Tranquility
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
My first question is, why are you getting his ex-wife's status updates on your Facebook newsfeed? Are you her "friend"? I have to admit, that whole part seems strange to me. I personally wouldn't want to be friends with anyone my husband was involved with in the past before we married, and I would have a big problem if he required it of me.
Or, are you actually going to her page to find out what she's up to? Just to be nosy, jealous, or both? That is not a very mature way to approach your marriage, either.
Quite honestly, I see a lot of naivete in you. Your husband, from what I understand, went to quite some lengths to plan a visit to his ex in advance of him leaving. Part of that planning involved deceiving you. That is a lot of intent to merely excuse. And brother Waseem is right- it doesn't reflect well on his character that he chose to lie on his ibadah to make this believable to you.
Sister, most women would see this for what it is, but you are saying 'my family and I don't know why he did this'. Clearly, he did it to be unfaithful to you. Even though there's a slim possibility, I doubt he's actually remarried to the ex. Even if he were, then he has totally hidden this from you. Either way, none of it is a demonstration of the love you seem to believe he still has for you.
Quite honestly, it's your choice if you want to show him mercy and give him a second chance. However, the risk you take in doing so is great. He has already managed to get away with something deceitful, and it's very likely that he will try to do so as often as he likes if he believes he can play your sympathies and convince you that he is somehow still committed to you (even though this kind of behavior clearly indicates otherwise).
Sister, ask yourself this: if you could see into your future, and knew that this would happen again, would it be worth it to try to keep the marriage going? Statistically, this is a likely future for you, so make sure you weigh your answer well. Try to search your heart and find out why you really feel you love him, and why you believe he loves you. Is it based on ideas and dreams and hopes, or actual concrete interactions you've had? If it's based on the latter, there's a chance you can work through this, but if it's the former then you have to accept that you are looking at things more from an idealistic view, and not as things really are.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor