Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband phones his female friends

What are the rights of wife regarding time given by the husband?

What if the husband wastes his time on talking on the phone with other girls? Is this right to say this is just friendship?

Guide me in the light of Islam. What action must I take regarding this habit of my husband?

~ searchingthelight12


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22 Responses »

  1. ASSASLAMALIKUM-
    YOU MAY IN THE FUTURE LOOSE HIM TO ONE OF THE GIRLS HE IS TALKING TO BECAUSE HIS INCLINATION HAS STARTED IF YOU DONT BRING HIM MORE CLOSE TO YOU BY STRONG NIGHT DUTY IMMIDIATELY SO THAT OTHERS LOOK FADED IN FRONT OF YOU-IN BEAUTY LOVE AFFECTION AND PAMPERING AND CARING AND STRONG ROMANCE BE IT DAY OR NIGHT-
    CHANCES ARE HE MIGHT JUMP TO THEIR LAP VERY SOON-
    Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in LETTERS OR SPEECH that are not SEEN OR HEARD by anyone else, that leads to many evils.

    As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.”

    (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

    Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.
    All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.THAT IS NATURAL-
    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?

    He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.

  2. Night duty? Come on brother so ur saying the only way to save her marriage is to put on the red light? What about the man putting the phone down or calling his wife instead?

  3. salaam,

    some men take things for granted and act high and mighty, so in order for him to get the message tell him clearly to stop calling other womens or you gonna leave him. pack your bags etc and show him, that you are serious, thats when reality will hit him. a married muslim man should not be chatting with random women on the phone, its not acceptable.

    guys who chat with other women tend to cheat on their wife. so you gotta take a stand. if you dont say anything he will trample all over you.

    ma salama

  4. ASSALAMALAIKUM.
    Aniqah
    July 9, 2012 • 9:22 pm Night duty? Come on brother so ur saying the only way to save her marriage is to put on the red light? What about the man putting the phone down or calling his wife instead?
    I CAN SAT YOU DONT HAVE EXPERIENCE-PL DONT CROSS ANYONES COMMENT PL ADVICE THE MUSLIMA AS YOU LIKE AND THATS IT-
    EVEN ALLAH SAYS IN THE QURAN WHEN YOU SEE A WOMAN IN DESIRE TURN TO YOUR WIVES AND HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS THIS MEANS THAT THAT WOMEN AT HOME WHEN SHE SATISFIES A MAN THE WAY HE HE EXPECTS AND MORE THEN INCLINATION TOWARDS OTHER WOMEN DOES NOT TAKE PLACE INSTEAD HIS CONSCIENCE WILL BE ALIVE AND HE WILL REALIZE THAT HE HAS ALHAMDULILAH A HALAL WIFE WAITING FOR HIM-

    ANIQAH THERE ARE TIMES WHNE YOU MUST LEARN FROM THIS FORUM NOT TEACH SNEIORS WHO HAVE SEEN LIFE-
    IT WILL BE BETTER FOR YOU--

    REGARDS
    ALI

    • Brother, what is better for me is not for you to say.

      My dear sister, just because a problem is as common as this does not make it right. When speaking to your husband, ask him to mentally vision you talking to male friends and ask him if he'd like the scenario. I'm pretty sure that will assist your situation without having to change the lightbulbs.

      • Salam Aniqah,
        Mashallah what a good reply sister. I absolutely agree with you, unfortunately women are seen as an object and man deliver the wrong message to women through fear always "please your husband" or he will look elsewhere, never what about the husband for the sake of Allah not to speak to other women? No that's never the answer always something to blame the women!
        Sisters always turn to Allah for guaidence and never agree to something that it doesn't feel right!

  5. What Ali Yousuf is the most ridiculous and disparaging statement I have ever heard. Very narrow to think that he can only give up what he is doing through his wife's lustful maneuvers.
    Sister, you may sit down and talk to him. He's probably showing how impressionable and wanted he is, around. It's your right and you can exercise it, a little threat here and off won't do much harm.

  6. It is strictly forbidden for a man to communicate with non-mahram women.
    If for example a man is interested in marrying a women then he should speak directly to her wali (male guardian) not behind her wali's back.

    Frankly I think its quiet disgusting that these women are even contacting him when clearly its haram and vice versa do they not fear Allah.

  7. To the original poster:

    It is 2012, if he talks to other women, you will either have to confront the issue or learn to live with it if you can't muster the courage to change the situation. There is no right or wrong answer in how to deal with your situation because the only fitting solution is the one which works for you.

    #1 - Pray 2 Rakat
    #2 - Get straight into business, men don't enjoy playing these guessing games with hints and clues like some kind of scavenger hunt. If you have a problem with something he is doing, then speak up, or shut up. Just remember that a pinch of sugar helps the medicine go down. And always, always greet with a smile.
    #3 - Establish a commitment between the both of you to work toward a solution. You do not have to solve all your problems in a single night or talk, but you both must agree that 1) there is an issue and 2) you will both work together to correct any problems.
    #4 - Stay committed and hungry. If you aren't able to conceive the solution in your own mind, it will never, EVER, EVER work itself out. Stay focused, stay cool, and be strong.
    #5 - Pray 2 Rakat

    May Allah guide you toward the truth.

  8. Salam,

    I know how you feel as I am currently experiencing it myself now. My husband thinks that it is ok to retain friendship with another girl. But is it really friendship when you wait for your wife to sleep so you can talk to her for several hours? He also admitted that initially he chatted her up as he was following his nafsu but ended with only 'friendship' after thinking of the family unit.

    He has refused to end it saying that thy emotionally connect and she understands him. I am very heartbroken as never in million years I would think he would do such thing as he used to be a good practicising Muslim.

    Dug up a bit more and found out he's been looking at pornography and also indulge in 'online' sex chats.
    I know this is far better than having a physical affair but it is equally disappointing.

    My daughter is very attached to her father. If anything, I would like to work things out for her sake. It also bothers me that this gives him the upper hand as he knows I would never leave for her. That also in turn may allow him continue on doing all these sins.

    I have been praying and read the Quran more now. Alhamdulillah, this has brought me closer to Allah. Sometimes I think that if this is a dugaan for me to get a better place in Jannah so be it. I'm still searching for the inner peace though. Still searching for answers and actions on how to proceed. I cannot be going on to be this bitter woman in an unhappy marriage 🙁

    • Salams sister totally understand what u are goin through I am also in a similar situation my husband hust talks to random women changes their names into a guys name on hes phine so I dont know if its a guy or girl pathetic things like that I've caught him so many times been 6 years of marriage n still but guess one day it will b a wake up call for him only allah knows when I sit down n ask why does he do it no answers then at the end of it all blames me cos of me lol I make him cos I nag etc listen talking to him is like taking ablood out a stone I get nowhere with him so now I have learnt to stay strong n patient n trust in the almighty I have even asked him to ho be with one of them as I know hes heart is not content with me so b a man about it n let me go or better still I will cos im still here he thinks he can carry on n treat mr like a doormat buy guess one day he will realise n thats it then he has no justification in doin what he does hes also practicing but what is that now day beard pray 5 times done hajj n umrah there is no fear of allah swt simple

    • Assallmu Alaikum...sister I've been experiencing almost same problems as you ..which lead to separation between me n my husbnd coz I became persistent for him to leave this habit of pretending that the female he chats to him are not commiting sin...he seems to just be stubborn n unmoved by all my pleas n beggings and now we're living separate but not divorced for sake of my kids ...so which part n guidelines did you take n did you see any positive effect on your husbnd n has he left his wrongful chatting ...plz advice me ...

  9. Asa
    ur brave sister Ayma
    I have been thru a similar situation in married life.Once it started , confrontation only lead the relationship from love to blame game to coldness to frustration to noreturn.

    it only proves that this is not the problem of a single home or family. It is a global catastrophe!!!!!!!
    And is there any solution to this flood of unrestrained uncheked communications thanx to smartphones & wifi???

    The big bosses at goverment/ religous levels need to do something abt this fast!
    before our world, beliefs and relationships most of all our family system is washed away in this storm.

  10. Salam,

    Just realized its been almost 10 months since my last comment.
    Allah is amazing and never doubt on His miracles. It takes a lot of patience and I'm still searching for that inner peace.

    Alhamdulillah, after much prayers husband has finally ended their relationship. Well, if it is far from truth, I wouldn't know, wallahualam. I cannot confirm on other vices though. All I know that only Allah can give me my happiness and not him. Searching for that inner peace (and still searching) is best thing that ever happened to me.

    My marriage still has its down side and of course I do get paranoid (at times!) about his infidelity but I try to shun away from all these negativity and strive for Jannah. If he is unable to guide me nor wants to strive for Jannah, then I have to strive on my own. It's very hard most of the times but Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah I refuse to let satan get the better of me. I'm also working on my daughter, to ensure she gets good Islamic education and nurture her to be a better Muslim than her parents.

    For those have similar problems, don't give up. Allah is all merciful and he would not let you bear a test which is beyond your capacity. If you do not win in this life, insyaAllah with much perseverance you will have so much win in life after. I've realized that there is no true love nor such thing as soul mate in this life. The more you believe that fairy tale story, the more you will get hurt. Allah swt should be your true love and I hope He forgives my sin and pushes me to be a better servant.

    Learn to let go and insyaAllah Allah will lead you to find your inner peace. Amin.

  11. Thank you sis Fair. I believe no one knows their strength nor weaknesses until they are tested. You are definitely spot on confrontation leads to no return. My self-reminder whenever feeling down or depressed is to always remember to detach ourselves from this wordly affairs and concentrate on akhirat.

    Just to give some credit to husband, he does try to make me happier and I'm so thankful things are alot better than last year but what makes me really happy is whenever I see him pray or listen/watch religious lectures. He has his moods too and I get frustrated because sometimes I feel he has not done taubat nasuha but I need to tell myself over and over again that I'm not the one who will judge him in after life, so I have to leave it to Allah swt. I guess that is yet another dugaan for me! May Allah guide us and keep us steadfast in our religious obligations. Amin

  12. I am going through the same situation ,i cought him so many times end up he blames me for everything !i love him so much he says he loves me doesn't let me guess if he is talking to a gils but he does when i speak to him he says i am not happy with you these gilrs are not important for me they are just friends and its not haram he just done umrah he promised me he will b the best hubby but he is talking to some different girls now he says she is nice girl jut looking for life partner but why always my husband every girl says the same thing to him ,i dunno what to do wen i ask him he gets angry and says i dont wanna live with you do u want divorce but i dont want it coz we have one year old son
    So worried

    • So so sorry to hear about this but just wanna tell you all that I am facing the same problem . My husband says they are only friends but he carries conversation with her for 15 minutes or more. Recently he was hospitalised and I saw her message on his phone that that she misses him and another one wgere ssge says love you . He called her and had conversation fir over 30 minutes after 10 pm during his sray I confronted him about this and he said so what. As a Muslim woman does she have a right to say these things to a man knowing he has a wife and 2 daughters. I've asked him to stop his friendship with her but I know secretly he messages her and talks to her over the phone. I wold prefer to get a divorce and live happy than to live with him and be in grief since he do not want to end his friendship with her. What should I do?

  13. assalam-o-alaikum,
    i wanted to get some advice please.
    i found out my husband has been talking to a girl in a different country & he says they are just friends, since septermber 2016. he said he was helping with a problem she has. i asked why she cant ask someone else, he said sorry and he will ask her to move on.
    but he never did. i found conversations on his phone, so then he found another way of talking to her in privtae & i saw that too, he doesnt know that i can see these conversations.
    i dont like him talking to her and i have made it clear to him i dont like it, he told me he wont talk to her again. i deleted her number from his phone and he re installed her number and then he talks to her and then deletes the conversation before he comes home from work. but i have already seen them from the computer, he just wont stop talking to her. i do dua for him to stop but he just argues with me.
    and now i am pregnant 5 weeks, i have had miscarriages before and i dont want another one cause of stress, i dont know wat to do, please help
    jazak allah

    • sadia, in my opinion his behavior represents a dangerous trend and should be stopped before it goes further. I think you must confront him directly and give him an ultimatum. Either he stops, or you leave him. And be prepared to follow through. This might be enough to shock him into reality and stop this nonsense.

      If you need further advice, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  14. Assalaam alaykoem warhmatullaahi Wa barakatu

    IT is not allowed in the Islam to have any contact with another sex. This kust be clear and no understood. Illaa fi darura only it is necessary. But just talk with a friend with another sex is Haram and this bring to a dangerous matter.

    I advice you to talk with him. And say that you both are married for the sake of Allah. And Allah and the profeth Mohammed sallalahu alayhi wa salaam have forbid this.

    A poetry ones say'd: zina (adultery) begin with the eyes then with the mounth with the touch and so people's do zina
    Mate allah protect the Muslims with that Emin

    So my sister talk with him and say that is Haram. And if he change alhamdulillah if he not change then talk with his parents incha Allah

    May Allah make your marriage success e

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