Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need help – I’m gay.

Homosexuality in Islam

Assalamu alaikum, I want some help regarding an issue I'm experiencing. Or maybe I'm merely confirming it, because I know there is no foreseeable way out of it. The truth is, I'm gay. I'm attracted to men in the way that the people around me are attracted to women. I am attracted to women only on a platonic level, hence the fact that I have many female friends. I have not shared this aspect of my personality with anybody, because I know I will never be understood. I have never acted upon my inclinations, not even when I physically had the chance, because I thought I will never be who I am again if I went on and did it, although I wanted to terribly. I thought of my family and how they would be disappointed in me, I thought of Allah and how this is what I perceived to be a lifelong test on my willpower and faith, and I backed away. I have since sunken into a state of deep depression, anxiety, and fear of the future. I am constantly afraid of letting go of my desires, so I am always withdrawn and distant with male friends. I fear that I will never lead a normal life. I always wanted to have children of mine, to have a loving, faithful, strong and understanding wife and beautiful boys and girls to my name, but unless I find someone to whom I'm attracted, someone with whom I could share my secret, someone who understands and accepts me just the way I am, that will never happen, so that is all I ask of Allah, day and night. I don't really know what kind of reply could be written in response to a message like mine, so I don't hope for more than an acknowledgement of receiving the message and, if possible, a duaa or two. Thank you so much, assalamu alaikum.


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14 Responses »

  1. I think this what you are expieriencing is from shaytan. Nobody is born gay. Shaytan or even people can make you think you are gay . You should do ruqyah on yourself every day till you feel it has become better. And stop having this female friends wich are not allowed women to you. Pray your 5 times salah and act on the sunna of the prophet saw. as much as you can because doing something sexual with a man is a major sin.
    Also say one hundret times in the morning la ilaha il Allah wahdahu la shareka lahu lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu wa huwa ala kulli shayin qadeer. You will be protected the all day from shaytan by Allah. Do this every day:
    ““Whoever says “La ilaha ill-Allah wahdahu la shareeka lah, lahu’l-mulk wa lahu’l-hamd wa huwa ‘ala kulli shayin qadeer” one hundred times in the day, will have a reward equivalent to that of freeing ten slaves, one hundred hasanahs (good deeds) will be recorded for him, and one hundred sayiahs (bad deeds) will be erased from his record, and it will be protection for him from the shaytan for that day, until evening comes. No one could achieve any better than him except the one who does more than he did. Whoever says Subhaan Allaah wa bi hamdih (Praise and glory be to Allaah) one hundred times, morning and evening, his sins will be erased even if they are like the foam of the sea.”

    Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3293) and Muslim (2691) from the hadith of Abu Hurayrah.

    There is a hadith in which the prophet said thoughts are forgiven as long as you do not act on them or speak them out.:
    The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Allah has forgiven my followers the evil thoughts that occur to their minds, as long as such thoughts are not put into action or uttered." (Reported in the six authentic books of Hadith, and explained by Imam Ibn Kathir)
    Dua is the weapon of the believer so make lots of dua
    May Allah help you stay away from sin and make you a better muslim and also give you shifa from this and make you have a family.

  2. Bismillah
    Ok what qasim bhai said to do ruqia is the best best thing you can do! But as far as your situation goes you have the right idea, about this being a test from Allah. The best thing to do is not to act upon it.

  3. Assalaamualaykum Firered,

    I'm so sorry about these painful feelings and dissonance you are having within yourself, and Inshallah, they will pass.

    I have made a dua for you. A few duas you can recite on your own are:

    Rabbi inni lemaa anzalta ilaya min khairin fakeer (Oh Allah...I am in need of whatever good you send down for me)

    Hasbi Allahu wa Ni'ma Al-Wakeel [Oh Allah..You are sufficient for me and are the best disposer of affairs (trustee)]

    La ilaha illa ant subhanaka inni kuntu minazaalimeen
    (Oh Allah...There is none worthy of worship except are far exalted and above all weaknesses...surely, I am from among the wrongdoers)

    You can say these duas either after prayer or at any time of day in all your need and anguish.

    Inshallah you will find the life partner you are looking for and you two will live a happy life with the blessings of Allah.



  4. Assalam alaykom brother

    Hope you feeling better and strong .
    Firstly you need to understand that this is a test from Allah and Allah gives hard tests to the people he loves so if you don't act upon your feelings Allah will reward you with something better.
    I have spoken to many gay Muslims who suffer on a daily basis and I came to the conclusion that some are born gay and some become gay from a young age because of a sexual abuse or maybe from not having a father figure in life .
    The thing is you cannot change yourself but you can work on acting straight .
    First step try to find good Muslim friends male friends who are married so you can be incarrange to get married
    Try to find an asexual girl for marriage
    If you can't find then you should see a doctor to help you get injections for your penis so you can get an erection but this injection need to be done every time you want to have intercourse with your wife
    The other option is penile implant ,
    Look it up it's a surgery for men with erectile disfunction , they will put a device into your penis with a pump inside your testicals ! So every time you want to sleep with your wife you will need to pump your penis by pressing on the pump inside your testicals and then your penis will stay erected as long as you want ! Your wife won't notice anything because it will looks and feels natural .

    You have no other options brother! like tablets like Viagra ect will never work ,

    Bare in mind that women can also enjoy massages using toys and your hand so it doesn't have to be always intercourse !
    In the end marriage is not all about sex and some gay guys that I have spoken to ended up getting married and they became very attached to their wives so that means if you knew how to find the right girl you will end up loving her you just need to stop stressing and try the options I gave you to give her her sexual needs then leave the rest to Allah .

    My advice brother stay away from gay guys who act upon there feelings and always stay surrounded by religious guys and go to hajj and always make yourself more religious this will help you stay away from doing anything haram . Gay acts are big sin and the person who does it is cursed but if you don't do it for Allah's sake you can then call yourself a mujahid because you are sacrificing your sexual desires for Allahs sake and that is very big indeed ! So stay strong and feel proud and never let this test make you feel weak and depressed because this is what shaytan will always try to do to you !
    If you don't stress you will find marriage easy as long as you solve the erection problem with one of the options I gave you .
    Good luck and may Allah make it easy on you and reward you with the highest level of heaven inshaa Allah Ameen .

  5. Good advice from sister and brothers you should act upon them and read dua i which ask from ALLAH protect from shytaan it is from shytaan .You can download app dua and azkaar in which morning and evening duas .Get marriage as possible may be it is a way you can ascape this situation by ALLAH ALMIGHTY when you attract to men say this AAOOSUBILLAH HIMENISHA TUA NIRAJEEM 10 TIMES you say 10 times at any time not at this situation.

  6. YES!! you can be born gay. Like some people are born liking the opposite sex. There are many cases due to sexual abuse as a child or at school or looking at haram content people may turn gay and who failed to ignore the whispering of shaytamm
    But many can be just born gay. They had no choice in the matter. Everyone has a test and this is YOUR test! I am inspired by your post.. by your wisdom. Your right don't allow yourself to fall into your desires in any way. Don't allow thoughts to cross your mind or indulge in thoughts.. as though it may not be a sin will surely make you fall into sin. Everytime a haram thought comes to mind say astaghfirullah and immediately ask Allah to remove these thoughts. So many men and women are out there not married and some will never married although they are attracted to the opposite sex they just cant find a match. What is haram stays haram for them such as looking at illicit media, girlfriend /boyfriend or satisfying their carnal desires by any haram means. ALLAH tells them do not come near to sin... starve your desires and replace it with istigfaar and remembrance of Allah. This is the same for you... seek Allah in the depths of the night and ask Allah to remove your desires and replace it with HalAL desires. Anything is possible with the will of Allah even changing your state front liking men to liking women is possible. Keep steadfast in your dua . Believe Allah can change you. He xan change your destiny! Believe it!
    You don't need to be stuck with this desire for the rest of your life. Many people hide their homosexuality for years and marry only eventually for it to be exposed and they end up t practicing homosexuality publicly because it was too hard and their desires were too strong. They allowed their desires to grow in the first place secretly . Physically they may have gotten married and never physically acted in haram but they allowed their hearts and thoughts to wonder and their desires grew and grew and grew till it was a monster and haram dreams were out of control. They did not stay steadfast in taubah and dua. Don't allow this to happen to you. I ask Allah to make your journey easy for you and remove opportunities of haram from your path. Understand and know loneliness is not a bad thing. Surely your are never truly alone if you mind is of Allah the supreme the merciful the compassionate. No friend can be better than Allah. Talk to Allah like he is your friend in dua.your don't need girl friends or boy friends. Pray jammah at the mosque spend time at the mosque with righteous men do not shy away from them . You must strengthen your willpower don't remove yourself from the company of men. I believe you can do it. Keep yourself busy at night. Even if your haven't done haram be crazy with taubah taubah taubah for it attracts the mercy of Allah. No good come from us all good is from Allah and if you attract his mercy through taubah and remembrance he will grant your dua for change. NEVER EVER EVER MISS YOUR SALAT ONCE YIU MAKE IT A HABIT SALAT WILL BE EASY NEVEE MISS SALAT EVEN AT WORK. Your dream of getting married having kids and being attracted to a woman will come true.

    • Assalamu Alaikum brother,

      I really wonder reading the above comments that how people can be so blunder and ignorant about quran and the facts mentioned in it about these feelings....

      First of all nobody born gay...nobody found a gay gene or something that will make a person a gay...

      Gay is a political social identity that people take by their choice.i have been suffering these feelings all my life...but i have been trying to educate myself about this from many resources and came to realize many things about these feeling still a lot more to go and exercise a lot to completely come out of one of the brother mentioned to put implants and all...those are not really required because once we develop our heterosexual true identity we slowly start getting the opposite sex attractions so without any device we will be able to function sexually with our wife.

      I recomment you to go to youtube and type speeches of Dr.Joseph nicolosi(especially listen shame based self statements by nicolosi) .He has indepth knowledge about this subject after deeling with many such clients about more than 30 years...
      Nicolosi,A true gem in this field who passed away this last march.

      Listen to his speeches many times until you get an idea about what he was trying to explain.i am still listening to his speeches whenever i get an impulse or feeling down about life.

      Do duas and zikr a Shaa Allah ,Allah will cure our hearts and make us true men who will be proud to our parents and spouse and to everyone we associate with

      In Shaa Allah Allah will make out for all of us who are dealing with such a terrible condition of mind

      Jazakhallah brother

  7. Mohamed: Gay is a political social identity that people take by their choice.i have been suffering these feelings all my life...but i have been trying to educate myself about this from many resources and came to realize many things about these feeling still a lot more to go and exercise a lot to completely come out of it..

    Are you saying you chose to become gay? What made you have this political social identity?

    • SVS: Dnt you have patience to completely read nd understand my comment. how can you come up with such a question.or are you making fun of others?

      If we are muslims we dnt have a freechoice to accept an identity that completely take us out from the fold of islam.

      And moreover who wants to live a life of complete destruction and dissatisfaction until death.

      No body born gay,Nobody ever...No one can go to Allah and say on the day of judgement that since you have made me gay i lived that quran will be our mouthshutter for these kind of arguments on that be aware of knowledge....

      I have not taken that malicious social political identity and will live and die as a complete man eventhough i am getting these temptations now and then...i will never ever act up on them...nd do my level best to develop my heterosexual(straight) identity by all possible means throughout my life.


  8. I m a sunni girl and i want to marry with ismaili boy? Ismaili's are muslims??!

  9. as salaamu alaykum Akhiy firered

    Allaah swt issues different trials to different people, but be sure, a trial, as exacting as that of your kind will lead to the highest rewards! That is If you successfully resist this temptation. Live your life by moments, not by days or weeks. Your Lord loves you and Will help you if you always keep Him in mind, and ask His help at all times. May He bless you Akhiy and defend you always against our Arch Enemy Shaitaan!

  10. I find it hard to understand all that amount of trust In Allah I saw in the replys.
    isn't the logical answer is since Allah choose this man fate to be with a humiliating thing like homosexuality means that Allah don't care for him.i mean can you imagine a gay muslim who repented in heaven side by side with prophet muhammad who was a real man
    And the fact that Non of luts people were forgiven maybe gays are just not good enough to be Muslims
    The fact is
    Allah had tested all his prophet but he never did humilated them like this.
    I might be wrong but I just can't see it

    • yasir, it's not a humiliation. It is simply a test. People are tested in different ways. Someone else might be tested with a disability, an illness or hardship in this life. So this is another test and a challenge for the person to overcome. Anyone and everyone is "good enough" to be Muslim, since Islam is the religion for all the worlds.

      Wael Editor

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