In love with an abused married woman
A victim of domestic violence
Question:
Hi i just need some advice. I've been seeing a woman who is married but her husband is not really there for her and they are separated. We grew close and we starting seeing each other for a year now.
Just recently her ex (her husband) contacted her and now she is thinking of leaving me and going back to him. I don't understand why. But I can't let her go as she means the world to me.
Her ex has used her and beaten her before. I don't want her to get hurt again. I just don't know what to do. I have made her my life and I can't imagine myself without her.
plz help
- Khan
Sister Z's Answer:
Asalaamualaikum Khan,
Brother, whether you're in love or not...you're committing not just one major sin, but two.
1) You are having sexual relations with a woman who is not your wife - thus you are committing zina
2) And the woman you are committing zina with is married
I would advise you strongly to stop your relationship with this woman straight away and repent.
It may seem harsh to you, but it is not your place to be 'rescuing' her. If you are that concerned about her being abused by her husband, inform the police and leave it at that. Your involvement with her has become polluted and sinful; so you are not actually helping her or yourself. You are doing major zhulm to your soul and to her's.
If you really care about this woman, the best thing you can do for her is to tell her that you are both committing extremely major sins and then leave her alone so she can sort her life out and decide what she wants to do about her marriage. She is confused. The last thing she needs, is to be in another tangled up love situation and on top of that the sin of an extremely haraam relationship with you.
Having said that, you need to be more concerned about the enourmity of the sins you have committed against your own soul.
None of this may make sense to you at the moment as you appear to be too caught up and blinded by this situation you seem to think is 'love'. This type of 'love' will bring you nothing but short term satisfaction and long term destruction - unless you stop and sort yourself out now.
"Account yourselves before you are taken to account!"
- `Umar ibn al-Khattaab [Az-Zuhd of Ibn-ul-Mubaarak]
"On that day every person will be confronted with all the good he has done, and all the evil he has done, he will wish that there were a great distance between him and his evil deeds. And Allah warns you against Himself (His Punishment) and Allaah is full of Kindnessto the (His) slaves" [Surah Aale-'Imraan 3:30].
"O you who believer! Fear Allaah and keep you duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the tomorrow, And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what you do" [Surah Al-Hashr 59:18].
May we all repent sincerely and implore Allah to blot out or sins, because if we are taken into account in the Hereafter, it will not be a light matter. The Messenger(saw) of Allaah(swt) said "Anybody whose account is questioned will be punished" [Saheeh Al-Bukharee 8/543].
May Allah forgive us and completely wipe out our sins and may He(swt) protect us from delusion of Shaytan - Aameen.
Sister Z
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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1.) Take a step back from her and give her space to make a decision without your influence - because if you have an agenda when you speak to her, you will get the opposite outcome to the one you want. Justgive her the time and the space and have faith that she will do the right thing for herself (whatever that may be).
2.) Protect yourself from being manipulated. This woman has been with you for a year and is now thinking of leaving you to go back to another man, and she is having an extra marital relationship with you. Be careful OK? She could be genuine, but she could also be taking advantage of your kindess and could be using you - so watch out for your own back and make sure you are not being manipulated.
3.) Understand that even though she has a really sad story - it still doesn't make it OK to have an adulterous relationship. And even though you have heroic intentions, it still doesn't make it OK to have an extra marital relationship.
4.) Stay calm - don't freak out, dont go mad and dont panic - just stay calm and let what happens happen and avoid trying to control outcomes. Outcomes can't be controlled. Eat well, sleep well, take good care of yourself, distract yourself and let her do what she needs to do.
Asalaamualaikum Khan,
Brother, whether you're in love or not...you're committing not just one major sin, but two.
1) You are having sexual relations with a woman who is not your wife - thus you are committing zina
2) And the woman you are committing zina with is married
I would advise you strongly to stop your relationship with this woman straight away and repent.
It may seem harsh to you, but it is not your place to be 'rescuing' her. If you are that concerned about her being abused by her husband, inform the police and leave it at that. Your involvement with her has become polluted and sinful; so you are not actually helping her or yourself. You are doing major zhulm to your soul and to her's.
If you really care about this woman, the best thing you can do for her is to tell her that you are both committing extremely major sins and then leave her alone so she can sort her life out and decide what she wants to do about her marriage. She is confused. The last thing she needs, is to be in another tangled up love situation and on top of that the sin of an extremely haraam relationship with you.
Having said that, you need to be more concerned about the enourmity of the sins you have committed against your own soul.
None of this may make sense to you at the moment as you appear to be too caught up and blinded by this situation you seem to think is 'love'. This type of 'love' will bring you nothing but short term satisfaction and long term destruction - unless you stop and sort yourself out now.
"Account yourselves before you are taken to account!"
- `Umar ibn al-Khattaab [Az-Zuhd of Ibn-ul-Mubaarak]
"On that day every person will be confronted with all the good he has done, and all the evil he has done, he will wish that there were a great distance between him and his evil deeds. And Allah warns you against Himself (His Punishment) and Allaah is full of Kindnessto the (His) slaves" [Surah Aale-'Imraan 3:30].
"O you who believer! Fear Allaah and keep you duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the tomorrow, And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what you do" [Surah Al-Hashr 59:18].
May we all repent sincerely and implore Allah to blot out or sins, because if we are taken into account in the Hereafter, it will not be a light matter. The Messenger(saw) of Allaah(swt) said "Anybody whose account is questioned will be punished" [Saheeh Al-Bukharee 8/543].
May Allah forgive us and completely wipe out our sins and may He(swt) protect us from delusion of Shaytan - Aameen.
Sister Z