Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Lack of self control is affecting my entire life

 

nafs

Tame your Nafs to save your Soul, just as the horse-rider must tame it's horse to save himself. It will be painful at first, but soon you will taste the sweetness of emaan - insha'Allah.

Assalam-o-Alaikum Brothers and Sisters,

I am 23 years old. An issue of mine seems to be quite absurd for some people, but yes it is killing me from the inside. I am suffering from my lacking in self control. By the grace of Allah I'm Muslim, and I pray 5 times, but I don't know what happened to me. For the last 3 years, I haven't been able control myself in doing bad deeds. My memory is totally lost and I can't remember things, names, formulas etc etc.

After doing that I feel frustated and angry with myself. Sometimes I believe I'm just entitled as a "Muslim", but my soul and heart is still not in my control. I want to control myself, my emotions, my body, my language. It's just like I'm robbed by something from inside.

My academics have been destroyed by this habit, and my attitude has turned arrogant and possessive. I don't care for others and I feel that everyone is selfish- that they are just meeting me for their purposes. I know it sounds stupid. I want to change, and I want my family life again. I want to feel Islam from bottom of my heart. I want to be a good Muslim. I don't wanna be in Jahanum fire, but my deeds will surely take me there if I don't change. I want my Academic status back. I can't suicide because it's haram. There is no way out it seems for me. Please help me.

-lucky360


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14 Responses »

  1. OP: My academics have been destroyed by this habit, and my attitude has turned arrogant and possessive. I don't care for others and I feel that everyone is selfish- that they are just meeting me for their purposes.

    Stop being be a control freak? What happened 3 years before you started experiencing this?

  2. Assalam alaikum Brother,

    I recently read this Hadith and would like to share it:

    The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked, “Who is fasting today?” Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) replied, “Me”. The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked, “Who has followed a funeral procession today?” Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) replied, “Me”. The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked, “Who has fed a poor person today?” Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) replied, “Me”. The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked, “Who has visited a sick person today?” Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) replied, “Me”. The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) then said, “Any person that has done these four things in one day will enter Paradise.”

    [Sahih Muslim]

    Brother, is it possible for you to visit a hospital or do you have relatives/friends who are sick and in need? It seems that your nafs has made you feel "invincible." It can happen--we are humans--it isn't just you that feels arrogance--we all do and we have to fight it. If you could see how lucky you are by seeing those less-fortunate, perhaps it will ignite in you some mercy in your heart for others and gratefulness for all that you have. It is so easy to take for granted our health and underestimate how fortunate we are for the ability to walk, to feel nothing and therefore feel no pain, to breathe with ease, to sleep and feel rested and so on.

    I hope that you reconnect with the good inside you and do it by reaching out to those in need around you. May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  3. Brother...realize that Allah is the ultimate source of love and peace in this life and the hereafter.
    Believe.

  4. Read ya rahman ya raheem after evry namaz 100 times... Inshaallah it might help

  5. As salamu alaykum,

    Please, this is just my personal opinion, take it with a pinch of salt.

    Seems to me that you had been under huge doses of stress during a long period of time, when this happens our nervous system debilitates and we may need higher doses of certain, vitamins and minerals, micronutrients that we get our daily doses through our food normally( daily intake of fresh vegetables and fruits, nuts, vegetable or animal protein, cereals,.. This should be enough), if you haven´t paid this last years too much attention to the quality/quantity of your food or if you have abused of caffeine, sugar, sweeteners, sodas, or other stimulants,that steal our reserves, plus the stress due to exams, tests, ...obstacles, whatever, you may be right now suffering a general weakness of your nervous system.

    When memory and mood are involved we can be dealing with imbalances in the intake/expenses of Magnesium and vitamin B, in general, but this should be diagnosed by a physician/doctor. What I can advice you and, insha´Allah, will improve your condition, it is to pay more attention to your diet and add daily greens(salads, boiled or steamed), fresh fruit(juices, salads... specially before eating),dried fruits, nuts( specially walnuts, just three pieces is enough), whole grains, fresh vegetables(salads, juices, stews,...), animal or vegetable protein, chickpeas are specially good for you. Chew your food until gets liquid in your mouth. Don´t drink while you eat. Avoid as much as you can spices, sodas, too much sugar or salt, sweeteners, stimulants, for a while. Green tea or herbal teas are fine.

    Something that will, insha´Allah, improve your condition too, it is to walk(not fast) at least 40 minutes a day, while you do it, be conscious and grateful for breathing and for being, this, insha´Allah, will reconnect you to your inner being, to your core and with it you will feel what you long so much for.

    Repent and ask for forgiveness to God for whatever you feel you have done wrong in your past and from now on, insha´Allah, live the now taking care of yourself and being the best you can be.

    May Allah(swt) guide you to your best. Ameen.

    Allah(swt) knows best.

    María M

  6. Assalamu'alaikum,

    Listen brother, this life is meant to be tough, we are supposed to have bad times. Bad times are what differentiate the strong from the weak and the patient from the impatient. They are like the touchstone on which gold is tested.

    It is only self-control after the Mercy of Allah His Tawfeeq and the striving to stay on the Sunnah, that can help us in this dunya and benefit us in the aakhirah. We have an enemy who has thousands of years in experience, who does not give up and who competes with his peers in causing us to do wrong - it is the Shaitaan.

    The feeling you have is a good feeling...it comes from something called an Nafs al Lawwamah (the blaming self), which makes a person regret for the wrong he has done and brings a kind of dissatisfaction until that wrong doing is covered up by a good deed. Sister Saba has shared a beautiful hadith from Sahih Muslim:

    The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked, “Who is fasting today?” Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) replied, “Me”. The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked, “Who has followed a funeral procession today?” Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) replied, “Me”. The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked, “Who has fed a poor person today?” Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) replied, “Me”. The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked, “Who has visited a sick person today?” Abu Bakr (radi Allahu anhu) replied, “Me”. The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) then said, “Any person that has done these four things in one day will enter Paradise.”

    Some tips to control yourself include avoiding places, actions and situations that make you do wrong. Indeed, you don't wrong but yourself. Neither are you harming someone else, nor does anyone have any power to harm his Creator. So, do not listen to your enemy who will be thrown into the fire and wants to induce everyone to follow him. This world will end one day without any doubt, what will remain is our deeds with us. No one will come to save you there, you will be all alone by yourself. No one can save you but the Lord Himself.

    Know Allah, because that will increase you in fear and hope. Whoever knows Allah the most fears Him the most, as one of the salaf quoted. Know Him by His Beautiful Names and Attributes, call on Him by His Names in the middle of the nights and in the day; indeed, it brings peace in life:

    الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
    Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured. (13:28)

    Sins weaken memory and the salaf have affirmed this. When you begin learning the Names of Allah and know their real meanings, when you begin learning the tawheed and the Sunnah and strive to follow it, you will see that the sins will decrease, knowledge makes your memory strong and sins weaken it.

    Links to duroos on Asmaul Husna, which you must listen: Urdu (Dr. Murtaza Baksh) - English (Dr. Saleh as Saleh Rahimahullah)

    May Allah Give you and me the Tawfeeq

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. This is why muslims need tasawwuf today.......

  8. Brother I have been dying from the inside for a very long time. A lot of times, people will claim they will never kill themselves, but they are doing it slowly, little by little, by small unkind acts towards themselves. This is how I have felt for a very long time. I have searched and searched for God in religion, and I keep running into the walls that human beings have built into religion, and the love of God becomes harder to attain. Allah, or Yahweh, or whatever name we can call the Ultimate Reality by, it doesn't matter, all that matters is that you feel the Love, which has no boundaries, no limitations, no names, no form, no shape, no religion, no institution. That Ultimate Love is calling for you, it has always been calling for you, you just have to answer the call. That Ultimate Love is your saviour, It has come to rescue you, It has been trying to rescue you for a very long time. Surrender your heart and let the Love do the work It has come to do. Alcohol has destroyed my life, so much has been lost, I lost an amazing woman because I have been drinking myself to death. I don't know who to turn to, but the Love of God refuses to leave my heart, the Love of God is pulling me closer and closer, as I tumble down the hill of death. The problem with this world is that we give things names, the Love of God has no name, It just exists, It just lives, It just feels, and makes Itself felt. Be a child of Abraham and love the One True Lord with all your heart, He already loves you with all His Entire Being. Religion is competing for prophets, people are competing for money, but the Oneness is always competing for your soul. Make the Lord happy, be good to the Lord, He feels pain too, be a good child, as you would to your mother or father, the Lord is in pain because of the way the world is conducting itself. Let's you and I, do something nice for the Lord, and conduct ourselves as gentleman. God Bless You.

  9. just i have to give a suggestion that ,always obeying your parents order & their wishes for you, if a person is in a bad condition ,definitely it relates to its bad behaviour to his/her perents, i was going through the same condition in which you are currently exist, i was a very good child in my family & also in my friends.My life is spend very cool & calm but when i run away from the right track ,my life also destroys, its start from watching porn movies alone & i am addicted to it, my life becomes hell, i become very weak from my health & also from my mental health, i forget things ,i don't care about anything that whats going in my family , in my friends, i destroyed my self , i make decisions by myself even worst decisions ,not take suggestion from the parents , not going to prayer , so i notice that these kingd of bad activities will destroy a persons life, its mind become negative in every moment, he imagine every positive aspect from the negative aspect b/c his minds is full of bitter , negative & shameful thhinking, so for getting out of these shits, simply first of all share your problem with your parents without any hesitation b/c in this entire world after ALLAH & our Prophet (P.B.U.H), they love you on their extreme , firends or other person only give you advise a/c to their little bit experience of their life, man you have to make yourself strong at any cost, i just want to denote a thing here that girls are excellent b/c they obey their parents orders b/c they kill their wishes infront of their parents thats why they attain success in their life but in boys they always tend their own wishes whether they are wrong or right & one things i want to say from the bottom of my heart that only Namaz can prevent you from doing bed deeds , except namaz in this entire world their is no capsule or medicine which prevent you from this porn movies or negative videos or thinking about sexually desires or any bed deeds, this world is an examination hall where you have to give exams ,mind it........

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