Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Married man having desire to chat with other women


Assalam U Alaikum to Brothers & Sisters.

I am a 28 year old man. I am a religious man and have been associated with an Islamic society but I am not a regular in it to my laziness. I am married, but my wife works in another city and stays with her parents. We dont get chances to meet for months at a time, due to some issues. We are trying for her to get a job transfer to my city but that might take another year and a half. She says that she has to support her family at least until her younger brother and sister complete their education (3 to 4 years). I acknowledge her wish and respect her, I dont want to force her to leave her job immediately. She is a good and obedient wife. She stays away from me (due to reasons above mentioned), but other than that I am happy with her. I am loyal to my wife, I didn't do a 2nd marriage even though I got a chance for it. I love my wife madly.

Now, coming to my real problem... I have this strange desire to talk (on phone) with Non-Mehram girls. During the time my wife stayed with me regularly, I didn't have this issue. I have this strange evil desire, just to talk with girls, and this problem went on even before my marriage.

I make this clear that I have no desire to spoil the life of any girl. I didn't go beyond the point of chatting to girls whom I got chances to talk with. I would normally talk for 2, 3 weeks, (it may include love talk also) then I would tell the girl I am married, and I feel guilty, I stop replying her messages, she stops eventually either due to my revelation or non-responsive behavior. I delete her number then.

I feel guilty afterwards, because I broke the heart of an innocent Muslimah, which is a grave sin. I didnt know any of them girls personally, mostly met through chat forums.

I feel guilty for few months or so. Then the same desire rises, and the cycle is repeated. And even if I dont get chances or  the courage to talk to any girl, the desire is still there.

Advise please.


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8 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    To me it is very clear that this behavior is coming up because you are not able to access your wife regularly. One of the main purposes of marriage is to keep temptations like this from becoming a problem or habit, as it has in your case.

    The primary solution of course is for your wife and you to begin living together immediately. If that's not something you both are willing and able to do yet for some time, then there must be an alternate solution. Stopping this behavior on your own strength has proven not to work.

    So the question is, brother, are you willing to do whatever it takes to turn this around? If you love your wife "madly" as you say, the obvious answer should be 'yes'. So here are some options for you:

    1. Get rid of your landline. Get only a mobile phone, and have your wife place restrictions on it where you cannot call or text anyone except permitted contacts.

    2. Tell someone you trust what you've been doing. Have them lock your computer up except the sites you only NEED to access (like for work purposes). Check in with them daily to talk about how you've been doing. Accountability is the best remedy for a bad habit.

    3. Get into counseling. Find a professional that can help you break the addiction.

    If these fail to make a significant change, you owe it to your wife to tell her the truth. She has the right to know what manner of man she is really married to, and to be free to choose to handle that as she wishes. Real love cares enough to be fair, not to be deceptive or selfish.

    -Amy Editor

    • Sister. Thanks for you advice. I have no landline. I use my cell phone only. I think I have conveyed this to my wife many times that if she is careless about our relationship and stays away from me, than someone else can come between us. I didn't tell her exactly that I was talking to other girls, but i told her that when she doesnt give time to me even on phone, i get desire to talk to other girls. More or less she always says she is sorry that she is not a good wife etc, she is bound by her family, she has to take care of her father and siblings and I should marry someone else. Up till now i didn't want to marry someone else so i didn't listen to her. But once for trying her i asked if I do 2nd marriage, what will be your response. She said I cannot love you the same after that. She even said she will move abroad if she can and never talk to me. She also said she will boycott me. By hearing all this, i felt she blackmailed me emotionally. Not caring for how much i waited for her to get married (her father wasn't in favor of this marriage so he delayed 2 years). Even now she is doing job in her own city atleast 120 km away from me. We get to meet on weekends only. My family life (with parents and siblings) is being disturbed.

      I have began thinking that if she cares more about her family, i should also care about mine. So, I am thinking if the same situation continues for a year or two, i will go for 2nd marriage. I dont care if she boycotts me or doesnt talk to me after that. I will still consider her as my wife, even though she doesnt consider me her husband. Its my right to do 2nd marriage and i will utilize it.

      I know sisters here will oppose my decision, its typical. But i guess 2nd marriage is better than texting and bothering other muslim girls, breaking innocent hearts because my own wife doesnt have time for me.

  2. OK: I have this strange evil desire, just to talk with girls, and this problem went on even before my marriage.

    Why don't you talk to your wife when you get that strange evil desire? How far your wife lives from you?

    You call yourself a religious man. You talk to a girl for 2, 3 weeks, (it may include love talk also) then tell the girl you are married and end the relationship. You playing love games with girls by pretending to be single. After 2-3 weeks you get bored and end the game.

    If your wife sees all those phone numbers or emails or chat files, she will loose your trust and this may create problems between you and your wife.

    How would you feel if your wife does that with other men?

    • SVS. Kindly read the answer i gave to sister Amy.

      Adding i would say if i had to leave my Govt Job to save my eman, i will. If my wife had asked me the same that she is getting desires because of me staying away from her (for example if i worked in abroad), iam sure i would have left the job for a less paying job near own home. i would also have kept her with me. I am speaking that from true heart. On the contrary my wife says her job is imp for her and she cannot leave it. Although I am trying for her to get a job in my city but she doesnt want to leave her job unless new job is guaranteed.

      That problem i mentioned in the post isn't persistent any more. I don't bother strange girls any more. I have two friends who are girls (not girl friends) that i share my issue with. Its more kind of a cellular friendship. I have never seen them in person. They are entirely aware of my issue, they know that i love my wife, they give me sincere advise. I didnt met them personally, it is better because in this way you can avoid being judged. I cant discuss this issue with my friends. I told this once to one of my friends, he said your issue is so complex that i cannot say anything. He said i can only pray for you.

      The root of my problem i think lies in the issue that i am a family man. I kind of discuss even small issues in my office with my family. I need company all the time. My wife isn't there for me, its the core of all the issues. Sooner or later i will do 2nd marriage to preserve my eman.

  3. Assalam Aleykoum Brother,

    I was reading your post/concerns and it reminded me of the story of Barsees. You see, your situation starts with just idle chit chat with these Sisters, which we all know that sooner or later it might lead to Zinah, due to the fitnah of iblis. Please read this story, and hopefully you may reflect on it and be of help InshaAllah.

    Many years before the time of Prophet Muhammad and Prophet Isa (peace be upon them), there was a man among the Bani Israa’eel (The Children of Israel) who was an extremely devout person. Nowadays, we think we are pious and righteous Muslims if we just pray 5 times a day, read the Quran sometimes and fast in Ramadan. Would you believe that this man had been worshipping Allah (عز وجل) for over 60 years nonstop?! This man had a small temple or monastery for himself, where he would live, worship and remember his Lord.

    He was known as the zaahid (ascetic), the ‘aabid (worshipper), and the saajid (prostrator). His regular routine would be to fast and pray for forty days, and then rest for one day. After that, he would then again pray and fast for forty days and rest on that one day. It was said that this man was the greatest worshipper (of Allah) in the whole world! And for all of these long years, the cunning Shayaateen (devils, satans) were unable to misguide or tempt him. The name of this man was Barsees [or Birsees].

    60 years had passed, and Iblees (لعنه الله), nor any of his workers, was able to overpower this worshipper. Therefore, Iblees gathered his soldiers of shayaateen and the evil Jinns. The Prophet Muhammad told us, as was authentically reported from him, that “Verily, Iblees has a throne over the ocean. There he gathers all of his workers and the evil Jinns. Then, he sends them on the Children of Adam.” Basically, this means that he appoints them with various missions; ‘You go to this person, you go to that person.’ And they all return to the same place to report to him. And occasionally, he awards the best one with a prize. So he called all of his workers to a meeting and asked: “Which one of you can take care of this worshipper? For 60 long years, we have been unable to misguide him!” None of the satans came forward. Then, one Satan walked forward. He has been described as, ash-Shaytaan al-Abyad (the White Devil). It was the job of this satan to go and bother the Prophets/Messengers of Allah. Some tafaaseer mention that he even came to Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and tried to confuse him. But Jibreel came and smacked him away with his hand. Anyway, the White Devil told Iblees, “Barsees is mine.” And Iblees told him to go.

    In the town of Barsees, there were 4 young men from the youths of Bani Israel. The brothers had a young sister who was extremely beautiful. These 4 brothers were called to go for Jihaad in the way of Allah. So they all sat down and began to think, “What are we gonna do with our sister; she is a youth and is very beautiful, and we will be away from her for days, for weeks, or even months.” One of them said: “There is no one whom we can trust with our sister except for Barsees, for he is the most righteous of mankind. He worships Allah the most.” And so the other brothers agreed to this idea. They all went to the temple of Barsees and asked him: “Could you please keep our sister with you, until we return from fighting in the way of Allah?” Barsees immediately refused and said: “I seek Allah’s refuge. I am a person who is busy with worship, and I simply cannot keep you sister with me!” The 4 brothers kept on asking and asking and asking. They said: “Soon we will have to go for Jihaad – to fight the enemies of Allah. So please, be a helper for us. Assist us by taking care of her – because we simply cannot entrust our sister with anyone from this town but you.” Barsees, seeing their desperate situation, agreed with one condition. He said: “She cannot stay with me. Make for her a tent [a place where she will stay] and put a wall in front of it, with a door. So I will place food for her at the doorstep, and I will guard her from far away.”

    The youths agreed and they did what Barsees told them. Then they went for Jihaad. Many days passed, and every day Barsees would place food at the door of the wall in front of the tent. He would then leave so she could come and get it. On one of these days, the White Shaytaan came and whispered to Barsees: “O Barsees, look. You just place the food for this young girl at the door of the tent. And then you leave. Perhaps, some people pass by and they eat the food! And this poor girl does not say anything to you [informing you of the situation], because her shyness and modesty prevent her.”

    So Barsees began to, instead of dropping the food outside her door, put the food inside the tent and then would immediately leave. Many days later, Shaytaan came to him. And he whispered to him: “O Barsees! O most righteous of the people of earth, the one who has worshipped Allah for so long, why don’t you just give salaams to this poor girl? Because no one ever talks to her, and now for a whole month she has not heard anyone. Furthermore, you will get good deeds when you say the salaams.” So Barsees did that. The next time he dropped the food at her tent, he said as-salaamu ‘alaykum to the young girl [from behind the wall], and she replied with the salaam. When Barsees heard her voice, his heart was captivated. He was totally mesmerized and enthralled. For as a worshipper in his monastery for 60 years, he had never heard such a voice. He immediately began to think about the appearance of the owner of this beautiful and soft voice.

    Some weeks later, Shaytaan came to Barsees and whispered to him: “O Barsees! O most pious of the people of earth, shouldn’t you …i mean, isn’t it your duty to.. ask this young girl if she needs anything? If she has any need? Isn’t this the promise you gave to those 4 brothers? And won’t this be added to your account of good deeds [caring about this girl and asking if she needs any assistance]? So go into her tent and talk to her for a while, becauze she’s very lonely and no one has spoken to her for many months now! O Barsees, what do you have to fear? You have worshipped Allah the most, out of all the people on earth. You are the ‘aabid, the saajid, the zaahid. What do you have to fear?”

    So Barsees entered in the tent of the girl after a few days of contemplating. He went and placed the food in front of her and said: “Do you need anything?” She said: “Thank you. You are very considerate and kind.” Barsees looked at her and heard her voice and talked to her. Then Shaytaan came to him and said: “Barsees, one who has worshipped Allah the most in your time – shouldn’t you eat with this young girl just one time, for she has not eaten with anyone from many months. And this will be added to your account of good deeds, with your Lord. Barsees, this poor girl is by herself, alone, and has not spoken to anyone from many months! O Barsees! Fear Allah regarding this young girl.” Barsees thought about it and decided to do it. He made food for the girl and some food for himself, and he went to the tent and told the girl that today they should eat together.

    While they were eating, when Barsees extended his hand to a plate and the young girl was also extending her hand to that plate, the arm of Barsees converged with the arm of the girl. Barsees looked at her and succumbed to the temptation. And he committed zina [illegal sexual intercourse]. Barsees, the one who had worshipped Allah the most from all mankind (for nearly his entire life), committed zina with this girl.

    Months later, the young girl became pregnant and she gave birth to a child. The brothers were still away fighting in the battle since Jihaad requires a lot of time, a lot of traveling, and many hardships, etc. During this period, Shaytaan came to Barsees again. He said: “What will you do, O Barsees, when the brothers of this young girl return? What will you say to them? They will ask, ‘Where did this child come from?!’ O Barsees, just kill the child and cover this matter up. If you don’t, you will be exposed and everyone in the village will ridicule you. Just get it over with and everything will be good. Take the child far away and kill him, and then you repent sincerely to Allah and seeking his forgiveness for your sin.” So Barsees went to the young girl and asked her for her child. Then he took the child far away and killed him, and buried him in the ground. He returned to his temple and began to repent to Allah.

    Shaytaan came to Barsees and whispered: “Do you think, O Barsees, that this young girl is going to leave you, once she finds out what you did to her child? You killed her child, took him away from her. Soon she will inform her brothers and they will get revenge on you! Go ahead and kill the girl, O Barsees. I mean, think about it carefully. What will happen if you leave her? When her brothers come, she will tell them and they will find out about how you committed zinaa with her. And from now on, people will speak bad about you, and about other worshippers like you. You will be stoned out of here!” So Barsees said in desperation, “What should I do?” He said: “Just do this last deed and then do Tawbah to Allah. He is the Ghafoor [most-forgiving] and the Raheem [the most merciful].” So Barsees went to the girl and took her to the place where he had buried her son. He said to her: “I will take you to where your son is.” She became so happy and overjoyed and she came towards Barsees. Barsees killed her and then buried her next to her child.

    It was the decree of Allah that right at that moment, the 4 youths came back from the battle. Despite their tiredness and exhaustion, they did not forget about their sister. They immediately went to Barsees and asked him about her. Barsees had to think fast. He shed some tears and said to them: “I am very sorry. Your sister was the best youth, and the best of all girls, but she died because of a terrible disease that inflicted her. So be patient and hope for the rewards from Allah.” The four brothers became soo sad when they heard this news. So they went to their homes crying and weeping.

    That night, Shaytaan came to them in their dreams and informed them of what had really happened. One of them woke up in terror (in the middle of the night), and stood up and said: “I saw this really strange dream.” The second brother said: “Yea, I also saw this weird dream.” The third and fourth said the same thing. So they said: “What’s going on, what is this? We all saw this same dream.” They were very confused and simply could not believe it. The next morning, they all went to Barsees and said: “Last night, all of us saw this extremely strange dream.” So Barsees said: “What did you see?” They said: “We each saw in our dreams that you committed zina with our sister and then murdered her.” Barsees was taken aback and had to think fast. He exclaimed: “You are doubting me, while I am the worshipper? You ignorant people are saying this about me, and I am the one who prays, bows, and prostrates? How can you say this to me? How dare you?!!” So the brothers, in shame, said: “No, by Allah, we are not doubting you. May Allah forgive us. Please pardon us for thinking about such an evil thing.” So they forgot about the dreams and went back home.

    The next night Shaytaan came to each one of them, in their dreams, and said: “Verily, Barsees has lied to you a second time. Go to such and such a place, and you will find some of your sister’s clothes.” The next morning the brothers talked about the new dream that they had seen. They said: “O.k., why don’t we go to that place and see where our sister supposedly is.” They hurried to that place and saw some pieces of cloth over the earth. They began to dig and dig, and finally – to their horror and shock – they saw their sister’s dead body and her child next to her!! They realized that the dream they had been shown was true. So they immediately ran to the temple of Barsees. They yelled: “You lied to us. May Allah kill you.” And they grabbed him and began to beat him severely, until he confessed what he did. The brothers tied him and crucified him [cut his limbs, etc] and tied him to a tree. And since it was still night, they agreed that they would kill him tomorrow at noon, while all the people of the city were present and witnessing.

    That night, the White Shaytaan came in his true form before Barsees, who was very injured and in pain. Shaytaan smiled and said: “O Barsees, I am Satan. I am the one who did all of this to you. I’m the one who got you in this mess. And I’m the only one who can get you out of it.” Barsees, in this state of sorrow, anxiety, remorse, and desperation, said: “Please, save me from what I am in.” Shaytaan said: “First you must pray the price, otherwise no deal.” Barsees said: “Didn’t I already do what you want [zina, murder, etc]?” Shaytaan said: “No.” So Barsees said: “So what do you want?” Shaytaan said: “Just one thing. Simply do one sajdah to me and you will be saved.” Barsees said: “How can I do sajdah [prostration] to you, while I’m hanging from this tree, injured as you can see?” Shaytaan said: “Just do sajdah to me with your head [i.e. just lower your head to me], and I will rescue you.” So Barsees did that. He did just one sajdah to Shaytaan with his head. When he had humbled himself to Shaytaan, prostrated to him with his head, and was waiting to be saved, hoping in Shaytaan — Shaytaan looked at him and began to laugh. And he shouted in joy: “Barsees disbelieved in Allah! Barsees disbelieved in Allah! Barsees disbelieved in Allah! Hooray!” Barsees cried out: “Please don’t leave me. Help me! I need your help.” Shaytaan smiled, turning towards him, and said: إني بريء منك “I have nothing to do with you.” And he instantly disappeared. The next morning, Barsees was executed in front of the whole community, for his crimes. And the great worshipper died in a state of kufr.

    Allah said: كمثل الشيطان إذ قال للإنسان اكفر, فلما كفر قال إني بريء منك, إني أخاف الله رب العالمين – فكان عاقبتهما أنهما في النار خالدين فيها, وذلك جزآء الظالمين “Remember when Shaytaan said to the human: ‘Disbelieve’. And when he had disbelieved, Shaytaan said [to him]: ‘I have nothing to do with you. I fear Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.’ And so the end of both of them, was that they entered the [Hell] Fire, and remained therein forever. And that is the recompense of the wrongdoers.” [59:16]

    This incident is one not to be forgotten. This incident, dear Muslim, is one that must pondered over and reflected upon. The lessons to be learned from it are of paramount importance! He is truly deprived the one who has not learned from the story of Barsees.

    Before I end this article, I want you to seriously think about and reflect on the following points: [1] Barsees was the most righteous man on earth. This is one of the main lessons from this incident. This man has been worshipping Allah for nearly his entire life. 60 years in fact. He was almost in Jannah! But now he fell, right before he died. Rasoolullah (may Allah send peace & blessings on him) stated in part of a hadeeth: “I swear by Allah, besides whom there is none worthy of worship, certainly, one of you will definitely perform the deeds of the People of Paradise until there is not between him and Paradise except an arm’s length. And then he will be overtaken.. and he will perform the deeds of the People of Hell and enter it.” [Bukhari and Muslim] In reality, this is a very scary thought . It means that every Muslim must be on guard at all times. One cannot look at his present deeds and feel assured, because it could be that he changes his ways and starts performing the deeds of the People of Hell. In another hadeeth recorded by Al-Bukhari, the Prophet told us that a person may be doing the deeds of the People of Paradise, while in fact he is going to enter Hell. Then he said his famous statement: “Surely, the deeds are based on their final [deeds].” Meaning, the thing that’s really gonna count is, the deeds you do before you die. Your final actions. And who amongst us knows when death will knock on his/her door? Hence, O Muslim, this is a clear indication to you, that you must continue fighting till death. Allah said: “Worship your Lord until ‘the certainty’ comes to you.” Certainty, in this verse, refers to “death”. So the first lesson, is to never be satisfied and think that you’re good, and you’ve got one foot in Jannah. Many people think that being a president or leader or Imaam or pious worshipper (etc) makes you infallible. For such people they have a lesson to learn, from Barsees who worshipped Allah for his whole life. But in the end, he was deceived. May Allah make our final deeds in this world, deeds of the People of Jannah.

    [2] This brings us to the 2nd extremely important lesson. The question is, “Why did Barsees fall?” Why did he fall in the end and become one of the People of Hell? Because of what is known as, خطوات الشيطان “the footsteps of the devil”. You see, it wasn’t all at once. It took a long time. It took steps. Satan is a trickster, a deceiver, a cunning crafty enemy. He is extremely patient. He has all the time. He’s not in a hurry. He has time till the Day of Judgment. So he takes you step-by-step. He knows what your nafs (soul) desires. And he works with it to lead you astray. He triggers it and uses it, to slowly lead you to destruction. Look! For over 60 years, Satan didn’t really push Barsees. He waited for the perfect opportunity. When the brothers had to go for Jihaad he saw this as the best chance.

    Notice Satan’s cunning. First he told Barsees to simply leave the food at her door. Then he encouraged him to give her the salaams. Then he told him to ask her if she needed anything. Then he brought him inside. Each step took weeks upon weeks. Dear Muslim! Satan will give you reasons and justifications. He may tell you, as he told Birsees, “this is good, you will get good deeds if you do this”, etc. Be extremely cautious. He won’t come to you and say, commit zina, steal, lie, do kufr – no! And that is why, in the case of zina, Allah warned us: ولا تقربوا الزنى “And don’t come near zina.” Meaning, don’t follow the steps that will lead you to it. This applies to all sins and evil.

    Lastly, as Ibn al-Qayyim stated: “From the evil consequences of a sin, is that one sin leads to another sin (and so on), until they accumulate and destroy a man, making it too hard for him to turn back.” First, Satan got Barsees to commit zina. Then he lead to him commit murder. And finally, to the greatest sin which is kufr (disbelief). One sin will lead you to another. Therefore, if you commit one sin, immediately follow it up with sincere tawbah [repentance to Allah]. Never follow it up with another sin, no matter what. These are the steps of satan!

    Though the lessons and fawaa’id (benefits) from this story are many — eg. the fact that a simple nodding of the head or lowering of the head constitutes as a sajdah, if the person has a feeling of humblessness in his heart (I only stated this to give you a taste of the many benefits to be learned from this story) — I would like to conclude this article by citing to you a narration about Imaam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal (d. 241 A.H.). His son, ‘Abdullah, narrates that when his father was on his deathbed, he thought that he should help his father to say the shahaadah (testification of faith) before he passes away. So he told his father: “Say لا إله إلا الله (there is no god but Allah).” His father, Imaam Ahmad, said: “No, not yet, not yet.” His son was shocked and thought that his father must be hallucinating. When he came to, ‘Abdullaah asked Imaam Ahmad: “Dear father, I was telling you to say لا إله إلا الله and you were saying “not yet”. Why was this?” Imaam Ahmad said: “No my dear son. I was not speaking to you. I was speaking to Shaytaan. Shaytaan came to me in my mind, and he began to say: ‘You have won O Imaam Ahmad, you have escaped me, you have won.’ And I was telling him: ‘No, not yet, not yet.’ ” He meant that he had not won yet. He was still not safe from Shaytaan. The Scholars say that on your deathbed, Satan will come to you in the form of your parents or someone dear to you, and he will say: ‘O son/daughter! Become a Christian. I have been there (in the hereafter). This is the truth. Christianity is the true faith. Just become a Christian before you die, or else you will enter the Fire.’ And you will be shocked, because your own parents are telling you this. And some people are deceived at that last moment, and they die in a state of kufr. * Hence, Imaam Ahmad was telling Satan: “No, I haven’t won yet. The battle is not over yet. As long as I am still breathing, the battle continues!”

    And I tell you the same, my dear Muslim brother/sister – the battle is not over. As long as you draw breath, you are in a war zone. Satan and his soldiers are restless, tireless, cunning, crafty, and deceptive. They will not stop fighting you till you die. They will come from where you never expected; from above, from beneath, from the left, from the right, from all directions. Are you ready to fight this battle, or will you fall like Barsees?


    Footnotes: The story of Birsees, the greatest worshipper of the Tribes of Israel, is a narration that was well-known among our Salaf (predecessors). The story was recorded in many books of Tafseer. And the Scholars of Tafseer mention this story under Ayah 16, in Surah 59 [i.e. Surah al-Hashr]. It was mentioned by Al-Haafizh Ibn Katheer in his Tafseer (in the original Arabic). I don’t think it is found in the english version. And Ibn Jareer At-Tabari also recorded it, with an authentic chain that goes up to the Companion, ‘Abdullah Ibn Mas’ood (رضي الله تعالى عنه). He also narrated it with a saheeh chain that goes up to ‘Ali Ibn Abu Taalib (رضي الله عنه وأرضاه). Furthermore, there is also a narration of this story from Ibn ‘Abbaas. So when people ask, “who mentioned this story and its details?” we say that it was not explicitly stated by the Prophet Muhammad himself, but we have 2 saheeh isnaads to 2 Companions of the Prophet, in which they mentioned this story. But just FYI, Al-Qurtubi mentions a chain of narration going up to the Prophet himself, wherein he mentioned this story (but in lesser details). Regarding where the story may be found in english references, sadly, I could not find any location. * However, a number of well-known speakers have mentioned it. From them are included Imam Anwar al-‘Awlaki, Imam Karim Abu Zaid, Shaykh Nabeel Al-‘Awdee (arabic only), etc.

    Lastly, there are 2 main riwaayaat of this story. The one which was mentioned in this article, is a summary of the one cited by Ibn Katheer. You can read the story in its original arabic, either the narration cited by Ibn Jareer or Ibn Katheer or al-Qurtubi, right here at . And if you’re looking for the most detailed narration, then read al-Qurtubi’s tafseer.

    Your Sister In Islam

  4. [2] This brings us to the 2nd extremely important lesson. The question is, “Why did Barsees fall?” Why did he fall in the end and become one of the People of Hell? Because of what is known as, خطوات الشيطان “the footsteps of the devil”. You see, it wasn’t all at once. It took a long time. It took steps. Satan is a trickster, a deceiver, a cunning crafty enemy. He is extremely patient. He has all the time. He’s not in a hurry. He has time till the Day of Judgment. So he takes you step-by-step. He knows what your nafs (soul) desires. And he works with it to lead you astray. He triggers it and uses it, to slowly lead you to destruction. Look! For over 60 years, Satan didn’t really push Barsees. He waited for the perfect opportunity. When the brothers had to go for Jihaad he saw this as the best chance

    Notice Satan’s cunning. First he told Barsees to simply leave the food at her door. Then he encouraged him to give her the salaams. Then he told him to ask her if she needed anything. Then he brought him inside. Each step took weeks upon weeks. Dear Muslim! Satan will give you reasons and justifications. He may tell you, as he told Birsees, “this is good, you will get good deeds if you do this”, etc. Be extremely cautious. He won’t come to you and say, commit zina, steal, lie, do kufr – no! And that is why, in the case of zina, Allah warned us: ولا تقربوا الزنى “And don’t come near zina.” Meaning, don’t follow the steps that will lead you to it. This applies to all sins and evil.

    With you dear brother, it starts with what seems like a simple innocent chit-chats. But these are steps that would lead you to other steps, one by one and finally you will realise a little bit too late that you have comitted Zinah-Adultery.

    I hope this helps you reflect InshaAllah. May Allah SWT ease your tests and stregnthen your Iman to fight the evil desires (no matter how small you may think they are). Ameen.


    • Walaikum us Salam sister.

      My story doesn't resemble with Barsees's. But thanks for sharing that with me, i never read that story in such detail as you mentioned. I will keep it with me as a reference and watching mirror if i need to look. I am a sinful man and i accept my sins.

      Jazakallah Khair.

      • Assalam Aleykoum Brother,

        I agree. Your story does not resemble that of Barsees's.

        Barsees was a man full of Iman and very strong faith MashaAllah, and in 60yrs he was a faithful servant of Allah SWT. Yet with the start of an innocent gasture, iblis manipulated his reasonings making it seem like innocent actions and then what happened? He ended up doing the worst form of sins. Aoudhubillah.

        I used this story to remind you of how sneaky iblis is and even your situation of idle talk on the phone can lead to other steps and God forbid, you might end up doing something you would later regret.

        I did not mean to say that you are a sinful man. Please forgive me if that is how it came out. I know no more than anyone and everyday is a struggle in my deen as I strive to learn and be a good Muslimah InshaAllah. The story I posted was just a cut and paste (I even made sure that I cited it).


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