I want to marry him, but his mother does not like me
Interfering mother in law
Salam!
I'm 24 years old, he is 29, and his family doesn't like me. I've known this guy for two years now, and my father actually knew him before me. He came to my dad and asked for my hand in marriage, and my father agreed.
His family is not supporting him at all. His family makes up rumors about me so that he will be distant from me. He doesn't believe his mother and always tells me that his mom is crazy and speaks nonsense all the time.
He has been married before and has a 5 year old son. My family was okay with the fact he had a son, and that as long as he takes care of me they don't see it being a problem. Two years of talking and getting to know each other and his mom still wants nothing to do with me. His entire family does not like me.
Comparing myself to his ex, I graduated and have a full time successful job. His ex did nothing in her life except for watch TV all day.
I don't understand why I get treated this way. I pray every night that his mother will stop, but she doesn't. My parents have invited his family over, and his mother did not say a word. She has never invited my family over or even attempted to invite us over.
I need advice if I should leave him because of his mother starting all of these problems between us. It breaks my heart that this lady can be so evil to me when I clearly haven't done anything wrong to her.
Please tell me what I should do. He's an absolute sweetheart and takes care of me, but will he ever go back to his mom and expect me to be nice to her?
Thank you,
- haq
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I don't know why the mother in law does not like you BUT maybe she has brushed you with the same tar as the other woman that you be the same as her. She obviously finds you a threat and sometimes I think its a control thing. The education does not matter its whats in the heart that counts or what good deeds you can do, or even if you are a nice person etc.
My advice to you is DON'T compare yourself to the ex, that is wrong you don't really know what happen, don't look at the past. Look at the future you do have, if you are not happy with things talk to the man and the mother because if you don't do something about it now then things or issues will arise further. If you say this guy is a sweetheart and he treats you well, why do you want to leave. If your family as accepted his family then you need to get the bottom of his. YOU need to make an effort to see his mom and get to the bottom why she is like this. There are far evil people than this, but people are people and people can forgive some people and move on, if you give them a chance.
You do have a choice in this and I wish you the best
Salaam sis .I would advise you to have a heart to heart talk with the guy and without being rude about his mother but straight forward at the same time, just ask him what her problem with you is. She sounds like a typical extra territorial mother in law. And she may be extra sensitive about his re marriage since his first one did not work out, and wants her new daughter in law to be of her choice. Sis you must get to the root of this matter, because no matter how much of a sweetheart the guy is, he will always be his mother's son, he can't disown her ,can he? And you will be living with this lady, and if she is like this now, how will she be after marriage? She could literally make life a living hell for you, and not many men have the capability and maturity to maintain a good balance between mother and wife in a situation like this. Just discuss all these things with the guy in a mature and rational manner, both of you should do some soul searching and if the guy feels he is upto the task and does not want to let you go at any cost, he should be firm and make his parents initiate proceedings for marriage asap, because 2 years is a really long time to keep some one hanging like this, and not to mention , highly unfair to your family as well.If not then both of you must find the strength to let go and move on. Don't forget to pray five times a day and do a lot of Istikhara.Best of luck and may Allah keep you under His protection always, Ameen.