IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Good Afternoon,

A recent update on my life. I took the advice from my mother in-law and had patience with my husband. After everything I sat quiet, I waited patiently, and every time he got mad, I stayed quiet. After sometime he would come back home and tell me he was sorry for everything, but his anger doesnt subside. He will be fine for that night and then wake up in the morning upset with me again.

He said the life I was living before him was unpleasant (having 2 kids from other men, and staying to try and make it work).  He tells me I am nothing but a slut and he only stays with me so that Allah can see how much he tries. I don't talk back when he acts like this, I tell him I am sorry he is upset with me, but I am a different person now.

On Sunday my children went to my mother's. My mother gave him gas money to pick the kids back up later on, so he wouldn't have to use his money for the gas. We got into a little problem because he wanted to drive to his friend and use the gas money. I asked him please save some to pick up the kids because I had no money to take the bus. I was a little upset to tell you the truth, as I had just gave him the money and he decided to leave me home with our newborn and go be with his friend (that he goes to see everyday). I don't mind him going because he only goes for about 4 hours at the most. I just felt used when as soon as he got the money he decided to take off (he didn't have gas in his car and I think this is what prevented him from going earlier). He got mad at me, demanded I give him the money right then, and that I better start walking to pick up the kids because he wasn't going to do it.

I left to start walking. I called my mother in-law to tell her what happened and if she can ask him to at least bring me the umbrella because it started to rain. He then said he would pick up the kids when he was ready for me to walk back home. I was already halfway there and didn't think I should turn back, so I told her please ask him to bring the umbrella because it is on the way to his friend's house. He told her to tell me he wasn't going to bring it and to continue walking.

I got to my mom's soaking wet and I was very upset. I called him and called him but he wouldn't pick up the phone. I took bus fare from my mother and came back home. He then called back to say he was on his way, I told him I brought the kids home already. he asked if I was going to cook, and I said yes as soon as we dried off.

I cooked and had dinner ready when he got here. Then after dinner he got up and walked out, but I didn't even notice as I was washing the dishes and saw he was gone when I was done. I then prepared the kids for bed and I went to sleep myself. He then came in and started to make a lot of noise in the house. Then he came into our bedroom and woke me up asking me if was going to come and sit with him. I normally would have done it, but my legs were so sore and I had a bad headache (maybe I should have), so I stayed in bed and fell back asleep very quickly. He came back in again angrily asking me if I knew where something was. I told him where it was and I fell back asleep.

The next morning he woke up got dressed and started to pack his things. He told me he will not stay in a house where he is being ignored and Ramadan starts tomorrow, and he can't stay in this house with me for it. He left after calling me names and telling me things like no one will want me after him, that I am used...a lot of mean things. Then later that night his mother called and said he wanted his fan back (it's summer here and very hot). I said ok I will bring it tomorrow. I didn't use the fan as I felt like he didn't want me to and it was his.

I called his mother this morning at 1030 am and told her I was going to go with the kids to my friend's (a girl) house and probably sleep there as the apartment is hot and I cant sleep here again until I get money (tomorrow). The baby was so hot yesterday. I wanted to return the fan before I left. She got upset with me and told me a woman should not sleep away from the home and have her kids sleep out as well. Is this wrong of me? I don't want the kids in the house, too hot to suffer another night. And just for the record, I didn't go and I am still home, but my mother in law is so mad at me she won't even talk to me now. She said she feels sorry for my kids to grow up with such a mother.

Did I do something wrong? Please tell me if any of my actions were not like a lady.

Also, it's not easy sleeping in a home with my husband not here anymore. I don't want to be alone.

-soon2convert